A few months later, he had just started getting serious with a girl, and peppered me with questions about how to impress her, to make her interested him, that sort of thing, He was a hilariously nervous wreck. At one point, I laughed and said all he really needed to do was to rip off his shirt and show her that perfectly built, hairy chest. He thought I was kidding.
Funny… we’d known each other since we were kids. But it was only as adults that we clicked. In a few short months, he had quietly become my best friend. A guy I couldn’t wait to talk to. Whose opinion mattered to me more than anyone but my wife. It’s so weird, because like most guys I had a horrible time making and keeping friends after college. But there he was.
One day, Jeremy called me up with good news. He was finally ditching his roommates and moving into a place of his own. I almost wondered if he was going to move in with his girl, but he pointed out it was still way too early in their relationship. Besides, he had never lived alone. He had bailed out of his parents’ place the first chance he could, but had to essentially couch surf with buddies until he found a job that could cover his rent. He bounced around from place to place, but always lived with other people. Now, he had found a “garden level” studio apartment fairly near his job. He was so proud… I could feel him glowing as he told me about it.
Naturally, I agreed to help him move.
The big day came, and he was joined by a pair of guys from his work. It was reasonably warm outside, and there wasn’t much air in Jeremy’s new place (he promised his first new purchase would be an air conditioner), so we stripped off our shirts as we worked. Given we were all healthy guys in our prime, we were able to take care of everything in short order. In fact, it mostly became a social hour as we went, with loads of inappropriate banter and us all busting Jeremy’s chops. When we were done, Jeremy regaled us with the obligatory beer and pizza. It was a great time–better than many parties I’ve been to.
The guys headed home, but I told Jeremy I had still had time to kill and offered to put together his new Ikea furniture while he kept setting things up. He eagerly agreed. We worked some, talked some, drank some, and were enjoying life.
We were wrapping things up; I was surveying our progress, hands on hips, and feeling good. I looked over at Jeremy, to see him looking at me. Just… looking. He gave his trademark half-smile. It… always got me. He wasn’t a cheery person by nature, and when he smiled his face just… lit up. It made me smile in return. He looked down, and I swear I almost saw… like… color in his cheeks. He gave a half-laugh, like he was laughing at a dimly-remembered joke.
“What?” I asked.
Jeremy looked up at me, not quite startled, but… kinda caught off guard. He shook his head once and grabbed for his beer. I persisted. “No, what? Are you… laughing?”
He didn’t move at first, but finally looked up at me. “No, it’s just… it’s nothing. Stupid.”
“C’mon, man… what, do I have like something in my teeth? What?”
“No,” he chuckled. “No, it’s just… I’m just… thanks for being here. It’s funny, but I feel like I’m finally grown up… you know, a man. A real man. Got a job I love, a great girl, and I’m finally living on my own. And I gotta say, man… a lot of this is due to you. You… you’re… it’s like you’re everything I want to be when I grow up. You know shit. You do shit. You fucking live your life to the fullest. And you’ve totally let me run along for the ride. You’ve dragged me out of my comfort zone. Kicking and screaming into adulthood. And you’ve just… been there for me. Letting me be me. It’s been great. I’m used to being on my own, fending for myself. I was just… it feels good to have a partner in crime. Having… for the first time… like… a best friend.”
I think this time, I’m the one who had color on my cheeks. “Ditto. I….” It was hard to finish. It was hard for me to wrap my head around things. Damn. The guy made me feel like a million bucks when we were together. Like we were Kings of the World. But I didn’t know how to say that without it sounding… weird.
But I couldn’t let what he said go. I gave him a half smile of my own, and pushed on. “I should be thanking you, bud. I hadn’t realized how much I missed guy time. It was so great having a bud I could relate to. I don’t know everything you’ve gone thru in life, but I know it’s been a lot. Shit like that could make a guy hard. Mean. But you… it just made you strong. Stronger than anyone I know. I just wish I could be….” Man, I was starting to get all mushy. I tried to rein myself in. “It’s been a blast. I’m just sorry we never hung out as kids.”
“Thanks man. I … thank you.” Our eyes locked, in companionable silence. I felt… warm… in his gaze.
Well. “What are you thanking me for? I’m the lucky one,” I said, trying to lighten the mood. I was too much in my own thoughts. “Well, one thing before we call it a day, we have to mount your TV. You game?”
Jeremy shook himself off, gave me a flash of his smile. “Hell yeah man, that’s the most important thing! Let’s do it!”
The process was a pain in the ass, and we ended up drilling a couple of extra holes in his wall that we’d need to plaster over sometime later. We were tightly together as we worked, enough so that we occasionally rubbed against each other. Skin on skin. His was warm. No, hot. With a slight sheen of sweat from our exertions. That closeness felt… strange. I mean, we ground against each other on the court and all, but this was… felt more… it was closer. The touch of him stayed with me in my mind, like the afterimage when you see a bright light and look away. But we had work to do. Finally, we manhandled the TV and the mounting brackets into the correct position and were able to secure everything.
We stood there. I was quiet. Lost in thought. I decided to break the spell by helping myself to a couple more beers for us out of his fridge. I saw Jeremy rolling his shoulder around. “You okay?” I asked as I handed him a bottle.
“Hmm? Oh, sorry… yeah, just pinched something there at the end. It’s fine.”
I responded without thinking. “You want me to work on it? I can give a pretty good massage.”
Jeremy gave me a short, sneer-laugh. “You’re gonna what now?”
Shit. What the hell did I ask that for? That was pretty bold, especially to a man’s man like Jeremy. Did it sound like I was creeping on him? Damn. I was just thinking… I mean, I guess I thought….
Rubbing his shoulders. Huh. My thoughts started churning. Part of me, I’m not sure where or why, really perked up at the idea. But… I mean… was that weird? Weird for him? Having a guy, a buddy, rubbing your bare shoulders? Damn. Well, there was no taking it back now, and standing there slack-jawed wasn’t going to help matters. I opted to play this through, but to do so breezily to de-escalate.
“Oh… no… it’s no big thing. Not some weird professional massage or anything. It’s just… something the guys… guys on the team… would do for each other when we pulled things, strained things, while playing. We did it all the time. I bet I can loosen that up for you.”