“But there was more. The situation between Reg and me is as much about me as it is about him. No one—until this experience with RCC–has ever treated me as being special. I know that you and the coaches hope I’ll continue to develop and become captain next year. And I appreciate it, really. But if I fail at that, I’ll lose my golden status very quickly. My family is very independent minded and conservative socially—and they expect me to be independent. That means they rarely praise anything I do. I’m just expected to perform at a high level and play the stoic macho role. Nobody in my family is openly affectionate. I don’t think my Dad has hugged me since I was a baby—if then. Reg is different. He is very physical. Without RCC—and maybe Reg—I was destined to graduate with mediocre grades, and go back to the ranch and work for my Dad until he passes. Only then will I have the chance to be me.”
“At first the relationship with Reg was built on my reaching out to him, to make him comfortable on the team, to feel a part of what we all had. Then when he responded and adopted me as a best friend, everything changed. I became the taker. I started enjoying his praise and his touching and his gifts. He liked me because I was me, and he wanted to help me improve myself athletically, but he also wanted me to become a person more comfortable with my own body and my own desires and dreams. And I became addicted to him. Is it possible to become addicted to a person?”
Pete went silent for a few minutes. I thought of my own addiction to Geoff. Isn’t addiction called love when it involves another person?
“Did you ever get the impression he was using you for his own objectives?”
“I’m not naïve Chet. Of course, he was. He wants to be the best on the team and he wants to captain. I knew I was a stepping stone for him, but that didn’t matter to me. I don’t need that kind of stuff. I don’t have professional expectations. I’ll never have the charisma that Reg has. I’ll never be a world famous underwear model. But, when I was with him, I absorbed some of his glow. It felt good to be treated in a special way.”
“So what happened?”
“This is the tough part. I need you to promise this doesn’t go beyond this room.”
“You’re scaring me. You’ve got it.”
“Well, we had sex. I blew him a few times. He’s got an enormous dick. And he got me off by stroking me and later by finger-fucking me. Both were firsts for me. I was moving out of my vanilla comfort zone. I was a player. I got off by walking on the other side, doing something that would shock my folks. Fuck, I didn’t even know I had a prostate until he showed me where it was. And wow, did he show me. He was better than any girl I had ever dated. I had several really powerful orgasms. I’m sure you know how that begins the bond between two guys.”
“But that’s not all. We went clubbing, were given VIP treatment, and picked up some ladies that I could never have dreamed of having if he hadn’t been there to orchestrate. We had an orgy at his condo—my first. I got to have sex with these two fabulous girls. And he fucked me while I was doing one of them. I knew then that I was bi. I loved being taken while I was taking. By the end of that party, I was thinking I might even be gay, certainly gay for someone like Reg. I confessed that to him—probably in a situation which scared him. You know how he likes to be in control all the time. It absolutely freaked him out.” ‘I can’t be outed,’ he said and disappeared from my life. I don’t know about Nicole—you probably can guess. She’s done most of the team and when she saw him after you dumped her, I’m sure she made a beeline to him. She’s a good match for him. He might even be able to satisfy her incredible desires. And then he started hanging with Lloyd.”
“I can imagine that the last few weeks have not been easy for you.”
“No, they haven’t. Reg is now steering clear of me. I’m some sort of kryptonite to his superman. But, I’m not sorry. I learned a lot about myself. Looking back, I realize that I probably have been attracted to boys for many years. I dated in high school, but never had sex. If the club had not forced the groupie initiation on me here, I probably would still be a virgin. Chet, I joined the club because of the camaraderie of all the guys, and because of you. I like you. I’m attracted to you. My teasing about your dick isn’t all tease. I’d happily suck you off or let you stick your dick up my ass–anytime. You only have to say the words.”
I could tell that as those last words were said Pete was choking up. He rolled over on his side and faced away from me. I rose from my bed and stretched out along side him. “It’s okay to feel. It’s okay to want to be touched, to be loved. And it’s okay to be confused about your sexuality.” I pulled him into my arms and he little-spooned immediately into me pushing his ass cheeks into my dick. I could feel him holding back sobs. He was ready to break. He had bottled up his feelings for his entire life. Reg had helped him to validate himself—and his feelings. Now Reg had turned away.
How did I get into this? What should I do now? I needed him, no the team needed him, to be at his best tomorrow and for the rest of the season. What I did in the next few minutes could determine whether Pete stayed on the team. Coming out to me was difficult for him; coming out to the team would be another matter entirely. He certainly didn’t need to do that, but if that was his decision, I would support it. I tightened my arms around his chest, brought his muscular back into my chest, and my hands came to rest on his hardened pecs. His sobs seem to quiet.
“Pete, you know that I’ve always supported you. I need you. The team needs you. It’s okay to be confused about sexuality. We all are. What do you want from me now?”
“I’m feeling really good, right here, right now. Just hold me. Just stay where you are.” With those words, he reached down and pulled off his shorts. He took my hand and placed it on his rock hard penis. “Will you hold me like this?” He knew what the answer was. I gripped and automatically began to stroke. I’m sure he could feel my erection on his ass as he squirmed down into my spoon and massaged my fabric-covered dick with his naked ass muscles. He was relaxing into me, but he was also tensing with me. Soon he stretched out his legs, pushed his dick hard into my fist, and we both ejaculated. And Pete fell quiet, perhaps asleep in my arms as I released his softening dick, my fist filled with his spunk.
A few minutes later, I pulled away, covered his naked body and went to clean up and return to my own bed. He didn’t turn over and seemed to be asleep. Perhaps this was his way of giving me an out—or perhaps he was giving himself one. This cannot happen again. Now I had a second team member with whom I couldn’t room. I think we were just two guys jerking together in an emotional moment to get release. Pete had no way of knowing my relationship with Geoff. He probably wasn’t even sure I was bi. And what would I tell Geoff?—if anything. Was this a violation of our relationship—after all, I didn’t plan this. I didn’t even take off my shorts, I rationalized. Was I really different from Reg? Was I allowing Pete to assume things about us that would benefit me—or was it just circumstance and devotion to the team? With these troubling thoughts, I turned off the light and tried to sleep.