They look at each other and Nico can’t read his face. He can only imagine how flushed he is, and hopes desperately that no one looks at his lap to see the strange and embarrassing effect that kiss had on him. He feels another wave of shock and embarrassment as he realizes he can still taste Elijah, quickly breaking eye contact to sip his beer and wash it away.
Nico looks up to see the group quietly staring.
“Woah. That was hot. Nico, you’re next.” Amy breaks the spell but Nico can’t get his heart to slow down, and where his and Elijah’s knees are still touching feels hot and tingly now. Nico finishes his beer and mumbles something about needing a piss before getting up and leaving the circle. He wanders around until he finds a bathroom, then locks the door behind him and stands at the sink. He washes his hands, splashing water onto his face, and tries to even out his breathing. Was it just that kissing always felt that good, or was it because of Elijah? He had never wanted to kiss a man before, but his lips were soft and full, his tongue gentle and probing, and Nico could not deny the disappointment he felt when Elijah pulled away. He shakes his head, takes a deep breath, and opens the door to run smack into Elijah’s broad chest.
“Hey, what are you-” Nico is cut off as Elijah shoves him backward into the bathroom, following him in and locking the door.
“Dude, what the hell.” Nico exclaims.
Elijah doesn’t say anything, just stares at him, his face serious. He steps forward, and Nico steps back. He moves closer until Nico is backed up against the counter and Elijah is standing right in front of him, a whole head taller.
“What’s your problem, you said it was whatever!” Nico shouts at him now, feeling scared by Elijah’s size and proximity.
“You liked it.” It wasn’t a question.
“A tongue is a tongue, I didn’t hate it.” Nico fumbles his words, knowing he can’t lie about how it made him feel.
Elijah inches closer, nudging Nico’s feet apart, standing between his legs. Elijah rests a hand on Nico’s waist, the contact hot and tingly all over again, and leans his head down. Nico closes his eyes and gasps when instead of his mouth, Elijah presses his lips to Nico’s neck, his hot tongue finding his pulse and sucking, making Nico feel weak and lightheaded. He braces himself against Elijah’s chest, bunching the shirt in his hands. Elijah presses against him, moving his tongue up toward Nico’s ear, a small unintentional moan escaping when he feels how hard Elijah is.
“Is this why you stopped being my friend?” Elijah’s voice is quiet and gruff, his mouth at Nico’s ear lobe, nipping and licking. “Did you know this was how I felt about you?”
Nico’s surprise rattles him and he shoves Elijah back, panting.
“I never knew anything. I stopped being your friend because I didn’t want to hang out with you anymore.” Nico isn’t sure why he feels this anger bubbling up, the years of jealousy and resentment finally erupting.
Elijah looks at him, his sudden sadness quickly replaced by a cold blankness, and he nods.
“Don’t stick around.” Elijah tells him, his voice calm, then opens the door and walks away.
Nico stumbles from the bathroom a moment later and leaves through the front door. He walks home alone, the buzz he had wearing off and the confusing mix of feelings roiling inside of him. How long had Elijah thought about Nico that way? Was he being serious? Nico shakes his head, unable to believe that Elijah could ever want him like that. Maybe it was some twisted joke. But he had felt Elijah and his want and it set something in Nico aflame.
Nico can’t sleep that night, tossing and turning in his bed plagued by the feeling of Elijah, hearing those words again and again. ‘Is this why you stopped being my friend? Did you know this was how I felt about you?’
He wakes up sweating and anxious. He skips breakfast, holing up on his room to play video games, only stopping occasionally to eat and take a leak. His parents call up to him when they get home from work, but he ignores them. He tries watching porn that night, but can’t get himself there until he lets himself think of Elijah kicking his feet apart and putting his mouth on his neck, about their tongues tangling and caressing. When he finishes a wave of guilt and shame wash over him.
Nico spends the rest of his summer in the same way. He ignores his parents, too infatuated with each other to realize that there’s something off about him. He rarely leaves the house, spending hours online or playing video games. He checks his phone with the vain hope of a missed call from Elijah. He stops jerking off entirely, unable to feel anything if he’s not picturing him.
Summer ends with no contact between the two. Nico’s parents help him pack up his things and move him into the dorms. His roommate is a geeky guy named Andrew who spends every Friday night playing dungeons and dragons and fills the room with posters of lewd anime girls. As the year passes, Nico is thrust into a rigorous routine, too occupied by homework and campus activities to think much about Elijah. He feels more himself again by the time the school year ends. He has his belongings packed, Andrew already gone, and sits on the bare blue mattress waiting for the call that his parents are parked out front. When he sees them, he smiles, genuinely, and they talk the whole way home about college and careers and all the things that have happened since the last time they made this drive. They spend the evening cooking together, bundling up on the couch after to watch a movie. They feel like a real family for the first time in a long time.
report After a long night of sleeping in his own bed in his own house, a luxury he will never take for granted again, he wakes up to a text.
You home for the summer?
There is a knock on the door a few hours later. Nico’s parents are gone at work for the day, leaving the house quiet. Elijah smiles sheepishly at him from the porch, looking mostly the same as he did a year ago. His hair is a bit more grown out, the remnants of baby fat in his face gone, leaving him even more chiseled and handsome than he’d already been.
“Hey.”
“Hey, come on in.”
Elijah steps inside, the house just as he remembers it from when they were kids.
“We can talk upstairs.” Nico is starting to feel nervous despite being the one to suggest they meet up. They reach his room, spotless in preparation for this moment.
Elijah whistles. “Same old stuff, but I think you have about double the amount of books now.”
Nico laughs. “Yeah, I can never help bringing something new home and adding to the collection.” Nico sits on the bed, a silence settling in the room. Elijah hesitates, opting for the desk chair instead of joining him.
They both start to talk at the same time, then apologize. Nico waits. Elijah takes a deep breath, releasing it slowly, and looks at him.
“I’m sorry for last summer.”
Nico nods, sensing that there’s more.
“I shouldn’t have pushed you like that or expected you to just be okay with what I said. It probably freaked you out, but I felt so butthurt that I let you leave before we could talks things out. I’m sorry.” He says again.