“We’ll probably stay together,” I said. “Out of convenience more than anything else.” I normally wouldn’t have divulged this kind of intimate information about my marriage, but I needed Rory to trust me, and in order to accomplish that, I had to appear somewhat vulnerable. He had to know he wasn’t the only one in an unhappy relationship. “In many ways, Eve and I work well together,” I continued. “But the constant power struggle is destroying us.” I brought my glass to my lips but didn’t take a drink as I thought about my wife. “I think she’s fucking her personal trainer.” Rory’s eyes widened in shock, and I couldn’t hold back a bitter laugh. “She’s a walking, talking stereotype at this point. Unsatisfied older woman, lusting after a younger man…”
“Heidi wants to start a family,” Rory blurted out. “Like, right now. That’s another reason we’re struggling so much. I told her I need to focus on my career, that we have plenty of time, but she’s obsessed.”
So there it was, I thought. The rift between Rory and his wife that would only grow wider. Our table in that restaurant had taken on the air of a confessional, and now that we’d shared some of our deepest secrets, I could start chipping away at Rory’s self-control.
“Forgive me for saying this, Rory, but you two seem completely incompatible,” I told him. “How on earth did you decide to marry this woman?”
He looked crestfallen at my words, and I worried I’d been too blunt and that he would clam up. But he merely shook his head, as if he shared my bewilderment. “It was different when we were dating,” he said quietly. “She was more easygoing and spontaneous.”
“So she was adventurous in bed, at least?” I dared to ask before taking a bite of my steak.
Rory began laughing even as he blushed. “You’re not gonna believe this, but she wanted to save herself for marriage.”
“Bullshit!” I cried, then quickly lowered my voice. “You mean she actually made you wait till your wedding night to fuck her?”
Rory downed the rest of his drink. “She did,” he admitted. “And part of me was honored that she chose me to be her first, but…”
“But?” I was dying to hear the rest of that sentence.
“But now that I’m putting the brakes on knocking her up right away, she’s withholding sex altogether, and I’m going out of my fucking mind.” His voice was close to a growl, and I could sense the frustration coming off of him in waves.
I beckoned the waiter over so I could order one more drink for Rory, and this time he didn’t protest. We didn’t speak for a brief period, focused on finishing our meal, but once the table had been cleared and we were both sipping our drinks, I decided it was time to discover just what the evening might hold in store for us.
“Sometimes I think I should have avoided women altogether and continued fucking men exclusively,” I said, keeping my tone completely nonchalant.
Rory almost spat out his drink, and he began violently coughing as he set the glass down on the table. It took all my effort to hold back a grin.
“You okay?” I asked, taking the opportunity to reach across the table and place my hand on his forearm. I noticed he didn’t pull away.
“Sorry,” Rory apologized to me, and then to the waiter who came to check on us. Glancing up at the waiter, I knew the man must have figured out by now that this was no longer simply a dinner between two colleagues, but he remained completely unfazed while making sure everything was alright. “I’m fine,” Rory assured him.
After the waiter headed toward the front of the restaurant, Rory fixed his astonished stare on me. “So wait, you’re saying you’re…”
“Bisexual? Yes,” I answered. All the while I understood I was taking a risk by confiding in him. I doubted he would betray me even if he chose to rebuff my advances, but it would be far better if he admitted an attraction to me as well.
He gaped at me, truly speechless. Finally he managed, “I had no idea.”
“Well, I certainly don’t go around advertising it,” I said with a smile. “And to be honest, I’ve had only a few male partners.” That wasn’t a lie. I’d slept with a good friend of mine while we were both in college, but I had chalked it up to experimentation. When I was in my mid-twenties, I had a brief but intense relationship with an older man, and I credited him for making me accept the fact that I was attracted to both men and women.
Then there was the husband of one of Eve’s friends; our first illicit encounter had taken place when we managed to sneak away during a holiday party. It had happened after Eve and I had stopped fucking, when I felt as sexually frustrated as Rory did now. I continued to see this man on occasion, when both our schedules permitted it.
Now as my stare held Rory’s, I raised an eyebrow. “So you’ve never considered playing for the other team? Not even once?” I asked.
Rory averted his eyes. His face was flushed, and I watched with mild amusement as he tugged at the collar of his shirt. “Um, I fooled around with a guy in college. Once,” he quickly added.
I didn’t press him for details. Instead I asked, “Did you enjoy it?”
He still wouldn’t look at me. “I mean… yeah,” he said, sounding reluctant to admit it. “But it was just a one-time thing. I had a girlfriend at the time, and I haven’t been interested in any other guy since then.”
I made a regretful sound. “That’s a shame,” I told him. “If you were interested in me, I think you and I could have a lot of fun in bed.”
I heard Rory’s sharp intake of breath, and I understood that everything would be decided in the next moment. He might tell me to fuck off, and then get up and leave so he could call his wife. And then tomorrow, I’d probably be out of a job. It was a possibility, I knew. But I was confident in my ability to read him; I hadn’t imagined the furtive looks he’d given me while we worked together.
He pressed a hand to his forehead, as if he was only now feeling the full effects of the alcohol in his system. “The thing is…” His eyes met mine, and I saw the helplessness in his gaze. He was definitely in unfamiliar territory now. “I think you’re fucking gorgeous, Patrick; I’ve thought so since we first met. But I’m married, and I can’t do that to Heidi.”
“That’s quite noble, considering what she’s doing to you,” I remarked. “But I understand. I don’t want you to feel pressured, and I assure you this won’t affect our work relationship at all. You have so much potential, and I know you’re going to thrive in your career. I’ll always help you in any way I can, Rory.”
I meant what I said; I wasn’t going to be a vindictive asshole simply because he chose not to fuck me. Though I was disappointed, I managed to hide it well, and when the waiter brought the check, I quickly moved to take it.
“You don’t have to do that,” Rory said.
I only smiled at him and replied, “I’m happy to. I invited you to dinner, remember?”
I allowed our conversation to lapse into silence as I paid for the meal and then walked with Rory out of the restaurant. I noticed he appeared to be in deep thought, his expression almost pensive. Definitely not the mood I’d been hoping for.