“Fuck that, it’s too easy! Making me fall for you and then, deciding all by yourself that this is wrong and this is over.”
Fall for me…
Those were strong words and somehow, I knew that he was still understated his feelings, just like I was trying to ignore mines.
“Blake, please… You knew this was not viable from the start. I can tell that you feel guilty too. Every time we have sex… You close yourself afterwards.”
“This is just a fucking mess…”
“Yes, it is.”
He was crying now.
I had really wrecked everything.
We remained silent for a few minutes; I think we were both trying to collect ourselves.
“Blake, I’m not leaving because I want us to stop. I’m leaving because between my own happiness and my daughter’s, I choose hers.” I explained.
“And what about mine?! What about MY happiness?!”
“We cannot be together, you understand that.”
“Except that maybe we can. What if I choose you, Joe? You cannot force me into staying with your daughter.”
That was very hard, one of the hardest things I had done in my life probably.
Blake looked handsome and sincere. All I wanted was to tell him that I was choosing him too, kissing his lips, and be with him.
I stayed strong.
I had made my mind the night before.
“Liv loves you, Blake. And before you came working on the farm, you wanted to propose to her. Remember that. You were happy.”
“That’s what you want, then?”
“It’s not about what I want, it’s about doing the right thing.”
“Great then. In a year or so, you’ll walk her down the aisle in a beautiful church, she’ll be wearing a long wedding dress, and you’ll give her to me. You’ll be fine with that? You won’t feel like shit seeing her marry me?!”
I swallowed my saliva.
Once again, there were many things that I wanted to say.
“I think you’d both be very happy in that scenario and that’s the only thing that I care for.”
I do not know if there was much more to say but, in any case, we did not have the chance to talk more as Olivia came back to the apartment.
Thank God, we had stopped yelling when she walked in.
Blake hurried in the bathroom to hide how distraught he was truly feeling.
Now that we were ending it all, it was not the right time to be found out.
Olivia was surprised by the news that I was moving out, but she was mostly shocked that her father would be living with the eighties’ star Lova Lova, in her notorious castle in Sacramento.
“That was why you were going to the jazz club so often!”
“Part of it… The place is nice.”
“God, you think paparazzies are going to snap pictures of you now?” She joked.
For her, it did seem like a relief that I would be gone.
On that front, at the very least, I had made the right decision.
She did insist that I could stay for as long as I wanted in the apartment, that she wanted me there, that I was not a burden at all, but I could tell that she happy for me to leave.
“Liv, this is perfect.” I reassured her. “For the next two months, we’ll be living in the same city; we’ll be able to see each other very often but I’ll stop squatting your couch. Besides, I’m happy having some work to do, you know that I’m not made to stay cooked-up in an apartment all day.”
“I know, dad.”
That was the moment Blake decided to come out from the bathroom.
In front of Olivia, he kept a happy face and wished me the best.
“Come by anytime, Joe. Thanks for this Summer and your help with my wrist.”
“You’re welcome, Blake.”
I shook his hand goodbye.
That was awkward.
I was dying inside but in all of this drama, I thought that maybe, I had avoided the worst of the crash.
Just maybe, things were still salvageable?
Blake and I had been a fun distraction but as soon as it had become more than that, I should have put an end to this madness.
Moreover, Blake was young and he would get over it, over me.
They could mend their relationship and if they did not, at the very least, I would not be there to witness the chaos, and I would no longer be the direct reason why.
[To be continued]