My fingers retreat as I continue to pull my arm back. I am suddenly aware that I have gone beyond the edge of my glove without even noticing and my heart skips a beat. I calm myself. Even that should be no problem. If nothing else, I can hold the glove tightly with my fingers as I withdraw my hand.
In another minute, I have pulled my hand free, the glove giving me no problem at all, as I had hoped.
Quickly, I wipe most of the lube off my gloved hand, then use it to hold the other glove, so I can get it onto my left hand. Not as easy as it sounds, and I fumble around a bit.
“Kurt? What are you doing?”
“You vill find out soon enough.” Ah! The glove is on. I reach for the Crisco again, rubbing a generous amount onto my hands and smearing a fresh coating on his anus. “Think back to vhat you told me shortly before you fisted me, Logan.”
“Give me a break, darlin’. I told you a lot of things before I fisted you.”
“I’m thinking of one thing in particular. One very important thing.”
He turns his eyes away from me when he answers. “Uh – I can’t remember in detail. Did it have to do with trust?”
“Ja. You said, ‘I know what you’re afraid of. Trust me. It ain’t gonna happen’.”
“Your memory is better than mine.”
“Stop trying to distract me.” I keep quiet and very still for a moment, to let that sink in. “Now you must trust me. But you must not only trust me vith your body, as I did you vith mine. That vould be too easy, since I cannot truly harm you the way you can harm me. You must trust me also vith your heart. And you cannot do that unless you vill surrender to me. Stop trying to show me how easily you can allow me the use of your body. Stop trying to show me anything at all. Leave all this to me. I vant you to turn all control over to me, and trust me to use it visely. I vant you to do this out of your love for me, trusting in my love for you. I cannot force this from you; you must give it freely.”
“I know.” He sounds chastened now, not very much like the usual Wolverine. Let us see if I can keep him that way.
All the while I have been speaking to him, I have been slowly working my right hand back into his anus. My knuckles slide in now, much more easily than before, if such a thing is possible. Now comes the difficult part, for me as well as for him.
“Close your eyes, and keep them closed,” I order him sternly.
“Elf? Why can’t I look? What are you doing?” For the first time, he sounds uncertain. Good!
“I vant no more of your vords. Now you vill listen to me. It is time for you to give me the same trust that I once gave you, for I vant to give you the same exquisite experience that you once gave me.”
Wrapping my opposite thumb and third finger around my right wrist, I start very slowly pushing the middle finger into him, keeping it tucked tightly into the groove formed by my right palm.
“The ecstasy of sex is not a shameful thing. It is holy,” I tell him, hoping to distract him from what I am doing and at the same time make it very clear why I am so set on doing this. “Vhy do you think that mystics down through the ages have often described union vith God in terms that verge on the sexual? They vere not unavare of vhat they vere saying. Quite the opposite, in fact.”
He opens his mouth, as if he is getting ready to argue with me, but all he does is inhale sharply. He should be able to feel the stretching now, as the finger is almost in and the rest of my left hand is pressing against his anus.
“Unh! Ahh! Jesus Fucking Christ, Elf! What the fuck are ya doin’? Ohh!”
“Shh. You vill find out soon enough. Do not open your eyes. Pay attention to vhat I am telling you.” I resume my lecture. “Sex at its best is surrender and victory, both at once. It is a longing to make love to all of creation, to open yourself to the holiness of the vorld. It is that vhich can never truly be described, but only felt; something that cannot be told to others but can only be experienced.”
He grunts, letting his head fall back and breathing once again in through his nose and out through his mouth. His breath slows as he tries to accommodate my third finger.
“But it is also more fragile than the finest porcelain,” I continue, “and as fleeting as the snowflake that melts in your hand, for it can be broken by the tiniest of things and defiled beyond measure or comprehension.”
“Elf, you’re scarin’ me. Stop, please.”
There is real fear in his voice, but I do not intend to stop now.
“There is nothing terrible happening. I am not going to hurt you. I could not if I tried. I know how difficult this is for you, but difficult does not mean impossible.” I finish my plea in an intense whisper. “Bitte, du musst mir vertrauen.”
“Mmhhmm,” he moans in tortured agreement. My finger slips inside and I begin to work my thumb gently against his sphincter.
“Gut. Ganz gut,” I reassure him. “This is the experience I vish to offer to you, mein Schatz, for you have seen and known far too much of the defilement and debasement of desire, and far too little of the incredible holiness of sex.”
My thumb pushes through and my fingers interlace inside him.
“On a certain level, it can become the highest form of communion vith God.”
Even as I say this, I realize that my hands are now clasped together just as they would be if I were praying, with my fingers alternately entwined.
Meanwhile, he appears almost out of it, eyelids fluttering, mouth open slightly, and a strange look on his face.
“Logan?” I say softly. “You can open your eyes now, if you vish.”
“Uuhh,” is the only response I get.
“Logan? You still vith me?”
“Yeesss. I – think so.”
I breathe a sigh of relief.
“I don’t need ta open my eyes. You’ve got both hands in me, haven’t ya?”
“Ja. Is it all right?”
“Ganz gut, mein Herr.”
Good. He still has a sense of humor, if he can answer me like that. He is totally OK with what I have done. Addressing me with the equivalent of “Sir” is not truly necessary, and is very likely an attempt at mild sarcasm, but it does sound nice coming from him, considering.
“Mein Schatz, I do not intend to force my hands in any deeper, as I do not believe I have the experience necessary for that. But I do vant to be sure you enjoy this, so I vill try a few things vhile I am here.”
Keeping my hands clasped, I wiggle the tips of my fingers a bit, just enough that I think he will feel it.
He does. His body arches as his muscles clench around my hands. “Oh god!” he gasps.
I do it a few more times, moving a bit more each time.
“Oh, Jesus Fucking Christ, that feels terrific, Elf! More than terrific!”
“Bitte, no more blasphemy, ja?” I request.
He gives a little chuckle. “Oh gosh, darlin’, that feels wonderful.”
Now he is clearly teasing me. No matter. At least he is reacting to what I am doing.
I want to be able to reach his genitals, to arouse him further, but both of my hands are unavailable for this purpose. Ah, but my tail is free! How could I have forgotten that?
Carefully, I bring it around in front of me, just allowing the flat surface of the end to graze his balls. He starts, then realizes what it is. “Oh yeah,” he gasps. “Oh yeah.”