Unrequited Love

A gay story: Unrequited Love Well this is my first attempt at a story and I know that it is poorly written. My hope is that with time my stories will get better. None of this is true, it is simply my imagination and if any of it offends anyone then I apologize in advance. I must warn that this is a love story, not one that will give you a quick roll in the hay. Enjoy! Comments are appreciated!

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Ok, so what is the problem with unrequited love, you ask? Well it fucking stinks. I had been in love with my best friend Chris since I was aware of what love was. The problem? Well Chris ain’t short for Christina and he is quite straight. He wasn’t one of those people who you think could have even a few closet gay fantasies. Hell even his subconscious is straight. I had caught him so many times asleep and dreaming of fucking some cunt.

I probably would still love him if he was less than attractive but he wasn’t. Does the term GREEK GOD mean anything to you? Well he was that and so much more. He stood 6’3 220 lbs. blond sun streaked hair, hazel green eyes, finely chiseled features and a body that makes my mouth water. It was my first year of college that I decided that I needed to do something about my predicament.

You see, Chris and I had been friends since we were fourteen and he moved into my neighborhood. If I hadn’t thought about being gay before meeting him, then I sure in the hell knew after meeting him. It was as if we just clicked. Before the end of his first summer living here, we were best friends. For some reason I could never tell him that I was gay or that the more I knew of him, the more I fell in love with him. I guess I was just too afraid to lose his friendship to tell him. That coupled with the fact that he would absolutely know how I felt if I did tell him just left me alone to pine for someone I could never have.

When I started college, I promised myself that I wouldn’t try to hide who I was anymore. I wasn’t going to be flaming or anything I just wouldn’t date girls anymore or lie when someone asked. I figured guys would be interested; it wasn’t like I was a total slob in the looks department. I’m Dereck by the way. I’m 6’1 195 lbs with a swimmers build. I’m brown haired and brown eyed with sort of an olive complexion. I figured that even though I would have to tell Chris that I was gay, being in college meant that I could make new friends and maybe not be so alone even if Chris decided he no longer wanted to be my friend.

A couple of weeks before we were set to go to college I knew that I had to tell Chris about me. He at least deserved that in case he wanted to not be roommates with me. He arrived at my house in his usual fashion, banging on the door, kissing my mom asking her what’s for dinner and pumping my dad’s fist all the while yelling for me.

“DER! DER! Get your lazy butt up, let’s shoot some hoops.”

God I loved just hearing his voice and I swear that when he said my name it sounded like he was calling me ‘dear’ instead of my nickname. I had it so bad. I opened my door and told him to shut up like I always did. Here goes nothing I said to myself.

“Get in here dickwad I gotta talk to you about something.”

“Sure buddy what’s up?”

“I need to tell you something before we go to school and if you no longer want to be my roommate afterwards then I’ll completely understand.”

“Damn man do you have like some extreme farting disease cuz u know as long as you stay under the covers the smell stays trapped.” He said and began his belly-clenching laughing that never ceased to cause my skin to tingle. I always had a hard time not moaning from his voice.

“Stop laughing man, I’m serious just listen to me for a minute. I need to tell you this cuz you might not even want to be my friend afterwards. It’s just important so listen. This is probably one of the hardest things that i’ll have to say in my lifetime so I guess i’ll just say it. I’m Gay.”

By the end of my small speech, I was pacing and near tears. I was thinking that I maybe shouldn’t have told him when my parents were home. I kept pacing not even wanting to look at him because if I saw disgust I’d just let the damn floor open up and swallow me whole. After a while, I realized that the room was still quiet and I chanced a glance at Chris. I barely held back a gasp. I had never seen him look so serious. His face was stony and expressionless. He looked like a statue only he was blinking and his jaw was twitching. I couldn’t take it anymore.

“Chris say something! Or at least do something, punch me or something but don’t just sit there!” I was a bit frantic at this point. I didn’t know this would hurt so much. It felt like my heart was wringing itself out.

“How long have you known?”

“Well that depends, I’ve always felt different because girls never really excited me, but I knew for sure when I was thirteen and had my first wet dream. Most guys don’t remember theirs but I do and let’s just say that there were no boobs or cunts to be found.”

“YOU’VE KNOWN THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME THAT WE’VE BEEN FRIENDS?! The whole time, and you never said a word. You know everything about me and now this, I suddenly feel like I don’t know SHIT about the person who calls himself my best friend.”

By now, we were both emotional and I was slumped in a chair while he sat with his head in his hands on my bed.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I couldn’t. At first, it was just too confusing having to admit it to myself, but after I was sure, I didn’t want to lose a friendship. I was and am so afraid that you won’t wanna be my bro anymore. I knew I had to come out to you now because we’re going to school and it wouldn’t be fair to you to find out when I have my first date or if I wanna bring someone back to the dorm. I don’t wanna hide anymore so i’m giving you time in case you want to get a new roommate.”

Damn, I was really sweating bullets now. He still hadn’t said much and he seemed even more pissed off. I sighed inwardly and hoped my world as I knew it wouldn’t completely crumble around my feet.

“First of all I don’t care if you are gay. Hell, you could have fucked half the male population at school and I still wouldn’t care. What I do care about is the fact that you have never told me. I mean you never even let on. Either you are one hell of an actor or i’m as blind as a bat. I suppose it is really a little in between though. I really don’t even feel as if I know you right now and I don’t know what to do about it. I mean is there anything else that you need to tell me, do you have a boyfriend that you’ve been hiding for four years or what?”

All through his speech, I had to keep reminding myself that my jaw didn’t belong on the floor. So he didn’t care, well what’d ya know? I was on crash mode from the adrenaline high that I was feeling. I didn’t know whether to jump for joy, break down crying or pass out. Eventually I just stayed rooted to my seat.

“Hell no I don’t have a boyfriend. I’ve never seen that as being a possibility until I decided to come out. Plus, that’s not something that I could have hidden from you. As far as the acting goes, well, it was easy most of the time because I just tried to act as if it didn’t matter, that if I ignored it enough then I wouldn’t have to worry about it. ”

I couldn’t tell him that the only boyfriend I had ever wanted was him or that as long as I got to hang out with him then at most times it didn’t matter.

“So does this mean that I have to listen to you scoop guys and talk about their packages like we did with girls?”

Although this was a poor attempt at humor, I laughed anyway.

“Naw man, I wouldn’t want to make you uncomfortable. Plus i’m still the same; I can appreciate the female form. Now you’ll just know that i’m looking at their boyfriends more than i’m looking at them. Nothing will change bro.”

Oh how wrong a person can be. Chris and I went back to being buds after I came out to him. As the days went along, we even began to joke about it. We went off to school and quickly fell into our routines. I was the art major and he was the architecture major. We both loved sports but it just wasn’t a passion. Because of this, we tended to hang out with the same types of people. Although his crowd was stuffier because their field involved so much more mathematics, there was always an easy vibe when we all studied together for common classes.

There was this tension growing between us. I knew it was mostly my fault. I felt the need to distance myself from him because I thought he’d figure out that I was in love with him. Especially with him knowing that I was gay. In my opinion, you just couldn’t help but fall for him, but maybe I was just biased. It was so much harder to keep my feelings for him under wraps with him sharing a room with me. I had promised myself that I would date and open myself to the possibility of falling in love or at least getting to home base. However, every time I saw him come from the shower with the towel tied low around his waist or when he comes in from working out and he’s so hot he’s steaming its more than I can take and all I do is pine mores for him.

This just wasn’t working, Chris was dating and I knew that I needed to forget about what I couldn’t have. Fortunately, he hadn’t brought any girls back to the room but it was probably only a matter of time. I decided to join the gay and lesbian alliance on campus and I sort of immersed myself in gay functions and socials for a while. I went on a few dates, did some groping and kissing, but I never really considered going further than that. I guess I just hadn’t met anyone who measured up to Chris’ standards. That is, until I met Robert or Rob for short.

Rob was about two inches shorter than I was, eyes the purest emerald I had ever seen, hair black as midnight, a buff physique and not an ounce of body fat. I have no idea what drew me to him. He was gorgeous but more in a rugged than a chiseled way. We hit it off right away and it felt so great to not be thinking about Chris all day that I felt as if a weight had been lifted. I was able to be more of the friend to Chris than I was before and Rob and me were actually good friends alongside of us going out. I felt that I was finally fitting into where I belonged.

CHRIS

Ever since Dereck told me he was gay, things haven’t been the same between us. The weird part about it is that it’s him acting weird and not me. I mean yeah it was a big shock, but it made a whole lot of sense once I really thought about it. I mean he never really dated girls for more than a few weeks and he’d never gone all the way, as far as I knew. No, he’s acting like that part of him shouldn’t have anything to do with me and I guess it really doesn’t but we’re supposed to be buds. This saddens me more than I care to think about.

For a while, there it was as if he wasn’t dating because of me it just sucked because I don’t want him to be unhappy. Hell, his whole reasoning for coming out to me was so he could have a chance at a real relationship. Then he starts going to all these functions and I saw some semblance of my old buddy again. It wasn’t until he started dating this Rob character that I truly saw how he was emerging and what sort of shell he’d been in before.

I felt like this was a new person that I was seeing and even though we did start hanging out more, it was just different. His laugh was different; the way he dressed was too. And there was this sparkle in his eyes that i’d never seen before. I think he was falling in love and it bothered me so much but I had no idea why.

Part of me wishes he had never told me so that things could be the same, but the other part knew that was selfish. I wanted him to be happy, really, I just wish I didn’t feel like I was losing something in order for him to accomplish it.

DERECK

I made it through the door at fifteen past three in the morning. I was so drained that I didn’t even undress; I just plopped off my shoes and laid down. My head was still reeling from all that had happened that night. I had gone to the club with Rob. I had bought a new outfit and all, liking the way my new duds hugged a little tighter than my usual baggy pants and shirt. Rob and I were dancing; I was reeling from the vibrations and having a wonderful time in Rob’s arms when I had to go fuck it up. Rob kissed me, which was nothing new seeing as we were dating and all, but this time was different. We had been slowly working our way up the intimacy scale but we were still trying to keep it vanilla, seeing as I was still a virgin and all. This time when Rob kissed me, there was such passion that it was driving me crazy. He was running his hands all over my body and it felt sooooooo good that I never wanted him to stop. The moment was perfect, we were in a crowd but it felt like we were all alone as our lips locked. It felt like time stopped. I was moaning and had no idea what else was going on. Eventually I realized that Rob had stopped kissing me. I finally opened my eyes to see a look of sadness come over Rob’s face. I didn’t know what was wrong and my confusion must have been written all over my face. He simply said, “We need to talk”.

We walked to a nearby diner and before we got our coffees good, he told me exactly why we had to leave.

“Sweetheart, you called me Chris at the club tonight.”

My eyes welled with tears as I told him, “Oh my God! I am so sorry, I was not even aware. It must have been just a slip. I’m sorry.”

I knew then that the damage had been done. Dammit I just couldn’t get him out of my system, would I ever be free of him? The tears started to pour then because I knew I could never be happy with anyone but Chris. Since that wasn’t likely to happen, I was just doomed to be alone. Rob paid our tab and led me out and around to his apartment. He sat me down and asked me how long i’d been in love with Chris. Up until then I had managed to stop crying, but that started it up again. I told him everything, from me loving Chris at the beginning of our friendship to my coming out and Chris’ reaction. He listened and then had a few words of his own.

“Dereck, you are a great guy, i’m just sad that I didn’t meet you before he did, because then you wouldn’t be going through this. It sounds to me like he’s a good friend and you never know what the future holds for you two. I have to be honest, i’ve seen how you look at him and before you get hysterical, it’s not that obvious, I just happened to be gay AND care about you. I’m still your friend and we can still hang out, we might even find a solution to your Chris problem”

I felt like I was all wrung out. I knew my eyes were bloodshot, but I still smiled because at least I hadn’t lost the friendship that had developed between Rob and me. I walked slowly back to the dorms still without a clear plan in mind. I had thought of everything from changing schools to breaking off the friendship with Chris. Ultimately, I knew that none of my ideas would work because it wouldn’t stop me from thinking about him or loving him. With a huge sigh I let myself in the room and here I am.

“Dude are you awake, did you just get here?”

“Yeah I went to the club with Rob remember?”

“Yeah, I was trying to wait up for you to tell you the good news.”

Oh shit, here it comes, the other shoe is gonna drop I thought. I just didn’t know if I could take an extra heaping of emotional bullshit. I asked what the news was anyway because I could at least try not to let my best friend down.

“Der, you know that girl Mary from my architectural design class that i’ve been talking to for the past couple of weeks? Well we finally hooked up. It was fuckin’ incredible, man. I mean just out of this world. Now we’re a couple. I’m so happy!”

If you could measure enthusiasm, his would be off the charts. As high as he was floating, the exact opposite was true for what I was feeling. My heart was so heavy. This was proof of what I could never have. I just did not know what to do. I guess I was taking too long because Chris butted into my musings and demanded a congratulations.

“Sorry man, I was just thinking, but i’m really happy for you. I mean it’s great. I mean she seems really nice. Congrats and I hope it works out.”

Suddenly I needed some air. I needed to leave. I needed to think, and anywhere that Chris wasn’t was where I could be. I jumped up stuck my feet in my shoes and headed for the door. I would have made it to safety had he not asked me what was wrong. Dammit! I swiveled around so fast that I knocked some pens off the desk and I know that I had the classic deer in the headlights look. I was thinking fast and finally settled on a half-truth.

“Rob and I broke up tonight.”

“Aw man i’m sorry, here I am boasting about a girl and you were hurting. I’m such an ass. Is there anything that I can do?”

Oh what a loaded question. Love me? Hold me? Want me? Be gay? But no, I said none of those things. His being sorry just made me love him more.

“Nah man I just want to be alone for a little while. Don’t feel bad, you didn’t know.”

On that note, I left and went into the media room and starred into space for a couple of hours until I knew Chris would be at class. I went back to the room and crashed from sheer exhaustion, I didn’t even go to class.

CHRIS

“GODDAMMIT!!!”

After Der left I couldn’t sleep. I knew I didn’t like that bastard Rob. I just never knew why until now. I knew he was trouble. He just came in and swept Der right off his feet with his charm. I felt like smashing his face in. I’ve never seen Der look so distraught. He must really love that shithead. If truth be told I really don’t know what happened because Der didn’t wanna talk about it, but he had to be the one who got dumped otherwise why would he look like his heart had been ripped out?

After my classes, I went in search of the bastard who broke my friend’s heart. I found him at the local hangout. I thought that I could just talk to him like a civilized person. That wasn’t the case. As soon as I spotted him, I became enraged. I didn’t care that he was more buff than me, hell I had four inches on him. I asked to speak to him outside and before he stepped onto the sidewalk good, I decked him but good. He was so surprised that he went straight down. I hauled him up and drew back to hit him again when I was snatched backwards by someone. I was so mad I swung on them. Whomever it was ducked expertly and rammed me onto the ground.

“What the hell are you doing Chris?!”

The question startled me back to reality and I realized that it was Dereck on top of me. He looked annoyed, which wasn’t what I expected. Here I am coming to his honor and defending my friend and he has the nerve to look annoyed. What the fuck?

“Chris you need to apologize to Rob, you don’t even know what happened last night. Why the hell did you hit him?”

“Apologize? Apologize? What the hell? I saw the look in your eyes last night. That prick hurt you and you’re my best friend so of course I hit him. Get off of me, i’m not gonna hit him again unless I hear a good enough reason.”

He seemed a little reluctant to let me go but considering what I did to Rob’s jaw, I guess it was understandable. By now, a small crowd had formed around the place and more people were looking out of the window.

“Ok jackass that is my friend, me and Rob decided to just be friends, you could have asked me or him that, so why didn’t you?”

“I meant to ask him, but when I saw him, all I could think about was how you looked and I saw red man, i’m sorry to both of you. I guess I should have stayed out of that one huh? But if you guys are friends, then what the hell was that look for last night? Jesus, you looked worse than when your dog ran away when we were fifteen.”

Rob then suggested that Der and me go somewhere more private and talk about it. I thought that was a little odd seeing as though we almost had a brawl in a very public place, but I guessed it must have been really serious. Der and I walked back to the dorms in silence. I kept waiting for him to tell me what it was but his shoes seemed more important at the time because his eyes were glued to them.

He let out a really deep breath and said, “Chris I was just mourning over what could never be. We wouldn’t have worked out and last night is when we realized it. I wanted it to work, but it wasn’t meant to be.”

“Yeah, ok, but what am I missing? I mean it seems like you still like him or you wouldn’t have pulled me off him today, so why can’t you two be together? Dude, you shouldn’t be this sad over something that you had a hand in creating.”

“Chris it’s not that it’s just that I can’t give everything to Rob the way he deserves and he understands that.”

“Well what the hell is it; I really thought you liked him.”

“I do it’s just so complicated.”

“What the hell are you talking about? It doesn’t sound complicated to me. If you like the guy or love him, then why not go for it?”

“It’s just not that simple”

“Yes it is. Bro, don’t make this hard on yourself. I know you’ve probably never been in love before so maybe you’re scared.”

“It’s not that. I just can’t…”

“You can’t what bro, spit it out!”

“I CAN’T love Rob; I’m already in love with someone else!”

“Goddammit! Why didn’t you say so? All this beating around the bush, you could have said that from the beginning. And who is this guy? Do I know him? I thought you were only dating Rob. Wow, so you went ahead and fell. Well congrats. But wait, that doesn’t explain the look on your face. I need to know for sure that Rob didn’t deserve the hit. So why the look?”

By now I was shaking him because it was like he had fucking peanut butter in his throat, he wouldn’t say anything of substance. It had to be big for him to be so adamant about not telling me. It was driving me crazy. The last thing I expected was for him to blurt out, “I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU!”

He began sobbing uncontrollably and I needed to pick my jaw up of the floor and get my hearing checked. The next thing I knew was that he was walking out the door and slamming it behind him.

DERECK

Of all the reckless, stupid, crazy, and wonderful things that Chris could have done, why did he have to hit Rob? Damn I wanted to kiss him so bad because he thought he was coming to my rescue. I woke up and wanted to talk to Rob, seeing as he was the only one who knew how I felt about Chris. I knew where he would be and decided to go there. Imagine my surprise when I saw Chris deck him. I raced down the block and got there just in time before Chris hit him again. When I hauled Chris away from Rob, I was not ready for the sensations that assaulted me with him under me on the ground. His hair, soap, and just his scent were intoxicating. I never really allowed myself to get too close to him for this very reason. He was driving me crazy. When he said I could let him up, I had to use sheer willpower not to tighten my arms around him and never let him go. Reluctantly I let him go.

When we got up, it was time for explanations; I knew that he would no longer associate my behavior last night to Rob once he found out that we were still friends. Rob suggested we find somewhere private to talk. On the way back to the dorms, I had resigned to myself that I would just have to lie. I had to keep at least that part of me secret because I didn’t want to hurt anymore than I already did.

He started asking me more questions and I just couldn’t make myself outright lie. He kept pushing until I blurted out the truth. The horror of the situation fell on me right after and I couldn’t stop the tears. I didn’t even look at his face because I was terrified of what i’d find there. So I ran, and ran, and ran. By the time I stopped, I had no idea where I was. I saw a nearby park and just sat. For how long I don’t know. It started to rain and I felt it was fitting for how I felt.

I was empty. I had lost my best friend because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. At least when he didn’t know I still had him as a friend. There’s no way in hell we’d be friends now that he knew. I probably freaked him out. He’s gonna think that I wanna turn him gay. All these thoughts were going through my head. When I saw dawn creeping up and washing away the night, I decided it was time to go and face the music once again. I walked until I saw a payphone and then called a cab.

When I arrived back at my dorm room, before I even got in the door good, I was met with a fist. I didn’t even try to stop it. I knew this would be a possibility and I was prepared to suffer through a beating. Nothing could be worse than the emotional pain i’d already been through.

Oddly, there was only one punch.

“WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?”…” Oh my God are you alright?! You’re shivering. You fucking idiot!”

At this point, I had no idea what was going on. Chris was yelling at me and just starring. The next thing I knew he’s dragging me down the hall and throwing me into the shower clothes and all.

It wasn’t until the hot water hit me that I realized how cold I was. Belatedly I knew that I was gonna be sick. Oh well.

“Take those wet clothes off and when I get back i’ll bring you some pajamas.”

He walked away muttering under his breath and I collapsed in a heap on the floor. My stare was vacant. I didn’t even care what happened to me next. Chris came in and started yelling all over again. I didn’t catch all of it but there was a handbag of curse words and some ‘idiots’ and even a ‘douche bag’. Damn, I hadn’t heard that one since we were kids. It made me smile a little. He stood me back up and eventually I got undressed and into some pajamas. He helped me back to the room, although it felt more like he was dragging me. I fell into bed and was asleep almost instantly.

CHRIS

The slamming door snapped me out of my stupor and I wasn’t sure what to do. Did he really say he loved me? This was crazy. No one has ever been in love with me. This was scary and so confusing because what was I supposed to do now? I mean if this were a girl then i’d definitely make a go of it. But this wasn’t and to top it off, this is my best friend here. I needed to know what to do, but seeing as I wasn’t gay, I had no idea of where to start. I didn’t want to see him hurt but I guessed it was a little late for that. No, I guess now I didn’t want to consciously hurt him. It struck me that he must have been hurt over me getting with um… what’s her name? Oh, yeah, Mary. Damn I couldn’t even remember her name. Anyway, i’m hurt that he couldn’t come to me but I guess I understood it.

It was getting late so I figured he’d be back in a little while so we could at least talk about it. When he didn’t come back, I admit I went a little crazy. I imagined all sorts of things. Him hurting himself, or getting hurt. I called Rob and we went out looking for him. During the course of our investigation, Rob told me everything he knew which was a helluva lot more than I knew. I was stunned more than once as each secret that my best friend kept from me came to life. By the end of the story, shit I was damn near heart-broken myself. My friend was hurting for so long and I never knew. I damn near wished that I were gay so that maybe i’d feel I deserved such emotions but I was just me. I swear at the time I just felt like the dumb blockhead that never got a subtlety in their life.

It stunned me that for almost five years Der had had feelings for me and I never knew it. We couldn’t find him so we just went home. I knew he’d have to turn up. If only to get his clothes. I had a feeling that he didn’t want to be around me. I hoped he was somewhere warm because of the rain, but I just didn’t know.

At almost eight o’clock in the morning, I heard his key. He opened the door and I was so relieved that I almost couldn’t stand. Then I thought of how stupid he’d been to just run off like that. I thought of how worried I was about him and I just reacted to it. I punched him square in the jaw. He went down and didn’t even speak. It was like he expected me to beat him up. He was soaked to the skin and that’s when I realized that he didn’t look so good.

I’d explain to him later that I wasn’t gay bashing but for now he needed warmth so I threw him into a hot shower. Only then did he show some signs of life. I swear he looked like a part of him died. I hated that look and I needed it to be gone but for the moment I focused on getting him warm. Once we got back to the room, he got under the covers and was out instantly.

I sat on my bed with my head in my hands. I still had no idea what to do. I mean yeah I loved the guy, he was my best friend but I wasn’t in love with him. He’s a he and i’m not gay. Sure, i’ve never had a bond like this with anyone, but that’s because it’s just not that common. Most girls think i’m all looks or that i’m a sex addict, and most guys are cool to hang out with but we never really clicked like me and Der did. All of these years of friendship will just go down the tube if I don’t do something. This was the most nerve-wracking problem i’d ever dealt with. What was I going to do?

DERECK

When I finally woke up, I felt like I had been hit with a sledgehammer. My head was spinning and I felt like I was on fire. When I was finally able to sit up, I saw that there was some soup, water, and aspirin on my desk. There was a note with specific instructions not to get out of bed. If I weren’t so sick, I would have cried at how Chris was taking care of me. I lay back down after eating the soup and thought about how to deal with my situation. I was really just trying to resign myself to the fact that my friendship was over. There was no way that we could still be friends with him knowing that I loved him. I called Rob and asked if I could stay with him until the end of the school year. There was less than two months left and I figured that I could make it until then.

I watched TV until I fell back asleep. When I woke up again Chris was there giving me more aspirin and soup. I even had a cool towel on my forehead. Damn I loved this man. He didn’t say anything and for once I was glad that he wasn’t talking. It was an almost comfortable silence since there was just nothing left to say at the moment. He laid down on his bed and draped his arm over his face. I turned over and went back to sleep.

We continued like this until I was well enough to go back to class. Chris had called my friends so that I wouldn’t miss any notes or assignments from my classes. I really appreciated all that he’d done for me, but I was still resigned to moving to Rob’s and letting our friendship go. I thought that he at least deserved to know so before I started packing I sat down and made sure that I was looking straight into his eyes. I let all of the love I had for him show in my eyes. I figured that i’d never see him again or that I would at least try to avoid him for a while.

“Chris thank you so much for taking care of me, you didn’t really have to but i’m glad you did.”

“No problem, what are friends for?”

“Well about the friends part, I don’t think we should be friends anymore… or at least we should just not be around each other for a while. I hope you understand.”

“No Chris I don’t understand, how can you say something that no one has ever told me a week ago and now not want to be my friend?”

“It’s precisely why I can’t be around you right now. I never expected you to find out. It was one thing to let you know that I was gay, but it’s another reality when you know the reason that i’ve never been in a real relationship. I thought that I had something with Rob but I couldn’t get you out of my system, even on a subconscious level. I didn’t know that rooming with you after I came out would make it so hard. I’m moving out until the end of the school year. I think I need to just cut myself off from you for a while. It is driving me crazy that I can’t have you and I can’t move on. I need to unstick myself from this situation. I need a life and my feelings for you are keeping me from that.” So until I can get you out of my system, we can’t be friends. I hope you understand.

With that long explanation, I let out a long breath and started packing. I told him that i’d come back later for the rest of my stuff. He still hadn’t said anything. I packed as much as I could into two large duffel bag and stuffed my backpack with my books. With that, I was out of the door.

CHRIS

After Dereck left I thought of all the things that I had wanted to say that seemed to stick in my throat. This was absurd, my life was falling apart and it wasn’t even my fault. I seriously wished for a few moments that I was gay. I had never thought about guys like that, a hard dick did nothing for me. No girl had ever played with my ass so I couldn’t even imagine what gay sex was like.

I wanted Der in my life; he was my best friend dammit. I’ve never been in love, but if it feels anything like how I was feeling, I didn’t wish it on anyone. This made me think of how Der must be feeling. Damn, he loved me. It was still something that I had a hard time coming to grips with. I didn’t think I deserved to be loved like that, especially since there wasn’t a way for that love to be fulfilled. I guess you couldn’t choose who you loved. The thing that weirded me out was that him loving me didn’t gross me out, it just made me feel unworthy. I saw the way he looked at me when he told me he was going to move out. It was incredible; I don’t think he’s ever looked at me like that. I felt small and helpless. As much as I still wanted his friendship, I understood on some level the need to purge me from his system, but did our friendship have to go along with it?

I thought about it some more and the more I thought, I became increasingly angry. I needed my friend back and just because he had some emotional problems right now didn’t mean that we couldn’t be friends. Maybe if I made him mad at me, then he wouldn’t love me anymore and we could have it out the old-fashioned way- with a good brawl. Otherwise, who knew when i’d get my friend back with him doing things his way. Yeah, as the plan formulated in my mind I began to smile.

In the last weeks of school, I started being sort of a stalker. I just couldn’t give up on our friendship. At first Der would just blush beet red and act as if us spotting each other was a coincidence. It made me smile even more knowing that I was getting to him. With each new ‘coincidence’, he stopped blushing and his eyes became hooded. He would scowl now and just ignore me. I knew I was making him angry, but I just couldn’t help it.

Finally, I got him to speak to me. I had bumped into him at the local hangout and he finally spoke up.

“Chris please leave me alone. I’ve got finals coming up and I need to concentrate.”

“Oh please dude, you know we hang out with the same crowd, we just happen to keep bumping into each other.”

“That’s bullshit Chris, you know how hard this is for me and I thought you understood this so why are you baiting me?”

He really did look bad, and I had a moment of doubt that my plan wouldn’t work, but i’d come this far so I just continued.

“Man you really need to get your head checked, i’m not doing anything to you, it’s all in your head.”

“Just leave me alone Chris, please.”

“If I were messing with you, why should I stop? You looovve me, remember, all you’ll do is run away like you did before, maybe i’m doing you a favor by forcing you to face yourself.”

I couldn’t believe that i’d just said that to him, but I needed him to let off the pressure. He was wound so tight that he was gonna crash in a little while. I realized that all this time I was really trying to help him. That made me feel better about baiting him like that.

“Just stop Chris, I can’t do this.”

“Sure you can, just talk to me, say whatever you want, you look like shit anyway so what ever the hell you’re doing isn’t working anyway. I’m still your friend, so let it out.”

By now, I was poking him and he just kept stumbling backwards. His throat was working and his eyes kept closing. I knew he was close to tears and if I didn’t get him to blow soon I didn’t know what i’d do.

DERECK

I couldn’t believe it, Chris really had been stalking me. Truth be told, I had begun to expect him to pop up at inopportune times. Once I realized that it was more than just by mistake, I started wondering at his motives. The only thing that I could think about was that he was angry with me for not being his friend and he was punishing me. It began to wear on me that he would do something like that and me moving out didn’t seem to be helping the matter any. Why would he do this?

I finally had had enough. I tried to talk to him, but he was pushing me harder and harder. He started saying words that were like knives to my heart. Finally, I decided that I had to do something so that he would leave me alone. I closed my eyes so that I could get myself together as much as possible. I couldn’t believe what I was about to do but there was no other way.

“You want me to let it out!?” I started shouting at him and pushing him back. I didn’t even care that he looked a little shocked. I’ve never been one for violence, but when I finally get angry, it takes me a while to calm down. I needed to simulate that now.

I grabbed him by his shirt collar and threw him onto the ground. By now, we had moved to a somewhat secluded spot, but for what I needed to do, I hoped there was at least a few people around to add to the effect.

I leaned down and started shaking him and yelling, “Why are you doing this to me, you know that I love you!!” I punched him and winced as my fist connected with his face. “Is this what you want? For me to get angry and let it out!?”

By now, I was so close to his face that I could feel his breath on my face as I looked at him. I pulled back and peered down on him. “Do you know why I stay away? It’s because every time i’m around you I want to do this.”

With that, I bent down and plastered my lips to his in a bruising kiss. I pulled back to catch my breath and immediately went back into the kiss. I didn’t care that he wasn’t responding, I think he was in shock that I would kiss him.

“Every time I see you I want to run my tongue down every inch of your body, and I do mean every inch.”

I was still holding onto his shirt and I knew my eyes were filled with lust. I popped a boner because most of what I was saying wasn’t acting. I made sure that I rubbed it against his thigh. I’m sure that by now you know that my plan was to get him good and disgusted so that he’d leave me alone. I looked into his eyes and he looked a little scared. That was good. I bent my head down and licked at his neck before lightly kissing the same spot. When I was sure he wouldn’t move I bit down on his neck and felt him tense up. Oh yeah, he’d be good and pissed when he saw that. I jerked him back, got up, and left him lying on the ground.

I walked away feeling a bit better, knowing that there was no way he’d be bothering me from now on. I was a little sad that it was finally over, but at least i’d get a chance to live my life.

CHRIS

OH MY FUCKING GOD!! I can’t believe how that fucking backfired. I walked back to the dorm still in shock. I should have been repulsed by something like that but oddly, I wasn’t. What could this mean? Was I gay now or something? I mean he kissed me and I had a hard time not moaning. Then he starts licking my neck and I felt it all in my balls and down into the tips of my toes. I was so fucking hard that I couldn’t believe it! When he bit me, my god I almost creamed in my pants.

I had a feeling that he was only doing that to gross me out or something but oh my it hadn’t worked. Now I was the one tripping out. I sat down on my bed and started to really think about what happened and where to go from there.

The thought that he popped a boner and ground it into me was just such a turn on? Was it really a turn on? Yeah, I guess it was. I needed to find out what was going on with me.

I hopped up and got on the internet. I started researching all things gay. I went to a popular site that I previously only went to for straight stories. I started to read the stories and I recognized that the straight fucking stories did nothing for me. It was the love stories that really got to me. I started to see that it wasn’t that they were gay, but that they were love stories that just happened to be between two men. I wasn’t really hard, but all it took was for me to remember the lust in Der’s eyes, the love also shining through, his biting me and I was hard and panting. This was so freaking me out.

I really started thinking about my actions so far and I really began to feel like an idiot. I thought about how I felt when he told me he was gay. I wasn’t upset that he was gay, but the fact that he hadn’t shared everything with me left me feeling like we weren’t as close as I thought. Then with him dating, I really felt like I was losing him. Instead of feeling happy for him that he was finally living an open life, I was jealous that he had another facet to himself that I knew nothing about. I didn’t want him to be happy if I was being totally honest. Because his happiness meant that he wouldn’t be with me all the time.

I guess a part of me had known all along that there was something more to the story, and not just on his part either. When Der started dating I noticed that he wouldn’t smile or laugh at me the same way, it was just different. I guess it bothered me that those smiles that used to be only for me were going to someone else. I finally saw what it was like to really just be friends and I didn’t like it. I was discovering all of this in hindsight but it was still so hard to digest.

Him telling me that he loved me didn’t gross me out because I guess deep down I already knew. Or at least I knew that there was more to our bond than I was willing to admit. Since I was being honest with myself, the thought of him loving me actually made me feel good. I guess that should have been my first clue right there. I got sort of fuzzy when I thought of what loving me meant. He wanted me, and not just to fuck, but me, all of me. He knew everything about me and still loved me. It felt pretty amazing, him being a guy or not.

When I took care of him, I felt like a damn mother hen. I just starred at him for the longest. Every time he would move I was there re-wetting the cool towel or letting him sip water. I knew he didn’t remember any of that and that was comforting. I would smooth his hair away from his face and I felt so bad for him that I almost wanted to kiss his forehead. The idea was startling and I always resisted.

I couldn’t take it when he left. It was like my right arm was gone. I mean sure we weren’t on the best of terms ever since coming to school, but some semblance of a friendship was better than nothing. I knew that there was still the problem of what to do about the situation.

I had to change my tactic. I knew that I still wanted him in my life, but the question now was, could I handle a relationship. I knew that I couldn’t just experiment with my sexuality with him. If I was going to do this then it couldn’t be a fling. I just didn’t know what to do.

As the days got closer to the end of the school term, I started to see Der in a completely new light. Previously I figured that he was pretty good looking, I guess. We were no slouches or anything. But I started to notice that his eyes were like deep pools that I wanted to drown in. He had clear skin with pink pouty lips. I remembered how they felt and wished now that I had responded. His smile was quite nice when he actually let it out. Man I was tripping over him hard. I saw him around, but I made it a point not to draw attention to that fact. He was drawn and reserved; his eyes looked a little dim. I wanted his eyes to sparkle again, and I wanted to be the one who put it there. His hair was longer and I thought about running my hands through it. His deep dark waves were starting to grow down his neck and over his ears. It was cute? I didn’t know what to think about that. Man I was falling hard.

I had to know for sure that I wouldn’t break his heart. I had already caused him so much pain. For this reason, I stayed away from him. Yes, my attraction was growing for him, but he was the only male that it seemed to be growing for. How did I convince him that I really wanted him when I wasn’t really sure that I was gay?

Like a light bulb or lightening, or whatever, I was struck again by how stupid I had been. What if it wasn’t about being gay? I mean I was attracted to him, but only him. No other guy did it for me. That didn’t make me gay, it just made me his. Sure, I still thought about women, but the more that I thought about it, the more I realized that I had never had a bond like the one that we shared. I never even let anyone get that close to me. Maybe I loved him.

The thought made me sit down, hard. I was stunned. I loved Dereck? Could that be true? Damn, I was gonna lose my mind if I kept thinking about this. I got up and went to take a shower. I set the water on the hottest I could stand and tried not to think. That didn’t work. I couldn’t help remembering Der in the shower. He was bigger than I remembered from high school. It was odd at first that he never took his clothes off in front of me. But when I was helping him shower, he was much more sculpted than I thought. Remembering his body made me think of what he’d said that he wanted to do to me. Especially thinking about that bite which scared the hell out of me when I saw it. I was so hard thinking about it though.

I took my cock and started to slowly jack off. I tried to think of girls, celebrities with hot bodies and I went almost limp. Then I started thinking of men actors, Brad Pitt, Orlando Bloom, anyone and I was still only at half-mast. Just one thought of Der and I was almost shooting my wad. What the hell was happening to me? I slowly reached around and tapped at my bud. The shiver that raced down my body was incredible. I used some soap to lather my finger and slowly started working my finger in. It burned a little but still felt good. I knew about the male prostate but I couldn’t quite reach it. I shifted a little ad I saw white. The feeling was so intense that I almost fell down. My orgasm was so intense that I was shaking even minutes after.

By the end of my shower, I was pruned and still horny as hell. My problems seemed to be ever changing. Now that I was all horned up, there was only one person that could satisfactorily relieve it and he didn’t want to have anything to do with me. It was time to do something yet again.

DERECK

I walked away from Chris and was shaking I was so nervous. What if he got up and chased me? I went back to Rob’s place and cried my heart out. It was really over. Damn, I was acting like we were a couple. I knew that my actions had really cinched the deal though. He couldn’t help but be disgusted with me now. The problem was that I couldn’t really be sorry for what I did. I got to live out some of the fantasies that i’ve had for years. It was incredible even if he wasn’t responding.

I wanted the school year to end so that I could go home and lick my wounds. I walked around campus, not really seeing anything or anyone. I was so glad when I was able to go home for the summer. It would be my time to find out what I really wanted to do with the rest of my life. I wasn’t sure that I even wanted to go back to that school.

I got home and was met with a bevy of questions from my mom. She sat me down and did not stop with the questions for ten minutes. When she was done, she looked at me expectantly. I hadn’t heard half of what she said and I just didn’t have the energy to play it off jokingly.

She looked at me really hard and then led me to my room. She asked me what was wrong and I seriously contemplated breaking down and telling her the whole story. I really had wanted to come out to my parents when I got a boyfriend. It just didn’t seem to matter now seeing as I wasn’t with anyone. Being ‘out’ wasn’t so great when being hit on by guys didn’t make you want your ex-best friend any less.

I just told her that Chris and I weren’t friends any more and that I hadn’t been living in the dorms for over a month. I knew she wanted to push but I guess something made her hold her tongue. She made my favorite dinner of fried chicken macaroni and broccoli. It was a nice gesture but I guess she didn’t know that it was also Chris’ favorite meal too.

Over the next few weeks, I slept for long hours and barely left my room. I had lost weight in school but now I was gaining it back in spades. I now had a little pouch that I couldn’t really bring myself to care about. I decided to go out and take a swim. My parents were out and I had nothing else to do.

I went for a swim and was beginning to feel pretty good about lazing about in the sunshine. I got out and decided to bring in the mail even though I usually didn’t get anything that wasn’t school related, but I did it anyway. While leafing through the mail a small envelope fell out and onto the floor. I picked it up and noticed that it had my name on it. I looked for the return address but there wasn’t one. I shrugged and opened the envelope. The card said ‘Thinking of you’, and in the inside was written “in every way”.

I didn’t know what the hell to make of that. I guessed that Rob was just trying to cheer me up. I pretty much forgot about it until I received the next one a week later. It was the same card but the inside now said, “Miss you, want you, and need you.” I had no idea what to make of that one either. I didn’t want to get freaked out but it was a little strange.

Still, I didn’t have the energy to get too worked about it. It wasn’t like it was miraculously from Chris. I put it with the other one in my desk drawer and went on about my day. I decided to get a job and went to work at a local bookstore. It was mundane but it gave me something to do and put some money in my pocket.

I hadn’t figured on running into Chris. I thought that I was healing… I thought wrong. He waltzed into the store and I felt raw hunger at first. That was followed by longing and then sadness. Would it ever stop? Maybe when I was seventy and had Alzheimer’s I wouldn’t be able to remember him. I sighed and went on back to work.

The problem with being the only cashier scheduled was that you had to help everyone. My prompt was so scripted; I often recited it before looking at the person.

“Thank you for choosing CraftBooks, we hope you enjoyed your experience…”

I looked up at that exact moment and it was Chris. I found some way to finish the prompt, if only to fill the space.

“We hope you found everything you were looking for.”

He smiled and I noticed that it didn’t quite reach his eyes. He was still gorgeous though and his smile took my breath away.

“Well its funny you should say that Der. You see, i’ve been looking for something for a long time and didn’t even know it. Turns out that you guys do carry it, but I don’t know if i’m worthy of it.”

I was completely confused. I had no idea what the hell he was talking about. He must have sensed my confusion but he kept talking anyway.

“I’m scared to even try to get it, but I think that i’ll just keep coming back to spy on it until I get up the guts to pay for it.”

With that, his transaction was finished and I was really confused. Had Chris gone crazy or something? I watched him walk out and was just glad that more hadn’t gone on. I made it through the day and went home. As the weeks wore on, I saw Chris in the bookstore more and more, but he never really said anything to me unless he bought something. Even then, he would only say the regular customer stuff. I sighed in sadness but knew that this is what I had wanted.

One day I came in and there was a small box on the cash register with my name on it. I opened the box and there was a chocolate cupcake with ‘Love Me’ written in icing on it. It had to be a coincidence that chocolate was my favorite. I licked the icing and almost moaned. It was butter crème, also a favorite of mine. I looked around but didn’t see anyone. I was beginning to think that I had a secret admirer.

Who could it be? Maybe some girl from high school. No one here knew I was gay, so it had to be some girl. That was the last thing I needed. Oh well, at least I got good chocolate and I knew that I had never let a girl think that I was seriously interested.

CHRIS

Damn this slow seduction thing was killing me! He didn’t even know that it was me sending the cards. When I decided to send the cupcake, I thought for sure that he’d know who it was from. After all, it was his favorite. I stood back out of his line of sight and watched him as he licked icing off his fingers. It was giving me a boner and making me more frustrated.

I saw him looking around and then shrugging. My shoulders slumped because I knew he hadn’t put it together. I was wracking my brain thinking of what to do next. He probably thought I still hated him. I know he was totally closed to the idea that I was interested. I knew I was interested now, I was in love. Each time I saw him I just wanted to hold him in my arms. He still had that haunted look, but I planned to change that soon.

I had to up the ante so to speak so I decided to go with the direct approach. Well, more direct than I had been until this point. I didn’t think going to his house was a good idea, at least not yet. While he was at work, I went to buy something I knew he’d love. He was a great artist so I bought him a set of charcoals for his sketching. I decided not to wrap it or anything because now I didn’t really want him to put it together that I was his secret admirer.

I got to the check stand and let his voice waft over me. I always let myself smile a little when he spoke. It was softer now, not with his usual timber but he was more solemn now. I loved it anyway. He finished his prompt and I waited until he looked at me. It was a little tentative at first but then he defiantly stared back.

“I’m sorry,” I said. He was gulping and darting his eyes a bit now.

“For what? You haven’t done anything.”

“Yeah I have, I didn’t respect your wishes and I should have left you alone. I’ve done that and i’d like to offer you a peace offering.” I gave him the charcoals and he smiled a little. I loved the fact that I was the cause of that smile. I wished that I could make him smile like that for the rest of our lives. I think that’s when I was absolutely sure that I was in love with him. Now I just had to convince him of that.

“Thank you, it’s ok, I realized afterwards that you were trying to help me in your own weird way. I’m just not ready to go there again though. I’m sorry.”

I couldn’t help it, I reached out to brush one of his locks out of his eye and I heard him gasp. I was immediately chagrined and I hoped I hadn’t blown it. I didn’t want him to withdraw even more from me.

“Its ok, Der, I can wait.”

With that, I walked away with my purchase. I didn’t go to the store for a couple of more days; I didn’t want to push my luck. I needed to decide how to up the ante on my seduction. This wasn’t for fun, this was for my life.

I sent another card along with a pink rose. I thought it was fitting because of my inscription. It read, ‘This rose is the color blush I want you to have when you realize how loved you are.’ Ok so Casanova I ain’t but it was from the heart. I didn’t go see him the next day either but it was so hard to stay away from him.

DERECK

I was beginning to look for Chris to come into the store. I was so tired of trying to fight my feelings for him that I decided to just feel. It couldn’t be anymore painful than fighting it had been. When he came in and apologized, I thought I would just die. So I guess he knew what I was doing just like I figured him out. It just solidified why I loved him so much. He reached out to smooth y hair and I felt the electricity all the way to my toes. If I didn’t know better i’d say he was flirting. It was sad, I guess now I was just transferring my feelings onto him. Oh well, maybe I wouldn’t love him forever. Maybe I had a chance with whomever my secret admirer. If they weren’t a girl, of course.

When I got the rose, I was dumb founded. Up until now, the words had been pretty vanilla. There was no indication that the person loved me. I couldn’t say that it wasn’t possible because of how I felt about Chris, but it wasn’t probable seeing as I never really got close to anyone else. I was weirded out, but so far, it wasn’t really stalker-ish.

I received another card that just said, ‘open your eyes’. What the hell was that supposed to mean? Should I know who this person was? Rob was really the only possibility but I had to rule him out because he didn’t know where I lived. That only left people in my hometown. That meant that it had to be a girl because no one knew I was gay. It was starting to get to me a little bit.

When Chris came into the store the next week, I actually sought him out. I needed to talk about it with someone and I really only wanted to and could talk to him about it.

“Hey Chris you got a minute?” He looked a little shocked, but then he blew me away with his beautiful smile and came over. Damn I loved his smile.

“Sure anything for you Der, what’s up?

I don’t know why but I loved him even more for not being disgusted with me or at least getting over it.

“Well, i’ve got this problem and I need some advice. You are really the only person I can safely talk about it with.”

“Well Der come on out with it, what is going on? Are you alright? Is mom ok? Speak up man!”

It touched me that he still cared and I guess he was more affected by our friendship ending than I thought. I quickly allayed his fears.

“Naw man, some chick has been sending me letters. She even sent me a cupcake and a rose for heavens sake! Man, I don’t know what to do; I think she loves me or something. I don’t like the fact that i’ve led some girl on or something, it’s just not fair to her.”

CHRIS

I was so shocked that my Der sought me out. Yes, I had come to think of him as mine. I don’t even know when that happened. Then he tells me he needs advice and I immediately went a little berserk. After he assured that there was nothing like that wrong, imagine my shock when he starts talking about his secret admirer. I had to really think of how to handle this. Did I lay all my cards on the table or should I act like I didn’t know anything about it?

It hurt me so bad that he automatically thought it was a girl. Then I was confused, why would he think that? Surely he had been out on dates since we’d been on break.

“Der how do you know it’s a girl? Last time I checked, you don’t play for that team. Haven’t you dated and come out to your parents? I’m sure they would still support you.”

“Actually I haven’t dated anyone since Rob and no one here knows that i’m gay. I wanted to tell mom and dad this past school year when I had a steady boyfriend or something, but that didn’t happen so I just didn’t say anything. I’m not sure that i’m going back to school in the fall though.”

His words made me run through a gamut of emotions. I was happy and sad that he hadn’t dated. But the fact that he wasn’t even out to his parents just made me that much more sad for him. I wanted to take him in my arms and assure him that everything would be ok. The thought of him not going back to school was more than I could bear. I needed to move this along before summer was over. I couldn’t let him out of my life without a fight.

“So who do you think it is?

“I have absolutely no idea. I have a feeling that she may hang around here but i’ve never felt anyone starring at me. Do you think you can keep an eye out when you come in? I mean, that is, if you wanna come in.”

I didn’t know what to say. It was such a crucial moment that I was starting to sweat. There was a little over a month left until we went back to school, which meant that he needed to find out soon so we could work it out. I needed him and not having him was driving me crazy. I just had no idea what to say now that I had the opportunity.

I decided to just try saying something that I had written.

“Have you really ever just tried to ‘open your eyes’? The person could be right in your face.”

“Damn there was something like that on one of the cards, its weird how that’s happened.”

Lord my man was being dense. He couldn’t help it though. He just would never expect that I was anything other than straight. I took a deep breath and plunged headfirst. I began to talk and then remembered where we were. I didn’t want to profess my love in a crowded bookstore. Plus I had no idea how he’d take it.

“I’ve got an idea, why don’t we get some of our old yearbooks and compare the writing. I may have some girls that you don’t in yours. If it’s ok I could come over and we could look together.”

“Well, my parents know we aren’t friends anymore, so it might be best if you came over when they were out. On my day off you can come over, mom and dad will be at work.”

“Great then it’s a date, i’ll come over at 11, I know how grouchy you are in the morning.”

I almost cringed at my use of the word ‘date’ but I was so excited that I didn’t care. I decided to tell him exactly how I felt before I even got to his house two days from now. Yes, this secret admirer was about to bare his soul to the only man he’d ever love. Once I tell him who I am, I don’t care if I have to lock him away and make sweet love to him for days to make him believe me. I was resigned that I’d make him believe me by any means necessary. Even if I had to tat his name across my heart, i’d do it.

I was walking on cloud nine as I placed his new trinket on his doorstep. I made sure that no one saw me and I hurriedly placed it and then walked away. This one was a bit more risky, but I only had two days and it would have taken that long for the mail to run. I was still reeling from how good it felt to finally get out how I felt to someone other than myself. I loved that it was to the object of that affection too.

This is what I sent him, ‘I love you more than I ever thought possible to love someone else. I’m so very sorry for anything that I might have done to cause you pain. I want to be the one to put the sparkle back into your beautiful brown eyes. I would love nothing more than to run my fingers through your locks for hours on end and listen to your voice as it wafts over my senses. I want to bask in the scent that is you and become completely intoxicated on your kisses. You once wanted me; I hope and pray that you still do because I can’t imagine my life without you. I am convinced that you are the other half that completes my soul. My only wish is that if you should find me unsatisfactory, that you still find happiness. I love you.S.A.’

The next day, I didn’t do anything. I wanted him to really soak up the letter. I had decided to show up with the last gift and pretend that I had found it. I would arrive early to make sure that he hadn’t come outside within the time frame before my arrival. I was so nervous it was ridiculous. Once he opened the box, however he would know anyways so I had just a small window of time to prepare for his reaction.

I knocked on the door and he looked so cute. He was grouchy which I knew he’d be, but it was so sexy, that just rolled out of bed look. He led me into the kitchen where coffee was ready and his cup already sat on the table. I picked up the box off the porch and sat it on the kitchen counter. I poured myself some coffee and waited. He hadn’t even noticed that I had no yearbooks.

“I see you got the latest addition to the collection. You should see this stuff.”

With that, he walked out of the room, went up to his room and came down with a small bundle. I don’t know why but seeing that he had dried the rose made my heart soar.

“I don’t think you should open this last one until we’ve at least looked through and talked about this stuff,” I said holding up the bundle.

“Ok, I got a letter too. It was so beautiful. I just wish that I wasn’t doomed to break some girls’ heart because I would feel terrible. Even though I know my reasons for not being with her have nothing to do with her in particular, its still gonna smart.”

I agreed and asked to see the stuff. I couldn’t help but trace everything lovingly. I had no idea how he’d react and I wanted to savor the fact that he kept my cards and letter for a little while longer. I told him that it was a very nice declaration and that he might just be surprised at the outcome.

When we finished our coffee, he took the mugs and sat them in the sink. I let out a breath because the last thing I wanted was for him to break one of his moms mugs in anger and me have to clean up spilled coffee. Just in case, things got out of hand.

He brought the box to the table and opened it. I hadn’t realized that I was holding my breath until he looked at me funny. I played it off while he continued to open the box. Inside there was a note attached to a smaller box. It said ‘read first’. He opened it and a look of amusement and worry came over his face. He handed it to me and sat down just holding the box. The note read,

‘You are my treasure. I could live forever in the knowledge that you give me your love and that would be enough. I would ask for nothing else. In the box is something that you gave me, which has become of great importance recently. It is something that I have begun to cherish just because it was yours. I give it back along with my heart. All I ask is that you give me you. Give us a chance.’

It was a stretch I knew but it was how I felt. He was still holding the box as if it were something to be feared. I gulped audibly and told him to open the box. Inside was his old basketball jersey. I had folded it so that his number would show and I had written ‘Chris loves Dereck’ on his number. I had won it in a one on one game during the summer after high school. I told him that he didn’t really have to give it up but he insisted that a bet was a bet. He was just starring at it. Then I noticed that he wasn’t just staring at it. His hands were trembling as he touched the jersey and tears had started to trail down his face. His voice was so low that I barely heard him speak, and it almost broke my heart when he did.

“Why did you do this? Is this your way of convincing me that you’re a jerk so I won’t feel that way about you anymore? What kind of sick joke are you playing? I really do disgust you don’t I? You just had to get me back for not being your friend. This was cruel.”

With that, he began shoving everything into the box. I had never seen him look like that. I knew that I needed to do something, but I don’t think I expected him to be so devastated about it. I expected anger, but this was something that had my heart bleeding right alongside his.

I jumped up and grabbed him. I began wiping his tears with my hands. He was barely moving. I made him look into my eyes and began talking.

“It’s not a joke, it’s really how I feel and i’ll do anything to make you believe it.”

“BUT YOU’RE STRAIGHT!!”

“Yeah, and you’re not but I love you anyway. I know that didn’t seem like a very coherent statement so let me clarify. I’ve always been attracted to women and never to men. You are the only man that is attractive to me. I’ve decided not to try and label myself. I’m just yours if you’ll have me.”

I was still very nervous because my baby was still crying and not responding very well. I knew that I was going to have a long road ahead of me. I sat down on the kitchen chair and brought him down with me. I let out a moan at how right he felt in my arms. I bent his head down and started kissing his tears away. Every time I kissed him, I would say, “I love you.” It was very intimate. He still hadn’t said much aside from his outbursts. I knew he was probably in shock so I just rocked him gently while he cried. I whispered in his ear what he meant to me and I could have stayed like that forever. Unfortunately, my legs were falling asleep so I led him up to his room and put him to bed. I brought up the box and waited. I held him in my arms until he woke up.

DERECK

I knew I should have woke up in time to shower and dress but I couldn’t sleep the night before. I was so nervous about Chris being in the same vicinity as me. What the hell was I thinking?

When he showed I had barely managed to roll out of bed and make some coffee. He showed up exactly on time holding what he told me had been on the porch. I knew that it was an addition to the stuff I had already been given. I had received a letter the previous day and it was so beautiful that it made my heart hurt. Whoever this was sure had it bad, or they were going through a helluva lot of trouble for a prank.

Chris suggested we go through the other stuff before I opened the box. I showed him my little bundle and was a little surprised at how lovingly he was holding the cards. He became especially wistful when reading the letter.

I went to open the box and Chris looked a little funny. I read the letter first and it seemed that I might finally be getting close to an identity. Whatever I had given this person must have been pretty special. I just hoped I remembered whatever it was that I had given away.

I opened the second box and I could hardly breathe. My old high school jersey had ‘Chris loves Dereck’ written on it. My hands were trembling as I ran my fingers over the jersey. I wanted to believe that all of my dreams were coming true, but I knew it couldn’t be true. I was wrong to think that I knew what hurt felt like. This was so much worse. I couldn’t help the tears. Why? Why? This was all I could think. Chris must have wanted to play some cruel trick on me, I couldn’t believe that I invited him here and now he was witnessing my humiliation. Every time I pulled away from him, he pushed me and pushed me. Well now I saw that he had no scruples.

I felt my control slipping. I couldn’t focus on anything. It was like I had separated from myself. I knew that Chris was talking and it felt like he was holding me but that couldn’t be right. Nothing that I was saying or that he was saying was getting through.

I woke up in my bed. I had no idea how I got there. I tried to move but I was trapped. What the hell? I rocked backward and I felt hardness. I must have really been out of it. I wriggled a little and I felt hardness on my ass. I willed myself to calm down and realized that there was breathing on my neck. I kind of looked around and saw that it was Chris. All of the events leading up to this moment came flooding back to me. I even remembered what had been said.

It was just too unbelievable. Could this really be true? There really couldn’t be a better explanation. He was holding me so tight and it felt wonderful. I began to think of the consequences of believing him. What if this was all some fantastic scheme? Could I take it if it was? I was a bit resigned. I mean, I couldn’t hurt much more than when I realized i’d never be over him. He already had my heart. There wasn’t anything else that I had to lose. Even in thinking like this, I still wanted to hold back. Which was silly really, because if he were serious there would be no real way that I could refuse him anything.

With those thoughts racing through my mind, I let out a huge sigh. I felt Chris stir and I immediately tensed. I was waiting for what he would do. He turned me around and starred into my face. There was such intensity in his stare that it was melting my resolve.

“Hi sweetheart, sorry I fell asleep on you.”

He called me sweetheart! Oh my god! My mouth was open and I had a shocked look on my face.

“What’s the matter baby? Cat got your tongue?”

‘Baby’? I must be dead and in heaven. This was just unreal. It was almost like he read my mind.

“Oh this is for real Der. I’ll do whatever I have to do to convince you of how I feel. I’ll send you dozens of flowers if you want. I’ll write hundreds of poems. I’ll send out emails to all of our friends proclaiming my love. I just don’t want you to hurt anymore. I mean every word that I have said. I just hope that you still want me.”

I was sooo scared. Here is everything I have ever wanted but never thought, no knew, that i’d never have and now it was being handed to me. My whole body was trembling and I still couldn’t speak. What was I really afraid of? Well he wasn’t gay, but he said he loved me. I was assaulted by a series of ‘what ifs’. I was vulnerable.

That’s it, that’s what I was so afraid of. All this time I was hurting, I was never really vulnerable because there was never a threat of him intentionally hurting me. The hurt was always one-sided and sort of self-inflicted. Chris had never been given the power to hurt me. Giving Chris my trust as far as relationships went was something that I never even imagined possible. I had to be sure that this was really and truly what he wanted.

“Chris, how do you know?”

He looked at me for the longest and at first; I didn’t think he’d answer.

“Well, it was more gradual than how your feelings developed, but i’ve come to believe that I probably always felt more for you than just how a friend should feel. I just had some sort of block because I never imagined falling for a guy; I never even thought it a possibility. I started thinking differently when you kissed me. Afterwards I started getting hard just thinking about you. It was weird and at first, I didn’t know what to do about it. It got to the point where only thinking of you could get me off. I didn’t want to just experiment with you so I waited until I could be sure of my feelings.”

“What made you sure?” I just had to keep pushing; this was like salve to the open wound that was my heart. With each word, I was melting more and more.

“Every time I saw you I wanted to hold you, it was almost like an obsession. You looked so sad and it was breaking my heart because it was my fault. I hated Rob because of how you smiled at him. You used to smile at me like that and when you didn’t it felt like I was getting an amputation. I felt so stupid when I finally put it together. After you told me you loved me, I couldn’t even remember Mary’s name. Nothing you did grossed me out. Not telling me you were gay, not kissing me, nothing. Truth be told, I got all warm and fuzzy thinking about you loving me. It all added up to one conclusion… I love you.”

I was reeling and crying by now. There was nothing left to do but take the plunge. There was nothing left for me to do but say, “Ok.”

“Ok what sweetheart?”

“Ok so convince me.” He smiled brilliantly and this time it reached his eyes.

“Damn baby, maybe I should have said that i’d make sweet love to you to convince you. Then I could have spent this time satisfying my fantasies.”

I thought I would just melt into the bed. Throughout this whole time, Chris had never let go of me. I could lie like this forever. The thought gave me pause. What did Chris really want from me? I mean he said that he didn’t just want to experiment, but I needed something a little more concrete. He was the only man i’d ever love and it couldn’t be just for a couple of weeks or a couple of months. To have a taste just to have it taken away was not something I thought I could handle.

“So you love me, but what does that mean for us? I know you said that you don’t want to experiment but what exactly do you want? I don’t think that I can do this with you for only a little while.”

“Baby, I want you for as long as you’ll have me. I’ve only ever had a bond like this with you. I don’t think i’ll find it with anyone else and I never want to look or find out. Does that answer your question?”

“Well, uh… umm, yeah that about covers it.”

“Good”

And with that he kissed me.

CHRIS

I felt something wriggling against me and it felt soooo good. I climbed out of my fog and realized that I had fallen asleep with my Der in my arms. He was already awake and I must have startled him because when I spoke he tensed up. I turned him around and just had to stare. How could I have ever not been in love with him? He was so scared right now that he was trembling. I held him throughout the whole conversation. I saw the range of emotions that crossed his face. I was determined not to let his fears stop us from having a chance.

When he finally began to come around I was trying so hard to be patient. Now that my goal was in reach, I was almost trembling from the anticipation of reaching it. I was determined to see it through. When I was sure that he at least was willing to give us a try, I couldn’t help but kiss him.

It was amazing! Kissing someone you loved was much better than just any regular kiss. His lips were so soft. I licked and nipped for what seemed like hours. I could have kissed him all day. It was so intimate. I told him that we would only go as far as he wanted. He was getting more and more sure of himself.

We were now grinding on each other and both of us were sporting hard-ons. It was hard for me to catch my breath and I knew it must have been the same for him.

“Baby, you have too many clothes on.”

“Wait! Chris, i’ve never done this before. What if I can’t do it right?”

“What do you mean, I thought you and Rob…, baby don’t worry about it, i’ve never done it either.”

“I messed up with Rob before it got that far and deep down I really only wanted you.”

“That means so much to me and I promise you’ll get a chance to lick me from head to toe like you said, but today is all about you. I’m so sorry that I made you wait for so long. You can torture me anyway you like for the rest of our lives.”

In saying that I was through talking. I got up and made sure that his door was locked, I didn’t think he wanted his parents in on the fun. I immediately returned to his side and began undressing him. As I lifted up his shirt, I trailed kissed all over his torso. I was going to enjoy this so much. I lifted his shirt above his nipples and began licking at each bud. I eventually got his shirt off and moved up to his neck. I began licking and kissing just like he had done so many months ago and I could see the draw. I wanted to lick him everywhere. Hell, i’d lick his eyeballs if it wasn’t too kinky. This man was mine and I intended to mark him in every way.

I gently began to bite his neck and he moaned my name. Aww man, that was so sexy. I rained kisses down over his face and he started to trace every contour of my face. I had never been so intimate with anyone. Previously when I had sex, it was just that, sex. This far surpassed any of my expectations.

I moved over him and while kissing him, began to rock my hips against his. I reached between us with one hand and tugged the tie from his pants free. I broke the kiss and pulled both his pants and boxers down in one move. I stood up and just ogled his body for a minute. He was so beautiful. I couldn’t believe it but I fell in love with his cock. It was perfect. It was eight inches and cut. It had a mushroom head with a slight vein running down the side. It was pointing towards the ceiling. I licked my lips in anticipation. I oddly felt no hesitation. I hadn’t done any of this before but neither had my love. We’d be learning together. That allayed my fears.

I started at his feet, licking his soles and sucking each toe. He was writhing and moaning and it was like music to my ears. I moved up to his calves and gently nipped at them. I left little bite marks on each. He was going to have plenty more before I was finished. I even nibbled on the backs of his knees. He was groaning in anticipation by the time I reached his thighs. I played with him a little. I moved closer to his piece and would hear him suck in a breath. I backed off a few times until he was almost whimpering.

Finally, I moved up and took hold of his piece and began tentatively licking all around the base. I started jacking off any place that I wasn’t licking. I trailed my tongue up to his mushroom head and licked his precum. It didn’t taste bad. A little salty, but not bad. I began taking him into my mouth. I wanted to give him as much pleasure as possible, but this first time probably wouldn’t be that great.

I couldn’t tell that by his sounds. I swear if he didn’t stop I was gonna blow in my pants. I began sucking in earnest and his hips started bucking uncontrollably. He was moaning so much that I started moaning and I guess the vibrations in my mouth were just too much. He shouted out, “CHRIS I LOVE YOU!!” and began blowing his load. Damn, there went my load. The first shot went straight down my throat. I wanted to taste it so I pulled back a little and the next shots landed on my tongue. I worked my throat so that I tasted it and swallowed. Some dribbled out of the side of my mouth and when I finally pulled off; I took my finger and scooped it up. I licked it off my finger and heard Der groan again.

He Sat up quickly and yanked me to him. He kissed me hard and pulled me on top of him.

“That was so incredible Chris, are you sure you’ve never done that before?”

“No baby, I guess it just must be love.”

“Can I… can I do the same to you? I really want to”

“You can do whatever you want to me baby, i’m yours. Just, um… not now.”

He looked hurt and I knew i’d just have to be embarrassed because I couldn’t have my baby hurt for any reason.

“Don’t look like that baby, it’s just that, well… when you came… it was so fucking hot that I did too.”

I blushed so bad I could have just faded into nothing. He looked at me with so much love that I figured it was worth the embarrassment.

“Can I… can I see anyway? I never really let myself look at you before.”

This must have been a day for shocks. If I were him, I would have looked every chance I got. Hell, I nearly stalked him to get a chance to look at him. I guess it’s because our situations were different.

“Sure baby, i’m all yours.”

With that, he moved on top of me and began kissing me.

DERECK

OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD!!! This was my mantra the whole time Chris was kissing me. So it was real, not a dream, I wasn’t dead. I was glad that he was taking charge because I couldn’t even string together a coherent sentence. He was strumming my body like a guitar. I was fine-tuned to his every movement. It was incredible!

When Chris finally took me into his mouth, I swear that I melted like butter. I couldn’t breathe. It was better than any jack-off session. To top it off, it was Chris giving me head. I was so happy that I felt like bursting. Then it happened, I felt like my orgasm came from every corner of my body. Chris was moaning and the vibrations were just adding to the feeling. When I started shooting, I yelled and my vision blurred. I had to kiss him, I just had to. I could taste myself and it was so erotic.

I wanted to return the favor or just feel him the way he had done to me. I needed it to reaffirm that this was real. When he said no I was hurt. How could he have given me something so beautiful and then not want me to do something back? When I saw that he was blushing beet red I thought it was a little odd. He told me the reason and I just melted again. Damn, I had been doing so much crying and melting these last few months, he was gonna think I was the chick in the relationship. Oh, well we’d sort that out later.

I still needed to see him, all of him, and when he agreed I was ecstatic. I settled him under me and began kissing him. I could still taste myself on him and it was making me hard again. He still had his pants on, but I wanted to work on his chest first. He was nicely muscled and it had always been a turn on. I licked and damn near drooled over his nipples until he was moaning and groaning. Just when he was getting used to it, I bit down hard on his left nipple and he arched upwards and gasped loudly. His cock lurched in his pants and it made me smile.

Oh yeah, I was gonna live out some of my fantasies now. I bit his other nipple with the same effect. I began biting his pecks and licking them directly after. He was almost panting now. I laved his belly button and dipped my tongue inside in a mock fuck. I traced his happy trail downwards and stopped at the waistband of his jeans. As I unbuttoned his pants, I blew gently on his stomach and he began quivering.

I gently pulled his pants and boxers down and inhaled his scent. Cum had stained his boxers but some had landed on his bush and thighs. I got his pants and boxers off and began lapping up his drying cum. I stuck my nose under his cock and sniffed at his balls. His scent was intoxicating and I had to have more. I made sure that I got all of his cum from around his cock before I began cleaning it.

His cock was beautiful. It was about an inch shorter than mines but it was sooo much thicker. It would eventually split me open but I was up to the challenge. It was fully erect now and pulsing. I started licking the underside, cleaning off any excess cum. I didn’t take the head into my mouth until all of his cum was gone. By now he was beyond panting. His voice just had a little hiccup in it.

I took his cock into my mouth and he let out a low smooth breath. It was magical. I loved it. I think that I was gonna be a cock slut… but only for Chris of course. I could barely get my mouth around it but I worked at it until the whole head was inside. I moaned at my accomplishment and I felt him twitch.

I began sucking in earnest. He was bucking and grunting. I didn’t think that he’d get off just from me sucking though because he’d cum once. I was pleasantly surprised when he started shooting into my mouth. It wasn’t a small trickle, he shot out in jets. The first couple shot straight down my throat, after that they began landing on my tongue. I couldn’t swallow it all and some leaked. I was so focused on my task that I hadn’t realized he was holding my head.

He released me and I sat back a bit to clean him up and get all the cum that I missed. He laid back down and began to pull me back up to kiss me. However, I wasn’t through with him though. I lifted his legs slightly and began licking behind his ball sack. Chris was moaning “oh baby, oh sweetheart”, it was so cute. I wasn’t sure that he would go for this, but if he truly wanted me then he had to want everything that went along with it. I wasn’t sure how far I was going to take this but it didn’t really matter because I would be content with anything he offered.

I tentatively began inching towards his bud with my tongue. The first swipe of my tongue that met his bud was reacted to in such a way that I thought he was gonna jump off the bed. By now Chris was moaning, “I never imagined, I never dreamed…” I had slowly started working my tongue in and out of his ass. I alternated between that and licking and biting his ass cheeks. I tongued his ass and could have stayed there forever. I started to experiment with my technique. I would huff onto his whole and it would pucker.

He said something so unexpected that I had to stare at him.

“Finger my ass baby, its all yours to do whatever.”

I didn’t think he meant whatever because I desperately wanted to make love to him. I wouldn’t go that far because I didn’t know how he felt about it. I kept tonguing his hole but I started teasing him with one finger. Soon I was working it in all the way to the knuckle. I didn’t want to hurt him so I kept slobbering on my finger. I thought he could take another so I slowly worked in another finger. It must have felt pretty good because Chris was whimpering and it wasn’t in pain. I couldn’t wait until he did it to me.

“Put another finger in me, please!”

Oh my goodness, I was damn near salivating this was so hot. And now he wanted more. I had to hold back a groan of my own. He told me that he wanted a kiss. I started to withdraw my fingers but he tightened his muscles so I figured he didn’t want me to stop. I moved up to his face and he looked at me so lovingly that I just had to kiss him.

What he said next almost made me blow another load.

“Make love to me baby, I wanna feel you inside of me”

CHRIS

Der had been so gentle with my nipples that I feared he was still reluctant. That quickly faded when he bit me and I felt it in the deepest recesses of my balls. Damn, I never thought I liked pain. When he started mock fucking my navel, I hoped that it was a preview of the real thing.

He was doing things to me that I couldn’t have imagined would feel like they did. I could barely breathe and yet I knew we were only scratching the surface. When Der gave me the tongue bath it was like his tongue was conducting electricity. I was hard again almost instantly. By the time he took me in his mouth I was close to cumming again. No girl had ever given me sensations like this. His enthusiasm alone was enough to make me blow my load. I was trying so hard not to cum, but it was getting extremely hard (no pun intended).

The bad part about the situation was that the normal things that would normally stave off an orgasm weren’t working. Baseball only made me think of how Der looked in his uniform. Chess made me think of us cooped up on snowy days when we were younger. Damn, before I could grasp anything to stop it I was cumming. I had to hold him, his silky curls felt so good in my hands as I came down his throat. It felt so much better knowing that I was the first and the last person he would be doing this to.

Der wasn’t through though. I didn’t think I could take more of this. He lifted my legs and began making his way down to my hole with that wonderful tongue of his. I almost shouted my joy to the rooftops. I wanted him to mark me just as much as I wanted to mark him. I was his and he was mine.

His tongue began doing things to my hole that made me want to leap out of my skin. He wasn’t doing much more than that and I needed something more substantial. I told him to finger me and he looked so shocked. My man still didn’t believe this was real. Oh well, he’d believe me soon enough. I was soon urging him to put another and then another finger in me. He was moaning as much as I was. I was starting to feel separation anxiety though and I needed to kiss my man.

He moved up my body and seemed pleasantly surprised that I didn’t want him to remove his fingers, but he didn’t know that I felt empty when he withdrew. I was quickly becoming obsessed with our lovemaking and I knew i’d never get enough. I gave him the biggest shock of all when I told him to make love to me.

I kept kissing him through his shock and was intoxicated again by my scent on his breath. Damn this was sexy.

“Baby I don’t think I can take much more of this. Please make love to me.”

“Chris I don’t know, I want to desperately but I don’t know how to make it good for you, I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Baby, we both know that it’ll hurt, but it gets better and I love you so we can learn together. I just need that closeness.”

“Ok, but don’t say I didn’t warn you. I need to get some Vaseline, but i’ll have to stop stroking you to get it.” He grinned devilishly at me and I wondered what I had signed myself up for. He added, “I know you don’t want me to pull out baby but i’ll make it worth your while.” His eyes were hooded and filled with lust. He was seducing me now! Aw man this was turning out to be the best day of my life.

He withdrew and I whimpered. He looked at me and licked his fingers. All I could do is groan as he smiled fully at me. My Der was coming back to me. His eyes were sparkling! I sighed happily as he went in search of Vaseline. He returned with some k-y and I looked questioningly at him. He smiled shyly and blushed beet red.

“I uh… experimented a little.”

“Baby I love it so much when you blush, but could you hurry it up? Please?”

He quickly moved back into position. I lifted my legs and held them behind my knees in an open gesture of trust and vulnerability. He began tonguing my hole again and the same sensations began assaulting me. He began inserting his fingers into me again but this time they were coated with the k-y. I was amazed that I was feeling no discomfort. I just wanted to feel full and in my opinion he was taking too long. He withdrew his fingers and I was damn near humping trying to get his fingers back in me. He coated his fingers again and then pushed his index finger as far into me as he could. He wriggled around until he found my prostate and I swear I stopped breathing.

I was panting by now and almost yelling, “Baby please fuck me, please I can’t take it any more!”

He smiled at me and said, “I was waiting to hear that, hold on baby, it won’t be much longer.”

I briefly noticed that he was calling me baby and I was even more ecstatic. His finger was quickly replaced by his cock and i’d read enough stories to know that bearing down was a good thing to do. I did so and the head of his cock popped in. He waited a moment to allow me to adjust. I was trying hard not to tense up, but I felt like I had waited so long for this. My heart rate was accelerated. It felt tight but it didn’t hurt. I guess all that probing had opened me up. I was starting to feel an odd sort of feeling, sort of like an itch. I needed him to move but he was just hovering.

“Baby it doesn’t hurt, please move.” He let out a breath saying, “Thank God”, and he slowly began working his cock into my ass. I had never felt so complete. My heart was near bursting. It was like I had nerve endings along my canal. I felt completely taken. I felt everything from the top of my head to the soles of my feet. I was moaning and caught up in this incredible moment. He was stroking my prostate, which left me in an almost constant state of drool. I didn’t think that my mouth would ever close as long as I was feeling like this. He reached down and started jerking my cock in matching rhythm with his thrusts and by the tenth pump, my orgasm had built up to the boiling point.

I shouted to the rooftops, what I said, I still don’t know. My eyes rolled back into my skull and I was panting hard but I still couldn’t breathe. My whole body was tightened and my toes were almost cramped from being curled for so long. I vaguely heard Der groan and gasp and then I felt him spilling his seed into me. It was so warm and erotic that it extended my orgasm. I couldn’t stop trembling. Der collapsed on top of me, his cock still embedded in me. I was home.

We must have dozed off because when I came to Der was pumping into me again. His head was still buried in my neck. I think he was still asleep. I could wake up like this everyday. I began nuzzling his neck and he sighed. He started to wake up and looked a little startled that he was slowly pumping inside of me. I just smiled at him to let him know that it was ok.

We made love slowly but thoroughly. I knew that I would be sore and that after cumming that last time, my balls needed a break but I never wanted to leave his arms. I would do whatever it took to keep this feeling. Our problems weren’t over, but now we could work them out together.

DERECK

When Chris said that he wanted me to make love to him, I couldn’t have been more shocked. I was sure that I would be the bottom or whatever, but he was serious when he said that we were in this together. I went in search of some lube and remembered that I used to finger myself thinking of Chris. When he saw it, I knew I had to tell him the truth because I didn’t want him thinking that I had been with anyone else. I blushed and he actually said that he liked it when I blush. I thought that was an interesting bit of information and I could not wait until we could talk about all of the little tidbits of our feelings… however, now was not the time.

I coated my fingers with the k-y and began fingering him again. I needed him as ready as possible and I figured that if I made him beg then he’d be as ready as ever. When he finally did, I smiled because that was exactly what I wanted. I replaced my fingers with the tip of my cock and gently pushed the head in. Chris was bearing down and it surprised me that he seemed to know what to do. I knew that he would need time to relax and so even though the tightness made me want to plow him, I held back.

I was losing the battle with my patience because of the incredible sensations surrounding my cock. He’d had enough of my waiting and screamed at me to make love to him. I let out a long breath and slowly began sliding inside of him. It was beyond incredible. I felt completed; he was so warm and tight that I was having trouble concentrating. It felt like we were one. I would never get tired of this, never. I wanted him to cum with me so I began jerking his cock off as I pumped. He was groaning my name and I almost blacked out as I emptied into him. I felt his cum squirt between our bodies and I couldn’t help but smile.

I was having the most wonderful dream. I was having sex. I was slowly undulating my hips into the tight confines of a sweet ass. It was heaven but something wasn’t right, it was if I were dreaming by touch. I could really feel everything going on. There was a hard body under me and my head was nestled in the crook of a shoulder. I began to awaken a little and was shocked to see that I really was fucking someone and it was Chris! The days events started floating back to me and I realized that I really did black out after cumming in Chris and that I had been asleep.

He just looked at me and smiled in approval. I couldn’t believe it. Chris had cum three times and me twice, but now I was gonna go for a third. I had a moment’s hesitation because I knew that he had to be sore, but his look when I tried to with draw was so daunting that I knew he didn’t care. I sighed and began slowly pumping into the only man i’d ever love. We made love slowly, savoring the awakening sexuality that was blossoming between us. It was loving and carefree.

After I came, I nestled Chris in my arms and we went back to sleep. I knew that i’d eventually have to explain things to my parents, but I could shut out the world for a little while longer. Chris was my life and nothing else mattered.

When we awoke the next morning, I loved the fact that he kissed me full on the lips, morning breath and all. It was such a couple-like gesture that I just sighed happily. We both had to pee like crazy and I was glad that I had my own bathroom. We pissed at the same time and it was an oddly intimate gesture. We got back in bed facing and holding each other and began to talk.

“I need to come out to my parents, but i’m so scared.” I knew reality had to be dealt with so I figured the sooner the better.

“Its ok baby, however you decide to do it, i’ll be right there with you.” I knew that his parents rarely even noticed him, so they wouldn’t care that he was gay, that’s why he called my mother mom. She had been more of a mother to him than his own mom and I knew that he was just as tense about the situation as me.

“I think i’ll tell them when they come back from work tonight. I don’t think they heard any of our racket because i’m assuming that we were quiet the last time. They know i’ve been a little down lately so they haven’t bothered me when I don’t eat or come out of my room”.

“Sweetheart, i’m so glad that you decided to come out to your parents, but you shouldn’t do it just because you’ve got someone, you should have told them just for you and a while ago.”

I was contemplative for a second; did I tell him the real reason for not coming out? I decided that I wouldn’t keep things from him, no matter how painful the secret.

“Chris I didn’t come out because of you. It didn’t matter that I was out if I couldn’t even pursue a real relationship or at least the one that I wanted. Coming out is supposed to be about liberation from the lies that you tell yourself and everyone else. I realized with Rob that I hadn’t come out because I couldn’t live a full homosexual life anyway knowing that my affections for you weren’t returned so it didn’t matter that I was never out.”

He actually had tears in his eyes when he responded. “I’m so sorry baby, I wish that i’d come to my senses long ago so that you would never have had to go through that pain. I think of my brief period when I was discovering my feelings and I agonized over it, even with the knowledge that you loved me. I can’t imagine what you must have gone through but I promise that i’ll try and make it up to you, for the rest of our lives if need be.”

“Angel there’s no need for you to feel that way. You couldn’t have known how I felt and I know that I was good at hiding it. The only thing that matters now is that you love me. But… there is one way that you can make me feel better… that is, if you still feel bad about keeping me waiting.”

He smiled devilishly and began massaging my back and kissing my neck. “Anything you want Der, I promise.”

I had to move him away from me because I was losing my ability to focus on anything but his kisses. I was cheesing like and idiot when I responded. “Not that you jerk, I just want to clarify a few things between us. I’d like to ask some questions if that’s alright.”

“Damn baby, you can do anything or ask anything as long as you come back into my arms, i’m feeling separation anxiety.” He sighed happily as I settled back into his arms and said, “Ask away sweetheart.”

I almost didn’t know where to start. I was so happy at this moment but I knew that there were so many things that needed to be cleared up.

“Ok… well… I know that I did you yesterday, and it was great but I want to make sure that it won’t be just me on the giving end. So do you have a problem with that?”

“Well let’s see. My guy wants to know if I have a problem making love to him in the same fashion that he made love to me. I think I can handle that. Next.”

“What do you want the status quo to be? I mean I wouldn’t mind being the bottom, but I just wanna know.”

He was chuckling at my obvious discomfort with these questions but then he kissed me and my anxiety ebbed a little.

“I really want to be equal in all things. You know I don’t define myself as strictly gay or straight, hell I wouldn’t even call myself bi. Let’s just say I was clueless until you. However, the only person in this world that I want is you and I want to experience everything that comes along with it. I want a give and take relationship.”

He was truly too good to be true. He was saying all the right things and I was reeling a little.

“Ok, so speaking of relationships, what do you want to call me? I mean there are so many titles that can be used: boyfriend, life-mate, partner, etc.”

“Der I truly believe that you are my soul mate and calling you my boyfriend just won’t cut it for me. You are my life. I guess we’ll be partners, but I really don’t like that either. That will have to do until we can be husbands. I guess you could say we’re like each other’s fiancé’s or something.”

Life, partner, husband, fiancé. I think I was hyperventilating. He was saying what was in my mind but was too afraid to pose. I was so glad that he was the one being brave, but I guess that he knew there was never any threat of my rejecting him. That didn’t stop me from having some fun though.

“Chris, you can’t say that we’re each others fiancé or husband. We’ve only been together one day. On top of that, we’re too young to get married, plus you haven’t asked me. And even more so, married people have children, what will you do about that?”

I knew that the bit about children was out there but I wanted children but I was too afraid to broach the subject so I phrased it like this to get his reaction first. I looked at his face and he seemed outraged. In a very quiet voice he responded.

“We’re too young? What the hell? We’ll be together until the end of our time anyway so why not get married now? And since when do I have to be the one to ask you? Hhhmmm? And as far as children, hell I don’t care if we have a whole passel of them. We can adopt or use a surrogate so they’ll have your eyes…”

He was still grumbling and looking completely put out. I had a hard time not laughing. This was simply wonderful. I wondered why he’d want our children to have my eyes when his were so beautiful so I asked him that too.

“My eyes, while ascetically beautiful are nothing compared to the soulfulness that you evoke with your eyes. They sparkle you know. When you hurt, they go dull, but when you’re happy, they sparkle and dazzle. Putting that spark back in your eyes has been one of my growing obsessions and now i’ll get to do it for the rest of our lives. They’re like large liquid pools that I get lost in. When you get aroused, they darken and get a bit hazy; it has a hypnotic effect on me. You better not ever look at anyone else like that but me.”

If I didn’t know before that he loved me, I sure knew it by now. He had even gotten wistful when just describing my eyes. It was the sweetest thing i’d ever heard. I was close to tears and couldn’t even think of anything else to say.

He looked at me and he began to look completely distressed at the tears in my eyes. “Baby please don’t cry, I only want to make you happy, i’ll do anything, I just can’t stand it when you’re sad.”

“Oh angel, i’m not sad, i’m just so happy. I can’t even think of any more questions right now.”

He heaved a huge sigh of relief and rested his forehead against mines. “Good about the sad, good about the questions, now shut up and kiss me.” And kiss him I did.

CHRIS

I awoke tangled in Der’s arms. I didn’t know how I was ever going to go home and live without him in my arms. We had to find a solution quick so that we could be in each other’s arms every night. He looked so peaceful as he slept in my arms. I couldn’t stand that drawn look that came over his features when he was upset. I promised myself that I would always strive to keep him happy. He began waking up and I just had to kiss him.

I knew that he’d want to talk but when he told me about why he never came out, I just couldn’t process it. If I hadn’t come to my senses, he might never have been happy. It had a sobering effect on me and almost brought me to tears. He wanted to ask some questions and of course I had no problem with it. I couldn’t help but caress him and he moved away from me. I almost felt cold when he moved and that wouldn’t do at all.

This was new to me. I was becoming increasingly agitated without Der in my arms. He couldn’t ever leave me, I just wouldn’t survive it. I was hooked on him but settled on telling him I had separation anxiety.

He was asking me pretty basic questions but when he got to asking me about topping and bottoming, I couldn’t help but feel a little shocked. How could he not think i’d want to make love to him? I wanted to take and be taken.

I was taken aback again when he said we were too young to get married. What the hell? I loved him and he loved me. I knew this was forever so I guessed he was just tripping a bit. I really wanted to go straight to us being husbands, but he seemed skeptical so I just held back.

When he asked why I wanted our children to have his eyes, I knew I got a bit nostalgic, but I never expected him not to believe me. He was close to tears and it made my heart hurt. When he said that he was happy, relief flooded through me.

I had had enough of this talking, I told him to shut up. I needed him and he should have been done talking a while ago. I kissed him like he was water and my throat was parched. I began trembling and I just rested my forehead against his.

“Baby this is too much, I can’t believe that I have it in me to feel this way. I never want to let you go. I can’t ever lose you, please don’t ever leave me.” I felt tears running down my face as I stroked his cheek. I was a mess.

“Chris, sweetheart, what’s wrong? You know that something like that won’t happen. I’ve loved you as long as i’ve known I was gay.”

“I just… i’ve never loved anyone like this. I don’t even have a good relationship with my parents. For so long I loved you as a friend and I couldn’t imagine you not being in my life, but this is so much more. Now that I have you I don’t know what to do next.”

“Just love me baby, that’s all that I ask.”

He was kissing my tears away and I chuckled at the thought that just hours ago the tables had been turned. I realized that I felt that I wasn’t good enough for his love. I didn’t come from the loving type of family that he did and I never really knew how to give love. This was foreign territory to me, but I was glad that I had my best friend and now partner to teach me how to do it right.

“Chris, baby, you never have to worry that your love wont be enough, we’ll learn together. This is new to me too. Sure, I loved you forever, but it’s never been exercised. I still have to learn how to live and openly love you. It’s only been a day baby, we have time.”

Man these past hours had truly been a time of discovery and emotional upheavals. However I was sure that we had a solid enough foundation so that we could face everything and anything together.

EPILOGUE

DERECK

Well we did come out to my parents and to his. My parents shocked the hell out of both of us when they said that it was about time that I came out. Apparently, my parents knew all along or suspected that I was gay. My mom scolded me for over an hour about not feeling as if I could come to them and tell them anything. She’d even suspected how I felt about Chris and swatted him a couple of times for being so clueless. Overall, my experience turned out alright.

I couldn’t say the same for Chris’ parents. Oh, they didn’t disown him or anything, but they didn’t care one way or another, as long as he stayed out of their hair like he’d always done. We both knew this was a probable reaction so it didn’t bother us much.

Life became so much better. Chris would come to my job everyday that I worked and he’d just sit and read. On my lunch break, we’d sit together. At night, we were either at his house or at mines. We were like newlyweds because we couldn’t stand to be away from each other.

We did go back to school and surprisingly all of my friends accepted Chris with open arms. Rob was especially happy for me. We moved into a small apartment together for the rest of the school term. We even had a small ceremony to celebrate our marriage. Chris became my husband and I took his name. I was his and he was mine.

We were sure to have problems in the future, but that was what life and love was all about. I was the happiest man on earth and he was my angel.