“Then it sounds like you need to supplement these workouts with an AA meeting if you’re serious about taking control.”
“Jesus Christ!” I exasperate, probably a few decibels too high. “I literally held you in my arms as you were crying–”
Ivan grabs my arm and pulls me further away from the soccer moms power walking on the treadmills.
“Will you keep your voice down,” he exhales angrily. “It wasn’t a real cry. It was a drunk cry. The kind you wake up in the morning feeling ridiculously stupid about.”
The two guy that were fucking in the showers pops out of the locker room entrance with an urgency. They spot me talking to Ivan and shoot me with furrowed brows all the way until they’re out of the door.
“Ivan, I think we touched on something that you’ve been suppressing. I think you really need to talk to somebody about these things and I just want you to know that I’m here if you–”
“Who the fuck do you think you are?” he asks, moving in closer. “You’re not some angel that was sent here to save my soul from eternal damnation. You’re just a horny, old man who laid eyes on me and wanted to fuck, and now you got what you wanted, so what more is there?”
“It’s means more than that with me. Look, I’ve been around for a long time. Hell, back when I was young, we didn’t have all the privileges being gay that you guys do–”
“Congratulations, do you want a senior discount at Andrew Christian or something?”
“I just wish I had somebody to talk to,” I say, ignoring his swipes.
“Well, you’re right, I do have more privileges.” he agrees. “I have hotlines, people telling me ‘It Gets Better’, corporations telling me how important I am every June, Lady Gaga, and all that. If I needed to talk to somebody, there are plenty of people willing to listen.”
“But, I–”
“I’m not a kid. I know exactly what I’m doing with my life and I enjoy it. And if I end up having to bump my head a few times, well, that’s life. That how you learn.” He turns and to begin walking away, but looks back at me. “By the way, this is the best you’ve looked since we met. You’re doing a lot better without me.”
I sigh as he bounces into the locker rooms.