“Johnno, I’m getting cold,” Sandra wails.
“Oh give it a rest,” I said, “I told you to wear something under that mini skirt!”.
“You drilling the lock Johnno or am I smashing the fucker down?” Al says.
“What you reckon Dessie?” I asks, “Lock fucking drilled out or sledge hammer?”
“I’ll call the police!” Desmond threatened.
“Evening all,” PC Tony Mulholland greeted him from the shadows, “Better make it quick only we’re on our break.”
“We have to have half an hour break, health and safety,” Sergeant Fforbes agreed, “So get on with it Allthwaite, pull your finger out lad.”
“Black and Decker,” I tells Al but fucking Desmond is wailing at us.
“All right,”Desmond agrees, “I’ll let you in, just a minute, don’t do anything stupid!”
He went away from the window and pretty soon the downstairs light was on and he was unlocking the door.
“What do you Ugh!” he said as I pushed past.
“Show him Sandra,” I said.
“What?” she asked.
“Yer cunt you daft cow,” Al says, “And that strap on.”
“What!” Desmond gasped wide eyed ad Sandra pulled up her skirt to show her rather stubbly and well fucked pubes.
“It’s what’s called a woman and it’s designed to be fucked by a bloke,” I said pointedly, “Not like a bloke what was designed for fucking women and that what with it having a cock and that.”
“Dear god preserve is from you Philistines!” Desmond pleaded.
“Button it!” I said and gave the drill a rev again, “Now Sandra said she’ll give you fucking lessons at a ton a throw,” I said, “Each.”
“Now hang on!” Desmond pleaded.
“Fuck you,” I said, “You tried to fucking rape me,” I added, “You’re fucking dangerous you cunt, you needs sorting out.”
“It was a mis-understanding,” Desmond said, “I thought you were Lib Dem!”
“We’re not all fucking bent!” Al said.
“Well you’re the only one as I know what isn’t!” I reminded him.
“What about Prescott!” Al countered.
“He’s Labour,” I replied, “Lets straighten this cunt out and worry who’s fucking bent some other time.”
“Do you want a fuck or not?” Sandra asked slightly drunkenly, although she only had four two litre bottles of Tesco value brand Cider all night.while Me and Al had stuck to the Stella version called ‘Cidre.’ The French never was no good at spelling.
“No ta,” Al said.
“Not you, that cunt,” I said motioning towards Desmond.
“What’s going on!” Lionel asks as he comes down stairs, maybe the corset and black stockings wasn’t too bright as a wardrobe choice as his prick was making a tent pole for his tiny white panties.
“Shit Johnno he’s a fucking Tee Vee,” Al exclaimed.
“We knew that,” I reminded him, “See who wears the trousers,” I said motioning at Desmond who wore striped pyjamas and whose cock had just hove into view through his flies at half mast as Lionel appeared.
“No way am I sucking that!” Sandra said as she peered at Desmond’s cock which was still smeared with brown around the root from their last session.
“Go home!” Lionel demanded and he strode up to me, “Go home you Neanderthal!” he said in my face so I decked him, smack, upper cut to the chin and down in one.
“Lionel!” Desmond screamed, “Is he all right, don’t just leave him there,” he whined.
“No,” Al agreed, “Better chuck him out with the trash!”
“Too right,” I agreed.
“Ung!” Lionel says, “What happened?”
“Upper cut,” I said, “Stay down keep stum!”
“You want to fuck or not?” Sandra says.
“No!” Desmond says, “I don’t want to!”
“His gob says no but his cock says yes,” Sandra said, “Look at that fucking hard he’s got on.”
“Rather not if you don’t mind,” I replied
“It’s got a tide mark,” Sandra says, “Filthy bugger!”
“So rubber him up you daft cow,” I suggested all friendly like.
“Oh,” she said, “I suppose.”
“Go on then,” I said, “Up the wooden stairs to Bedfordshire!”
Desmond looked at me and looked at Al as he stood there with the sledge hammer, “Look lets just talk about this.” he says.
“Look,” I says, “We’re doing you a big favour Dessie.”
“He’s fucking paying or I ain’t doing it!” Sandra insisted.
“Of course he’s fucking paying,” Al insisted.
Desmond sets off up the stairs and Sandra follows, I motioned to Al and we went through to the kitchen and Al lit up a smoke;
“Johnno,” Sandra shouts after a bit, “He says he don’t fancy me and says he’ll pay twenty quid if we fuck off.”
Al sets off out the door and I followed him up the stairs and along to Dessie’s bedroom, Sandra sat on the bed with her skirt round her waist slowly wanking herself with four fingers of her left hand jammed up inside her stubbly cunt. Desmond stared at her, his cock tent-poling his pyjamas, as his resolve crumbled and his curiosity took over.
“For gods sake rubber up and give her one,” I says, “Or we’ll be here all night.”
“Look,” he says, “Please!” and Sandra stands up and pulls her top off and unhooks her bra and lets it flop on the floor.
“You want to suck my titties?” she asks.
“No!” Desmond says but his cock says yes and Sandra walks across to him and grabs his cock in her hand, “No please!” he says.
“Lets stick a rubber on and then we can do something really nice,” Sandra says and she takes a Durex and expertly rolls it on his cock as it pokes from his Pyjamas and then she unties the cord and lets the PJ trousers fall to the ground.
“You know you want to,” she husks and she lays back on the bed and drags Desmond after her by his cock.
“No!” he says but Sandra has guided his cock between her pussy lips and in a moment of madness, or so Desmond tried to claim later, Desmond shoved his cock deep inside her.
“Oohh,” Sandra cooed, “I don’t suppose you’ve had it for ages.”
“It’s all slippery I ‘spose,” said Al thoughtfully as Desmond started to hump Sandra energetically, “Not like an ass hole.”
Suddenly there was an almost feminine shriek, “Desmond!” Lionel protested, “What are you doing!”
“It’s called fucking,” I said, “Making love not forcing your prick up some bloke’s shit pipe.”
“They, ugh, made, ugh, me!” Desmond explained, “Oh god.”
“For fucks sake he’s cumming already Al,” Sandra protested, “You promised me decent fuck!”
“Half time,” I said, “His lot change ends at half time,” I explained and added, “Have you got the strap on Sandra.”
“Fucking hell!” Sandra protested, “Half a dozen pokes and he’s bloody cum!”
“So poke him with this big boy!” Al suggested and chucked Sandra’s bag containing her strap on on the bed.
Sandra fished the Strap on out, and Desmond’s eyes were wide with fear and excitement, the strap on had a cock about 100mm diameter and about a foot long.
“Look please, I’ll pay!” Desmond cried.
“Yes, you sure will after Sandra fucks your ass,” Al reminded him, “You got some lube?”
“Use soap!” I said.
“No it burns!” Desmond says.
“Engine oil, shoe polish, who cares?” I added
“Idiot!” Desmond wails, “There’s Vaseline in the bathroom!”
“Desmond!” Lionel protests, “How could you!” and he spots the strap on and there’s this greedy look in his eye.
“Do you want it up your ass?” Sandra asks, “You do, don’t you you naughty boy!”
“No, no, leave me alone, it’s too big!” Lionel protested.
“Here you are,” Al says and chucks the pot of Vaseline on the bed.
“Ooh look,” Sandra says as she flips the top off and hands it to Lionel, “Go on then,” she says.