FH: Just Found Heaven Ch. 05: Ben AND Sam

A gay story: FH: Just Found Heaven Ch. 05: Ben AND Sam *We are almost at the end! Only one chapter left after this. Hold onto your hats because while there is ZERO knocking boots in this chapter, just like the 4 before it, there’s so much awwww man love and fluff that you may need a box of tissues. Wedding vows and a best man’s speech… all the feels!

*I always appreciate getting feedback! It helps with becoming a better writer and it’s always an ego boost, so feel free to reach out via comment or email. I will always respond, but that’s easier to do if you don’t post anonymously!

* I wrote Halos and Heroes YEARS AGO, for a small publishing house that closed and almost 4 years ago, I completely rewrote it to the length and content level I wanted, and it was received well here. I’d planned an entire series (Finding Home) and I’d also planned to immediately publish the second book, All in Balls Out, but I decided to write a “short” segue leading up to it, because the main characters in that one (Max and Roman), weren’t talking to me clearly. Someone had suggested writing a short, wedding piece to tie into Halos and Heroes so I thought, cool, I can do this! It’ll be short and sweet! Ahem… As any writer knows, characters sometimes decide to write themselves and this story did. It’s taken me a long time to finish because I wrote it on and off, but now it’s done and I can move on to AIBO and other projects as I find time. You should read Halos and Heroes before this because it’ll make the most sense. HOWEVER, it can be read as a standalone in the sense that this story is composed of A LOT of flashbacks from Halos and Heroes, as well as a buttload of new content. That being said…

*This story takes place on Sam and Ben’s wedding day each of the other chapters is told from the POV of each of the other major characters except for this chapter (5) which is divided between Sam and Ben’s POV. If you don’t like multiple viewpoints, or flashbacks, please skip it for your own sanity. FYI, the italicized text between the *** breaks are flashbacks though there seem to be a lot of issues happening with formatting after they get published. I don’t know why but when all of them have been up for a while then I’ll resubmit them all to the Lit team and see if they can sort it out.

*Last time people were upset about chapter length and publishing time, but I can’t control that, folks. My stories are completely finished when I submit to the Lit team, but they’re crazy long chapters generally so it takes a while to get them all approved and published. The last time for Halos and Heroes, it took over a month, maybe 2 if I remember correctly so if you’re one of those folks (like I am) who want to read a story in one sitting, just wait till all the chapters come out to once again, keep yourself sane!

*Although references in this novel may be made to actual places or events, the names, characters, incidents, and locations within are complete works of fiction. They are not a resemblance to actual living or dead persons, businesses, or events. Any similarity is coincidental. I began this series during the Afghanistan war, but I skip around a lot timeline wise in the sense of mentioning movies/songs/events that are sometimes more recent. I try and keep it subtle, but sometimes you might have to suspend belief a bit, so bear with me and my creative license. In an effort to do the United States Army justice, and to show my respect to my country, I have applied all possible efforts to merge fact and fiction to entertain, while portraying the military, and the hardships and achievements of soldiers, with respect, dignity and accuracy to the best of my abilities. It’s my hope that I’ve done you all justice, and that all of the creative licenses taken with this novel are understood to be the efforts of imagination, and not any judgment or disrespect against the U.S. military. Thank you all for your service.

*Finally, to those who have followed and supported me and have been waiting for me to publish something new, I hope you find it worth the wait. Thank you!

FH: Just Found Heaven – Chapter 5 — Sam and Ben (split POV’s)

Sam

“Gone all my life worried about my soul… Brimstone and fire, stories I’ve been told… Then I saw grace right before my eyes… I should break through those gates and fall from the sky… I hate to let you down, hate to let you down, no hate to say it now, hate to say it now, but hm I don’t really care where I go when I die… ‘Cause I just found heaven… You can tell the devil that he’s wasting his time, oh ’cause I just found heaven… Singin’ Halle-, Halle-, Halle-, Halle-, Hallelujah… Singin’ Halle-, Halle-, Halle-, Halle-, Hallelujah, Hallelujah…” (Just Found Heaven–Daughtry)

I’d been sequestered inside the small hallway that led out to the French doors that opened directly out onto the hotel’s beachfront property where the ceremony was being held. The sun was fully risen and its rays were streaming through the crystal-clear panes of glass so brightly that I couldn’t quite make out how everything was set up through the vivid blur, which added to both the anticipation, and to my anxiety. The plan was for Max and I to walk out first, unaccompanied by any music because I’d insisted on that. I was going to have enough to focus on without the sensory addition of music. Ben had opted to walk down to the traditional wedding march, because of course he had. He was undoubtedly eating up every minute of all of this romantic chaos. It’d amuse the fuck out of me later once the whirlwind was over and we could spend a week alone on our honeymoon just enjoying the beginning of our new life together, but right now I was alternating between chewing the inside of my cheek, fidgeting with the sleeves of my suit, and twisting my cufflinks as I waited for Max to arrive from wherever he was so that we could get things moving. I hadn’t seen him since earlier in my room this morning, though Tara had texted me about an hour ago to tell me that she’d found him and that they’d both be here shortly with ‘jingle bells on.’ I believed her, but as the seconds ticked slowly by and a light trickle of perspiration began to pool in the collar of my dress shirt despite the frigid temperature of the air-conditioned hotel, my fidgeting was getting worse.

My tie was saved from being mauled by the arrival of not either of my best friends, but of my older niece who placed a small hand on my back to announce she was there, before she came around to face me. Adelyn grinned at me, looking beautiful, but way too grown up for my protective instincts in her bridesmaid’s dress. The dress was poofy and the hemline brushed the polished wooden floorboards when Addie moved. It also had long sheer sleeves, so all the parts of her that any young male miscreants with healthy hormones might be interested in, were safely concealed. None of that mattered. She was my niece and when I looked at her, I still sometimes saw the little girl that I’d loved from the moment she was born.

Her makeup was tastefully applied; natural looking with flushed cheeks and shiny lips, but none of the heavy black eyeliner she used to wield like warpaint when I’d first come home. She’d also had her hair dyed from its previous onyx black streaked with platinum blonde, back to her natural and much softer, light brown. It brushed her shoulders in soft curls and I was reminded of the night that I’d been her date to the dance where Ben and I’d eventually made up. I’d gotten curls then too, though the hem length on that evening’s dress had hurt my head.

As if she read my mind, Adelyn’s shiny, glossed lips widened into a smile, showing off even white teeth. “You can exhale now, Uncle Sam. I’m all age appropriate,” she teased, her grin getting even wider when I cleared my throat.

Totally caught.

“You look beautiful, Addie. I like your hair.”

Her hands were holding her bouquet so she couldn’t touch her hair the way women of all ages always seemed to when they were given a compliment about a new style, but she tipped her head slightly to one side.

“Thanks. I thought it was time for something different. Tara said that my natural color would be more flattering with the honey highlights.”

“I like it. It’s softer.”

“Softer? As in sweeter? More innocent? As in your sweet, innocent, virgin niece who no longer dates hot guys who have stupidly grabby hands?”

Adelyn’s eyes gleamed with mischief as she deliberately baited me until she got the low growl she was aiming for. I knew that she was a good kid with a decent head on her shoulders who didn’t want our family history to repeat itself because we’d talked about it before. Addie had college dreams and a career in music therapy planned out so her sleeping around wasn’t something that Sofia and I really had to worry about, but that didn’t mean that I liked the idea of teenage boys imagining Addie as anything other than a fresh-faced, sweet, intelligent and yes, virgin , young woman with an extremely protective uncle who knew his way around firearms, and who also had a lot of friends in the local police department.

“Softer, as in pretty, highlighted hair and a hemline and neckline that don’t give me agita.”

Addie giggled. “Mmmm nope, that wardrobe description applies to Tara’s dress which I totally plan to steal from her before she rips it to shreds after she takes it off tonight like she’s been saying. I want to wear it to my senior prom. That’s almost an entire year for you to adjust to all future heart palpitations and agita regarding my neckline and hemline, which in that dress might almost meet in the middle. Maybe I’ll have the seamstress add a slit up the left side so it splits people’s attention between the top and bottom.”

Addie smirked as I eyed her. Tara might not kill me if I got to the dress before Adelyn did and made a bonfire in the backyard.

“You’re going to kill me dead one of these days, kiddo or be responsible for a Lifetime Movie about our family when CSI comes looking for the bodies.”

“Nah, I love Father Ben too much to make him a widower, and he’s friends with a lot of cops anyway so you’d probably be ok.”

My lips twitched. Smartass.

“Though after today, do you think I can start calling him Uncle Ben? Or is that too weird with him being a priest?”

“I don’t think it’s weird at all. Yeah, Ben’s a priest, but in about 20 minutes, he’s also going to be my husband and he’d love to know that you consider him your uncle now. He already considers you and Emma his nieces. He talks birthday and Christmas presents 10 years in advance now, up from the previous 5.”

Adelyn’s smile was as brilliant as the first rays of a morning sunrise. “Good. Emma’s been calling him Uncle Ben all morning whenever his name comes up in conversation. She smiles every single time. It’s almost as cute as the expression you get when you call him your husband. Your face gets sort of twitchy, and you get all mushy eyed.”

I snorted indignantly because I couldn’t deny it without lying.

Adelyn smirked again. “You do, but it’s nice. You deserve to be happy, so I’m glad that you two found each other. Almost as glad as I am that you finally came home,” she added softly.

Her slight smile made a 180 turn from sass to vulnerability and my heart wagged its damn tail just the way it had the first time that she’d admitted that she saw me as more than just the asshole who’d abandoned her, Emma and Sofia for three years. Our relationship had been tumultuous when I’d first returned to Florida, but that night at the hotel, when she’d called me to get me to come home instead of letting me take off again, everything had changed and helped to bring us to this moment….

***

I’d been scrolling through websites for over an hour on my phone, looking for cheap flights from Florida to New Jersey’s Newark Airport, where I planned to have Max’s parents pick me up so I could stay with them for a few weeks and figure out my next steps. The Melone’s had always been more like parents to me than my own and I knew that they’d give me both the space and the support to regroup. I’d found two flights that left for Newark tonight at different times, but I hadn’t pulled the trigger on either one yet even though I knew that leaving Florida to avoid making things worse for everyone I cared about here was probably the smartest thing to do. My head knew that, but my heart kept slamming on the breaks each time that I punched in my credit card information.

For fucks sake,

Max had given me the privacy to wallow in my indecision by leaving me alone while he took a shower. He’d left the bathroom door open so I could catch glimpses of him through the glass shower door if I turned my head the right way. Water streamed down the tight lines of his body, and the silent invitation to join him was as blatant as they came. But we both knew that I wasn’t going to walk in there. Cheating us both out of moving on by playing in the past was out of the question. I loved him too much for that.

I sighed as I let my head thunk back against the headboard, my fingers resting lightly over the keys so that I didn’t accidently hit something that would choose a verdict for me. I was tempted to call Tara to find out how Ben was, but I didn’t feel like I had that right anymore. Not after what I’d done to him and how I’d handled things at the hospital. He’d all but begged me to stay, and I’d still walked away. It was probably the most epic of the many life fuckups I was guilty of and though I desperately wanted to fix things, I didn’t have a clue where to start other than not sleeping with Max. Being with him just because I was scared to be lonely wasn’t enough anymore. I loved my best friend just as much as I loved Ben, but the differences in the ways that I loved them had become glaringly obvious last night.

I sighed again, the sudden growl of my stomach giving me a few minutes to put any decisions off for a little while longer. I hadn’t eaten anything since we’d had breakfast together at the diner down the street this morning while I’d nursed my hangover with an entire pot of black coffee. The headache was better now, but I couldn’t think this hard on an empty stomach so I flipped through the phonebook on the nightstand, looking for a local pizza joint. After placing the order for the ham and pineapple pizza that was Max’s favorite–and a poor apology for the hot and cold act I’d put him through yesterday–I gave the pizzeria the phone number and address to the hotel. Since I’d been told it would be twenty minutes or so before the order was ready, I was caught off guard by the ringing of my cell about five minutes later. Thinking that the delivery guy was lost and calling for directions, I answered without looking at the caller I.D.

“Trammel.”

“Uncle Sam?”

I blinked at the familiar feminine voice that was probably one of the last I’d ever have expected to hear on the other end of the line. “Adelyn?”

“Yeah, it’s me… Are you okay?”

The hesitancy in her tone, combined with the question set an immediate mood to the conversation. I glanced over at the bathroom doorway before I got up to move away from the background noise of the shower to one of the overstuffed armchairs by the window.

“Yeah, sweetheart, I’m fine.”

“Are you sure? You’re not hurt?”

“No, I’m not hurt,” I said. “Why are you asking?”

Her voice was soft, devoid of its usual teenage sass. “I know something bad happened between you and Father Ben yesterday. I was the one that opened the door when he and Tara came to the house to see if you were with us…” There was a long pause and I could feel her anxiety even over the line. “Did…did you do that to his face?”

Ever since I’d landed in Florida, I’d sworn to Adelyn that I’d never hurt her or her family, and now Ben was living proof that I’d broken my promise. Clearing my throat made only a marginal change in the rasp of my voice.

“Yeah, Addie, I did.”

I didn’t try and explain the nightmares or the PTSD. I’d tried so hard to hide my trauma from my family, to keep it all together by denying it even to myself for months, but none of that mattered now that I’d confirmed to my niece that I really was the monster under the bed.

Adelyn was quiet for so long that I was convinced she’d hung up on me, but then her soft voice came over the line again.

“Mami sent me and Emma upstairs, but I came back down to listen, and Father Ben was talking to Mami and Tara in the kitchen. He was so upset, Uncle Sam. He kept saying that what happened to him was an accident, but that you blamed yourself, and he was afraid that you’d do something stupid… The way he was talking…I thought you were never going to come home again…”

I was expecting rage, confusion, anything other than the tears suddenly thickening her voice that made my heart break. I’d stayed away from Florida for three years because I’d allowed Connor to get into my head, and make me believe I was protecting my family by not being an active part of their lives. Leaving that hospital room yesterday, I’d told myself the same thing. In neither scenario had walking away turned out well for me. The hitch in my niece’s soft breathing didn’t point toward the third time being any kind of charm.

“I’m sorry I scared you, Addie. I should’ve called to let you know I was okay. I’m with Max.”

“I know. He called Tara while they were all still in the kitchen. I heard her tell Mami and Father Ben that you were with him and safe.” She paused and then said, “I know about your PTSD, Uncle Sam.”

I couldn’t stop the immediate stiffening of my spine. My denial died on my lips when she added, “And don’t try to lie to me about it because you think you’re protecting me. I’m not some dumb kid.”

There was a hint of the old brass in her voice though her pitch was still soft. I pressed down hard along the bridge of my nose. “Who told you I had PTSD?”

“Father Ben. He heard me moving around outside the kitchen and asked Mami if he could speak to me alone. She said it was okay so we sat in the living room and talked. He doesn’t treat me like a kid so he told me that what happened… That you flipped out after you had a nightmare because you have PTSD. I’ve heard about that on the news and stuff, but didn’t know all the details so he let me Google it on my phone, and then we just talked…”

I closed my eyes because I could hear her crying now and in all the time that I’d been back, I’d never seen or heard Adelyn break down like this, not even when she’d admitted how torn up her emotions were regarding Connor. Hearing those tears now, tore my fucking heart out.

“I.. I saw Father Ben’s face when I opened that door, and all I could think was that you lied to me, to all of us, and that you were just like Dad after all. But when Father Ben talked to me in the living room, he wasn’t mad at you at all. He was just sad and said you might leave again because you were scared, and that you’d rather let us hate you for that than accidentally hurt us, because you love us that much. Is that true?”

“Of course, I love you all, Addie, but it’s complicated–”

Her exhale rattled nosily over the line as she cut me off. “Stop it! You said that life is all about choices and that sometimes yours have sucked. If you leave us again, that’s going to be the suckiest one.”

“Adelyn…”

Words failed me but she filled in the blanks, her voice soft, but confident when she said, “You’re nothing like Dad was. I don’t know what he did to make you stay away, but I know now that you were trying to protect us. But you don’t have to. We love, and trust you. I trust you… Please come home, Uncle Sam.”

I’d returned to Florida to right the wrongs that Connor and I’d committed, and had kept up a stoic face in front of my nieces and Sofia, wanting to present myself as a strong figure they could rely on. I’d been so caught up in doing the right thing, that I hadn’t realized I’d already reached that goal. They’d given me their love, but it took that gently voiced forgiveness from Adelyn to help me see it. My family needed me, but I needed them just as much. Maybe more.

I couldn’t answer for a long moment. When I did, my voice was rough. “I love you, Addie.”

“I know, so I expect to see you tonight. I’m going to go now. Tell Uncle Max I said bye.”

Adelyn disconnected the call as Max came out of the bathroom and smiled at me. It wasn’t the smile of a happy man, but he didn’t look angry either when he leaned in and kissed me lightly. He pulled back first, and the next kiss he pressed against my wrist lingered long after he watched me exit out of the fight reservation screen.

***

Adelyn’s smile was slightly lopsided, and I gently goosed her ribs to get her to yelp, and release the nibbling hold she had on her lower lip.

“You’re going to ruin your lip gloss,” I said, trying to keep things light, but even I could hear the emotion making my voice slightly rough. “And I’m glad I came home too. I’m even happier that I finally found the balls to fight for what I’ve wanted my entire life.”

“Love everlasting with a kinda-hot priest?”

I ignored the tease and instead leaned over to press a kiss to the top of Adelyn’s head. She was wearing heels so I didn’t have to bend quite as much as I normally did to get my 6’4 frame down to her 5’5 one.

“Cute, but no. Try a happy, fulfilling life with you, Emma, and your mom. A life with the family that I thank God for every day. You all saved me, but especially you, Addie. I know I’ve never told you that, but when you called me that night when everything went sideways, it changed everything for me because of all the people I’d failed, you were the one who I needed to make it right with the most.”

She blinked owlishly at me, her eyes looking larger than normal because of how they were framed by long lashes that I knew were fake only because she and Sofia had talked about it the night before in the kitchen while I’d pretended to be deaf as I’d watched Doc McStuffins with Emma in the living room. The extensions made her already delicate features more doll-like and those protective instincts welled up in me again. She might be looking at boys with a PG-13 rated imagination, but that didn’t mean that train of thought was one that the boys would also be jumping on. I’d have to track down Cayden later because I knew that he, along with some of the other kids from Maplewood would be at the wedding. I’d encouraged his friendship with Adelyn over the past year because like her, he was a good kid who’d needed a friend. He was also a former Marine and queer as a Spring parade, so I knew that even if I wasn’t around to protect her, Addie would be safe with him in the event that any other adolescent male miscreants ever decided to get bright ideas that would exasperate my agita and make me start looking up endangered plant species that were protected by environmental laws prohibiting any damage done to them, including being dug up so that I could plant them over any bodies I had to bury.

“Why?”

I blinked as Adelyn’s voice cut into my thoughts, then smiled at her. “Because I loved you from the moment that your mom trusted me enough to put you into my arms in her hospital room after you were born. Giving you back to the nurse was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, because from that moment I knew that I’d do anything in my power to protect you. I swore to myself that I’d never let anything or anyone hurt you and then… I was the one who broke your heart…” I didn’t even try and macho away the emotion in my voice away this time because I’d needed to admit that for years and Addie deserved to hear it.

For a moment she didn’t say anything, just looked at me with a slightly wide-eyed, almost dazed expression, but then her eyes got that telltale glassy-eyed sheen and I gently goosed her again. “If you start to cry, I will too and my street cred will be completely shot, so let’s raincheck those tears for our next Taco Tuesday and we can blame them on the onions we chop.”

Adelyn blinked, but then grinned as she freed her right hand from her bouquet to wipe carefully at the corner of her eyes with her thumb. “You’re suuuuuuuch a dork, Uncle Sam.”

“Yeah well, it’s one of my few marketable qualities. Girl Scout troops led by awkward uncles sell a lot of cookies.”

“You sell a lot of cookies because the single moms of those Girl Scouts think you’re hot and buying your cookies is as close to your goodies as they can get since you’re gayer than half of the Glee cast, on and off camera.”

Adelyn laughed at my scandalized look. Little shit.

“Oh, come on!”

“What?! You really think that any of those women need that many Samoa or Thin Mint cookies when they’re all like a size negative zero in their uber expensive gym leggings? Haven’t you ever wondered why Father Ben reallllly heavily suggested that you guys set up shop outside of the church where he can just randomly pop out to say hi?”

She grinned again and it was so genuine that I didn’t care that it was at my expense, or that my ears were probably turning red. After everything we’d all been through, I could handle some teasing from a teenager.

“Such a badass, but suuuuch a dork,” she said again, her smile fond as she patted my arm soothingly.

I was just about to tug gently on one of her perfectly coifed curls just to get the typical teenage girl, ‘OMG nooooo’ reaction as a bit of payback, but Max’s voice cut into my scheming.

“Who’s the dork in question?”

“Uncle Sam,” Adelyn said, without missing a beat as she moved to hug Max, unwittingly saving her hairstyle, though I’d probably only have rumpled one curl. Every other female in my life would’ve made Ben a widower before he became a husband if I’d done more than that.

“Hi Uncle Max.”

“Hey sweetness. Your Uncle Sam is undoubtedly a dork, but the best kind; the kind that will sorta lurk awkwardly in the furthest corner of the room during a party when he has chaperone duties, but at least he won’t try and get out on the dance floor to shake his spazzy groove thing. That’s a plus.”

Max grinned at me, ignoring my discreet flip off behind Adelyn’s head. “You look beautiful Addie-cat. More and more like your mama every day, which means your uncle Sam is probably secretly having kittens daily. Just stay away from pink lace numbers with any cutouts.”

That reference to a particular outfit from Sofia’s teenage years thankfully went right over Adelyn’s head, though Max did a smooth side step to escape the palm of my hand which had been aiming for the back of his head. Sofia would’ve done worse if she’d been there, but she was a nurse and Max was a doctor so between the two of them they could’ve probably sewn his dick back on after she tore it off.

“Thanks Uncle Max. You look pretty hot. I bet you’re going to end up in the middle of a drunk freak circle of lonely singles tonight.”

“That’s a given, but it doesn’t mean I may not need an out, so feel free to save your favorite uncle by cutting in to drop the rating to PG 13. Extra points if you drag Emma with you. My two favorite girls will keep the wildest ones at bay.”

She and Max grinned at one another and he took his life in his hands by gently tugging just the end of one of her curls. He earned himself a smile instead of the indignation I would’ve gotten. Addie had a soft spot for Max, who’d been a part of her family for as long as she and Emma had been alive. He’d been a constant for Sofia and her girls even when I’d been an absentee uncle for those three years. I’d dropped the ball, but Max had stayed in the game. I’d always assumed that he’d done it mostly for my benefit like a lot of the things he did were, including taking such an ass backwards stance on our previous romantic relationship. Telling me he loved me only after I was with Ben because he’d been afraid to give us a shot, would’ve been on trend with so many of the recent romantic dramas with an unhappy ending that Sofia and Adelyn made me watch, but it hurt my heart. I’d always known that Max cared about me more than he did anyone else, but he’d always walked away every single time that I’d wanted him to stay. When Ben had come along, I’d realized that what Max and I’d had just wasn’t enough. He hadn’t been able to be what I needed, not like Ben was, but then again…

I paused as a sudden thought came to me with an almost physically sharp clarity as I watched Max teasing Adelyn about looking like a cake topper in her dress and laughing when she’d tried to pinch him. Their movements were completely natural, comfortable like family because shit, they were family. Max loved me and if I’d chosen him instead of Ben, he’d have stayed close with them. That was a given. But, we weren’t together now and he was still here… More loyal than fucking Lassie and stubborn as Emma when she was ready to throw down in a snit. He’d picked up the hero slack when I couldn’t and I’d never acknowledged it because I honestly hadn’t consciously noticed it.

Max had been part of my world for entire teenage life till now so his acceptance of and affection for my family had always just been there like it still was now was even though there was occasionally an awkward tension between us that we both pretended not to see. But when Addie had called Max this past June because she needed a ride home after her designated driver got wasted, Max hadn’t hesitated to go and get her even though he’d been on a date at the time and could’ve easily called me or Ben since were home with Emma while Sofia was at work.

He’d just dropped everything the way I would’ve because, as he teasingly told us later, she was the only girl he’d leave a hot boy for. Making light of moments like that had always been Max’s MO, just like when he’d stepped in to help Emma after she’d flubbed the steps to the routine at her dance recital earlier this month. Max had been backstage with her dance teacher–who he’d been sleeping with casually at the time– and when Emma froze and just stared doe-eyed at her co-dance teacher standing in front of the stage to help the kids with directions, Max had gotten out on stage to do every step of the overly complicated routine with her and the other little girls.

He’d learned the steps by practicing them with Emma when he spent time at Sofia’s for game nights with me, Ben and the girls, and the connection had shown when he’d twirled Emma around for the finale. Her face had lit up and he probably could easily have gotten laid by the dance teacher of any other single parent in the audience for playing hero, but instead, he’d helped to pack Emma into my SUV after the show and we’d all gone out for pizza. Some of the other families had met us there. Emma got extra cheese and the coveted place of honor on his lap as Max entertained his giggling court of first grade groupies.

My lips quirked slightly. Max wasn’t incapable of unconditional love or devotion. He’d always given it to my family and to me. I just hadn’t seen it because it hadn’t been what I needed, though I hadn’t seen that at the time. I’d always told myself that I hadn’t had the balls to call Max out on his bullshit romantic dysfunction because I’d been afraid that if I pushed him too hard, or actually flat out told him what I wanted with blunt words that couldn’t be misinterpreted or ignored instead of tiptoeing around my feelings which I’d felt should’ve been obvious, that Max would walk away from me permanently. Watching him goofing off with Adelyn now, the same way he did with Sofia, Emma and me, brought new stupidly obvious clarity on the heels of hindsight and put a 20/20 floodlight on our past relationship to highlight how fucking ridiculous those fears had been. Walking away from me would’ve also meant walking away from the people that Max considered his family too. He’d never have done that. I should’ve known that.

I felt my expression softening slightly. As much as Max may have hurt me by not being able to man up and act in a way that would’ve let me know exactly how he felt, I’d also let him down by never being truly transparent with him either…

In the hospital in Afghanistan, I’d told him that I’d be willing to out myself for him, but I’d also been traumatized and high as fuck at the time and hadn’t let him say anything back. I was the one who’d told him that it wouldn’t mean anything if he said it then and there, but maybe it would’ve. We’d never know and even though Max could’ve tried again the next day, so could I, and neither of us had. That night in the hotel when I’d wanted to go bare, I’d told Max that I loved him, but I didn’t tell him that he was being a jackass when he made a joke instead of telling me exactly what I knew he’d felt in that moment. I should’ve challenged him like I always did about every other fucking thing we disagreed about because I’d never been submissive about anything else with him, or any other partner. Now that I was reflecting on our relationship backwards from where we were now, I realized that I hadn’t ever fought for Max in the same way that I was willing to fight for Ben…

As I watched Max teasing Adelyn about her lash extensions by batting his own short lashes, I was seized with a new sense of determination to push harder at doing my part to get us past our current awkward situation than I had with our failed romance. We couldn’t go back to the way things had been, but we could find a new normal as the friends and family we still were, because the girls and Sofia needed him as much as I did. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but I’d learned how hard I could fight for something that mattered past my military sense of loyalty by being with Ben. Max would benefit from that though, because it was my turn to take the lead and be his hero the way he’d always tried to be mine both in the past and now. I knew how hard it was going to be for him to walk me down that flower covered runner on the beach only to step aside for Ben, but he’d do it because our bond had survived all these years not because of romantic love, but because we gave a shit about each other’s entire worlds, not just the parts we played in them. His being here meant everything and he deserved to know that.

“Hey,” I said, keeping it general so that both Adelyn and Max stopped their silly verbal sparring and looked at me. “I have a favor to ask. A big one.”

Max looked at me curiously then grinned. “How big are we talking Sam, because a getaway car covered with rubbers and the words ‘Just Married’ scrawled on the trunk isn’t exactly subtle.”

He waggled his eyebrows and I chuckled. “I still have every intention of making my way down the aisle. I was just wondering if you wouldn’t mind trading places with Addie, and walk down with Sofia instead. Let Addie be the one to give me away?”

Max looked just as surprised at Adelyn did, but when she said, “what?” Max was silent. He held my gaze for a long moment, but instead of anger or confusion, I saw what I’d been hoping for; the slightest softening of his expression into grateful relief. He couldn’t have known my thought process to getting us to this point, but we were alike in so many ways that he’d probably had a similar idea pop into his own head at least once.

“Sure,” he said, not missing a beat. “But I still get to do the best man speech because there is way too much quality material in there not to share.” His words were teasing, but his eyes expressed a silent thank you before he turned to Adelyn and tugged on her hair again.

“Alright Addie-Cat, he’s all yours. Make sure that he keeps his chin up so the photographers get his face instead of the top of his head when he gets shy because there’s like a million people out there. You know your Uncle Sam gets squirmy, so feel free to hold his hand and let him hold your bouquet. Gives him something to fidget with. It also really helps with the whole man-bride image.”

Max ducked out of my reach again as he and Adelyn both laughed. I started to add a flip off as a consolation prize, but ended up wrapped in his abrupt embrace instead. Max hugged me hard, briefly, just long enough to murmur against my ear, “Go get him.”

Max winked at me more for Adelyn’s benefit than mine when she made aww sounds that dissolved into loud indignation when Max bussed her cheek with a smacking kiss, protesting that he was going to smudge her makeup. Apparently, ruined makeup was in a different category than mussed hair, and a line that not even Max was allowed to cross. He grinned at her unabashed, and blew her a second kiss before disappearing to find Sofia and tell her about the change in plans.

Adelyn shook her head. “He’s another dork.”

“Yes, yes he is,” I agreed and she smiled before she threatened her lip gloss by trapping her lower lip between her upper row of teeth again.

“You really want me to be the one to walk you down the aisle instead of Uncle Max?”

“Yes.”

“Ok…but why? Uncle Max is your best friend.”

“He is, but like I said earlier, you’re the reason that I’m even here. I came back because you asked me to, not because anyone else did. You helped me to see all of the reasons that I had to stay, including our family and Ben. If it weren’t for you, none of us would be here today. You wouldn’t be getting another uncle and I wouldn’t be marrying the only man who gets me even when I’m at my absolute dorkiest.”

Adelyn released her lower lip and smiled at me. “Ok…but only if you return the favor one day.”

“Baby, I’ll be there with bells on, though those bells will remain in storage for at least another decade, or at least until I can find a second storage bin big enough to hide a body in if your one-day-that’s-far-far-away-forever guy messes up and breaks your heart in any way.”

Adelyn giggled and I found myself briefly engulfed in a cloud of some overly sweet perfume and the scent of hairspray as she hugged me. I hugged her back, secretly and stupidly delighted that I had to be the one to break the embrace first for once when Father O’Brien suddenly appeared to tell us it was time for the ceremony to begin. He gave us a thumbs up and a grin before he opened the French doors and headed out to the beach.

With the doors open, my eyes adjusted to the sunlight within a few minutes and I took in the sea of white chairs bracketing every inch of either side of what looked like a ridiculously long bamboo runner. Guests were standing up behind the chairs too and I recognized people from every aspect of my life including work, the police precinct Ben sometimes did fund raising work with for Maplewood, and people I’d grown close to in my grief support group. Rows upon rows of people who had all shown up to validate Ben and I as a couple.

I swallowed around the sudden emotion in my throat, distracted only when I felt the soft petals of the flowers in Adelyn’s bouquet as she pressed it into my left hand with a grin. Then she took my right hand in her now empty left, the right loose at her side. I eyed her sideways and she grinned wider as she squeezed my hand.

“You got this Uncle Sam and Uncle Max was right–the bouquet does finish off the look.”

I didn’t have time to protest that indignity because Adelyn stepped outside into the sunshine, and dragged me along for a few seconds like a toy duck on a string until I fell into step beside her. I’d been worried about sinking into the sand, but whomever had thought of the bamboo runner had obviously planned a beach wedding before because it kept a relatively stable surface for Adelyn and I to glide down as everyone who’d been seated stood to watch our progress with wide smiles. I managed to keep my head up like Max had suggested, though I didn’t look side to side because I just wanted to make it up to the elegant, arched wooden trellis that was draped in evergreen branches and twinkling white Christmas lights that miraculously showed even in the sun.

Father O’Brien was waiting at the front, right in the center of the archway. His smile was bright as we approached and he gestured for us to stand in the places that had been pointed out for us during the wedding rehearsal last night. Adelyn kissed my cheek and took her bouquet back with another grin and a gleeful thumbs up that drew laughter from the watching audience before she took her new place as my best person at my left. I rolled my eyes then turned to face forward so I was looking straight down the length of the bamboo runner. Standing at quiet attention with my shoulders back and my arms crossed in front of my body was a stance I’d learned in the military so it felt comfortable. That was the easy part. Not giving in to a panic attack before Ben got here was the harder part.

I inhaled slowly, breathing in the salty brine of the ocean air before I focused my attention down the length of the aisle when soft, instrumental music that thankfully had nothing to do with the movie Frozen, began to play to announce the rest of the bridal party’s descent. Sofia and Max walked down together, both of them smiling and relaxed, unlike my own stiff entry. When they got to the end, Sofia slid her arm out of Max’s and leaned in to brush a kiss across my cheek before she stood on what would be Ben’s side of the archway so that Max could stand beside Adelyn.

There’d been plenty of camera flashes going off both when I’d walked down the aisle with Addie and then again when Max had walked with Sofia, but when Emma appeared like a miniature version of her mother and sister in her puffy, silver and blue flower girl dress, the clicking of cameras and occasional camera phone flashes started going off like the paparazzi had infiltrated the wedding ceremony. I didn’t think that paparazzi photographers would ever use as many awws as our wedding guests did, but I couldn’t blame them. Emma knew how to play to her audience as she sprinkled blue and white rose petals with abandon. Her giant wicker basket looked like it’d be more appropriate for summer picnics than flower girl duties at a beachside wedding, but she’d repeatedly told Ben and I that she’d been afraid that she’d run out petals before reaching the wedding arch, so Ben and I had found the largest basket we could that wasn’t too big for her to hold.

It might’ve been just a touch too unwieldy with all the flower petals in it though, because occasionally Emma swayed a little side to side after throwing a handful of petals like she was off balance. Then again, some of the weight might’ve come from the giant, crystal encrusted silver bow that hid almost the entire top of her head. Beneath the sunlight, the crystals sparkled, giving the impression of a halo resting on top of her thick dark hair that was loose beneath, falling all the way to the other bow at the waist of her dress instead of being restricted in its usual thick twin braids. That definitely added to the aww factor and I grinned when our eyes met and she dropped her basket to one side of the bamboo runner. I could see that there were still plenty of petals in it, but Emma was suddenly more interested in sprinting toward me to close the short gap between us. I caught her just as her sandaled feet left the sand when she jumped up, swinging her securely up onto my left hip.

We were immediately bombarded by more sounds of amused sentiment and the blinding fury of camera clicks from the guests as well as the photographers when Emma wrapped her arms around my neck. Had it been cloudy out or evening dark, we’d be blind from the camera flashes by now, but Emma was oblivious as she announced, “You were right, Uncle Sam. I didn’t run out!”

I chuckled and brushed a kiss across her temple, some of my tension released because even if today was a life-changing milestone, some things would always stay the same. One of those things was that Emma was always going to be one of the few people who could cement me into the current moment so that I could appreciate every second of it.

“You sure didn’t, though you did a great job.”

“Uh huh I know. Now Aunt Tara and Uncle Ben won’t get lost when they walk down here to you. There’s A LOT of flower petals.”

That was the understatement of the year, I thought with a grin, as I briefly looked over the sea of blue and white before my attention returned to Emma when she leaned in to cup a small hand by my ear so that she could whisper into it.

“It’s ok if I call him Uncle Ben now, right?”

I grinned again. “Yep. As soon as we finish up here, you can call him Uncle Ben every single time you see him.”

Her eyes widened behind her floral framed glasses. “Really?”

“Yes ma’am. Just have to get through the ‘I Do’s and the kissing.’ ”

Emma giggled because unlike most little boys, myself included when I’d been her age, kissing didn’t make the average little girl throw up in her own mouth. They were all about hearts and romance.

“OK Uncle Sam. Can I stay here with you until Uncle Ben gets here. I’ll hold his place for him.”

My lips twitched just short of a smile. “Sure kiddo,” I said, discreetly waving the hand not supporting her weight, at my hip in Sofia’s direction to let her know that she didn’t need to swoop in and relive me of my niece just yet. It would make for good photos and Ben would get a kick out of Emma ‘holding his place for him’ until he showed up.

We high-fived to more laughter, though it died down as soon as the first notes of the wedding march came on through the speakers discreetly situated behind small potted evergreen trees by the hotel’s French doors and the trellis. I barely registered Emma’s stage whisper of, “There he is, Uncle Sam,” because all of my attention was on Ben.

I’d known that Ben was going to be wearing a twin of my own suit all the way down to the rose and crystal boutonniere in his jacket lapel, but knowing what he’d probably look like, paled in comparison to the reality. Ben’s hair was freshly cut and styled neatly, but he’d left the faint 5 o’clock shadow that he knew I preferred on him. It always added a sexy appeal to his handsome features, but right now it also helped add a very visual level of completely self-confident masculinity despite the fact that he was holding a small bouquet similar to Adelyn’s. My eyebrow arched when I realized that it couldn’t be Tara’s, because she also had one in the hand that wasn’t tucked into Ben’s arm.

I grinned, not only because that meant that someone had decided that Ben was definitely ‘the bride’ in our scenario, but because looking at the flowers in Tara’s hand meant that my attention inevitably went from her hand, up to her arm and then higher until our eyes met when she and Ben were close enough for me to make out their features. Tara looked beautiful in the dress that was ridiculously close to the one that the iconic Disney princess wore. It was probably the envy of every little girl her. She was the perfect blonde arm candy to offset Ben’s dark good looks, but her radiant smile had a very specific message for me laced through it; she was going to kill us all.

Ben’s smile however, was wide and open. For a brief moment earlier today when I’d been talking to Max, I’d fallen into old patterns and been worried that I might not be enough for Ben. That he deserved better than my baggage. But, seeing his warm smile now was all the proof I needed that I’d been stupid to entertain even a moment of uncertainty. As soon as our eyes met, the rest of the world just faded away until he was finally close enough for him to take my hand once I’d handed Emma off to Sofia after my niece and Ben had fist bumped like they always did when they saw one another.

“You made it,” I murmured.

“So did you. I was wondering if I’d have to have someone put out an APB for you.”

“That wouldn’t have been too difficult considering we have most of the local precinct here along with a whole lot of other people.A lot of other people.”

“A lot of other people who are all here because they care about both of us and are as happy as I am that I finally wore you down.”

“Hey, persistence usually pays off and at least you can say that with as many times as I made you run with me that–”

“After you,” Ben interrupted, his grin both impish and lazily satisfied. My own lips twitched when everyone up there with us within ear reach snickered, including Father O’Brien. All of the people in our inner circle knew exactly how hard Ben had worked to wear down my walls of emotional dysfunction.

“Well, at least you can say that with as many times as I made you run after me, that you’re in the best shape of your life to pose for the photographers who seem to share some genetics with both the paparazzi and ninjas.”

Even when everyone who could hear our exchange laughed, I could still pick out the sound of Ben’s mellow laughter as clearly as if he and I were the only ones on the beach. I guess that’s what poets and songwriters always talked about when they said you could be in a crowd, yet not notice anyone there except the one person who mattered to you. I’d always thought that a cliché, but right now, I was living proof it was true.

“I love you,” I said quietly, even though I knew that I was technically getting ahead of myself according to the itinerary of the ceremony that our wedding planner had gone over with us last night. She’d been very specific about how events should unfold from how everyone walked down the aisle, to each part of the ceremony, including the ‘sweet memory moments,’ as she called them. Moments that were supposed to come before our vows and of course our first kiss as husband and husband afterward. But considering that I’d already thrown her carefully planned agenda out of the window by having Addie give me away and pairing Sofia with Max, I considered this a minor infraction.

Regardless of whether it was technically the right time for me to express how I felt about Ben or not, I just needed to say it right here right now, because I’d never meant it more and he needed to know that it came from my heart and soul, not just at the appropriate moment after a carefully scripted vow. As if he knew what I was thinking, Ben smiled and leaned forward to steal a quick kiss that brought amused protest from both the guests in our audience as well as Father O’Brien, though he was grinning from ear to ear. I knew how close he and Ben were, so I was glad that he approved.

“This is what happens when you have two priests at one wedding,” he announced, evoking more laughter from the audience as Ben pulled back and winked at me before grinning at his friend. “I love to see all this expression of love, but since you technically can’t marry yourself, Ben, can you let me have the stage here for a few moments?”

Father O’Brien grinned when Ben moved one hand away from mine long enough to tug gently on his tie to show that he wasn’t wearing his collar. I smirked, muttering beneath my breath for Ben to stop being a smartass toward a man of God because we weren’t dressed for fire and brimstone. Ben just winked at me in response, then curled his hands over mine again as Father O’Brien smiled at us then looked over the guests.

“I offer a warm welcome to all those here today serving as witnesses to the joining of Samuel Trammell and Benjamin Santiago in marriage. To be present during this exchange of vows signifies your importance to them. Thank you for supporting them on this most important occasion. Today we gather in celebration of love in its truest sense. Love is a universal and immeasurable gift given between and enjoyed by two people who have deepened their relationship beyond that of casual friendship. Love is special and deserves to be celebrated. No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family. After entering a marital union, two people become something greater than they were before. Today, Sam and Ben will promise to become that something greater together than they were apart in the eyes of the law, and in the eyes of God in His grace.”

He paused to look Ben and me with a warm smile. “Sam and Ben, understand that marriage is never to be entered into lightly, but thoughtfully and with a deep respect to this commitment. This is the moment when your hearts and souls will be joined as one to face together all that you encounter from this day forward. As this part of your journey begins, I’d ask that you both remind yourselves often of the love that brought you here today.”

My mouth suddenly went dry because we’d rehearsed all of this last night and I knew what part came next even before Father O’Brien told our audience that it was time for Ben and I to exchange our wedding vows. I swallowed hard, then exhaled slowly. Telling Ben how I felt about him had been difficult the first time and even though it’d gotten easier over the past year and a half, doing it in public like this was going to be a first and that came with its own set of jitters. But, I forced them down by exhaling slowly again and nodding slightly in response to Ben’s questioningly arched brow so that he knew I was alright. I’d asked to say my vows first when we were planning out the ceremony. I’d joked that it was because I didn’t want to be upstaged by whatever grand fairy tale saga Ben planned to tell. That was mostly true, but I’d also wanted to go first because it meant that I could lay my heart out on the table and then just wait for Ben to come scoop it up and tuck it into his pocket for safekeeping like he always did.

I glanced up at Father O’Brien who nodded after he handed me the microphone that he’d been using. I’d have preferred not to use one, but even though the sound of the ocean was soothing, the crashing of the waves against the shore, combined with the sea breeze made enough background noise that it would’ve drowned out our voices and kept our guests from hearing us. And if I was going to do this, I was going to do it right.

Ben’s hand gently squeezed the one he was still holding and that one small gesture settled me. I’d been the one who’d suggested that we write our own vows, much to Ben’s surprise. He’d said that he was happy with us following the traditional format because it could help truncate the ceremony time, but putting our own thoughts on paper had been the only thing that I’d been insistent about other than walking down the aisle without music and wearing a suit, not my dress blues. I might suck at expressing how I felt at telling Ben just how much he meant to me, but that didn’t mean that he and everyone else coming out today to support us didn’t need to hear me say it.

“So,” I finally said, trying for a calm tone, “I asked to go first because I’m not good at big emotional displays and I knew that whatever I came up with would never stand up against whatever Ben is planning to say as soon as I’m done. We all know that he loves romantic gestures almost as much as he loves Spanish soap operas.” I paused as my comment earned chuckles from both the members of our wedding party and the other guests. I waited them out, encouraged by Ben’s unabashed grin. “Unfortunately, I don’t have a lot of experience with happily ever afters. My parents missed the mark by a long shot and my relationship with my brother Connor was always complicated even though I love his wife and daughters, so to me, love always fell into two categories; love of family and love of country. Because I did and still do have a family that I love. It’s made up of everyone I willingly chose and I’m happy that they’re all here with me today. I was also happy being a member of the U.S. Military and protecting this country and its people. They make sense. Those were the only two categories that ever really made sense to me.” I paused for a moment when Ben’s gaze shifted ever so slightly from my face to the left, like he was trying to look over my shoulder. I knew who he was looking at and it wasn’t Adelyn.

I squeezed his hand gently to recapture his attention, my smile warm and steady. It was rare when Ben was insecure, so even though I knew that the impulsively ad-libbed lines that I was about to add to my carefully scripted vows might hurt Max, Ben needed to hear them.

“No one else ever encouraged me to think about a life past the present moment. I never really considered marriage, or having my own family until you came into my life. Now, I’m looking forward to my nieces having a cousin to play with in the near future and growing old with you as my partner.”

I smiled slightly and Ben’s expression softened as he gently squeezed my microphone free hand.

“You changed everything for me when I met you at the absolute worst time in my life. My world had been flung sideways and I couldn’t figure out a way up. You found me though and once you grabbed my hand, you didn’t let go until I finally got my footing to help me find a different path than the one that I’d been on before. One that led me to a new category under that love umbrella.” I paused again before adding, “Forever.”

I murmured that part, targeting Ben’s ears even though the microphone amplified my words for everyone. Ben’s eyes were suspiciously shiny though his smile was radiant. That fleeting moment of uncertainty when he’d looked in Max’s direction was gone. This was the first time that he was hearing these words because we hadn’t shared our vows during the rehearsal dinner. It was also the most that I’d ever spoken in public about anything this sentimental. “Although, if I’m completely honest, having someone so invested in taking the time to get me to accept their love also scared the piss out of me. So, I tried to run. Fast. Like really really fast”.

Ben arched an amused eyebrow, then laughed along with everyone else. I offered him a grin that I knew was probably goofily lopsided. This much self-revelation was embarrassing and awkward as fuck, but Ben was worth it. He’d always been worth it and now we were both playing for keeps.

“But you caught me every single time because you committed to not letting me get in my own way. You never let me go wander too far and if I started to, you’d just tug on that rope before I could hang myself with it and keep pulling till I found my way home to you.” I paused to swallow hard around the sudden lump in my throat even though the microphone would pick up on the subtle sound. “The military taught me about love, loyalty, honor and respect through obedience because it was expected. You’re the person who made me see and believe that love, honor and even obedience don’t have to be given, but when they are, when you’re able to so completely submit to someone else that you know longer know where you start and where they end because you trust that person, your person that much… well, it’s everything.”

There was another paragraph written on the note cards that I’d left in my top dresser drawer at home after I’d memorized them, but the expression on Ben’s face made me decide to end my vows there because nothing else that I could possibly say would be able to drop the mic like that had. Ben could read between the lines of my words. He’d told me once that everyone has three lives; Public, private and secret. To the public, my vows were a display of commitment to a man who was worthy of it. In private, they were an intimate and sensual love song. My secret life was a perfectly blended combination of both those things, plus the fact that before Ben, I’d never been able to truly relinquish my strict, military ingrained sense of control, or submit to anyone else so that they’d had complete power over both my mind and body when it was just us and no one outside the room mattered. Devlin had gotten my loyalty, not my heart. Max had gotten my love, but he’d only ever had access to my public and private lives because while my love for him had been real, it hadn’t ever been right. Not the way it was with Ben. Like Ben had said over a year ago, he was the only man who’d ever found the key that unlocked the doors to all three of my lives.

“And…that’s all I’ve got,” I said after another long pause, my smile widening into another goofy grin when Ben took the microphone out of my left hand and covered the top of it with the palm of his right so that the brief rustle of electronic static drowned out his murmured, “22 hours to Bali equals some major red rosing.”

Max and Tara snickered softly. I’ve never told them about that part of my proposal story, but considering that between the two of them they could probably create a dirty love language dictionary as well as a modernly inventive version of the Karma Sutra, it made sense that they’d be the ones to pick up on the naughty joke. I didn’t care and neither did Ben. He just grinned and turned slightly so he could accept Tara’s fist bump when she leaned over.

Father O’Brien chuckled along with the other guests then said, “Okay Ben, you’re up, though I’ll be honest old friend, I don’t think that you can top that. We’re probably all Team Sam right now.”

Ben took the good-natured ribbing with grace, but then his smile slowly morphed into that lazy, completely self-confident one that had gotten my dick on board with the idea of him and I long before the rest of me had. That smile always promised amazing things in private. Publicly though, I was stumped until he turned to give Father O’Brien the microphone. I raised an inquisitive eyebrow and got another grin and a wink before Ben pulled a tiny microphone out of the inner pocket of his suit jacket after he’d unbuttoned it. He pinned the microphone to his lapel and then tapped it lightly with one finger. “Testing, testing, 1, 2, 3….Sam, do you love me?”

He didn’t wait for an answer, just grinned at my soft snort before taking both my hands in his now that he didn’t have to hold the microphone.

“Way too smooth for a priest,” I muttered, though I was grinning.

“The mold was definitely broken after I came into this world,” Ben agreed with another lazy grin. He didn’t bother to cover the microphone so his sass was rewarded with another round of laughter from her audience as my ears turned a shade of red that had nothing to do with overexposure to the sun.

I could hear the amusement in Father O’Brien’s voice as he tried to reign in his own laughter when he said, “Ahem, are you ready to start, Ben? You have the rest of your life to flirt with Sam once I get you two through the ceremony.”

His words were met with more chuckles, including a few woo hoos from the peanut gallery, also known as our bridal party. I wanted a sudden sinkhole to appear in the sand to swallow me up, but Ben finally had mercy on me and raised our linked hands to his lips to kiss the top of my knuckles before he curled his hands more securely around my own. His thumb brushed gently over the top of my hand as he met my gaze with such loving intensity that I felt warmed to my toes and it wasn’t from embarrassment this time. In his eyes was a silent, devoted intimacy that made the world around us fade away again. Even the waves seemed to have lessened their crashing roar to a softer purr like they also wanted to listen to whatever Ben was going to say. I couldn’t blame the elements. Knowing my fiancé and his flare for all things romantically dramatic, I was pretty sure that I’d want to commit every single word to memory.

Ben smiled and squeezed my hands again. “Sam, having been a priest for as long as I have, I’ve officiated many weddings over the years and have borne witness to displays of tenderness and fidelity that humbled me. I’ve also heard so many variations of wedding vows that when I began writing mine, I assumed that I had this in the bag so to speak and that getting my feelings down on paper would be easy peasy, and a literary marvel.” His lips quirked at the corners in self-deprecating amusement. “It’s embarrassing how epically wrong I was. Like WHOA !”

Ben grinned when his admission was met with entertained laughter from everyone, including me.

“I found myself tackling major writer’s block not because I had nothing to say,” he continued, “but because there were so many things that I wanted and needed to say and I knew that we just wouldn’t have enough time today. So, that being said, I’m afraid that you’ll have to make do with what I managed to come up with, then tolerate me plying you with romantic verses of love and devotion for the rest of our lives as they come to me. You good with that?” Ben grinned when I chuckled and nodded. “Fantastic. Now, on to the good stuff”

“That wasn’t the good stuff?”

Ben grinned. “Not by a long shot, baby. I’m just getting started.”

His smile was all warmth and mischief, and I couldn’t help but grin as I nodded again. “Continue.”

“Gracias mi amor,” he said with a wink before his expression softened. “Sam, you know all about my past life and how who I used to be, has led me to become the man I am now. Which is a good thing and I give thanks to God every day that He put me on this path of sharing His grace and words with others because I’ve never felt so fulfilled in my life. But my past also made me a bit jaded about the idea of true love, let alone love at first sight. Yet, from the moment that I found you at the funeral home, tired and damaged, but not completely broken despite what you may have believed at the time, I was instantly drawn to you. I’d never felt that way toward anyone before and I wasn’t sure why you, someone who was bedraggled and world-weary, sucked me in like you had magnetic properties. There was just something about you and it wasn’t just because you were easily one of the sexiest men I’d ever met, though you were and still are,” he said with a warm smile that made me chuckle and intensified the heat in my ears and cheeks.

“But as we talked, I saw glimpses of my past self in you and I told myself that the sudden connection I was feeling between us was just a result of wanting to help you in all the ways that I wish someone would ‘ve have helped me back then. I tried to convince myself that that was all it was. That my desire to be close to you, paired with a sudden and ridiculous drive to help you find your way, were just stemming from my “shepherd” tendencies. But the more time that I spent with you, getting to know the man that you are, I began to see you not as someone that God put in my life to save, but someone He sent to save me. The name Samuel means, ‘God has heard,’ and I realized that He’d heard the unspoken need in my soul to have someone in my life to share both my life and my heart with.”

Oh Ben… If I hadn’t already been in love with him, he’d have owned me right then and there with that confession. I swallowed around the sudden lump in my throat. Ben had officially won the contest for most romantic wedding vows ever and in addition to me committing his words to memory, his prize would be my mouth on as many places as I could put it on our honeymoon because that verbal display of loving allegiance was worthy of, in his words, some serious, ‘red rosing.

“You’re killing me here,” I murmured, earning a grin at my expense from Ben.

He winked. “Once I comprehended that, it was game on, my running shoes at the ready because I wasn’t going to let you go without a fight. That’s still the case now. For better or for worse, where you go, I will always follow, both in this life and in the next because you’re the only man who’s ever truly held my heart in his hands. And though that should scare me, I feel absolutely no fear because as a soldier you were a man who believed in honor and loyalty and who protected those in his care. From today forward, I’m putting myself in your care Sam, and I know I’ll never regret that.”

Fuck me. We were past red rosing.

Ben’s handsome face blurred in my vision. I’d told Addie that crying would ruin my street cred, but any street cred I’d had was all shot to hell now as I blinked hard a few times and cleared my throat as if that would push back the wave of emotion that was threatening to overwhelm me. I cleared my throat hard again before I looked over at Father O’Brien again. “Yep, absolutely no contest. Ben won. Slam dunk.”

Laughter burst forth from the direction of our seated guests and my friends and family who were standing up at the altar with me. Father O’Brien chuckled before he gestured for everyone to quiet down.

“I’ll consider it a tie. Now, may I have the rings please?”

Tara and Max stepped forward almost like they’d synchronized the movements so that they could offer our wedding bands to Father O’Brien. Tara was grinning widely and paused to smack a kiss to each of our cheeks before she returned to her place. Max just handed my ring over to the priest with a smile that was somehow oddly neutral before he moved back to stand beside Adelyn. I exhaled slowly, knowing what was coming next thanks to the wedding planner’s meticulous itinerary. On cue, Father O’Brien handed me Ben’s ring once we let go of one another’s hands.

I hadn’t seen the wedding bands until now because Ben had picked them out. The ring looked like it was made from platinum which surprised me since neither Ben or I wore expensive jewelry. I’d worn the same tactical watch daily for years because it’d been a birthday gift from Max’s parents after I finished my first tour in Afghanistan. I knew that Ben actually did own a Rolex–an artifact left over from his escort days, but his daily one was a Fossil brand watch with a brown leather wristband that he’d purchased years ago. The highly polished metal would look bright and highly visible against both my acquired tan and Ben’s natural one. That might actually have been one of the reasons that he chosen these and I grinned at the thought. There was nothing subtle about them and though Ben wasn’t usually a jealous man, unless I took my ring off, in public it’d be a classier, visual translation of Ben’s name tattooed across my ass.

My grin widened, but then peered closer at the unique looking inlay between the two shining bands of polished silver.

“Meteorite,” Ben said, drawing my attention back up to him. He smiled as I quirked an eyebrow because yeah, I was curious.

“The band is made of white tungsten and the inlay is meteorite. I thought it was appropriate because tungsten is one of the hardest metals on earth, comparable to a diamond and 10 times more durable than gold so it won’t crack unless it’s under the kind of immense pressure that hopefully, we’ll never have to worry about.”

I knew all of that because it was the same reason that I’d chosen a tungsten engagement band for him, but I suspected that Ben was saying it more for the benefit of our audience than for me.

“We’ve been through some trials together, yet we’re still here.” He smiled. ” The inlay is meteorite because aside from looking cool, I thought that a piece of debris that originated in outer space and survived passing through our atmosphere to get here was a pretty iconic symbol of how true love can endure anything that’s thrown at it.”

I heard a soft sniff and in my peripheral vision I saw Sofia wiping suspiciously at the corner of her eyes.

“You totally won,” I muttered.

Father O’Brien didn’t bother hiding his chuckle. “Ben, Sam, are you ready?”

Ben and I both nodded and Father O’Brien smiled.

“Your ring exchange will visibly seal the vows of love and commitment that you’ve just expressed to each other. Notice that your wedding rings are a circle, an ancient symbol of wholeness. But in reality, a ring is no more than a circle of metal on its own until the vows of love and steadfast devotion to each other infuse it with a power and meaning that extends far beyond the sum of its parts. Then it represents an endless promise, one never to be broken. These rings are to be an outward symbol of the love and commitment between the two of you and a daily reminder of the heartfelt vows that you shared with one another today.” He paused then nodded for me to take Ben’s hand again so that I could slide the sentimental band onto his left ring finger.

“Sam, place the ring on Ben’s hand and repeat after me: Ben, I give you this ring as a symbol to the world that you are my lover and my best friend, in all times and in all ways.” He paused to move the microphone closer to my face so that my words would carry more clearly. Like most of the other parts of the itinerary, I’d memorized this piece so I was able to repeat the vows perfectly even though my voice wasn’t as steady as Father O’Brien’s had been.

The ring gleamed against the backdrop of Ben’s natural caramel color and I brushed my thumb briefly over the metal band before I let go of his hand so that he could accept my ring from his friend’s hand when Father O’Brien said, “Ben, take the ring you’ve selected for Sam. Place it on his hand and repeat after me: Sam, I give you this ring as a symbol to the world that you are my lover and my best friend in all times, and in all ways.”

Ben’s steady gaze never left mine as he repeated the phrase, sliding the ring on my finger without looking at what he was doing. The band felt cool and slightly heavy on my finger. Nothing terrible, just a very distinct and public reminder of what I already knew; I was his and he was mine. In Ben’s eyes I saw that he knew exactly what I was thinking and his lips curved slightly in agreement.

“Ben and Sam, by the love that has brought you here today, by the vows and the rings you’ve exchanged in the presence of your loved ones, and by God’s grace, it’s my pleasure and honor to pronounce you husband and husband. You may now seal your marriage with a kiss.”

The applause and cheering all around us was a muted backdrop of sound because my heart had started pounding in my ears the moment that Ben tugged me close and kissed me. It wasn’t a kiss worthy of an R rating, but it wasn’t G-rated chaste either. Ben always kissed me like he was the only man who had the right to and he wasn’t about to change now that he actually was. My lips tingled when he finally pulled back, his grin a twin of mine when very feminine cat calls came from Tara and Sofia’s direction.

Ben stole a second kiss before he turned to face our guests like the wedding planner had cued us yesterday, taking me with him since we were still holding hands.

“Family and friends,” Father O’Brien said, “It’s my pleasure to introduce you for the first time to the newlyweds, Samuel and Benjamin Santiago.”

Everyone who’d been seated stood when Father O’Brien introduced us with Ben’s surname. Ben had suggested that we hyphenate our names, but I’d chosen to take his instead because my last name was connected with so many memories that I didn’t want or need to hold onto anymore. We were starting a new chapter of life together and Samuel Santiago had a flow to it that made my heart settle into a solid sense of home.

I laughed as Ben lifted our joined hands up overhead, pointing at the rings with his other hand as cameras clicked and everyone tried to get the best angles. A soft tug at the hem of my jacket made me glance down and I let go of Ben’s hand only so that I could scoop Emma up onto my hip.

“Now Uncle Sam?”

I nodded, knowing exactly what she was asking even before she said, “Uncle Ben, you’re our family now. We need to get you a green Christmas stocking just like Uncle Sam’s!”

I snorted, but handed Emma over to Ben before we started making our way down the flower covered runner again. I glanced back briefly and saw Max nod once before he smiled. I smiled back, knowing my expression held all the genuine affection I felt for him. Another light tug at my other made me turn to look back at Ben and this time I was the one who leaned in for a kiss. I felt him smile against my lips before he squeezed my hand and turned to lead us down the aisle and back into the hotel with Emma still balanced on his hip.

After weed managed to extract ourselves from my niece after promises of a ridiculously expansive dessert bar after we took our formal photos, had our first dance and ate dinner, Ben and I allowed ourselves to be herded out to the private part of the hotel’s beach for a photoshoot that seemed like it’d never end. I was melting by the time the photographers finally gave us a reprieve and the nerves that had eased as Ben and I had posed on the beautiful, quiet expanse of the beach, immediately kicked back in again because it was time to go in and be officially announced at the reception.

Confessing how I felt about Ben had been the hardest part, and I’d happily taken his last name, but walking into the atrium where we had 120 guests waiting for us to have our first dance as husbands was daunting. I’d never been slick on my feet like Max and when Ben and I went out together to either of Romans nightclubs, it wasn’t exactly formal slow dance style. But I reminded myself that all that any couple needed to dance fluidly was to understand that one of them had to take the lead. The other person just had to follow, trusting that it would work out.

My expression softened when I glanced over at Ben who was talking to Sofia, Tara and my nieces while we waited for the DJ to start announcing the bridal party. I didn’t see Max with them, but Tara made a beeline straight for me, looping her arm casually through mine. My lips twitched because that dress deserved so much commentary, but she’d ditched her heels somewhere and was back to her normal height which was almost a foot shorter than me. It also meant that she was now closer in proximity to parts of my body that I was extremely fond of.

“So, you guys did it. How do you feel now that you have some extraterrestrial bling going on?”

I chuckled. “Happy. Terrified. But in that order, so it’s all good.” I paused because I knew that I’d be taking my life in my hands, but the teenage boy inside me couldn’t resist. “Better than you, though you look amazing. I like your hair.”

She didn’t go for my balls like I’d expected, but the arm that Tara didn’t have looped through mine twisted enough so that she could reach across her body and goose my ribs less than gently.

“Ow! That was a compliment.”

“I’m sure that it was and as soon as I’m back in my favorite maxi dress and looking through wedding photos we can reminisce, but for now, I have a headache from all the pins in this braid and I can’t bend over in this dang dress without my tatas popping out. I also I hid my heels in a random closet. The struggle is real .”

I laughed out loud, enduring another jab to my ribs before Ben came over to rescue me. Tara snorted as he said, “nice dress,” before she rolled her eyes to try and deflate the warmth of her grin.

“I’m not going to fill up the fine jar again for those wonderful little heathens, so suffice it to say that I love you both so much that I’m going to forgive you for being poop heads about the dress. At least the earrings are amazing. Ben, you know how to pick jewelry. Remember that for my next birthday. Donuts and sparkly things sound like a fair trade for my fashion misery.”

I grinned as she leaned up on her tiptoes to kiss my cheek, then Ben’s before she headed back over to where Adelyn was holding both her bouquet and Sofia’s as her mother tried to straighten out Emma’s bow. From experience with braiding Emma’s thick hair into two perfect plaits every morning and that somehow always managed to be completely lopsided by the time she came home from school, I doubted that the bow would hold up for the next few hours, but she was adorable so she could pull off lopsided.

“Are you ready? I had the DJ cue the song you wanted for our first dance.” Ben smiled and I could see in his eyes how pleased he still was that I’d wanted that to be the song we’d make our dance debut to. It helped ease some of my embarrassment about going that big, albeit it impulsive, with the romantic gesture.

“I’m good. I mean, as a kid I never even liked being the center of attention when people sang to Connor and I on our birthdays. I always wanted to melt through the fu–frigging floor,” I amended as I caught myself. Cutting out curse words from my everyday vocabulary was still a work in progress, but I was getting better and Ben smiled, making the effort worth it.

“Mmm, so having all eyes on us feels a little overwhelming?”

I nodded slightly.

Ben smiled and reached up to gently brush his knuckles across my cheek. “I have a solution then.” His smile deepened when I raised my eyebrow in silent question. “Just look at me. Keep your eyes on me for every one of those long 3 minutes and fifty seconds. It’s just you and me.”

“And 120 other people,” I said drolly.

Ben grinned. “True, but do they matter?”

My smirk was smothered by Ben’s kiss before I could come up with a snappy comeback. I melted into him immediately, but froze when I heard Emma’s little voice ring out.

“Uncle Ben and Uncle Sam are kissing, which was immediately followed by Addie sing-songing, “Uncle Ben and Uncle Sam, sitting in a tree…,” before all 4 of the ladies in my heart sang the last part together, Emma’s the clearest because she was also the loudest. “K-I-S-S-I-N-G!”

“Frigging romper room,” I muttered against Ben’s mouth before he stole another quick kiss and moved back with a wide smile, obviously enjoying the loving teasing as much as he did my embarrassed reaction to it.

“And you wouldn’t trade it for the world.”

I didn’t answer though I turned my head to hide my smile. When I did, I still saw only Tara, Sofia and the girls.”

“Did you see where Max went?”

Ben shook his head. “Maybe he went to the bathroom or out to the courtyard for a smoke.” He paused then said, “Do you want to go look for him?…”

That subtle hesitation in his tone made me shake my head immediately in the negative. “No. I’ll send Tara or Sofia to find him. I’m right where I belong.”

Ben relaxed immediately and reached for my hand just as I saw movement in my peripheral vision. Emma’s voice confirmed my suspicion when she said, “Hi Uncle Max!”

“Hey baby girl. We all ready to move this along?”

I was too far away from Max to catch any hint of cigarette smoke on him or his clothing, but his tone sounded normal, relaxed with no sound of either angst or slurring so at least his brief break hadn’t been to charm a bartender into an early start to the party.

Emma nodded in the affirmative just as the on-site event coordinator came over to get us all situated into a line in the order that we’d be introduced. Tara would be going in with Max and Sofia would head in with the girls before Ben and I made our entrance.

I inhaled deeply, then exhaled slowly, blinking when flowers suddenly came into my field of vision. I blinked again as I pulled back a little to focus first on the bouquet, then Ben, who was offering it with a grin. “It’ll give everyone something to focus on other than you.”

My lips twitched. “Maybe, but it goes better with your outfit.”

Ben’s grin matched mine because we were both dressed exactly the same. “Fair enough. Then just take a deep breath and remember, beauty queen waves first, then eyes on me as we just let the music take us to a happy place.”

“My happy place is in a bed with you in Bali.”

Ben’s grin deepened. “More reason to get through the dance and move the night along.”

I chuckled but then exhaled again when the doors to the reception hall opened. I could hear music and the DJ starting to rile up the crowd, encouraging exuberant clapping as he started introducing the wedding party. Max and Tara walked in with twin grins and though I couldn’t see what they were doing as a signature entry from here, by the thunderous clapping and catcalls, I could only imagine. Sofia and the girls went next, Emma in between her and Adelyn as she held both their hands. There was more applause and then it was our turn.

I glanced at Ben and he held up his hand in a perfect imitation of a beauty queen. I rolled my eyes but laced our fingers more securely together his as we stepped into the reception hall.

The next few minutes flew by in a loud haze of applause and called out well wishes after the DJ announced us as newlyweds and told our guests to show their love for Sam and Ben Santiago. Ben didn’t do the princess wave, but he did hold our joined hands up high just like he had after the ceremony. It was silly enough to make me laugh because he was completely unembarrassed about hamming it up. My laughter got smothered by a kiss that was almost hot enough to justify the catcalling and cheering. My burning ears were worth it when I saw the completely self-satisfied expression in Ben’s eyes. He lowered our linked hands only so that he could pull me toward the dance floor. Adelyn dashed forward to take Ben’s bouquet from him so that he could slide that now empty hand around my waist. Our first dance was the only thing that we hadn’t rehearsed, but it didn’t matter because Ben knew that I’d follow his lead. Once Lady Gaga’s voice came through the speakers, our steps synchronized immediately.

Ben murmured, “Keep looking at me, baby” and I obeyed, meeting the loving amusement in those hazel eyes that always seemed to see every secret in my soul. I relaxed as he pulled me closer, our steps easy, keeping time with the beat of the song. Thankfully, Ben didn’t try any of the quick salsa style turns I knew he was capable of, having seen him dance with Sofia and Tara plenty of times. We probably looked like two teenage kids at their first high-school dance together, but I kept looking into Ben’s eyes and knew that he didn’t care.

When the song finally ended, he leaned in for another kiss, this one was more tender as his arms wound up around my neck. We stayed like that for a moment even after we’d broken the kiss, our foreheads toughing lightly as our breathing synchronized just like our bodies had while we were dancing.

“I love you, Samuel Santiago,” Ben murmured, his smile obvious in his voice even though my eyes were closed.

“I love you too, Benjamin Santiago,” I said, not realizing that my voice was loud enough to carry until I heard Adelyn’s voice.

“You guys are suuuuch dorks!”

***

Ben

“Even if we can’t find heaven, heaven, heaven, heaven… Hands put your empty hands in mine and scars, show me all the scars you hide… And hey, if your wings are broken, please take mine ’til yours can open too… ‘Cause I’m gonna stand by you… Oh, tears make kaleidoscopes in your eyes… Love, if your wings are broken, borrow mine so yours can open too… ‘Cause I’m gonna stand by you… Even if we’re breaking down, we can find a way to break through…. Even if we can’t find heaven, I’ll walk through hell with you… Love, you’re not alone, ’cause I’m gonna stand by you….” (I’m Gonna Stand by You- Rachel Platten)

Sam and I both glanced up when the soft clinking sound of metal against glass cut through the happy chaos of the wedding reception. We’d been making small talk with the guests who kept stopping by our table where we were seated with the members of our small wedding party, but when Max laid down the dinner fork that had been in his right hand when he’d tapped it against the highball glass in his left, all conversation paused. It looked like it was time for the best man speech and even though Sam’s left hand was laced casually with mine like it had been most of the night unless he was shaking someone else’s hand or eating, I couldn’t help but feel a small guilty moment of irritated apprehension at what might come out of Max’s mouth.

Most people assumed that because I was a priest now, it somehow put me on some higher plane of spiritual existence that never knew jealousy or pettiness. Those people seemed to forget that beneath his or her collar, a messenger of the Lord was still human and as susceptible to fallibility as the rest of His children.

To say that I’d been hurt when Sam had confessed to me what had happened between him and Max the night that Max had come home from Afghanistan to make his last stand to try and win Sam’s heart again, was an understatement. Sam’s confession had emotionally gutted me and I’d had a brief moment of hoping that Max would never come back because of a permanent change of status on this plane of existence. It’d been a horrible thought and I regretted it later though I’d never told Sam or even Tara about it. Roman knew just like he knew how much it irritated me that I had to accept that Max was always going to be an integral part of Sam’s life. Even though their romantic relationship had ended, they’d been friends for years and Max had come first. Even though Sam always put me first now, he and Max had been there for one another through some of the best and worst times of their lives and I knew that Max was the only person other than me who’d lay his life down for Sam without hesitation if he had to. They shared a unique bond, so I’d had to accept Max because loving Sam meant accepting every aspect of him including his meaningful relationships with other people.

That night on Sofia’s porch had occurred almost a year and a half ago and neither of them, especially not Sam, had ever given me any reason to doubt that it truly had been a one-time mistake. So, I’d let it go because holding onto any lingering distrust about their unique relationship wouldn’t have allowed me to forgive either of them and Sam and I wouldn’t have moved on and made it to the place we were right now; happily married, among close friends and family, just a few hours away from boarding a plane to Bali.

However, that didn’t mean that I ever forgot that Max was still in love with my husband even if he’d never act on it again. I was a priest, but not a saint and a small, petty part of me had briefly wondered right before the ceremony started, if Max would voice an objection when Sam and I exchanged our vows. He hadn’t of course, but when Max caught my eye and swept us both with a slow look from his spot across the table before winking as he pushed his chair back to unfold his long, lean frame with an almost sensual grace, I tensed slightly and my fingers flexed in Sam’s since he was holding my left hand like he had been most of the evening.

My swift flare of jealousy shamed me when Sam turned to look at me with an open, loving smile that warmed as he thankfully misconstrued my brief, regrettable moment of insecurity, as a loving gesture. When I felt Sam’s thumb sweep gently over the top of my hand, I felt my discrete exhale release my lingering trepidation.

He loves you. He chose you.

Sam deserved the same level of faith he was offering me, so I returned his smile and raised his hand to my lips for a brief kiss before we both turned to look at Max who was now standing with a microphone in his left hand that had been produced from somewhere like a magician’s trick while I’d been stuck in my head. The smile already on Max’s face deepened when our eyes met, hinting that things were about to get interesting, but this time I focused on the only two facts that mattered; I loved Sam and he loved me.

“Since most of you already know who I am, I’m going to skip past the boring introductions. The people who have no clue who I am, other than Sam’s extremely handsome, charming, best friend, can just ask around later because you’re bound to get a more colorful, well-rounded character profile on me from other people that will be completely accurate as long as you keep one very important thing in mind.” He paused and his grin deepened even more as he swept the room with a look to include everyone. “All the best stories are probably almost entirely true.” He paused, deep dimples peeking out as everyone laughed. Max’s reputation apparently proceeded him wherever he went.

“So,” Max continued, “although I’d originally planned to begin this speech with the traditional cheesy joke or some intriguing stories about Sam’s colorful past which I could tell beautifully because I was usually there for the most interesting parts of those miscreant misadventures, I decided against it. Partly because I believe that every man needs some mystery in his life and that most of that mystery should probably remain in the past. Especially when my mama’s in the audience and she’s already glaring at me over there with that discreet southern gentility that says, watch it. .”

Laughter swept through the room again as Max blew a kiss in his mother’s direction. I’d met her last night and today she looked a more feminine version of her son in a soft mint green lace, her honey blonde hair tastefully knotted in a chignon at the nape of her neck. All class, and amused disapproval though there was an affection in her expression that I didn’t see in her husband’s when my gaze briefly shifted to him. Taller, broader, and much grayer than his son, his face was the definition of retired military stoicism. Sam had told me about the almost paternal relationship he had with Max’s father and knowing how Sam had been in the military, and how he still could be when he got into his own head, it made sense, but I couldn’t see Max and his father meeting in the middle often. It made me wonder about their family dynamic for just a moment before my attention returned to Max when he started speaking again.

“You’re still her favorite, Sam,” Max said, grinning when Sam snorted. “You always were, which is why she only makes her award-winning peach pie when you come over.” More chuckles followed when he winked in his mother’s direction. “So, to avoid a few slaps upside my head when she gets me alone later, let’s just jump right into this.” Max smiled as he looked around the room to make sure he had everyone’s undivided attention before he returned his gaze to Sam and I. His smile included both of us for a moment as was appropriate for the situation, but then his gaze shifted ever so slightly to focus solely on Sam though only those of us seated at the bridal party table probably noticed because it was so subtle.

“Sam, we’ve been friends for almost 20 years and during that time you went through some hard times, man. And though you know that I’m all in for hard times in certain situations… sorry Mama,” he said as people, including his mother chuckled. Max grinned and waited for a few cheerful catcalls to die down, “the kind of hard times you went through were never the fun kind. They were the type that try to, and usually do break even the toughest of us. But you didn’t break. You held your ground, maybe a little worse for the wear after some of the storms passed, but you were still here , which speaks profoundly to the kind of man that you are. You never back away from a fight and you always fight like hell for the people you love and swear in your heart to protect, just like Ben said. And if you can’t believe me, believe him.”

When Max paused, his expression softened slightly the way it sometimes did when he looked at Sam and thought that no one was watching. He’d always been discreet–I was just observant–but it seemed like Max was letting down the veil today. My glance over at Sam confirmed that he was thinking the same thing because he was blinking suspiciously fast and his hand tightened slightly in mine. I lightly brushed my thumb over the webbing between his thumb and forefinger as Max continued.

“Even when some of those people broke your heart because they couldn’t give you everything that you deserve and only knew how much they loved you once they let you go, you didn’t let it make you bitter. You knew deep down that you deserved more than being with someone to avoid being lonely. Granted, you did try to ignore that truth because emotions make you squirmy,” he said with a smile. “Trying to get you to open up is sometimes harder than getting between a nun’s l–” he paused again as he deliberately cut himself off with an impish smile. “love for the Lord.”

An impish played at the corners of his mouth when the guests erupted into laughter again until he held up one hands to stop the catcalls. “Anyway, even though all of the people who care about you tried to push you down a path to finding real love, you were as stubborn as a toddler being told that they needed to get into their snowsuit. You didn’t want to hear or accept the truth that everyone in here can always agree on; that truth being that you’re a man who’s good, loyal, and solid. A man who’ll do everything and anything he can for the people he cares for. Someone that people feel privileged to know. Frankly, you’re the best man I know, and you’re well aware my friend, that I’ve known many, many men and a few lovely ladies, though generally not at the same time.”

Beside me, Sam snorted to hide his smirk as the room exploded into snickers and a few more catcalls. Max’s mother leaned her face into her hand, half hiding her mouth as if she was trying not to smile. His father just shook his head. Max played to his audience, letting the teasing continue for a moment until the laughter died down once again.

“But,” he continued, holding up one finger for emphasis. “Out of all those men, you’re the only one whose bravery, love, and loyalty I’ve never questioned before, or after we served in the military together. You joined the Army for many different reasons, but mostly because you wanted to protect the innocent who couldn’t defend themselves. You stand tall for causes you believe in and the two causes that have always motivated you the most, who you’ve fought for the hardest, are your family, and your friends.”

Max smiled again, but seated right across from him I could see a new, subtle tension in the way he was holding the microphone. “I know you think you’ve stumbled a few times, but you always got back up and did what was right, even when it came at high personal cost. And you did that because when you care about someone, Sam, you can’t help but do it deeply and completely. You give every piece of yourself and that’s a gift that should always be seen and cherished as the precious thing that it is.” Max’s expression softened again and this time it was probably obvious to anyone with eyes. “Sam, for too long you doubted that you deserve every happiness this world can offer, but in Ben, I think you’ve finally found a safe haven– your own spot in heaven on the other side of all the pain that’s way back in your past now, exactly where it should be.”

I glanced over at Sam for a moment when Max paused to lay down the microphone and pick up his water glass for a brief sip. Sam’s fingers were still laced with mine, but his gaze was unblinkingly trained on Max. His beautiful blue eyes were subtly glassy, and I squeezed his hand gently again before I followed his line of sight back to his best friend as Max set down the water glass and switched out for the microphone again. He was still smiling, but after spending so much time around him over the last year and a half that Sam and I had been dating–most of that time spent keeping a less than trusting eye on him–I’d learned to read some of Max’s subtle tells of tension. Most of the time, he just rotated the titanium band on the ring finger of his right hand with his left, but since he was currently holding the microphone in that hand, he discreetly shifted his weight from one foot to the other as if he was physically resetting himself before he turned his gaze straight toward me.

“Ben,” he said, “I have to admit that when Sam told me he was getting involved with a priest, I wasn’t completely sold on the idea. Not because I ever doubted the good intentions of a man of the cloth,” he clarified with a slight smile. “But let’s face it, we both know the ridiculous shape Sam is in, and that he can run like the devil himself is chasing him when he isn’t sure how to handle the love and acceptance everyone knows he deserves. He’s a fast–” Max paused as he looked down at Emma whose chair was right next to his where she’d insisted it be. Her little face was all smiles and dimpled adoration as she looked up at the man whom she considered another beloved uncle. Max set down his microphone again, leaning over to gently cover Emma’s ears as he silently mouthed, FUCKER, at Sam and I before he removed his hands and blew a gentle raspberry against Emma’s cheek to make her giggle. Although he hadn’t said the word aloud, laughter broke out from all the tables around ours who’d been able to read his lips because being blatant even when subtle was Max’s specialty.

He grinned as he retrieved the microphone again. “But you kept up with him, persistent in your quest to make him slow down. Unlike the many morons who came before you, men who stupidly used Sam as a placeholder, or who just couldn’t man up to be what he needed, you never viewed getting Sam to love you as a short sprint. You went all in for the long game marathon, speeding up whenever necessary until you wore him down. And when Sam finally stopped running, you were smart enough to grab on and refuse to let him go. You made sure he knew that he was worth every Sugar.Honey.Iced.Tea that there was to give. Well played, because other than myself, I’d never met any man willing to take that much time get Sam to just pause and breathe.”

Max’s smile remained in place, relaxed and easy, but he subtly shifted again. Only I seemed to notice the movement though, because my quick glance around the room registered only smiling faces.

“Sam’s always been my best friend, Ben,” Max said, bringing my attention back to him. “And he’s the person I love most in this world. Next to my mama of course,” he said, glancing over again at his mother who met the mischief in his eyes with a smile of her own and I finally saw the resemblance in the way their eyes both crinkled at the corners.

“The truth is, Ben,” he said, getting my attention again, “that I’ve never really trusted Sam’s heart with anyone because of his unfortunate tendency to give it to people who don’t deserve it. But in the relatively short time that I’ve known you, I’ve seen you go to bat for Sam whenever he needed someone to have his back, and I’ve also witnessed how steadily you prop him up whenever he needs the stability. Most importantly though, you’ve always put him first. And I know that you’ll continue to do so, returning Sam’s love and his complete devotion to honoring the lifelong commitment the two of you made to each other even before you had those rings on your fingers. Not because you’re a priest and it’s sorta your job to do the saintly thing and help lost souls find their way, but because beneath that collar you’re just a man; the man who unconditionally cares about the guy I’ve spent the better part of my life loving and protecting. So, as of this moment, I’m putting both my best friend and my trust into your safekeeping because I know that you’ll always appreciate Sam’s true worth and won’t ever take him or it for granted. So..”

Max paused for a moment that seemed to linger for longer than the half a second it probably did, his gaze steadily on mine, deliberate and unflinching though he didn’t address his last sentence to me when he said, “Sam, you made the right choice.”

Max held my gaze for another long second and when I nodded slightly, he did the same, then switched the microphone to his left hand again so that he could grab his champagne glass with the right to raise it in the air.

“Alright then, let’s hear it for Sam and Ben, may they live happily ever after, for ever and ever, AMEN and laissez les bons temps roule !”

Glasses clinked and a chorus of congratulations were called out as well as more than a few joyful amens. Sam smiled and gently tapped his water glass against my own. We’d both opted against champagne. Even though he was wearing a traditional suit and not his military dress blues and could’ve had a drink, we’d both agreed that we wanted to remember tonight with completely sober clarity. We both took perfunctory sips of water to acknowledge the toast before Sam leaned in for a kiss. My eyes closed as his mouth brushed mine with just enough heat to be appropriate for the festivities without being scandalous. I indulged in both the luxury of being able to kiss him this openly in front of all of the people who mattered to us, and the fact that he’d initiated the kiss first. But as I pulled back, I caught movement out of the corner of my eye and saw Max setting down his now empty champagne glass beside his equally empty glass of bourbon from earlier in the night. Most people had just taken the appropriate polite sips of their champagne or whatever drink of their choice to toast Max’s speech, and then set the still mostly full glasses back down on the table, but apparently when Sam and I had been happily distracted, Max had taken advantage of that moment to empty his glass.

He was smiling though as he hugged Tara when she got up, before turning to shake the hands of the people closest to our table when they complimented him on the speech as the music started up again to encourage mingling. He didn’t look my way though and I gently goosed Sam in the ribs before angling my head slightly in Max’s direction when he looked at me questioningly.

“Go talk to him. I’m going to make the rounds and try talking to my brother. He showed up.”

“Yeah, I know. Catherine told me earlier. It’s a good thing, Ben.”

“It is, but between you and I, I’m a little terrified because there’s so many things that I want to say to him and I don’t know if any of them will be the right thing. We’ve been apart for so long and the last time we saw each other…”

“Breathe, Ben,” Sam murmured, his lips quirking slightly at the corners as he curled a hand around the nape of my neck to pull me closer till our foreheads touched. I felt the brightness of a flash at my peripheral vision. I didn’t know if it was one of our photographers, or just a random guest trying to capture what probably looked like a romantic moment and not my sudden explosion of anxiety, with one of the disposable cameras that we’d placed at each guest’s seat so they could document the evening. Sam didn’t blink though, his breath warm on my face.

“It’s going to be OK. Take it from someone who had to do the mea culpa thing after 3 years… it might suck in the beginning, but he was the one who pushed you away, yet he showed up so he’s trying to own that mistake. That’s the hard part. You just have to decide whether or not it’s enough. And if it’s enough, take it one step at a time. Maybe our next Thanksgiving will be a full house.”

He smiled again and even though it was slightly distorted because our faces were so close together, the warmth in it was obvious. I nodded then tilted my head just enough to get a better angle for a gentle kiss across his mouth. Another camera flash went off and I grinned. At this rate we were going to have an entire reel of my anxiety captured for eternity, but so would this moment of Sam stepping up to comfort me, defining our vows of being there for each other through whatever hardships we ever had to face.

I could live with that.

“I love you,” I said, Sam smiled immediately.

“I love you too. Go talk to your brother. I’ll catch up with you after I talk to Max, then go say hello to his folks. They’ve always been like parents to me. Probably more so than my own parents, though our mom tried.”

“Family is important, whether it’s biological or made, so I’m glad that you have people. Hopefully things go well with Michael so we’ll have extra babysitters in the future.”

Sam chuckled and this time he was the one who stole a kiss before he pulled back and stood up. I watched him make his way around the table so that his next steps were a beelined path straight for Max. Max was holding Emma on his hip, but he turned when Sam placed a hand on his shoulder. They exchanged words I couldn’t hear, then they both laughed before leaning in to buss twin raspberries on Emma’s cheeks from either side. Her elated little girl laughter was audible even over the music before Adelyn swooped in to steal her away toward the dance floor. Left alone for a moment, I saw Sam’s lips moving first and then I saw the way Max’s expression softened though I still couldn’t make out what they were. The conversation continued for another few moments before Sam reached over to drag Max into a hard hug.

A few months ago, heck, even a few hours ago I might’ve felt a flicker of jealousy, but after the speech Max have given, there wasn’t even a hint of it. Instead, I felt an empathetic wave of compassion. Max may have done this to himself, but all human beings were multi-faceted and complex. I myself had gone through many stages of metamorphosis over the years, which was one of the reasons that I was anxious about talking to my brother after so much time apart. I wasn’t even close to the same man whom I’d been the last time he’d seen me and it was unlikely he was either. The simple fact that he was even here right now was proof of how much he’d changed in how he saw me. People made mistakes, then they made things right as best they could before they moved on. Max had messed up, but he’d also tried to make it right tonight. The moving on part would come eventually.

I watched as Max’s arms came up to hug Sam back for a moment, a full hug between two men who didn’t have macho hangups strong enough to turn it into the awkward pat most guys exchanged. It was a display of pure affection between longtime friends and my lips curved into a slight smile even before they broke the embrace so that Sam could make his way toward Max’s parents while Max retrieved Emma as she ran toward him from the dance floor. He scooped her up, swinging her around before he set her on the floor to spin her with one hand fast enough for her skirt to flare out. They were both laughing. Unfortunately, I doubted it would last till the end of the evening because we hadn’t had dinner yet or cut the cake. The night was still young and we had an open bar. I also had a husband that I didn’t want worrying about the state of his best friend’s mind after the comment he’d made earlier.

After a moment of considering my choices, I got up and made my way over to the table that we’d put an assortment of our friends at. Roman had volunteered to sit there because seating arrangements were a pain in the butt when you were trying to keep together certain groups who knew one another like family members, or who were actually genetically related. Most of the other guests at the table were friends of Sam’s from the auto shop, or from the support group. Two very different worlds, but being a club owner meant that Roman had the gift of conversation and the ability to bring people together. He demonstrated that daily with clubgoers, investors, and his staff of “Misfit Toys,” as they referred to themselves, mostly to tease Roman about his protective instincts toward his people. I was counting on those instincts right now, because I was going to take advantage of them if I could….