Nathan groaned, stood up and gave the odd pair a nasty look before turning around to me with a kittenish guise. He leaned forward and pecked my ear.
“You’re very cute,” he whispered cheekily, “You ought to stick around if you really like me.” He straightened up, gave me a yummy parting wink, and sauntered over to his escorts, leaving me, once again, to my lonesome.
I stared down at the cushion in my lap, feeling a shivery dampness on the head of my penis. I had soiled it. I pushed aside the pillow and gripped it in my hand, indecently exposing my private. Its tip was still moist with pre-cum. I slipped it back into my briefs and fastened my pants and belt. It took me a while to realize that I was soiled, too.
~~~~~~~~~~ ~;,*,;~ ~~~~~~~~~~
I slumped in my chair. The overhead light of the kitchen stove was the only source of glow in the forlorn darkness. Back to where I started, I thought. I poured myself a glass of the wine I bought from South Street Nine just before I left. Light trapped in the liquor’s vivid yellowish-green translucence. I raised the glass to my lips and took a sip, brooding. Why did I still feel alone? I had no reason to feel this empty, I concluded. Those men were ordinary men like me—they were of my standards.Theywere happy amongst themselves. Perhaps their joy came from their likeness in interests? I sighed once more, taking another sip. The rich flavors intertwined in my mouth, overpowering the bitter taste of disappointment. I set my glass beside my laptop, the screen flickering hypnotically. I stared glazed at my rental service page when a notification chimed from my instant messenger. I switched to another window. Jay was on.
Jayboy1453:hey babe,
Jayboy1453:had a nice day?
I thought, that throughout all that I had witnessed today, despite the turmoil and the return of the clash between my curiosity and self-consciousness, Idid enjoy myself. But—God, help me—agay bar? The mere notion made me slump back in my seat with incredulity. Whatever possessed me to end up there, I still don’t know. I tried to rationalize my own guileless curiosity, and I ended up in such a sinful place.
Oh, but how delicious was that sin! Never had I imagined that I could approach it, that I could accept it, that I couldattain it. Somehow, I felt it would never happen. Renting out movies and collecting torrent files… I watched a stream of distant fantasies cycle through a screen every night. It was almost as if I was watching a parallel universe. But is that not what a fantasy is? So how could it ever become my reality?
Stumbling upon those people, in retrospect, I saw them living out their dreams. They didn’t deny themselves of their pleasure. Some may call them beasts for wanting to indulge so greedily in such raunchy affairs, but Iwanted that. I wanted that so badly. I only got a second of it. I would have gotten so much more from that time, too, if I hadn’t been so modest! Iknow it! I curse my modesty sometimes, but even out of my timidity, I suppose I would have never experienced this most erotic side of me. At least, not by my lonesome…
Maybe one day, I could experience it with Jay.
Jayboy1453:babe?
Jayboy1453:u there?
a_shyguy99:Yeah, sorry!
a_shyguy99:My day was okay
a_shyguy99:Went to a restaurant today
Jayboy1453:which one?
a_shyguy99:South Street Nine
Jayboy1453:………
Jayboy1453:babe……?
a_shyguy99:Yeah?
Jayboy1453:thats not a restaurant
a_shyguy99:p;’,