I knew I’d never settle on a plan. I had a tendency to over-strategize; my coaches had called it out as a weakness. They’d warned me that if I spent too much time and attention on what might happen next, I’d miss what was already happening.
If only I could miss this next part. No such luck.
I opened the door and took a confident step back into the main room. Travis and Colt were still sitting in the same spots on the couch. Liam was in front of them in the oak desk chair he normally kept in his room; he must have brought it out while I was in the bathroom.
I looked at them, and then I looked towards the exit. My backpack was laying on the floor next to my shoes with my socks stuffed in them. My bag had my keys and wallet inside of it. Should I just grab it and go? What if I get pulled over wearing only a towel?
“I put a trash bag down…” Liam said matter-of-factly, “over the… spot. Then I put a towel on top of that.”
He didn’t sound like he was being a cunt. His voice was the same as when we were just shooting the shit. None of them were laughing. None of them had immediately started lobbing jokes at me. I couldn’t understand what was happening.
“Listen, guys,” I said, “I know you’re probably weirded out by what just happened. I mean, even I’m weirded out, and I have to live with it.”
I found myself walking towards them. I grasped onto my towel, as if holding it tightly would serve as an emotional anchor.
“It’s fucked up and super embarrassing but I have some… medical problems when it comes to my junk.”
They were gazing at me intently; it was like they were students and I was a teacher about to launch into a lesson. To be honest, I had no idea what was going on their hands. All my over-analyzing was for naught.
“I shoot my load super quick. Yeah, it really, really sucks. It’s not like girls are dying for a guy who loses control and blasts his baby batter after just a few pumps.”
I realized that I had started to lean into the ‘pity me’ play. I mean, I kind of pitied myself, so it only felt natural to try to elicit it from my friends.
“Then there’s the… cumming. I have something called ‘hyperspermia.’ It’s when dudes just make way, way too much jizz. It totally sucks! How’d you like to shoot so much that the thought of the mess makes it so you don’t even want to jerk off sometimes. And…”
I stopped myself. I realized that I was about to tell them something I didn’t need to tell them – something that I didn’t want to tell them. It was irrelevant anyways.
I waited for the response. Colt massive bicep flexed as he leaned so that his weight was resting on the arm of the couch. Travis’s six-foot-five frame was sprawled out, with his ass at the edge of the cushion and his legs akimbo. Liam sat with his back straight as a rod.
“So… did you actually lose it to Kim Dickens last month?” Colt asked. “Or did you just lie to us?”
I felt an odd sense of relief. I never would’ve guessed in a million years that that would have been his first question.
“Nah,” I said, “I mean, yes. Yes, I did lose it with Kim. It didn’t last very long, but it still counts.”
I chuckled at my own joke. Colt and Travis mirrored my self-deprecating act. It felt like some of the tension was releasing from my body.
“How much do you… cum?” Travis asked.
“I don’t know. I’ve never actually like measured it… but it’s a lot. Based on what I told the doctor, he said that I was in the ‘top tenth of one percent’ for guys with the condition.”
“But why is it so watery?” he asked as a follow-up.
“I don’t know. I guess that’s just a part of the way it is.”
It felt odd; I was giving a talk on my own sexual dysfunction. It still seemed better than any alternative I could imagine. Beggars can’t be choosers.
“What was the deal with the hip thrusting?” Liam asked.
It seemed like there was an edge to his voice. I felt myself blush; I tightened my grip on my towel.
“Um, I don’t know. It just kind of happens. It’s like you’re blasting water through a fire hose and you can’t control it or something. My body is kind of the same way. When the water starts shooting from the hose, I kind of lose control.”
I tried to laugh. It clearly sounded forced.
“How long before you can shoot another load?” Liam asked.
I shook my head from side to side. My arms flooded with goosebumps at the very thought of answering the question.
“We want to see what it looks like,” Liam proclaimed with a big grin. “You know, see what it looks like when you aren’t wearing shorts.”
‘We?’ The word smacked me in the face. It only took another moment to process the rest of what he was saying. They… they want me to jerk off in front of them?
“It’s not like gay or anything,” Liam said, trying to reassure me. “It’s more like… a science experiment.”
Colt let out a large chortle. Travis was shaking his head, signaling agreement with the ringleader’s grand ‘it’s not gay’ proclamation. His body straightened up a little as he pulled himself further back onto the couch.
Sure, we’d shoot the shit about girls and sex. We’d talk about which ones had the biggest tits or which of us had gotten some pussy, but that’s not what was happening. We weren’t anything close to being the type of dudes that jerked off together or gave each other handies when we got really drunk.
“Come on, bruh,” Travis said. “Just show us.”
What? That was literally the only thing I could think. More so than any other point in my life, I was speechless. I pulled up one of my arms and placed it across my chest. My armor was falling off my body.
“Or…” Liam said with an overly dramatic flair, “we can just send out the video and hope somebody knows something you don’t. You know – cast a wide net. Put it on blast.”
I started shivering. My mouth felt like it was filled with cotton. I glanced down at the floor; I couldn’t bring myself to look Liam in the eyes.
“So, you want to watch me jerk off?” I asked bluntly.
“No, no,” Liam said, trying hard not to sound defensive. “We just want to see the… what did you call it… the hyperspermia thing. It’s just so fucking weird. You can’t blame us for being curious.”
I wasn’t a complete idiot. I knew the cards I had been dealt. I didn’t even have a pair. All I could do was try to dig myself out of the hole.
“Will you delete the video?” I asked.
“What?” Liam asked.
“If I jerk… show you what it looks like when I cum, will you delete the video that Travis has of me on his phone?”
The guys all took turns looking at one another. Travis and Colt were bristling with the same energy I had witnessed when they had made their attempt to become professional tricksters. They were essentially frat boys in training. Liam was trying to mirror the energy they were giving off, but with him, there was something else below the surface.
“Sure,” Liam said. “Right, Trav?”
“I promise,” Travis replied.
I thought about all the kids in my senior class watching the video. Sure, we didn’t have much time left together, but it was a small town. I’d never be able to come home without someone bring it up or making a joke about me. I didn’t want that to be my life. I decided I could stand a few more minutes of utter humiliation to avoid a lifetime of it.