All is Not Lost

A gay story: All is Not Lost Author Note: As I hoped to make clear in the description, this story is darker than many others I’ve shared here. Also, I’d like to express my personal appreciation for the song “Just Pretend” by Bad Omens, which I listened to on repeat while writing much of this story.

***

The young man sitting before me appeared listless, alert enough to listen to what I said but too tired to care. The left side of his face bore a livid bruise, but men were often brought in with far worse injuries following a raid.

“Good morning, Jack,” I greeted him, keeping my voice pleasant. “I’m Director Linden, and I’m in charge of this processing facility.” Holding his stare, I waited for him to respond, but he only gave me a sullen look. As I opened his file and scanned over the pages inside, I went on. “Yesterday you were apprehended in a raid of an illegal gathering, during which you were observed engaging in an unnatural act.”

“It was a blowjob,” the man retorted.

Lifting an eyebrow in warning, I said, “You are not to speak unless I ask you a question. Is that understood?” I noticed the tightening of his jaw, but he merely nodded in reply. “Now, the man who was participating in this unnatural act with you managed to escape, but rest assured we’ll find him soon. In the meantime, if you cooperate and give me information that assists us in apprehending him, I’ll show leniency when deciding on your punishment. Are you prepared to cooperate with me, Jack?”

“But I haven’t even had a trial!” he cried. “How can you decide on my punishment when I haven’t been convicted of anything?”

I rolled my eyes in exasperation before leaning back in my chair. As I steepled my fingers below my chin, regarding Jack for a long moment, I had to grudgingly admire the fight left in him. I knew from reading his file that he was twenty-three years old, half my age. Like me, he was dark-haired and fair-skinned, and our eyes were a similar shade of blue, but that was where the similarities ended. If he and I stood face to face, I would tower over him. He was quite thin, which only accentuated his prominent cheekbones. How easily I could overpower this man in order to bend him to my will.

But that wasn’t my job here; there were others employed for that kind of dirty work. No, I was to interview each man brought before me and decide who was salvageable. Which of these men would break and then plead for forgiveness and the opportunity to redeem themselves? And more importantly, which of them would be willing to incriminate others for a lighter punishment?

I was beginning to have my doubts about Jack. He was insolent, foolishly unafraid. Clearly he hadn’t suffered enough yet.

“This is your first arrest,” I finally said to him, “so I’ll overlook your ignorance as to how the system works here. There are no longer any trials in this territory, Jack; I’m your judge and jury. You’re twenty-three, old enough to have left when you had the opportunity. Secular territories were welcoming defectors only a few years ago. Why did you stay?” I knew why, but I wanted to hear him say it.

His lips trembled and his eyes swam with tears, and I thought that maybe I’d break him quickly, after all. Then he shot me a glare full of contempt as he said, “Oh, believe me, I wanted to get the hell out of here as soon as you Christo-fascists took power! Or stole it, rather!”

I slammed my hand down on the desk, startling him into silence. “Not another word of that,” I said. My voice remained low and even while I spoke. “Men have lost their tongues for far less offensive speech. You will answer my question, or I’ll have the guards haul you out right now, and by day’s end, you’ll be taken to one of the regional prisons. A slip of a man like you wouldn’t survive there a month. The hard labor alone would kill you.”

Jack covered his face with his hands, then took a deep, shuddering breath. In spite of myself, I felt a shadow of pity for the misguided young man before me. He appeared exhausted, barely able to hold himself upright in the chair. But when he looked at me once more, his stare was fierce. “I stayed because my mother was too sick to travel. I couldn’t leave her here.”

“And where is your mother now?” I asked in a gentler tone, for I knew the answer to that question as well.

“She’s dead,” Jack replied flatly. “And as you’re well aware, it’s a lot more difficult to seek asylum in the other territories now.”

“And your father?”

“He abandoned us a long time ago. I have no idea where he is now.”

Leaning forward, I clasped my hands on the desk and said, “I need to know if you’re willing to assist us in our search for the man who escaped apprehension yesterday.”

Jack folded his arms over his chest, lifting his chin defiantly. “I’m not,” he responded, “so why don’t you go on and dole out your punishment, Director Linden?” He spat out my name as if it tasted foul in his mouth.

I gave him a long, measured stare, but he refused to avert his eyes. Finally I returned my attention to his file. I had access to his academic records, and while he had only a high school education, his test scores were perfect. One of Jack’s instructors had made a note in his records that Jack’s memory might very well be photographic.

How had a young man with such potential been allowed to languish for years, working odd jobs and becoming increasingly corrupted by subversive influences? Of course, by the time Jack graduated from high school, an abrupt shift in political power was imminent, and after that shift occurred, chaos naturally ensued. It had only been within the last year that stability had returned, and those in power now maintained it with an iron fist.

A large part of my job was weeding out the immoral and the godless from our society, along with those who promoted dissent. The facility I ran was only one of several in this region alone, and the prison population had drastically increased in the last two years. Those prisoners provided free labor, doing the most dangerous and backbreaking work. Many of them were serving a life sentence, and the ones who died prematurely, having been literally worked to death, were quickly replaced by new inmates.

Releasing a sigh, I closed Jack’s file and set it aside. The beginning of a headache, dull and throbbing, bloomed at my left temple. It seemed an utter waste to sentence a man as gifted as Jack to hard labor, but I wasn’t sure I could bring him to heel. The last thing I wanted to do was waste time with someone who refused to be reformed.

“I’m giving you a choice,” I finally told Jack, and he raised an eyebrow, clearly skeptical. “You can serve a lengthy sentence in prison, which, as I pointed out, would likely be for the entirety of your short life. Or you can work as my assistant here.”

His large blue eyes grew even wider, and his mouth dropped open. “Your assistant? Why would you want me to work for you?” He was obviously suspicious of my motives.

“Don’t misunderstand me; you’ll still be a prisoner,” I said. “When you’re not making yourself useful to me, you will be locked in a room inside this facility. It’s the size of a typical cell, but it’s luxurious compared to what you’ll find in prison. And you won’t be forced to share it with any cellmates.”

Jack looked stunned, as if my words weren’t fully registering, but then he ran a hand through his hair, his slender fingers tousling the strands, and I knew he was considering the offer. “What kind of work will I be doing for you?” he asked slowly.

I tapped the folder containing his records. “You clearly have a head for numbers,” I replied. “I’ll put you to work on the financial accounts. Each day, you’ll sit there.” I nodded toward a small desk at the other end of my office, near the door. Jack glanced at it, then turned back to me. “And you’ll quietly and efficiently complete every task I assign to you,” I went on. “You’ll obey without question. If you give me any trouble whatsoever, I will immediately have you removed and escorted to the nearest prison.”

Jack appeared far more alert now, but his shoulders tensed as he remained on guard. “That’s really all I’ll have to do?” he asked. “Crunch numbers?”

The smile I gave him didn’t reach my eyes. “No, that’s not all you’ll have to do,” I said, and he instantly looked crestfallen. “You will also be required to attend religious services every week with the other temporary detainees here. If you’re not feeling particularly devout during those services, you will still bow your head in deference and pray along with everyone else. Is that clear?”

Jack hesitated a moment, then shrugged. “You want me to pretend? I can pretend with the best of them.”

Again, that maddening insolence. I rose from my chair and walked around the desk until I stood before him. He had to tilt his head back to meet my eyes. “I’m offering you a rare and precious opportunity,” I said, my voice just above a whisper, “and I expect you to show a little gratitude.”

For several seconds, Jack was completely motionless. Then he slowly smiled, and his gaze grew luminous, almost worshipful. “Thank you, Director Linden,” he finally said, his voice full of warmth. “I deeply appreciate the opportunity you’re giving me.”

Folding my arms across my chest, I leaned against the desk. “Your acting skills are indeed impressive,” I remarked dryly.

It was then that Jack allowed his stare to sweep over me, his expression unreadable. While he was dressed in the drab uniform of a detainee, I wore a perfectly tailored suit. When I spoke his name, his gaze snapped up to meet mine. “Never forget that this is a probationary period for you,” I told him. “The main reason I’m giving you this chance is that I believe you can ultimately redeem yourself and become an upstanding member of society. I’m taking you under my wing here, so to speak, and I hope you won’t disappoint me.”

Jack didn’t respond for several moments. Then he lifted a hand to his bruised face, and that beatific smile appeared on his lips once more. His expression was so angelic, it bordered on mocking. “I will do my very best to live up to your expectations, Director Linden,” he said, his voice syrupy sweet.

I was tempted to summon the guards and have Jack dragged out of my office at that very instant. Already I felt I’d made a mistake.

Instead, I moved toward him so quickly, he gasped in surprise. Bracing my hands against the chair arms on either side of him, I brought my lips close to his ear, and when he cringed away from me, I couldn’t help but feel a visceral satisfaction. “You can drop the act now,” I murmured. “And while you’re in my presence, you’ll mind your tone. Do you understand?”

“I understand,” he hurriedly replied.

Slowly I drew myself up to my full height. “Good,” I said, clasping my hands before me. Then I gave him a tauntingly sweet smile of my own. “I look forward to working with you, Jack.”

***

I worked into the early evening, which was typical for me, and by the time I left my office, the facility was quieter, the bustle of the day having faded. The guards wished me a good night, and as I stepped outside, bracing myself against the chill of winter, I was relieved that I had only a short drive ahead of me.

It was the thought of Jack that made me look over my shoulder at the building I’d just left. I imagined him in his room, and I couldn’t help but wonder what he was doing at that very moment. Was he practically climbing the walls, going out of his mind with boredom? Or was he sleeping off his exhaustion?

Perhaps he was thinking of me, and what I might have planned for him tomorrow.

When I reached my house, which was located within a gated community, I found that my wife, Leah, had kept dinner warm for me, just as she always did when I worked late. As we greeted each other in the front hall, I drew her into a brief embrace, and she kissed my cheek. “How was your day, Adam?” she asked.

“Busy,” I replied with a smile, then added, “something smells good.”

“I made a roast,” she informed me while I shrugged out of my coat. “And chocolate cake for dessert.”

“Sounds perfect,” I said before planting a kiss on her forehead. “You spoil me, preparing these delicious dinners every night.”

Leah beamed at my words. “You know I’m always happy to cook for you,” she replied. I watched as she tucked a strand of her blonde hair behind her ear, her wedding ring glinting when it caught the light. She wore a long-sleeved dress with a modest neckline, and I knew she’d changed into that outfit just for me.

Leah was ten years my junior; she’d been just shy of thirty when we first met. Even then she was sheltered, having always lived with her devoutly religious family, but she was beautiful and sweet-natured, and I’d felt an intense desire to protect her, to keep her safe from the madness of the world around us.

And after I proved myself to be ambitious, quickly gaining powerful influence as a newly appointed Director, I earned Leah’s affection, along with the respect of her family. When I asked Leah’s father for his blessing before I proposed to her, he didn’t hesitate to give it.

She and I had now been married for five years, and I couldn’t recall an occasion when we’d ever argued. Even mild disagreements were rare between us; she never complained about my work schedule or asked me to be at home more. My wife understood that I was dedicated to my career. Meanwhile, she seemed content with her role as a homemaker. Leah made every effort to please me, and I strove to be a caring and devoted husband.

As we sat down together to share a meal that evening, Leah waited for me to say grace. When I was finished, she watched while I took my first bite of the roast.

“This is fantastic,” I told her, as I always did, for she was an excellent cook. And Leah beamed at me, as she always did. Then she began telling me about her day, which generally consisted of taking care of various household chores, and also spending time socializing with other housewives in the neighborhood. If the church was busy planning for an event, she could often be found there during the week in order to help out.

Leah didn’t usually ask about the specifics of my day, for she found the details of my job less than pleasant, and I was content to listen to her chatter, smiling and nodding while making sure I appeared sufficiently interested.

After we finished eating dinner, I helped Leah clear the table, then gave her a quick kiss. “I still have a little more work to do, so I’ll be in my office,” I told her. “Don’t wait up for me; I might be late coming to bed.”

Her smile faltered, and she grabbed my hand. “I know you’ve had a long day, and you must be tired,” she said, “but you realize we have only a narrow window each month when I’m most fertile…”

My wife was growing increasingly desperate to have a child, and while we’d consulted with various doctors and specialists, Leah hadn’t yet become pregnant. She tracked her monthly cycle with the same zeal she held for memorizing scripture, and I felt a twinge of guilt for not expressing more interest.

As she stood before me now, I forced a smile for her benefit. “Of course, darling,” I said. “Forgive me for losing track of the days…”

Leah pressed a hand against my chest, her eyes bright as she looked up at me. “That’s my job,” she said. “You have enough to do as it is.”

Weaving my fingers through Leah’s hair, I gave her a deeper kiss and then whispered, “Let’s go upstairs.”

In our bedroom, I took my time undressing, trying not to appear rushed. I was unbuttoning my shirt when my wife sat on the edge of our bed and bowed her head. Immediately I moved to take her hand, closing my eyes while she prayed. Her voice was soft and beseeching as she asked God to bless our union.

Once Leah and I were lying next to each other, I eased on top of her, kissing her mouth and her neck, my lips traveling lower until they circled her right nipple. I heard her breathing quicken, and she held me to her.

I’d discovered on our wedding night that Leah didn’t enjoy foreplay, and so I didn’t attempt it now. I did, however, slide my hand between her thighs, my fingers working to make her wet enough for intercourse to be comfortable.

It didn’t take long, for her body always responded readily enough to my touch. When our eyes met, she nodded eagerly, her lips parted and her cheeks flushed.

I entered her then, my thrusts taking on a steady rhythm. Leah moaned my name, and I had to close my eyes, for I couldn’t bear to see the way she gazed up at me with such hopefulness.

Moving inside her, I realized that this act had become utterly passionless for us, reduced to yet another task for us to check off our lists. I found myself thinking back to the time when we were newlyweds, not all that long ago. Had Leah and I ever felt real desire for each other? I wondered. Or did we simply go through the motions, doing what was expected of us as a married couple?

It took me a long time to approach climax, and I felt Leah growing dry as I continued my relentless thrusts. Yet when I looked down at her once more, I found that her stare was fixed on my face, as if her entire world depended on the moment I came inside her.

Despite the cool air in the room, I began to sweat. Finally I buried my face in her neck, hiding from her gaze, and I heard her faint moans as she slid her palms over my back.

Several more excruciating minutes passed before I released a groan, my body tensing as I came. Once I’d gently pulled out, Leah moved herself into the position the specialists recommended in order to improve the chances of conception.

I lay next to my wife, neither of us speaking, and while I absently stroked her skin, my thoughts were already drifting to the paperwork still waiting for me in my office downstairs.

***

The following morning, a guard escorted Jack to my office at eight o’ clock sharp. “The detainee’s here, Director,” the guard informed me.

I nodded and then dismissed him. As my stare settled on Jack, who now lingered in the doorway alone, I noticed that he appeared a little nervous under my scrutiny, pulling at the collar of his dress shirt. It was satisfying to see that he’d lost some of his cockiness.

“Come in, and close the door behind you,” I told him.

My office was at the end of a long corridor. I often required privacy when questioning the newly arrested, and also while deciding on sentences for them. If I sensed that a detainee might pose a threat, I would summon an armed guard to be present during the interview. But for all the contempt Jack might hold for me, I knew I had nothing to fear from him.

“The guard told me to wear this for work,” he said, looking down at his outfit. The suit was secondhand, shabby and a little too large for him, but he appeared presentable enough in it. A strand of dark hair fell across his forehead, and he quickly moved to brush it back from his face. I noticed that the bruise on his cheek had deepened to a mottled purple.

“You clean up well,” I told Jack, and he looked up at me in surprise. Then he dared to smile a little. “Let’s get right to it, shall we?” I stood and came around my desk, closing the distance between us. “I’ll work with you this morning, going over what I expect you to do here. I don’t think it will take you long to get the hang of it, but don’t hesitate to ask me any questions you might have.”

Jack nodded, and as I stood before him, I caught the scent of the cheap soap detainees showered with here. He’d made every effort to appear professional and put together in spite of the limited resources available to him. That was a good sign, I knew. It showed his commitment to the choice he’d made yesterday.

“The restroom’s right there,” I went on, nodding at a door to my left. One of the perks of directing this facility was having a private restroom that adjoined my office. “We’ll break for lunch at noon, and at five, you’ll be finished for the day.”

I noticed the tension in his shoulders, and the way he remained guarded in my presence. That might fade with time, but then again, it might not. It wouldn’t hurt for him to stay cautious around me.

After I joined Jack at his desk, I began training him as to how to use the system. I’d already limited his access only to the files necessary for him to complete his work. He was quiet and attentive, and while he asked few questions, I discovered that he learned quickly, just as I’d expected.

Once I’d decided he was ready to start working on his own, I glanced at the clock and then said, “It’s eleven now, so I’ll let you have at it for an hour, and we’ll see what you’re able to do so far.”

Again Jack nodded, studying me with those large blue eyes. As I stood and started back to my desk, I glanced over my shoulder at him. “This should go without saying, but don’t try anything foolish while using that computer. Every keystroke is monitored.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” he quickly responded, giving me an exaggeratedly grave look. I merely shook my head and didn’t bother to admonish him, for he’d been so quiet during his training that I actually welcomed his dry wit now.

Just before lunch, I returned to Jack’s desk to oversee his progress. I quickly found that he was the epitome of efficiency, his work impeccable. Though I kept my expression impassive, inwardly I marveled at his attention to the smallest detail. “You’ll have these budgets taken care of in no time,” I murmured, more to myself than to Jack as I scrolled through the figures on the screen.

He placed a hand on the desk, where it rested mere inches from my own. “You’re pleased with my work then?” he asked.

I met his stare, refusing to move my hand farther away from his. “I am,” I said. “You have an incredible amount of potential, Jack.”

He didn’t beam at my praise the way Leah did; it may well have meant nothing to him. Yet he nodded, silently accepting my compliment.

At noon, I requested that our lunch be brought directly to my office. Though there was a vast difference in the quality of my meal and Jack’s, he didn’t seem to care, for he ate as if he were famished. I was glad to see that he had an appetite, since he was clearly too thin.

“Though my schedule is open today,” I told Jack when he was taking the last bite of his lunch, “I’ll be conducting several interviews with new detainees tomorrow. During those interviews, you’ll remain in your room.”

“I understand,” Jack responded, wiping at his mouth with a napkin. He still looked a little stunned, as though he couldn’t believe he was sitting in this office with me instead of rotting away inside a prison.

Leaning back in my chair, I regarded him with a faint smile. “You had to learn a lot in a short amount of time this morning,” I said. “I understand if you’d like to stop for the day.”

“I prefer to keep working, if that’s okay,” he hurriedly answered.

I nodded in approval. Maybe he only needed some direction, I told myself. Perhaps, with the proper guidance, he could eventually thrive in this society.

Later that afternoon as I worked at my desk, I looked over at Jack and saw that he’d rolled up his shirtsleeves, appearing as the perfect example of a hardworking, dedicated employee. I figured he’d done it because the sleeves were too large and he wanted to keep them out of his way, but I noticed that his stare was riveted to the screen, his brow furrowed in concentration while his fingers moved over the keyboard.

At a little before five, Jack carried some forms to my desk for my inspection. While standing by my chair, he leaned forward and pointed out an issue with one of the figures. “I have a question about this,” he said, but as he continued, my gaze fell upon his inner forearm, and I noticed the faded scars marking his pale skin. Old cigarette burns, I realized.

“Who did this to you?” I asked quietly, and before I could stop myself, I slid a fingertip over one of his scars.

Jack withdrew from my touch, then began tugging on his shirtsleeve in an attempt to cover his skin. Instantly I regretted my behavior, wondering what had prompted my lapse in self-control. I felt pity for what Jack had endured, but then, I felt pity for many men who appeared before me here, and yet I had no desire to touch them.

Lifting my head to look at Jack, I saw that his stare had darkened. “My mother had a habit of dating very angry men,” he revealed to me.

I was silent for several moments. “I’m sorry,” I finally told him, for there was nothing else to say.

Jack straightened up, pulling his shoulders back. He kept his stare fixed on the forms before me as he said, “Yeah, well, I guess we all have our crosses to bear, don’t we?”

“That we do,” I replied. “And some of us carry far heavier crosses than others.” Returning my attention to the matter at hand, I studied the form Jack had brought to me, and I realized he’d discovered an error that would have proved a headache for me to correct later.

“You’ve done a fantastic job here, Jack,” I said, making no attempt to hide how impressed I was. Glancing up at him once more, I saw that he wore a smile of satisfaction. Nodding toward the papers I held, I asked, “Do you enjoy this work?”

“I do,” he said, “which is honestly quite surprising, seeing as how I’m helping to prepare budgets for prisons.” He lingered by my chair, and I was suddenly acutely aware of his nearness.

Clearing my throat, I tapped the forms against the top of my desk in order to straighten them. “You’re performing a vitally necessary task,” I said, my voice growing cool and distant as I handed the papers to Jack. “And the quality of your work is putting your predecessor to shame.”

Jack took a few steps toward his own desk, then stopped and turned to face me again. “What happened to my predecessor?” he asked, tilting his head curiously. “How long have you been taking care of this yourself?”

“Not long,” I replied, folding my hands on the desk. “I was just about to select a suitable candidate to fill the position when you appeared in my office, and I saw your outstanding test scores.” Drawing in a deep breath, I let it out slowly. “As for your predecessor,” I continued, “he’s dead.”

My eyes locked with Jack’s, and I clearly saw the horror darkening his expression. “What happened?” he asked, his voice almost a whisper. “Was he a detainee here, like me?”

I shook my head. “No, he was a respected member of our community, and I, along with numerous other officials, trusted him with highly sensitive information. Then our intelligence officials discovered that he was trying to defect to a neighboring territory. You must understand that a man in his position couldn’t be allowed to do that.”

Jack gave me a look of utter revulsion. “You ordered him killed.”

“Not me,” I said. “That kind of authority is above my pay grade. But higher-ups decided to make an example out of him.”

I regretted mentioning the man at all, and also answering Jack’s questions. I wasn’t here to coddle him, or to argue on behalf of the new regime. Yet I could sense all the progress I’d made with Jack that day slowly unraveling, and I worried we’d soon be back at square one.

“But you have the authority to order me killed, don’t you?” Jack persisted, refusing to let the matter drop. A bitter half-smile appeared on his lips. “If I were to get careless and talk about my work here to the wrong people?”

I gave Jack what I hoped was a patient, long-suffering look. He was correct in stating that his life was in my hands, but I recoiled from the idea of lording that power over him. Instead, I opted for wry humor. “Who would you talk to?” I asked him. “The guards? Do you think they’d be interested in the intricate details of prison budgets?” My gaze drifted to the clock on the wall. “It’s now five,” I said quietly. “We’re done here, Jack.”

He shoved his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels as he studied me. “Yeah, I guess we are,” he responded. Then he fell silent, and he didn’t speak another word while waiting for one of the guards to retrieve him.

***

Weeks went by, and Jack and I settled into a routine. Sometimes I thought I might be winning him over, little by little, but I made a point to be sparing in my praise after that first day he spent in my office. He and I both knew what he was capable of, and I expected him to continue working at the same level of efficiency he’d initially displayed.

Jack never spent the entire day in my office, for there were always interviews for me to conduct in private, during which he was confined to his room. But when he was brought in to work, he seemed to look forward to sitting at the desk and diving right in to the accounts.

Inquiring with the guards, I learned that he gave them no trouble whatsoever. “He’s clean and quiet,” one of them informed me. “A model prisoner, actually.”

One day in early February, I sat at my desk, debating what to do about the recent influx of detainees. They were being arrested for everything from impious speech to reading banned books. Managing the flood of them was becoming impossible, and I knew the regional prisons would buckle under the strain of accepting so many more inmates.

“Director Linden.” Jack spoke my name softly, and when I looked up to meet his eyes, I found that his expression was somber. “I need to bring something to your attention.”

I frowned at Jack’s tone, for while I knew he was an excellent actor, he hadn’t been prone to dramatics as of late. If he was staring at me like that, we had a serious issue.

I wordlessly rose from my desk and went to sit next to him. As he explained what he’d discovered, keeping his voice subdued, my eyes widened a little in spite of my best effort to maintain a neutral expression.

For a long moment, I was silent, rubbing my forehead as if that would stop the ache threatening to split my skull.

“These numbers aren’t adding up,” Jack persisted, his voice taking on a note of urgency. “There’s clearly money missing from the funds allocated to this particular prison.”

“Yes, I realize that, Jack,” I said, my own voice strained.

He leaned toward me, bringing his lips close to my ear. “Give me a little time, and more access to the financial records, and I’ll be able to track down the missing money.” I noticed that he sounded almost excited, and I worried he’d now be like a dog with a bone, determined to uncover the misappropriation.

“Best not,” I told him, and Jack stared at me in confusion. Waving toward the computer screen, I went on. “We’ll simply have to reallocate some of the funds budgeted for the other prisons in the region in order to reduce the shortfall.”

Jack’s eyes widened in shock. “But why?” he demanded. “Don’t you want to find the problem? You can’t sign off on these statements!”

I took a deep breath while I carefully considered my next words. “Sometimes there are powerful forces at work,” I whispered, though I knew I couldn’t be heard from outside my office. “Forces far more powerful than you and I, and it would be very foolish to challenge them. One can quickly become a target by doing so.”

Understanding dawned on Jack’s face, along with something like outrage. “But these funds have been allocated to the prisons,” he insisted, managing to keep his voice low. “Their budgets are already stretched so thin! They’re short on essential supplies and…”

“They’re prisons, not luxury hotels,” I snapped, losing patience. “I’m often lacking funds to run this facility properly, and you don’t see me railing against the unfairness of it all, do you?”

Jack recoiled from me, and I could tell he was seething at what he considered a grave injustice. He was right; it was far from just. But in this new society, the scales were always tipped in favor of those who held the most power.

Pushing back my chair, I scrubbed my face with my hands. I was desperate to get out of this place, to feel the winter air against my face. Looking at Jack once more, I found that he avoided my eyes. “Let’s go for a walk outside,” I told him as I stood. He and I could both use a break.

Jack glanced at the window. “But it’s freezing!” he protested.

I couldn’t help but smile, yet my smile faded when I remembered that his room in this facility was spartan, with few comforts. I imagined how cold it was at this time of year, and I realized he probably relished the warmth of my office.

Still I was insistent. “It’ll be good for us. I’ll have a guard bring a coat for you.”

Jack’s expression grew incredulous at my words. “The guards just allow you to be out and about on the grounds with a prisoner?” he asked.

I raised an eyebrow. “They allow nothing; they do as I say,” I told him.

Again his gaze drifted to the window. “But what if I tried to run?”

“Then I would easily catch you, and you’d face severe consequences for making me go to the trouble.”

Jack’s eyes locked with mine again, and then he actually smirked. “Ha, like I’d even try! You’re a giant compared to me, and I have no doubt that with those long legs of yours, you’d chase me down in no time.”

His stare moved over my body, and I thought I saw a begrudging admiration in his eyes. The way he so blatantly studied me caused my skin to flush with heat, and that physical response made me uncharacteristically flustered.

“I’m glad we have an understanding,” I managed to say. Then I turned from him, avoiding his gaze while I called for a guard.

Once Jack and I were standing outside, I closed my eyes and drew in a breath so deep that the frigid air stung my lungs. Several of the guards had offered to accompany me on my walk with Jack, but I’d assured them I would be fine. They all looked skeptical but said nothing, for they didn’t dare challenge me.

Jack was bundled up in a coat several sizes too large for him, and it swallowed his frame. He pulled it tighter around his body, already shivering. “We won’t be out here very long,” I assured him. “Let’s walk and get our blood pumping.”

I led him toward the grounds behind the building. The sun did little to warm our faces, but at least there was no snow beneath our feet. Woods lined the edge of the grounds, and Jack nodded toward them.

“How far do those woods go on?” he asked.

“Don’t even think about it,” I said mildly. “Behind those trees are even more trees, and yet more trees. The residents of the neighborhood bordering this property on the other side of those woods don’t like to be reminded of our presence here. Thus the impressive stretch of forest between us and them.” I didn’t bother to tell him that I was one of the residents of that neighborhood.

I was in the mood for a brisk walk, but I had to slow my pace so that Jack could easily keep up with me. As we made our way over the grounds, I kept my stare fixed on the trees. “I’m sorry for losing patience with you earlier,” I told him softly. “I know you’re trying to do the right thing here. But my hands are tied, Jack.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed him studying me. “I understand,” he finally replied. “I don’t like it, of course, but I realize there’s little you can do.”

I found that I was grateful for this sliver of grace he offered me. Turning to give him a faint smile, I watched as he blew on his hands to warm them.

“Here,” I said, reaching into my coat pocket, “take my gloves.”

Jack stared down at the gloves for a long moment before accepting them. While pulling on the right one, he let out a snort of laughter. “Your hands are huge!” he said. I had to chuckle at the sight of my glove engulfing his much smaller hand. “I think I could fit both my hands into one of these.”

“But they’re warm, aren’t they?”

“Very,” he said. “Thank you, Director Linden.”

I had the sudden crazy impulse to ruffle his hair, and I shoved my hands deep in my coat pockets to prevent myself from acting on it. “Let’s head back,” I told him.

Jack continued looking around as we made our way back to the facility. “I still can’t believe I’m out here walking with you as though I’m completely free. I expected the guards to make a fuss about you taking me out of the building, even if they have to follow your orders. And I’m surprised the higher-ups, as you call them, don’t frown upon something like this, either.”

“Well, I don’t make a habit of it,” I said. “But I’ve proven myself to be beyond reproach while serving as Director here. And remember, my role is to be a kind of mentor to you, an example of moral behavior. My judgment is respected, and if I feel that a walk outdoors would be beneficial for us, then it’s not an issue.”

“I see,” Jack murmured as a grin played at his lips. “Now if you’d only decide that the availability of hot water for my morning shower is also beneficial, that would be just fantastic.”

I had to suppress my own grin. “Keep impressing me with your commitment to your job here, and also to improving yourself, and there’s a chance I might put you on probation. Then you’d live in a halfway house as you adjust to reentering our society. You’d have much more freedom there.”

I expected this news to excite Jack, and to give him something to work toward. Instead, his pace slowed, and when I looked over at him, I noticed his expression growing solemn. “But I wouldn’t work with you anymore?” he asked.

Again I struggled with my desire to touch him, if only to rest a hand on his shoulder. “Probably not,” I said gently. “Your abundant skills could be put to better use elsewhere. This work presents no challenge for you.”

Jack opened his mouth, appearing as if he wanted to argue, but then he only shook his head. Finally he stared down at the ground and muttered, “No one will give me the chance that you have.”

“Why do you think that?” I asked in confusion.

“Because I’m a gay man,” he replied simply. “And because my record will always show that I was caught performing an ‘unnatural act’ with another man.”

I abruptly stopped walking, and Jack came to a halt as well. “The first thing you must do,” I said in a low voice as my stare met his, “is acknowledge that your sexual desires are… misguided. You’re merely confused.”

“I’m not!” he protested hotly. “And I’m not ashamed of who I am!”

I closed my eyes for a brief moment. “As long as you continue to feel that way, you’ll never be free,” I finally said, opening my eyes again. Jack appeared as angry as I’d ever seen him, and I knew he considered my words a betrayal. “I’ve tried to protect you, Jack,” I went on, “but if you make no effort at reform, you’ll force my hand.”

His lip curled upward in disgust. “And why are you even trying to protect me? You obviously think I’m some foul sinner!”

“I don’t,” I insisted.

“How do you even bring yourself to share an office with me?” he continued, and I heard that mocking tone return to his voice. “How can you sit next to me each day, knowing I was caught sucking a man’s cock?”

“That’s enough,” I warned, my face growing hot with anger.

Jack stepped closer to me, but I didn’t retreat. “And you know what?” he whispered, his eyes flashing as they locked with mine. “I loved every fucking minute of it, Director Linden.”

I grabbed his arm, and he let out a pained cry as I began hauling him back to the facility. My fury only increased when I found that despite my best efforts, I couldn’t stop myself from imagining Jack kneeling before some faceless man while eagerly pleasuring him with his mouth.

“Are you going to sentence me to prison now?” he demanded, stumbling as he struggled to keep up with my strides.

“No,” I said in an amazingly controlled voice. “You’ll eat your lunch in my office, and then I’ll have a guard take you back to your room. You will stay there for the rest of the day. Tomorrow, if you still haven’t seen the error of your ways, you can remain in that room.”

I released my hold on Jack before we entered the facility, and he dutifully walked next to me, though his stare was hard enough to cut glass. The guards cast us both curious glances but made no comment.

Back in my office, Jack slumped in the chair behind his desk, his expression sullen. I sat at my own desk, pointedly ignoring him. When lunch arrived, he wasn’t foolish enough to decline the meal. Instead, he practically inhaled his food. Looking down at the grilled chicken on my own plate, I felt a twinge of guilt.

Perhaps I’d pressed him too hard before, I thought. He was young and clearly stressed in this environment, where he was often cold and hungry. I was the closest thing to a friend that he had here, and I understood why he felt betrayed.

“Come here, Jack,” I said gently, before I could change my mind.

I could tell he was curious as he reluctantly climbed to his feet. Wordlessly he approached my desk and then waited.

I’d eaten only a few bites of the chicken, and I now pushed the plate toward him. “Take it.”

His eyes widened at my offering, but then he shook his head. “I don’t want it,” he said.

“Accept my kindness when I offer it to you,” I told him through clenched teeth, my temper flaring once again.

Jack looked at me, and I sensed him wavering. “But what about you?” he asked. “What will you eat?”

“I have a salad here,” I pointed out. Then I patted my stomach, which was still flat beneath my palm, but I knew I’d need to be more careful with my diet as I aged. “I need to cut back anyway. I enjoy my wife’s cooking a little too much.”

Jack’s gaze wandered to the framed picture of Leah I kept on my desk. “She’s very pretty,” he remarked.

I looked at the photo as well, a faint smile on my lips. “Leah’s a wonderful wife.”

Jack took the plate of chicken and carried it back to his desk. He ate slower now, as if he wanted to savor the meal. Or maybe he was simply trying to make the lunch break last as long as possible, for when he finally finished, he asked in a meek voice, “Are you going to have the guard take me back to my room now?”

It was a mistake, I knew, allowing his outburst during our walk to go unpunished. But I found my anger softening as I regarded Jack. “No,” I finally told him. “You can stay.”

***

Several days later, one of the guards brought Jack to my office for work, but instead of leaving him at the door like usual, the guard pushed Jack roughly inside.

“What’s going on?” I demanded, rising from my chair.

The guard strode toward me, then tossed my gloves on the desk. “I found contraband in his room, Director,” he said, shooting Jack an icy glare. “These were hidden under his pillow. Are you missing a pair of gloves?”

I’d already realized that Jack had failed to return the gloves, for just the night before, I’d reached for them in my coat pocket as I left the building and had come up empty. Then I’d promptly forgotten all about it.

“I loaned those to him,” I told the guard, my tone a cold reprimand. “They’re not contraband.” The guard blanched at my words, and when he began stuttering a reply, I held up a hand to stop him. “That will be all.”

Once the guard had left my office, closing the door behind him, my eyes met Jack’s. “Thank you,” he mouthed.

I nodded toward the gloves. “Leah gave me those as a Christmas gift, so I’d better hang onto them. I’ll buy a pair that will fit you much better,” I promised him.

It wasn’t often that Jack gave me a genuine smile, and as he did now, I found myself eagerly returning it.

The day passed uneventfully, and though Jack had to return to his room during late morning and early afternoon while I conducted interviews, he came back to the office at around three, eager to resume his work. Sometimes I allowed him to stay a little late when I was also working into the early evening hours, and today was one of those occasions.

It was a little after six when my phone rang. Jack was in the restroom at that moment, so I was alone in my office as I answered the call. “Director Linden, I’m afraid I have bad news,” the voice on the line told me.

Immediately my heart began pounding, for I feared something was wrong with Leah. Sitting up straighter, I listened silently, and following my initial relief that my wife was fine, a wave of grief washed over me, settling inside my chest as a fierce, insistent pang.

Jack stepped out of the restroom then, and whatever he saw on my face made him stop short.

“Thank you very much for letting me know,” I told the caller. Then I hung up the phone and slumped back in my chair.

“What’s wrong?” Jack asked softly.

That familiar throbbing began at my temples, and I covered my eyes with my hand. “Do me a favor and turn off the overhead light,” I said to Jack, and I heard him quickly move to do as I asked.

It was dark outside the office window, but a lamp glowed from on top of my desk. Looking at Jack once more, I watched as he closed the distance between us. “Are you okay?” he asked, his expression full of concern.

I stared up at him, feeling stunned. “My sister…” I began, but my voice faltered. Swallowing hard, I tried again. “I just received word that she died. Apparently she’d been quite ill for the past several months.”

Jack’s eyes widened. “I’m so sorry, Director Linden,” he immediately said, and I knew his words were heartfelt. Then he sat in one of the chairs in front of my desk. “So you hadn’t spoken to her recently?” he asked, his voice gentle and soothing.

I shook my head. “Not for years,” I confessed. “Ruth chose to defect early on, not long after I married Leah, and I was required to sever all contact with her.”

Jack’s gaze was full of sympathy as he regarded me, and I found I couldn’t bear that kindness. Lowering my eyes, I remembered how close Ruth and I had been while growing up. Under the watchful eyes of our devout parents, we still found the smallest ways to rebel. Tears stung my lids when I recalled how we stealthily played tic-tac-toe while sitting in church, bored out of our minds as the minister droned on.

I was still struggling to control my emotions when Jack rose and came around the desk to stand beside me. “Is there anything I can do?” he whispered.

I closed my eyes and shook my head. “No, but thank you, Jack.”

It was then that he rested a hand on my shoulder, and I released a shuddering sigh. For a long time, neither of us moved or spoke. He simply stood beside me, offering that comfort, and I readily accepted it.

“Director Linden…” he murmured. His fingertips grazed my neck before moving upward to stroke my hair.

My eyes snapped open as I drew in a sharp breath. Part of me wanted to lean into that touch, to surrender to my desperate need for it. But another part, far stronger and full of self-loathing, railed in fury at what Jack was doing.

And at what I was allowing him to do.

“Go back to your desk,” I ordered quietly, still refusing to look at him. Yet he didn’t pull away from me. Instead, he dared to caress my cheek, his fingers rasping against the stubble of my five-o’-clock shadow.

I hated the way my body trembled beneath Jack’s touch, and I hated my yearning, so powerful that I had to grab the edge of the desk to stop myself from reaching for him.

I suddenly seized Jack’s wrist, my grip tight enough to cause him pain. He gasped but didn’t struggle as I held him fast. Lifting my head, I leveled a cold glare upon him. Then I tossed his hand away from me.

His mouth dropped open, and as he cradled his wrist in his other hand, I clearly saw the anguish in his eyes. I’d hurt him deeply, I knew, by rejecting his advances.

“I’m sorry…” I began, my face flushing with shame.

Jack shook his head to stop me. His eyes flashed in the lamplight, revealing his own fury. “I understand everything now,” he said, then gave me a bitter smile. “You’re just like me, Director Linden.”

I leapt to my feet, sending my chair violently rolling backward. “I’m nothing like you!” I hissed.

I expected Jack to retreat from my anger, for I was quaking with it now. But he only stared up at me, his expression keen. It was as if he was truly seeing me for the first time. “How you must hate yourself,” he whispered, “living a lie like this.”

I struck him with my open hand, and the sound of the hard slap reverberated throughout the room. He released a faint cry, pressing a palm to his face, and I was immediately full of remorse for what I’d done. I’d never hit an inmate before. Even when a man had once tried to attack me during an interview, I managed to restrain him without resorting to blows.

Jack’s eyes met mine again, and I saw that his were full of tears. “You can hit me all you want. Hell, beat me to a bloody pulp if it makes you feel better,” he said, his voice trembling. “But that won’t destroy what you most fear within yourself.”

I turned from him, grabbing onto the desk. The shame, buried for so long, worked its way to the surface, and I was terrified that Jack would see it. “You should leave,” I said, choking on the words. “Tell the guard…” I was gasping for breath, my mind reeling. “Tell the guard I got tied up on a call, so I sent you to find him. He can take you back to your room.”

Jack made no move to obey my instructions. Instead, he lingered behind me, then placed a hand against my back. I braced my palms on the desk, squeezing my eyes shut as I began shaking violently.

He didn’t speak a word. Not when I turned to reach for him. Not when I pulled him into a fierce embrace and began sobbing. Not even when I lowered my lips to his hair and whispered, “I’m so sorry.”

But he slid his arms around my waist and held me tight while I rocked him in my arms. In silence, he allowed me to keep holding him until my tears subsided and I could finally bear to let him go.

***

The next morning, I arrived at the office early. As I sat behind my desk and watched the sunlight slowly brighten the room, I tried to fight back my dread. I’d allowed myself to be completely vulnerable with Jack the evening before, and I couldn’t help but wonder if he would try to use my weakness to his advantage.

Part of me refused to believe he was capable of such a thing, and I desperately wanted to trust him. But I well knew that placing trust in others often proved to be foolhardy in this place.

When Jack was brought to my office, our eyes met, and he gave me a tentative smile. “Good morning, Director,” he said quietly. Then he glanced at the ceiling. “Would you like me to turn on the overhead light?”

It was then that I realized I’d been sitting in the shadows. “Yes, please,” I replied.

After Jack had turned on the light and closed the office door, he slowly approached my desk, watching me carefully all the while. I knew then that I wasn’t the only one feeling uncertain. If he planned to issue some kind of ultimatum, or attempt to gain any leverage over me, now would be the time for him to make his move.

I held my breath, waiting for Jack to speak. His gaze softened, and then he asked, “How are you holding up this morning?”

Instead of using my weakness to his advantage, Jack stood before my desk and expressed only concern for my well-being. I couldn’t help but marvel at how different he was from so many others I knew. I hadn’t even told Leah about my sister’s death, for I knew my wife’s response would give me no comfort. She would merely shake her head and make a regretful sound, and then express her fervent hope that Ruth had found salvation before her passing.

Now as I looked up at Jack, I gave him a grateful smile. “I’m okay,” I said. “Thank you for asking.”

“Of course,” he responded. “Let me know if you need anything.”

Then he went to his desk and began working, leaving me to my tormented thoughts.

Throughout the day, I sneaked glances at him. Sometimes I caught him studying me as well, but he quickly averted his eyes. During lunch, I offered him most of my meal, and he accepted it without protest.

While watching Jack wolf down the extra food as if he feared he’d never be given more, I remembered the way we’d held each other the evening before. He’d felt so fragile in my arms, and as desperate for the embrace, for that closeness, as I’d been.

And then my thoughts returned to what he’d told me the day we walked together outside, when he’d flaunted the fact that he loved sucking a man’s cock. Normally I was quick to banish such memories from my mind, but I now allowed myself to vividly recall the look in his eyes as he so explicitly gave voice to his desires.

Closing my eyes, I felt my pulse quicken. Had Jack ever thought of performing such an act on me? I couldn’t help but wonder, and then I immediately hated myself for it. Whatever sinful thoughts he entertained had nothing to do with me.

And yet I was having my own sinful thoughts, making no attempt to fight them. All the while, my cock was stiffening, and I felt as if I was succumbing to a dark impulse that dwelled within me. At that moment, I knew it was a mistake to allow Jack to continue working in my office, in such close quarters. If I was as moral as I professed to be, I would have him reassigned to another department that very afternoon.

But the thought of doing that filled me with a nearly unbearable anguish, and when I opened my eyes, I found that Jack was smiling affectionately at me. “Thanks for this,” he said, nodding toward the empty plate before him.

I managed to nod and give him my own faint smile. “Of course. You need some meat on your bones, Jack.”

He laughed while glancing down at himself. “I guess I am pretty scrawny, aren’t I? I’ve never been much to look at it.”

“I disagree,” I hurriedly replied before I could stop myself. Jack met my eyes once more, his expression one of frank surprise. “Of course, that awful suit is doing you no favors,” I went on with a teasing grin, trying to pass off my comment as mere playfulness. “But on your own, you’re quite the handsome specimen.”

Jack raised his eyebrows, still surprised but clearly pleased as well. “Why, thank you, Director. Glad to know I’m easy on the eyes. Or your eyes, at least.”

I decided not to respond to that remark; sometimes silence was the safest bet by far. Jack merely gave me a satisfied smile and returned to his work, and I spent the rest of the afternoon struggling to focus on my own.

At five o’ clock, I asked Jack if he was finished for the day. “I plan to stay a little late this evening,” I added, trying my best to sound nonchalant.

“Then I’d like to keep working, if that’s okay,” Jack said, his face and voice neutral as well.

I simply nodded, then let the guards know Jack would be staying at my office for a couple more hours.

As night approached outside, darkening the window, I made every effort to pretend I was concentrating on the task before me, but I could think of nothing but Jack. My lack of focus infuriated me, and I silently berated myself, again and again and again, all to no avail.

At a little after six, Jack finally spoke, and though his voice was soft, I started at the sound. Meeting his eyes, I saw that he was studying me in his careful way. “Would you like me to turn off the overhead light again?” he offered.

I was quiet for an interminable moment as I struggled to find the words to answer him. “I don’t want you to strain your eyes,” I managed to say.

Jack shook his head, and the intensity of his stare made my pulse begin throbbing faintly at the base of my throat. “I don’t need the light for the work I still have to do,” he murmured.

My body immediately responded to his hot gaze, and to his words. Yet I continued to deny that it meant anything, for I desperately wanted to believe I was still in control of what happened between me and Jack that evening. I could put a stop to this at any second, I told myself. He and I were both playing a dangerous game, skirting the edge of peril, but I wouldn’t allow us to go too far and topple into the abyss that awaited us.

Even as I tried to convince myself, I knew it was all lies, for Jack and I had already gone too far, and we were about to go even further.

Jack stood and went to switch off the light, leaving only the lamp for illumination, but instead of returning to his desk, he walked to the door.

Then he locked it.

Turning to me once more, he simply waited, his expression one of fervent expectation.

Resting a hand on the desk, I closed my eyes, hiding like a coward from his gaze yet again. While remaining completely motionless, I was overwhelmed by an aching indecision. There was still time to stop this, I told myself. I could send Jack away, pretend I’d never felt a thing for him.

But my God, I was so tired of pretending.

Opening my eyes, I discovered that he was watching me, his body as still as mine. It was then that I gave him the slightest nod.

Yet Jack saw it.

Without speaking, he moved to the window and closed the blinds. My stare never left his when he finally ventured toward me. While my chest rapidly rose and fell with shallow breaths, Jack appeared utterly serene. Even as he stood beside my desk, then leaned to turn my chair so that I faced him, his expression was one of sheer determination, as though he refused to be dissuaded from what he was about to do.

Then Jack sank to his knees before me. The sight of him in such a submissive position made me swallow hard, and I fought to say something, anything, to stop him, but my tongue remained pressed firmly against the roof of my mouth.

His fingers were quick and efficient while he worked to unfasten my pants, for he knew as well as I did that we had little time. I watched as the tip of his tongue slid along his bottom lip, and he began breathing faster, too.

In mere moments, Jack succeeded in freeing my cock, his touch gentle. I was already hard, pulsing in his grasp, and I couldn’t suppress a tremor of arousal when he fixed his lustful stare on my cock.

I could only muster a final halfhearted attempt to end this before it truly began. “Jack,” I said, my voice almost unrecognizable to my ears. I’d meant to sound stern, commanding. Instead, I made his name a plea.

He looked up at me then, his eyes betraying his own need. “Just sit back and relax,” he urged quietly. “Let me take care of you.” When his gaze returned to my cock, he actually smiled, as if he was delighted by the sight of it. “You’re gorgeous,” he breathed. “Larger than what I’m used to, though.”

I laughed low and soft at his praise. “Do you wish I weren’t so large?” I couldn’t help but ask.

“God, no!” he replied, his smile widening to a grin. “In fact, I wish I could take my time letting you know just how much I appreciate your beautiful cock, but I realize we don’t have all night.”

His words made me gasp, but before I could respond, he lowered his face to my erection, and my grip on the chair arms tightened. It was so wrong, what we were doing, and yet my need for it was all-consuming. As I let my head fall back against the chair, I wondered how I’d managed to spend so many years denying this need.

Jack nuzzled my hard cock, and then my balls, as though he wanted to get my scent all over his face. My eyes widened at his blatant eagerness, and I couldn’t suppress a low moan when he wrapped his fingers around the base of my erection, holding me fast while his hot, wet tongue traveled along the length of my shaft.

Even as my head swam from the sensation his skillful tongue provided, I was aching to feel his mouth all around me. I knew he could hear my shallow, uneven breaths while my arousal ratcheted up to a nearly excruciating level. I felt as though I were being held underwater, flailing beneath the weight of my own desire.

Jack seemed fully aware of the state he’d reduced me to, for he didn’t make me wait any longer. Instead, he wrapped his lips around the head of my cock while gazing up at me, and I knew that he longed to witness my reaction.

This time, I refused to close my eyes; I wouldn’t hide from him. Releasing a pleasured sigh, I dared to tenderly stroke his cheek. The sight of him taking me in his mouth was enough to make me moan louder, and I knew I needed to be more careful.

But what I wouldn’t have given to be truly alone with him, in the privacy of a room far away from everyone else. Then I could fully surrender to the pleasure he gave me, and I could give him pleasure in return.

Of course I had to hold back here, where we were under the constant threat of discovery, but whatever Jack saw in my face seemed to satisfy him, for I felt his tongue begin to eagerly explore my cockhead. While he alternated between teasing my slit and massaging the underside of my tip, he stroked my shaft with one hand while fondling my balls with the other.

Soon I was almost writhing in the chair, desperate for more. I wondered if Jack sensed how close I already was, for he seemed intent on drawing out my pleasure, bringing me right to the edge and then holding me there.

Finally I could no longer resist placing a hand on his head, gentle but insistent. He yielded completely when I guided him downward. I had to swallow back another moan as I watched several inches of my cock disappear between his lips.

Jack took over then, enthusiastically bobbing his head up and down with a rhythm that made me begin trembling. Saliva trickled from his lips, and when he paused to lift his head and take a breath, a string of spit spanned the distance from his mouth to my cock.

He used that spit as lube while stroking me, then drew in a lungful of air before taking my cock in his mouth yet again. I shook from my effort to hold back, for in spite of the danger, and my own shame, I didn’t want this to end.

But Jack’s mouth was relentless, and I knew he wouldn’t stop until he’d made me come. His own faint moans were muffled by my cock. Though I refrained from thrusting between his lips, Jack took me so deep that I slid into his throat.

A fierce shudder coursed through me just before I succumbed to my orgasm. As I came hard, I made a sound between a helpless cry and a whimper, and Jack kept his lips wrapped snugly around my cock, accepting each spurt of my seed.

Finally he lifted his head, sucking in a deep breath and wiping at his mouth. When our eyes met, he grinned, looking absolutely wild with triumph. Then he dared to wink as he said, “Told you I love doing that.”

Jack climbed to his feet, but he didn’t move away from me. Instead, he held my gaze while I looked up at him, incredulous. My breathing hadn’t yet slowed, and as I sat before him, my exposed cock only gradually softening, I felt like a stranger in my own body. It was a surreal feeling, unnerving even.

The power of Jack’s stare finally forced me to avert my eyes, and when I saw the outline of his erection beneath his pants, I felt such a strong pull of desire that I lost all control. Leaning forward, I reached for him, my hands sliding over his hips and then around to cup his ass so I could draw him to me. As I closed my eyes, I once again trembled with sheer need.

When I pressed my face against Jack’s groin, he gasped in shock, and for a long moment, he was completely still. Then he placed a tentative hand on my head, his touch gentle.

With his clothing as a barrier between us, I grew fervent, kissing the hardness straining against the thin fabric of his pants. I wanted him. How I wanted him! I wanted to explore his entire body with my hands and my lips, and with my tongue. I wanted to see his face, and hear the sounds he made, as he came for me.

Though my self-control was in tatters, I managed to release Jack before I could give in to my lust. My hands were shaking as I climbed to my feet, and I turned from him while rushing to put away my cock. All the while, a flood of shame washed over me. My face burned from it, and my mouth had grown dry.

When I finally dared to face Jack again, I took a deep, steadying breath. “Go to the restroom,” I told him, nodding toward his obvious erection, “and take a few minutes to, uh, compose yourself.”

I could tell Jack was trying to suppress a grin. Did he enjoy seeing me so helpless and flustered? I wondered. How he’d so easily turned the tables.

Still, he moved to do as I said, but before he left me, he asked in a quiet voice, “What’s your name, anyway?”

I hesitated only a moment. Then I smiled faintly and said, “Adam.”

“Adam,” Jack repeated slowly, as if he was testing out the way my name sounded on his tongue. “Thank you for tonight, Adam.”

In spite of my best efforts, my smile widened. “I’m the one who should be thanking you. That was… incredible.”

Jack only nodded as he silently accepted my praise, but he wore that same look of triumph, making no attempt to hide it while he strode into the restroom and then closed the door gently behind him.

He could have easily left that door open, could have let me watch him take care of his erection. He knew I was hungry for the sight of it, as I’d made no secret of my desire while burying my face in his crotch.

Yet he held me at a distance during that moment, and I didn’t dare approach that closed door, for there were some things I’d never demand of him.

***

I struggled to sleep that night, tossing and turning so much that Leah finally lifted her head from her pillow and asked me what was wrong. I muttered an apology and a lie about having a headache before I climbed from the bed, leaving her alone in the room.

Sitting in the darkness of my office downstairs, I gazed out the window. Moonlight illuminated the bare branches of trees outside our house, the cold glow beautiful in its strange way. As I leaned back in my chair, I tried not to think of Jack, but my efforts failed miserably.

My mind couldn’t seem to resist replaying all those memories of the evening before. When my body responded, I allowed my hand to stray to my hardening cock for only a few moments. Then I sat up straight and let out a growl of utter frustration.

I was furious at myself. Hypocrisy was a trait I’d always despised in others, and I now understood just how susceptible I was to it. I’d held myself in such high regard, paying lip service to morality and pure behavior. Yet I’d willingly allowed a man to take me in his mouth, to suck me off until I came. And I’d craved every minute of it.

As I slowly stood, preparing to return to bed, my shoulders slumped with exhaustion. When I saw Jack again, I decided, I would try to atone for my behavior, and I would accept the consequences of what I’d done. Those consequences might end up destroying my career, and the life I’d made with Leah, but I wouldn’t be able to look at myself in the mirror if I didn’t take responsibility for my actions.

The following morning when Jack was brought to my office, I struggled to force a smile. My stomach roiled with dread, and as my eyes met his, he immediately sensed something was wrong, for his own smile faded.

After he closed the office door and turned to me, I gestured for him to take a seat. His movements were cautious and deliberate as he approached, and his stare never left me while he sank down into a chair.

“What’s wrong?” he immediately asked, his voice low.

I couldn’t look at him without being reminded of what we’d done the night before. Even as I berated myself for being so weak, a fresh wave of arousal coursed through me.

Leaning forward, I clasped my hands on the desk. Then I took a deep breath, and my voice was surprisingly steady when I told Jack, “You should report me for what happened between us last night. I’ll allow you to place a call to my superior, and I’ll readily corroborate your account of events.”

Jack stared at me as if I were mad. “Why the hell would I do that?” he hissed. “I’m not turning you in!”

“I’m in a position of authority,” I insisted quietly, “and I abused my power by allowing you to…”

Jack vehemently shook his head. “I wanted to do it. You didn’t force me.”

I struggled to meet his stare, and my voice trembled as I asked, “Why did you want to do that with me? I’m keeping you a prisoner here, after all.”

Jack considered me for a long moment. “Stockholm Syndrome, probably,” he finally said, completely deadpan. Catching sight of my stricken expression, he held out his hands as if to reassure me even while he suppressed a giggle.

“Damn you, Jack,” I said, though I was fighting back my own smile.

“I’m kidding!” he said. When his laughter eventually subsided, he climbed to his feet and came around the desk to stand next to me. Then he lowered his lips to my ear and murmured, “I wanted to do that with you last night because it’s all I’ve thought about while working by your side. Those moments we spent together were the happiest I’ve been in a long time. So please let me hold onto that little bit of joy, and don’t bother me with any more of this ridiculous talk of reporting you.”

Turning toward Jack, I found that his lips were just inches from mine. I was about to lose control, I knew. My hands trembled with the powerful urge to pull him to me, consequences be damned.

Instead, I smiled and told him, “Let’s take a walk,” and this time, he didn’t protest.

Once we were outside, I led Jack across the grounds and toward the woods. He was quiet as we walked, waiting for me to speak. “I can’t understand why you don’t hate me,” I finally said to him. “I hate myself for being such a hypocrite. I never thought…” I struggled for the right words and couldn’t find them. Instead, I fell silent in defeat, my face flushing not only from the cold but also from my shame.

Jack took his gloves from the pocket of his coat. I’d given them to him only a couple of days before, and they fit perfectly. As he pulled them on, he appeared thoughtful, considering what I’d said. “I don’t hate you,” he said. “I can’t imagine how hard it is for you, living and working here while being forced to hide who you really are.”

“I was doing a decent job of it until I met you,” I muttered.

Jack raised an eyebrow as a sardonic smile played at his lips. “So I’ve corrupted you, is that it?”

I released a heavy sigh and shook my head. “You haven’t corrupted me,” I told him. “You’ve opened my eyes. And yet I still have to live and work here, and hide who I really am.”

It was then that we reached the woods, but instead of turning back, I led Jack into the stand of trees. “Where are we going?” he asked, sounding amused. “I thought the woods were off limits.”

“Not today,” I responded. It was a risk, doing this with him when a guard might spot us entering the woods and surely question it. But I longed for just a few moments of real privacy, without the worry of a knock at the door.

Jack followed me without further comment, but once we were hidden among the trees and the facility was no longer visible behind us, he came to a stop, and I looked at him expectantly.

“What if I run?” he whispered, his eyes flashing a challenge as he grinned.

My own eyes widened. “Don’t you dare,” I warned. “This place might be understaffed, and we may be unmonitored in these woods, but it’s asinine to run around this property as if you’re hellbent on escaping. Are you asking to be shot?”

“But you’ll easily catch me,” he argued, and as he spoke, he began inching backwards, putting distance between us.

“Jack, no!” I growled through my teeth.

His grin didn’t fade in the slightest at my harsh tone. I started toward him, and he moved farther out of my reach. Then he winked at me just before turning on his heel and bolting.

Swearing under my breath, I sprinted after Jack. Though I was taller and stronger, he was surprisingly fast, and I grew furious at having to giving chase. Keeping my stare riveted to his form ahead of me, I managed to gain on him.

I wasn’t prepared when he abruptly stopped and spun around to face me, still grinning. His eyes widened, and he grunted with surprise when we slammed into each other. Throwing my arms around him, I struggled to keep my balance so we wouldn’t topple to the ground.

“What the hell are you doing?” I cried, giving him a shake. “I told you not to run!”

Though we were both breathing hard, his expression was almost dreamy as he gazed up at me. “I wanted you to catch me,” he whispered. My face must have betrayed my confusion, for he only smiled and said, “Do you know how much I want you to hold me?”

Now that I’d caught him, I refused to let him go. I noticed that he was totally relaxed in my embrace, and my body responded to his nearness, to the way he surrendered to me completely. “And is this how you want to be held?” I murmured.

“Just like this,” he replied, then nestled against my coat, seeking out the warmth of my body. I felt his lips against my neck, and I let my head fall back, revealing the expanse of my throat.

Jack’s mouth was hungry, almost desperate as it moved over my skin. Weaving my fingers through his hair, I gently lifted his head. Our eyes locked, and I felt his arms slip around me as well.

Then I lowered my lips to his. I was tentative at first, ever so gently exploring his mouth, but then Jack moaned, and our first kiss deepened until it seemed we were intent on devouring each other. When our tongues met, I released my own pleasured groan.

Already I was growing aroused, and by the way Jack was moving against me, I knew he was plenty excited as well. I loved his sighs and whimpers, and how he so readily offered his mouth to me.

Finally we broke apart, and my head swam from the exhilaration of that first secret kiss. Jack grinned up at me, then whispered, “I promise I won’t ever run from you again, Adam.”

***

We remained careful. Many days, we exchanged no more than fleeting caresses and furtive kisses behind my closed office door. Most of the time, Jack didn’t work late with me, instead returning to his room at five o’ clock. I could hardly stand to watch him leave on those days, knowing he would be spending the evening alone.

I was the first one to break. A week after our encounter in the woods, I didn’t even ask Jack if he wanted to stay late in my office before I let the guards know I still required his presence when his workday should have been finished.

Jack sat at his desk, his stare riveted to me as I locked the office door and then turned off the overhead light. Once I’d closed the blinds, giving us as much privacy as possible, I turned to him, my voice low and soft as I said, “Come here.”

He was on his feet in an instant, hurrying into my open arms. For a long moment, I simply held him to me, kissing his face and hair and greedily inhaling his scent. “I can’t keep you here long,” I murmured. “I have a dinner meeting with the other directors a little later, but I… I need to touch you. It’s driving me mad staying away.”

“Then touch me, Adam,” he urged, his gaze filling with heat.

I kissed him hungrily, my tongue demanding as it sought out his. He moaned and grabbed my hand, bringing it to his hardening cock. Eagerly I stroked him, and when he was clearly ready, I lifted him into my arms.

Jack grinned while wrapping his legs around me. He was breathing hard and fast, and his cheeks were flushed with arousal. I effortlessly carried him to my desk and set him down on it. My own cock was straining against my pants, but I wanted this to be only about Jack.

He watched as I unfastened his pants, my hands shaking a little. As soon as I reached inside to touch him, he closed his eyes and released a low moan. When I began stroking his erection, he gasped and then nodded, encouraging me to keep going.

I soon had his hard cock exposed to my view. Though it wasn’t as large as mine, it still felt substantial in my grasp. Giving it a long appreciative stare, I noted the veins that lined his shaft, clearly visible beneath the silky flesh. I found I loved grazing my fingertips over them, following their path and feeling his cock pulse in response.

I massaged his frenulum with the pad of my thumb, and a fierce tremor coursed through Jack as he breathed even faster. His stare was fixed on my hand pleasuring him, and my own breath quickened when his beautiful cock produced a single perfect drop of pre-cum.

I gathered up that drop with my fingertip, then brought it to my lips. Jack watched with wide eyes as my tongue swept over my skin, and I reveled in that first taste of him.

When I began stroking him again, he leaned back, bracing his hands against the desk. With my other hand, I cupped his balls, gently rolling them in my palm. He bit his lower lip in an effort to stay quiet, but I could clearly see his excitement growing.

I fisted his cock, my hand moving up and down the length of him at a steady, unrelenting pace. As much as I would have liked to have taken my time, slowly building his pleasure until it became overwhelming, I was all too aware of the minutes passing by.

And Jack didn’t seem to mind that we were forced to rush. Instead, he leaned toward me, his lips meeting mine so he could moan into my mouth. He writhed beneath my touch, making no attempt to hide how much he loved it.

I marveled at his lack of inhibition, and his lack of shame, for he was so unrestrained, almost wanton, in the way he gave and received sexual pleasure.

“I’m close!” he gasped, his stare riveted to my hand pumping away between us and providing continual stimulation to his cock. “I should finish in the bathroom. I’ll make a mess here…”

“We don’t want that, do we?” I murmured with a grin, my lips against his. He moved as if to slide off the desk, but I quickly stopped him. “Stay right where you are.”

It was then that I realized I was trembling, in the grip of my own need. Releasing Jack, I sank into my chair and pulled it toward the desk until my face was just inches from his erection. An involuntary whimper of desire emerged from my throat, and I took hold of Jack’s hips, drawing him closer.

Without hesitation, I lowered my head and wrapped my lips around the swollen head of Jack’s cock. I heard his gasp, followed by a needy groan as he realized just what I wanted him to do.

I had only a few moments to pleasure him with my mouth, my tongue sliding over his warm skin. He was already so close, and I felt him shaking from the need to climax. I moaned in encouragement, wanting to coax forth his orgasm, and I realized how much I loved exciting him in this way. It was driving me wild as well, for my cock ached to be stroked and sucked, to be buried deep inside him.

I’d just taken a little more of Jack’s cock between my lips when he drew in a shuddering breath. I heard that breath catch in his throat, and then his entire body tensed as the orgasm gripped him. He rested a hand on my head, his fingers gripping my hair while he released a labored groan.

Then he erupted in my mouth, and my eyes widened a little at the force of that first spurt striking the back of my throat. Yet I didn’t pull off. Instead, I quickly swallowed his hot cum, determined not to let a drop escape my lips. I was audibly gulping in order to get it all down, and when the flood of his semen finally subsided, my tongue was coated with it.

Only when I was certain that Jack was completely spent did I lift my head. My stare lingered on his flushed cock, wet with my saliva and remnants of semen, and I set about licking him clean, sighing with my own deep satisfaction.

Finally I looked up at Jack, and as his chest rose and fell with heavy breaths, his stare was fierce meeting mine. “Come here,” he demanded quietly.

Immediately I obeyed, rising to my feet, and when I stood before him once more, he took my face in his hands and kissed me fervently. I couldn’t resist touching him, reaching between us so I could give his cock a gentle stroke.

That made Jack whimper, and when he finally released me, he flashed a grin and dared to murmur, “I never thought I’d taste my cum in your mouth, Director.”

Raising an eyebrow, I said, “Neither did I.” Then I slid the pad of my thumb over his bottom lip, and he eagerly took it in his mouth to suck it. Fighting back my own desperate longing, I drew in a steadying breath. “But I have to admit that I love it,” I confessed to him.

Before we parted that evening, I gently grasped Jack’s arm and pulled him close. He looked up at me, and as I lowered my face toward his, I knew he was expecting a kiss. Instead, I held his stare and said, “If the officials ever catch us, I want you to tell them that I forced you to do these things. Save yourself, Jack.”

He released a sigh and then pressed a hand against my face, his gaze affectionate if also a little exasperated. “You know I would never do that to you,” he said simply. “If you go down, Adam, I’m going down with you.”

***

At home, I grew distant and distracted, and when Leah commented on it, I gave her an apologetic smile, explaining that my work schedule was particularly hectic at that time. All the while, I felt the guilt eating away at me, for Leah had made every effort to be a good wife, and I was now forced to lie to her.

But that guilt wasn’t enough to dampen my desire for Jack. One evening as I sat across from my wife at dinner, I pasted a smile on my face as she discussed the afternoon she’d spent helping out on some committee at the church. It was only when she said my name, her tone uncharacteristically sharp, that I pulled myself from my reverie and focused my full attention on her.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart, what did you say?” I asked.

Leah frowned. “Have you even heard a word I’ve spoken tonight?” she demanded, and I noticed her cheeks flushing with anger.

“Of course,” I replied, trying my best to sound convincing. I needed to do better, I realized. I couldn’t continue to daydream of Jack while spending time with Leah.

She studied me for a long moment, her stare hard. Then she only shook her head. “Are you finished?” she asked, nodding toward my plate. I hadn’t eaten much of the meal.

“I am,” I said. “I’ll help you clean up, and then I need to do some work in my office.”

Leah’s entire frame grew rigid, and I stared at my wife in shock, for I’d never seen her so upset. “Again, you forget the time of month, Adam,” she snapped.

Understanding dawned on me then, and I had to swallow back a groan of dread. The thought of lying in bed with her, of struggling to perform until I finally climaxed… I wasn’t sure I could do it tonight.

“Leah, I’m quite tired,” I said. “Do you think we can try tomorrow?” If I had a day to prepare myself, I’d be in a better state of mind to do what she expected of me.

Leah closed her eyes for a brief moment, and I knew she was struggling to control her fury. “No,” she said in a strained voice. “It has to be tonight.”

Before I could stop myself, I slammed my hand against the table, making her jump. “For God’s sake, can we leave off doing this for just one month?” I shouted.

Leah stared at me with wide eyes, as though I were a stranger who had just appeared in her dining room. I’d never raised my voice at her before, and I immediately felt ashamed of my outburst.

I didn’t have a chance to apologize, for Leah jumped to her feet, almost sending her chair toppling over. “No, we cannot, Adam!” she shouted back at me. “You have a duty as my husband to at least try to give me a child!”

I held up my hands. “Leah, I’m sorry,” I said, for I wanted nothing more than to end this argument. “I’m so sorry I lost my temper. I’ve been under a lot of pressure at work, but that’s no reason for me to be impatient with you.”

Leah was silent as she stared me down, her eyes flashing. Finally she nodded, and I hurriedly climbed to my feet, but when I started to clear the table, she said, “Leave it.” My stare met hers, and she clasped a hand to her throat, still appearing unnerved by our argument. “If you’re tired,” she went on in a quieter voice, “we’ll go directly upstairs. I’ll take care of this later, while you’re working in your office.”

“Are you sure?” I asked just as quietly. “I’m happy to help.”

Leah offered me a conciliatory smile. Then she held out her hand to me, and I quickly moved to take it.

In our room, we quietly undressed, our movements brisk. I bowed my head as Leah prayed, and then I joined her in the bed. She offered her mouth to me for a kiss, and I cupped her breast, giving it a gentle squeeze. I could still sense the tension rippling through her, but she moaned in response to my touch.

Sliding on top of my wife, I reached between her thighs, rubbing her clitoris until I felt her grow slick and wet beneath my fingers. Yet I still wasn’t fully erect, and as Leah stared up at me expectantly, I gritted my teeth in sheer frustration.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “Give me a minute, Leah.” Rolling off of her, I lay on my back and took hold of my cock, my touch rough while I attempted to stroke myself to hardness. This had never happened to me before, even when I was at my most distracted and exhausted. Several excruciating moments passed, with only the sound of my furious jerking to fill the silence.

Leah placed a hand on my shoulder. “It’s okay,” she murmured. “I know you’re tired.” I looked over at her, my gaze helpless and pleading, and I thought she might grant me a reprieve. But she only nodded toward my hand gripping my cock and asked, “Do you want me to try?”

Closing my eyes, I shook my head and swallowed hard. I couldn’t bear the thought of remaining soft in Leah’s grasp.

It was then I imagined Jack, picturing him vividly in my mind. A sigh escaped my lips as I thought of the way he so eagerly took me in his mouth, and I almost instantly grew erect. I quickly climbed on top of Leah again, and after positioning my cock at her opening, I entered her with a hard thrust. She bit her lower lip but made no sound as I drove myself inside her. While I moved between her thighs, I closed my eyes once more so I could easily imagine Jack’s face. I lost myself in the memory of his beautiful smile and his pleasured moans.

But it was the memory of the way he came so fiercely in my mouth that finally brought about my own release.

***

A week later, I had just finished up my final interview of the day, but before I could request that Jack be brought to my office, I heard a quiet knock on my closed door.

“Come in,” I called, looking up as Bill, my direct superior, let himself into the room.

“Good morning, Adam,” he greeted me, then glanced at the clock. “Or good afternoon, I should say. This day’s getting away from us.”

“Bill, it’s great to see you,” I told him, climbing to my feet and leaning over my desk so we could shake hands. He gave me an easy smile, then sank into a chair. At almost sixty, Bill was tall and lean, his silver hair and lined face only serving to make him appear more distinguished. He and I had always been on good terms, and it was partly due to his influence that I was appointed to this position. His wife, Rosemary, was good friends with Leah, and they often socialized together.

“How have you been?” I asked Bill after I sat back down. All the while, I wondered what had prompted his visit to my office.

Bill continued smiling as he looked around, but I noticed his stare lingering on Jack’s desk. “Oh, just fine,” he replied. “Quite busy, but so is every other director.” I nodded in response and waited for him to continue. Finally his eyes met mine once more, and he considered me for a long moment. “I just wanted to stop by and see how you’re doing, Adam.”

Something in his eyes, and in his voice, caused a shadow of unease to settle over me. Yet I kept the pleasant smile fixed on my face as I said, “I’m doing well. As you pointed out, I stay busy, especially with the recent influx of detainees…”

“Speaking of which,” Bill jumped in before I could finish. “I understand you currently have a detainee working for you here.” He nodded toward Jack’s desk, then gave me an expectant stare.

Despite my best efforts to stay calm, I felt my pulse quicken. “Yes, Jack’s been a great help in preparing the budgets. Without him, I’d be up to my neck in paperwork here. He’s brilliant with numbers, and quick to learn.” I realized I was speaking too fast and abruptly fell silent.

Bill nodded, his expression inscrutable. Then he leaned forward, clasping his hands before him. “I’m glad he’s been helpful, but I don’t understand why you haven’t considered someone more qualified for the position.”

“Jack is qualified,” I hurriedly said, and I immediately regretted it when Bill’s eyes narrowed.

“By ‘qualified,’ I mean someone who’s not a detainee,” he said. Then that easy smile returned to his face. “Of course you understand that he can’t stay here indefinitely. If you think he has useful skills, then he needs to serve out whatever sentence you deem appropriate before he can be transferred to a more suitable department. But right now, he’s a… distraction to you.”

I froze at his words, and as the ensuing silence stretched on between us, I broke out into a cold sweat. I’d always assumed I was free from surveillance, that I was trusted implicitly. Now I suspected otherwise.

Finally I managed to nod, and my voice was surprisingly steady when I said, “I understand.”

Bill nodded as well, then climbed to his feet, but before he turned to leave, he rested his hands on the back of the chair. Lifting my head to meet his eyes, I felt my shoulders tighten painfully with tension.

“One more thing,” he said, no longer smiling. “I don’t want to meddle in your personal affairs, Adam, but Leah’s been talking to Rosemary.” He gave what was meant to be an apologetic shrug. “You know how women are. It seems that your wife is concerned about you; she told Rosemary you’re very stressed from your work here.”

Now my jaw tightened as well, and I struggled to control my rising fury while I wondered just how many details of our personal life Leah had shared with Rosemary. “Leah worries too much,” I told Bill, my voice growing strained. “I’ll be sure to address the issue with her.”

Bill nodded, appearing satisfied. Then he gave Jack’s desk another pointed look and said, “Be sure you take care of the issue here, too.”

***

I did my best to conceal my fear, but after my meeting with Bill, Jack could easily sense that something was wrong. When he finally approached my desk at the end of the day, his eyes were watchful and his steps deliberate. “Is everything okay?” he asked quietly.

I managed a weak smile and replied, “Of course.” Though I was quick to avert my gaze, busying myself with some papers before me, I knew Jack could see right through my lie. As the guard escorted him from the office, he gave me one last searching look, and I felt a painful knot form in my throat, for I could no longer reassure him.

Instead, I left the building early that evening so I could begin making arrangements. My insides felt awash in pure adrenaline as I sat in my home office, sending off encrypted messages while I explored furtive channels of communication. I’d always known something like this could happen, that I might somehow cross the wrong person and end up with a target on my back, so I had long ago planned for the worst-case scenario. But as the hours went by, I grew more and more terrified that I wouldn’t be able to move fast enough before both Jack and I were arrested.

When I finally rose from my desk and made my way upstairs, my entire body ached from tension. I’d put my plan into motion, and now I simply had to wait. I knew I would be able to continue playing my role of dutiful husband to Leah, but I had no idea how I would manage to pretend all was well while I was around Jack, for he knew me far better than my wife ever had.

I could only pray that my acting skills were half as good as Jack’s, for I would desperately need them in the coming days.

The following morning, I beckoned Jack to my desk, then brought my lips to his ear. “There’s been talk of selecting someone to fill your current position,” I revealed. “I’m working to prevent that from happening, but you and I need to be careful.”

Jack looked up at me, his eyes widening in worry. I expected him to ask me to do everything in my power to keep him here, and to stop him from being sentenced to prison, but he only said, “I don’t want you to put yourself at risk because of me.” Then he offered me a sorrowful smile. “I guess we both knew this couldn’t last forever.”

Closing my eyes, I fought back an onslaught of sudden tears, and despite the warning I’d just issued, I couldn’t resist drawing him into my arms. “Just give me time to work things out,” I whispered, and he readily nodded, asking nothing of me.

Two days later, I received word that my plan was ready to be carried out. The pieces of it were falling into place, but I didn’t dare relax for a single moment. There was still much to do, and I was running out of time.

It took another day for me to finalize all the arrangements. Meanwhile, Jack quietly worked at his desk, making no effort to touch me, and the distance between us was destroying me. My nerves were shot, and my patience was wearing as thin as a frayed thread. But I somehow managed to hold myself together for Jack’s sake.

Yet I wanted, needed, to spend a final evening with him in that office, for now that my plan was moving forward, I knew both our lives would forever change tomorrow.

As five o’clock approached, Jack prepared to leave, but he stopped when I notified the guards that he’d be working late. Once I’d locked the office door, then went through the routine of turning off the light and closing the blinds, Jack quickly approached me, and I realized that maintaining such a careful distance was killing him as well.

Still he asked, “Is it safe to do this? Maybe we shouldn’t draw attention…”

I kissed him then, and he eagerly responded, his lips parting to welcome my tongue into his mouth. He was as hungry for my touch as I was for his, and when I slipped my hand between his thighs to stroke his hardening cock through his pants, he let out a needy whimper.

I knew we couldn’t stay here long, for I was almost certain my movements were being monitored. It was a risk lingering in this office with him for even a mere hour when there was always the chance of a knock on the door.

Yet it was a risk I had to take. I had been careful, so careful, and my caution now crumbled in the face of my yearning.

Of course Jack sensed that we had little time, for he hurried to unbutton his shirt. I began to tell him to remain dressed; if we were interrupted, it would be far better if he was fully clothed.

But he looked up at me, his eyes beseeching. “Let me get undressed for you,” he pleaded. “Just this once.”

Closing my eyes for a moment, I imagined Jack completely naked, spread before me on the desk, and my resistance evaporated. Giving him a brief nod, I watched as he quickly stripped naked. The sight of him made me tremble from the force of my arousal, and I hurried to take him in my arms, to slide my hands over his warm, bare skin.

Jack suckled at my neck, his mouth demanding as his hand moved over my chest and stomach, and then lower to stroke my cock. I heard his excited moan when he found me hard and ready for him.

I wondered if he sensed that our time together was ending, that we would soon have only memories of the days we’d spent in this office. I couldn’t bear to think of that now, so I kissed him again and again, my need for him growing more desperate.

Finally I lifted Jack in my arms and carried him to my desk. “Too bad there’s no couch in here,” he quipped, grinning at me even as his chest rose and fell with rapid breaths.

“It wasn’t in the budget,” I said, flashing my own grin. Jack watched as I neatly folded my suit coat and then placed it on the desk so it could serve as a pillow for his head. When our eyes locked, he licked his lips and nodded slightly, letting me know that he was more than ready for this, and for me.

I had to take a deep, steadying breath while unfastening my pants. Not only my hands but my entire body now trembled, for I was already overcome by lust, and when I freed my cock, it was rock-hard and throbbing in my grip.

My eyes met Jack’s then, and there was a tremor to my voice as I said, “I wish we had more time.”

His gaze filled with tenderness. “Me, too,” he whispered.

Then he lay back against the desk, his own erection looming out from him. I took a moment to slide my palms over his chest, grazing his nipples and tracing my fingertips along the thin line of hair traversing his belly. He shivered beneath my touch, and a sigh escaped his lips when I gently stroked his cock.

“Adam,” Jack moaned, his eyes fluttering closed as he reveled in the pleasure I gave him. When he raised his right leg so he could rest his ankle on my shoulder, I planted a kiss on his calf, caressing his skin. Jack draped his left leg over the edge of the desk, and in this position, he was spread wide for me.

I spat into my palm before holding my hand to Jack’s lips. “You too,” I murmured. He lifted his head and did as I asked, and once his saliva had pooled with mine, I used it to lubricate my cock, all the while wishing I had something far better. Then I spat on my fingertips and smeared the fluid over Jack’s puckered hole. That first tentative touch made him release a faint whimper and writhe on the desk for me.

Gazing down at Jack, I allowed my eyes to reveal the depth of my feelings, for I never wanted him to doubt how much I cared for him. “Are you ready?” I whispered.

He quickly nodded, and I felt him trembling as well. Guiding the head of my cock to his entrance, I gently, carefully, began easing inside. I heard his gasp, and I immediately grew still.

Jack drew in a deep breath and slowly released it. “Keep going,” he urged.

I initially met with plenty of resistance, though I knew Jack was willing himself to relax. Looking down between his spread thighs, I watched as his body began accepting more of my tip, and my eyes widened at the sight of my cock stretching him open.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” I told Jack, my voice pleading.

He didn’t assure me that I wouldn’t. Instead, he held my stare and said, “I want you.” We both knew I would cause him pain, and yet he seemed to crave that pain if it meant he would have me inside him. Releasing a helpless moan, I gently rolled my hips, working my way deeper into Jack’s hole. Again I looked at him, and again he nodded.

His tight ring of flesh continued to fight against the intrusion of my cock, and I feared I wouldn’t make any more headway without forcing myself inside. I couldn’t bear the thought of hurting him like that, and so I waited.

Finally he managed to relax, opening himself to me, and I groaned as his body yielded. Jack released a soft cry when I fed his tight hole all of my tip, and I saw that his face had grown flushed. “More,” he panted. “Give me more, Adam!”

I was so hard and aching that I couldn’t resist doing just as he said. Inch by inch, I claimed his ass, gasping at how warm and tight it was all around my cock. When I bottomed out, he and I both moaned, and I remained motionless inside him for several moments.

Jack grinned up at me, and I could hear the relief in his words as he said, “For a minute there, I was worried I wouldn’t be able to take that big cock!”

“I wish it didn’t hurt you so,” I murmured, stroking his skin.

It was then that Jack took hold of his own cock, which was still fully erect. “It’s the best kind of pain, Adam,” he told me in a husky voice. “So many times, I’ve imagined us just like this.” Then he began fervently stroking, and I dared to move inside him yet again.

I kept my thrusts gentle, my hips pumping between his thighs with a languid rhythm. Jack relaxed even more, and soon his soft moans became almost constant from the stimulation my cock provided. “Ah, that’s so good!” he said between heavy breaths.

Now that I knew I was giving Jack pleasure instead of only pain, I relaxed as well, allowing myself to succumb to the sheer bliss of taking him. I was sweating beneath my shirt, and I longed to be naked with my bare skin pressed against his.

I had no need to thrust hard, for this gentle lovemaking was exquisite in its own way, heightening my lust until my head was swimming. I’d never imagined I could feel such desire for someone, and my need for Jack was like an insistent throb within every cell of my body.

The hot, tight grip of his muscles around my cock made my breaths come faster, and I slightly shifted my position between his thighs, hoping to lessen the intensity so that I could manage to last longer.

It was then that Jack cupped a hand over his mouth to muffle a loud groan, and I noticed he began quaking. I instantly grew still once more, fearing I’d grown too vigorous in spite of my best efforts. “Am I hurting you?” I asked, my words edged with alarm.

Jack quickly shook his head, uncovering his mouth to moan, “No, no, that’s perfect! You’re, ah… you’re at just the right spot!” My eyes widened as his features contorted with ecstasy. “Faster now, Adam, don’t stop!” he urged.

I began thrusting again, my rhythm growing more fervent. My God, I wanted so much to come inside him! It took all my will to hold back, but my self-control was slipping as I moved faster. “Jack, please!” I begged, for I needed him to climax first.

Lifting his head, he fixed his stare between his thighs. Then his expression grew fierce with his own need. “Yes, yes, oh fuck, you’re going to make me come with that big hard cock!” he growled through clenched teeth. Our eyes met, and he must have seen how helpless I was. While I was the one taking his ass, he was the one who could allow me my release, for I refused to stop until I felt him coming all around me.

And then he did. As he began shuddering, his mouth fell open, and it seemed that every muscle in his body strained under the pull of the orgasm traveling through him. Then a rope of cum shot forth from his cock to strike his belly.

Somehow Jack managed to stay quiet, but I gasped and then released a faint cry when I felt his spasms, so powerful and relentless. I called out to him, louder than I should have, and as our eyes locked, I sensed the final vestiges of the man I’d once been disappear completely.

While Jack’s muscles continued to milk my cock, I gave a last spasmodic thrust and then came hard, the force of my own climax stealing my breath. He moaned as I pulsed and twitched inside him, and as I filled him with my seed.

When I was finally spent, I was still breathing fast as I slid my tongue over Jack’s bare skin, gathering up his cum. He moaned and shivered at my eager lapping, and once I’d licked him clean, I collapsed against him in exhaustion. As my pulse slowed to normal, I lifted my head to seek out his mouth, and he gave me a deep, lingering kiss, his hands stroking my back.

While I remained buried inside him, I pressed my lips to his chest, just above his heart. A tear slipped down my cheek, quickly followed by another, falling to strike his skin.

Gazing up at Jack, I allowed him to see my tears. “Thank you,” I whispered, “for setting me free.”

***

The following day, I noticed Jack studying me while we worked. I knew I looked like hell, for I’d been unable to sleep the night before. Jack might have wondered if I was struggling with feelings of betraying Leah, or remnants of religious guilt. But it was none of those things. No, every time our eyes met, I felt a fierce ache in my chest, for I was already grieving the loss of him.

It was when I offered Jack a large portion of my meal during our lunch that he stood beside my desk and dared to give my cheek a brief caress. “Are you okay?” he whispered.

I took his hand in both of mine and pressed my lips to his palm. Then I looked up to meet his eyes, and I gave him what I hoped was a reassuring smile. “I’m fine, Jack,” I promised. He smiled as well, clearly relieved.

Somehow I managed to appear calm and collected for the entirety of the afternoon, but just beneath the surface, I was practically quaking with anxiety. My stare kept drifting to the clock, and a lump of fear formed in my throat as the hours passed.

Finally five o’ clock arrived, and Jack waited while I let the guards know he would again be working late. Then he quickly went to lock the door and turn off the overhead light. The daylight was fast fading outside, and Jack closed the blinds, casting us in deeper shadows.

When he sought me out, I gently drew him into my lap. “I just want to hold you for a little while,” I whispered, my voice thick with emotion.

“I would love that,” he whispered back, nestling against me. The sound of his deep, even breaths soothed me, and as he wrapped his arms around my neck, resting his head against mine, I closed my eyes and fervently wished for time to stop.

Holding Jack, I fought back my tears, for I didn’t want to upset him. He was utterly relaxed and content in my embrace, and it wasn’t long before I realized that he’d dozed off. I stroked his hair, trying to memorize the feel of those soft strands beneath my fingers. Inhaling deeply, I breathed his scent, never wanting to forget it.

Night had just fallen when Jack lifted his head and gave me a sleepy smile. “Can I stay a little longer before you send me back to my room?” he murmured.

For a long moment I couldn’t speak, as I didn’t trust my voice. “You’re not going back to your room,” I finally managed to say, and his eyes widened with alarm while he watched me blink away my tears. “You’re coming with me.”

Jack quickly sat up, his alarm only growing. “I don’t understand…”

As much as it pained me, I realized I needed to leave him in the dark about my plans. The less he knew right now, the better. I cupped his face in my hands and whispered, “Do you trust me?”

Jack stared at me, his eyes reflecting the agony that I felt. His lips began trembling before he said, “I want to.”

I moved to rise from the chair, and Jack stood with me. “Then come with me,” I told him quietly. “Get your coat.”

I knew there were countless questions he wanted to ask, and I could sense the fear threatening to overpower him. Yet he wordlessly did as I asked, and I put on my coat as well. Then I went to the door and opened it, gesturing for Jack to step outside. His eyes were wide as he searched my face, but he walked past me, his frame rigid with tension. I closed the door behind us, and we left that office for a final time.

The guards were noticeably absent when I led Jack down the hall. It took all my effort to slow my stride so that he wasn’t forced to rush in order to keep up with me, and I noticed him looking around in bewilderment, for he clearly thought we’d be stopped at any moment.

“Where are the guards?” he demanded once we were outside. “What’s going on?” I heard the panic edging his voice.

“There’s no time,” I said, grasping his arm. He didn’t fight me. Instead, he silently allowed me to guide him to my car. In the chilly darkness, my mind raced, for I was already thinking of the next steps I needed to take.

It was only when I opened the passenger door and told Jack to get in that he stopped short. “I don’t understand!” he said, his eyes pleading as they met mine. “Tell me what’s happening!”

I glanced nervously back at the building, then turned to Jack once more, my voice growing more urgent. “Please, Jack, just get in the car,” I said. One mishap could obliterate all the careful plans I’d made, and the longer Jack and I stayed here, the higher the risk that something would go wrong.

Finally Jack climbed into the car, and I hurried around to the driver’s side. I knew it was cruel not to explain what was going on, but there was still a chance we could be apprehended, and I wanted him to be as blameless as possible. Any knowledge I shared would only serve to incriminate him.

Jack didn’t speak as I drove out of the parking lot, careful to keep my speed down. The last thing I wanted to do was attract attention. Glancing at him, I saw that he’d lifted his sleeve and was absently running his fingertips over those scars on his inner arm. My grief was so strong at that moment that I had to look away, fixing my stare on the road ahead once more.

“Where are we going?” Jack finally asked, turning in the seat to face me.

“East,” was all I said.

“Adam,” he began, his voice shaking, “please just give me a chance to fix whatever I’ve done wrong.”

His pleas only increased my anguish, and my grip tightened on the wheel. Drawing in a deep breath, I caught the sharp scent of his fear. Yet I continued driving, my jaw set in grim determination.

“Adam, don’t do this!” Tears grated Jack’s voice, and it was all I could do to keep from pulling over to the side of the road. I ached to take him in my arms, to hold him to me and vow that I’d put a bullet through my head before I ever hurt him.

Instead, I moaned his name, unable to hide my own tears. Then I met his stare and said, “I’m getting you out.”

When I looked back at the road, Jack was silent, clearly too stunned to speak. Minutes passed before he managed to ask, “How?”

“You’ll receive asylum in exchange for information that I’ve provided,” I revealed. “And with your amazing memory, you’ll have plenty of information to share with the authorities as well.”

“But the guards at the facility…” Jack was clearly wondering how we’d simply walked out of the building together.

“Everyone has a price, and everyone can be bought,” I said quietly. “Now, no more questions, Jack. I want you to listen carefully while I explain what you’ll need to do once we reach the border.”

I was taking him to a densely forested area. I’d already memorized the route, and I could only hope the vehicle I drove could navigate the rough roads ahead. “A group will be waiting for us,” I said. “Border guards, as well as the official I contacted about arranging for your asylum.”

Jack sat quietly, absorbing every word I spoke, and glancing over at him, I had to wonder if he was in shock. “Do you understand?” I finally asked. He nodded in response, though he still appeared a bit dazed. I understood his reaction, for my own mind struggled to register that this was actually happening.

“I feel like this is all a dream,” he murmured, gazing out the window as our surroundings grew wooded and sparsely populated. “I keep thinking I’m going to wake up and find myself back in that room.”

“It’s no dream, Jack,” I promised him. “Soon you’ll be free.”

I felt his stare settle on me again. “What about you?” he demanded.

Releasing a heavy sigh, I said, “I’m no innocent, and I’ll face the consequences for what I’ve done.”

“What does that mean?” Jack persisted, again growing nervous.

My smile was full of sorrow as I glanced at him. “No more questions,” I gently repeated.

The dirt road we were traveling soon became little more than a path through forestland. Jack was tense beside me, and I couldn’t stop myself from checking the rearview mirror every few moments, expecting to see headlights advancing upon us.

As we drew closer to our destination, my heart started pounding furiously in my chest, yet I refused to let Jack see how anxious I was. I needed to be strong for him, and I needed to make absolutely certain that he would be safe.

When I finally slowed the car to a stop, Jack looked at me expectantly, and I heard his breathing quicken. I parked the vehicle, turning off the headlights before I cut the engine. Then I nodded toward a single light in the distance. “I want you to get out of the car, put up your hands, and walk slowly toward that light,” I told Jack, my voice low and soft.

The car’s interior lights cast a dim glow over Jack’s face, but even as we sat in semi-darkness, I saw the hope beginning to reveal itself in his eyes. He fixed his stare on that distant illumination which beckoned him to freedom. Then he reached for my hand. “Let’s go,” he urged.

Gently, reluctantly, I withdrew my hand from his. “I’m not coming with you, Jack,” I whispered.

He looked at me again, his eyes widening in shock. “What do you mean, you’re not coming?” he cried.

I realized that he’d always assumed I would defect with him, and that while we’d be separated once we crossed the border and I was taken into custody, I would be by his side as we stepped over that line. I’d done nothing to dissuade him of this belief, for I knew it would have only caused him more anguish if I’d revealed at the start that he’d be making this journey alone.

“I’m going back,” I now told Jack in a choked voice.

“Why the fuck would you do that?” He grabbed my arm, and I could feel the grip of his fingers through my coat sleeve. “They’ll kill you, Adam!”

My smile was bitter as I replied, “That’s what I deserve.”

“No!” Jack shouted. “No, I won’t let you go! You have to come with me!” I knew he was trying to fight his panic, but his eyes were wild, and though he was achingly close to freedom, he looked trapped while holding fast to me.

“Don’t you see?” I went on in the same quiet voice, then looked through the windshield at the waiting light. “There’s nothing for me in that world.”

“There’s nothing for you back there!” Jack began weeping as he clung to me. “I stayed behind before, when my mother was sick, because I couldn’t bear to live alone in a new place. And now you’re trying to leave me!”

A sob escaped my lips as I drew him into my arms and planted a tender kiss on his forehead. “Please, Jack, please get out of the car. You have to leave me behind,” I whispered.

“No, no, no!” he wailed, his grip on me tightening. “I need you, Adam!” He cried so hard that his entire body shook, and tears streamed down my face while I held him.

I felt his anguish as deeply as my own, and I found I couldn’t bear it. Finally I took a deep breath, then lowered my lips to his hair and whispered, “I won’t leave you, I promise.” Jack lifted his head, his eyes desperate as they searched mine, and I managed a smile while I stroked his cheek. “Let’s go,” I told him.

We left the car then, stepping out into the cold, still night. Jack rushed to my side, and together we walked toward the group waiting for us just across the border.

*** Epilogue ***

I was assigned a solitary prison cell, as I was isolated from the general population for my own safety. But my cell was clean and warm, and far better than I deserved. I was grateful for each mercy I received while serving my sentence.

After Jack and I crossed the border, he was granted asylum, and I was arrested. During extensive interviews, he and I readily shared all we knew with authorities. I pleaded guilty to human rights violations and was given a reduced sentence because of my cooperation.

Jack had testified on my behalf, asking that I be shown leniency. I, however, had made no argument in my own defense, for I was fully prepared to accept the sentence I received. My statements detailing the cruelty prisoners were subjected to in my native territory made international headlines, and as a result, the regime was now buckling under crippling sanctions.

Meanwhile, Jack was allowed to visit me at the prison every Saturday. On a beautiful summer morning, I entered the visitation area and saw him sitting at a table, waiting for me. I took a moment to drink in the sight of him, knowing that glimpse would have to hold me over during the long week ahead.

Jack was dressed in business casual, and I figured that despite it being the weekend, he would be heading into work after our visit. He was currently employed by a human rights organization, and I knew from the way he enthusiastically discussed his job that he found a deep purpose and meaning in it.

He’d put on some weight, now appearing far healthier, and he’d also grown a short beard. “You are a sight for sore eyes,” I told him with an affectionate smile after I sat down.

Jack grinned at my words. “And you manage to look downright sexy while wearing a prison uniform,” he remarked.

I knew he’d faced a lot of questions once he made it clear he would remain loyal to me. People suggested that he’d been brainwashed by the regime and that he needed to be deprogrammed now that he was free, but in his quiet, determined way, Jack always insisted that wasn’t the case. “Adam saved my life while risking his own,” he explained to those who couldn’t understand our relationship. “Without him, I wouldn’t be here.”

As we now sat across from each other and chatted, Jack’s eyes were bright, his expression animated. I eagerly listened while he talked about the past week at his job, and as he described a social function he’d attended with colleagues.

“I’m so proud of you, Jack,” I told him.

His gaze grew tender as he regarded me. “I hope you know how happy I am that you chose to come here with me,” he said softly, then reached for my hand. The guard keeping watch chose to overlook the physical contact, pointedly staring in the other direction. “And even if you can never feel the same way about me,” Jack continued, his eyes shining with unshed tears, “I want you to know how much I love you.”

I swallowed hard, my lips trembling as I struggled to hold back my own tears. Yet I smiled and squeezed his hand, feeling happier at that moment than I ever dreamed I could. “I think I fell in love with you the very first time we met, Jack,” I revealed. “That’s why I was determined to keep you close at all costs.” I dared to bring his hand to my lips so I could kiss it. “But you should get on with your new life here,” I forced myself to tell him, as much as it hurt me to do so. “I’ll be serving years in this prison.”

His beautiful smile warmed my entire being. “I’m willing to wait,” he said.

And with those words, Jack revealed not only his love for me, but also his grace as he offered me a path to my own redemption.