“I understand. Just . . .” Megan took a deep breath. “Just ask him to come in here, please.”
Dillon did as he was asked, but in his heart, he knew that there was no way this little meeting was going to bring Megan closure. Megan and Heath owned a part of each other, just as he and Jamie did. And just like him and Jamie, they probably always would.
#
Dillon found his brother exactly where he’d left him, pacing in front of Megan’s door. “Megan wants to see you, but before you go in there, there’s something you should know.”
Heath was almost too eager to see Megan to listen, but Dillon’s somber tone must have gotten through to him. “What is it?”
“Megan blames herself for all of this, Heath. She blames herself for everything from the break-up to loosing the baby.”
Heath flinched. “What? No, that’s not right. How could she possibly think any of this was her fault?”
“I don’t know, but the point is, she does.”
Heath swore. “I’ll make her listen, make her understand that I’m the one responsible.”
Dillon tried to reason with him, but Heath was every bit as stubborn as Megan. He swung open the door and walked into Megan’s room, Dillon on his heels.
Megan was lying in the same position, the bed covers clutched around her like a shield. “Hello, Heath.”
Heath swallowed so hard, Dillon could hear it. “Hi, honey. How are you feeling?”
“Okay, I guess. The doctor says I’m healing. No sign of infection near my incision, and my vital signs are good, whatever that means.”
“That’s great, Meggie. I . . . Oh, hell. I was never good at polite conversation.” He came forward and stood beside the bed. “Baby, I’m so damn sorry for this. For leaving you like I did, for the miscarriage. All of it.”
Megan held herself with such brittle control, Dillon thought she might shatter. “It wasn’t your fault, Heath, especially not the miscarriage. According to Dr. Byrd, that would have happened no matter what.”
Heath sank down in the chair beside the bed while Dillon stood on Megan’s other side. “Maybe so, but I should have been there to see you through it.”
“Why? You didn’t even believe there was a baby.”
“Honey, you have to let me explain. See, there was this girl a few years back. When things started cooling off between us, she lied about being pregnant to trap me into something I wasn’t ready for.”
“And you thought I’d done the same thing?” Megan closed her eyes. “You must not think very much of me to believe I could do something like that. Is that why you dumped me, because I was so unworthy of your love and trust?”
“No! Dammit, Megan, I’m trying to tell you that you didn’t do anything wrong. I’m the one who fucked up. I care about you, baby. I didn’t even realize how much until I found out you were in the hospital.”
Megan opened her eyes, and Dillon was shocked to see how hollow and empty they were. “Nothing’s changed, Heath.”
Heath tried to take her hand, but Megan pulled away. “You’re wrong. We’ve been given a second chance. We can start over, do this thing right. I’ll treat you the way I should have in the beginning, show you the respect you deserve.” His voice dropped to a low murmur. “And I won’t rush you into bed this time. I’ll be careful with you, angel. No more babies until we’re both ready.”
“There won’t be any babies for me, Heath. Not now, and probably not ever.”
“I know you feel that way right now, but, in time, you’ll change your mind.”
Megan’s small hands knotted into fists as she clutched the rough blanket. “You don’t get it. When Dr. Byrd went in to fix the damage caused by the ectopic pregnancy, he had to remove one of my tubes. That cut my chances of getting pregnant again in half.”
Heath wasn’t giving in. “Fifty-fifty isn’t so bad. When the time comes–”
“Let me finish.” Megan’s face was turning red and her breathing was shallow. “I have scar tissue left behind from the surgery, but they won’t know how bad it is until my wounds heal. It could very well thicken, maybe even block my uterus and my other tube. According to Dr. Byrd, I have less than a thirty percent chance of getting pregnant without more surgery or some type of assisted reproduction technique.”
“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. We have plenty of time.”
“You’re the one who’s not listening. We’re out of time. It’s too late for us.”
Heath didn’t budge. “I refuse to believe that, Megan, and I don’t think you really believe it, either. You’re letting your anger and grief do all the talking.”
Megan’s face contorted with some of that anger Heath had just mentioned. “What would you know about my grief? I’m the one who lost the baby.”
“It was my baby, too, honey. You’re not the only one who’s suffering.”
It was the wrong thing to say. Heath must have seen the fire gathering in Megan’s eyes because he moved back a little as she sat up and unleashed all the pain and self-loathing she’d been carrying inside. “What are you trying to say? That you’re all torn up over the death of a baby you didn’t even think existed? Bullshit. You’re glad it’s dead. Glad to be rid of it. Of me.”
“That’s a lie.”
“Yeah, well, you know all about lies, don’t you? All those times you pretended to care for me just so you could get laid. All the sweet words you’re spewing out now. You feel guilty because you didn’t believe me, and now you’re trying to make up for it by acting like you actually have real feelings for me.”
Heath stood up and leaned over the railing of the bed. “I never pretended to care about you, Megan. I didn’t have to. I’ve always had feelings for you. I . . . I . . .”
Dillon willed him to say the words. Tell her you love her, Heath. Don’t blow it now. But it didn’t work. Heath balked, and Megan clenched her jaw as she confronted the truth as she saw it.
“What are you trying to say? That you love me? Is that it? Cause if it is, you look more like a man who’s just had a root canal without anesthesia than a guy who’s about to declare undying love.”
Heath clutched the plastic rails so hard they creaked. “I don’t know anything about love. Hell, I’m not even sure it exists. Not the kind of love people are always spouting off about, anyway.” He leaned down to better see her face. “That doesn’t mean you and I can’t have something special. I’m sure as hell willing to try. We had fun together, remember? We can again.”
Dillon bit back a groan as he watched Heath’s words wash over Megan’s rigid body. He was proud of the self-control in her voice when she spoke. He could only guess what it was costing her.
“Fun, huh. As in the no-strings-attached version of fun we had before?” She waved her hands over herself. “Look at me, Heath. Do I look like I’m having fun? When I told you I loved you and you ran out on me, was I having fun then? When I told you I was pregnant and you called me a rotten liar, was that the fun part? No wait. I’ve got it. The fun part must have been yesterday at the theater when I almost died trying to hold on to my baby, the one thing I wanted above anything else and will probably never have now.” Her eyes were shiny with unshed tears, but she held herself together. “Thanks for the offer, but no thanks. As much as I hate myself right now, even I know I deserve to be more than some guy’s fuck buddy.”
“Dammit, you’re more to me than that.”
Megan shook her head. “Just get out, Heath. Go away and leave me in peace.”
Heath started to refuse, but Dillon stepped in. “You heard her, Heath. She’s had enough.”
Heath thought it over for a tense minute before giving in. “Fine, I’ll go. But I’ll be back, Megan. This isn’t over. Not by a long shot.”
Megan’s lip trembled. “Over? How can it be over when it never even started?”
Heath didn’t reply. He stormed out of the room with his usual flare, but this time, Dillon didn’t bother to go after him. Leaving his brother to whatever demons he faced, Dillon lowered the side rail on Megan’s bed. He sat down beside her and did the only thing he could. He gathered her into his arms and held her while the rest of her world fell apart.
#
Jamie watched Dillon struggle with his tie for another minute before taking over. “Here. Let me do that. We’ll never make it on time if we wait for you to get it right.” Jamie’s fingers wove an automatic pattern of loops and knots over the silk cloth, bringing the tie into a perfect bow.
Dillon stepped back to survey the reflection of Jamie’s handiwork in the dresser mirror. “Next time I have to wear one of these stupid tuxes, I swear I’m gonna get a clip on tie. Where did you learn to do that, by the way?”
Jamie shrugged and grabbed his tux jacket from the edge of the bed. “Aunt Sadie taught me.” He quoted her, his voice a near perfect imitation of Sadie’s refined speech. “’Every decent gentleman should know the fine art of tie tying, Jamie.’” He laughed. “Only took me about sixteen years to get the hang of it.” He pulled his coat on and smoothed it out. “You look awful damn good in that ‘stupid tux,’ you know? You should wear them more often.”
Dillon adjusted his cummerbund. “You look pretty damn fine, yourself. Of course, for what these things are costing us to rent, we ought to look good.” He reached for his comb. “Tell me again why we have to do this?”
Jamie laughed. “Because you were dumb enough to get yourself elected student council vice president, and there’s a good chance the president won’t show, which means you could be hosting the prom all by your lonesome. Principal Ardsley only explained it like five times yesterday when he called.”
“I know, I know. Doesn’t mean I have to like it, though. I just hope Megan changes her mind and comes tonight. Not just because I don’t want to give a speech, either. It’s been two weeks since Megan lost the baby. It’s time she came back to the land of the living.” He sighed. “At least no one at school knows the real reason she’s been absent. They all think she’s got some kind of late-season flu.”
“Heck of a bright side. Have you talked to her today?”
Dillon shook his head. “I talked to Gale early this morning. She said Dr. Byrd has okayed Megan to resume all her normal activities, including the prom, if she feels like going and doesn’t over do it. According to Gale, Megan just keeps saying she isn’t ready, yet.”
“She didn’t look so hot when we went to see her the day before yesterday. Maybe she’s telling the truth. And she was rock solid about not going to the prom, then. No reason to think she’d have changed her mind in two days.”
Dillon gave up on his hair and went to work fastening his cuffs. “I know, but a guy can hope. At least it looks like Heath has finally gotten it through that thick skull of his that Megan doesn’t want to see him. Gale says he hasn’t called Megan in over four days.”
“Have you talked to him about it?”
“Not really. I went by the firehouse to check on him yesterday afternoon when I picked up our tuxes. He looks bad, but he won’t say anything about Megan except that she needs time, and he’s going to give it to her. I guess that’s why he hasn’t called her. Whatever the reason, Gale said Megan’s pretty relieved to have some of the pressure off.” Dillon pulled his coat from the hanger on the back of the closet doorknob. “You ready to go, sexy thang?”
Jamie grinned. “I’ll go, but only if you promise to bring me home and violate me after the prom.”
Dillon reached for his hand. “Count on it.”
#
They’d opted not to spend the five hundred bucks on a limo, even though Sadie offered to pay for it. Dillon’s reasoning was that five hundred dollars would buy enough used books to see them through the first semester of college. Jamie agreed, but he had his own reasons for not wanting the limo. He’d wanted them to take Ben’s Firebird. A final tribute to Ben at the last dance of their high school career somehow seemed fitting.
Jamie had been to the Amory Hotel a few times in his life, but the sheer size of the place always surprised him. As Reed’s only luxury hotel, the Amory served as everything from a prime location for parties, proms, and business conventions, to a haven for folks who were visiting Chicago and wanted to stay somewhere close by yet out of the hustle and grind of the big city. The real attraction of the Amory, for many, though, was the rooftop gardens. Jamie had only been up there once, when he was just a kid, but even then, he’d been impressed.
The main ballroom was packed when Dillon and Jamie got there, even though they were a good half-hour early. They had just enough time to pose for a cheesy picture set against a backdrop of Mylar balloons and crepe paper flowers before Principal Ardsley claimed Dillon for a quick pre-prom, student-council conference. Jamie wandered to the other side of the room, helping himself to a glass of punch while he watched his classmates make fools of themselves on the dance floor. Rooster Carmichael was there, along with his cronies and their dates, the lot of them turning circles around the dance floor in one big, rhythmic heap. Jamie even saw Chad Minton dancing with his date not far from where Rooster and the others gyrated. The thing that caught Jamie’s attention above anything else, though, was the music. He wasn’t sure where the student council dug up that D.J. they’d hired, but if the guy didn’t play something besides crappy ballads and tired dance mixes, soon, Jamie’s ears were going to start bleeding.
A hand clamped down on his shoulder, and a familiar voice said, “I wish I’d brought my Butthole Surfers CD. We could show them what real music sounds like.”
Jamie turned with a grin. “Ash, what are you doing here, man? I thought you’d given up on good ole’ Plunkett High.”
Ash laughed. “I did, but since I’ve completed all the credits I need to graduate, I still have prom eligibility.” He tugged at his highly starched collar. “Proms aren’t really my scene, but when the prettiest girl in school agreed to be my date, even a reformed dick-head such as myself had sense enough to jump at the chance.”
Jamie raised on brow. “Prettiest girl in school, huh?” He looked behind Ash but didn’t see anybody. “So, where is this vision of loveliness?”
“Right there.” Ash pointed to the stage where Megan was making her way to the mike and preparing for her welcome speech. Jamie had to admit, Ash had been dead-on in his description of Megan as the prettiest girl in school. She wore a gown of pale green silk that hugged her slender figure and accentuated every gentle curve. Her hair was bound up in spirals on top of head, soft curls framing her face. The most amazing thing, though, was the change in Megan’s eyes. They were a bright, sparkling blue again, not the dull, lackluster color they’d been the last time he’d seen her. Jamie wasn’t sure what had happened or how Ash had convinced her to come, but he felt like hugging the guy for his efforts. He settled for a slap on the back, instead.
Dillon joined them as the houselights dimmed and the spotlight fell on Megan. “Damn, she looks good. How’d you get her here, Barnes? This morning she wanted nothing to do with the prom.”
Ash shrugged. “It was no big deal. She already had her dress. Did you know women buy those things like, months in advance? Anyway, I went over to her house about three o’clock this afternoon, grabbed her dress out of the closet, and told her either she put it on willingly, or I was going to strip her down and dress her in it myself.”
Dillon didn’t bother to hide how funny he thought that was. “Bet she went ballistic.”
“You know it. She started hollering for Gale, begging her to make me go away. Cussed me up one side and down the other, too.”
Having tasted Megan’s temper once or twice, Jamie could believe it. “What did Gale say?”
Ash smiled. “She’s really the one who convinced Megan to come. Gale told Megan she’d help me stuff her into that dress.”
Dillon nodded. “Sounds like something Gale would say.”
“Yep. It was more than that, though. Gale let Megan spit and sputter for a while, and then she sat down on the edge of the bed, took her hand, and told Megan it was time to get on with the business of living.”
“And she was right.” The three of them turned to see Megan standing behind them. They’d been so busy talking they hadn’t noticed that she’d finished her speech and exited the stage. Megan didn’t seem to mind being the main topic of discussion. She greeted Jamie and Dillon with a tight but cautious hug and squeezed Ash’s hand.
“My mom pointed out that it was time for me to rejoin the human race. My baby might be gone, but I’m still here.” Her face darkened, but only for a second. “Throwing my life away is not going to honor my child.”
Dillon slipped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. “Your mom’s one smart bird, you know that?” He hesitated. “What are you gonna do about Heath?”
“Nothing. At least not right now. I’m not ready to face Heath just yet.” She sighed. “Who knows? I may not ever be ready to deal with him. There’s one thing I do know and that’s I have to focus on getting myself well before I can worry about anything else.”
Dillon gave her a squeeze. “Sounds like a plan. By the way, you saved my ass from having to make a speech. I think I owe you a dance for that one.”
Megan lowered her voice to a loud whisper, using just enough volume to be clearly heard over the music. “What will your date say?”
Dillon’s eyes twinkled. “Who? Him?” He winked at Jamie. “He knows better than to argue. I wear the pants in our family.”
Jamie couldn’t resist. “Oh, yeah? That’s not what you said last night when I had you flat on your back with my d–”
Megan put her hands over her ears. “Whoa. Way too much information, boys.” She grabbed Dillon by the hand and tugged him towards the dance floor. “One dance, coming up.”
Megan’s return–battered and bruised though she was–made Jamie feel like the four of them had reached a turning point. Surely the worst was behind them. All they had to do know was put their lives back together and move forward.
They took turns dancing: Megan with each one of her boys, as she called them, Jamie with Dillon, even Jamie and Ash. The only two of them who didn’t take a turn on the floor together were
Ash and Dillon. Dillon said it was bad for his image. Ash told Dillon he should be so lucky. Between the dancing and the friendly jibes, Jamie was starting to feel positively relaxed.
Half-way in, Principal Ardsley called a halt to the dancing, asking students to take a seat while he announced this year’s king and queen. Jamie and Dillon took one side of a table for four not far from the stage, with Megan and Ash taking the other two chairs. Since votes for prom queen were student based, Jamie wasn’t surprised when Megan’s name was called. Megan, however, was stunned.
“Prom Queen? Me?”
Dillon snorted. “That one was a no-brainer, Meggie. First homecoming queen, then voted girl most likely to succeed. Not to mention student council president. Hell, I’d have been shocked if you hadn’t made prom queen.”
Megan stood and smoothed out her gown. “Yeah, yeah. Just remember, Mr. Student Council V.P., that works both ways.” She patted his head and went on stage.
Dillon didn’t know what she was talking about until his own name was called. “Damn. Prom king?”
“Like Megan said, boyfriend-o-mine, it works both ways.” Jamie nudged Dillon towards the stage. “Go ahead, your majesty. Claim thy queen.”
Dillon gave him a dirty look but did as he was told. After he left, Ash said, “Hey, Jamie? Do you think maybe we could talk?”
“Sure, man. Shoot.” Just as he said it, the music started for Dillon and Megan’s first dance as king and queen.
Ash had to strain his damaged voice to be heard over the blaring love song. “Not here. Do you think Carver would mind if we took a walk?”
“Nah. He and Megan will be busy with their royal duties for no telling how long.” Jamie stood. “Lead the way.”
Ash got up, heading towards the exit at the back of the ballroom where the elevators were. “Ever seen the rooftop gardens?”
“Once, when Aunt Sadie dragged me to some tea or luncheon she was invited too. That was years ago, though.”
Ash stopped at the first free elevator and punched the call button. “My dad entertains clients here sometimes. Me and the mom of the month have to put in an appearance–family unity and all that crap–but after a few minutes of playing the good son, I’m allowed to cut out on my own. I always seem to end up in the gardens. They’re something to see.” Ash stepped into the arriving elevator, holding the doors open for Jamie with his arm. Pressing the twelfth floor command, he waited until the doors closed again and said, “Would it bother you if we talked about Ben?”
Jamie had already guessed that Ben was who Ash wanted to talk about when he’d asked to go someplace private. Once, Jamie would have found it too painful, but not now. With Dillon’s help, the wounds were healing. “No, it doesn’t bother me. I think it’s only right, in a way. Since Ben can’t be here tonight, the least we can do is keep his memory alive.”
The elevator stopped and the doors opened. “I kinda feel the same way. Ben may not have had any real feelings for me, but I cared about him. That’s gotta count for something.” Ash stepped out of the elevator, leaving Jamie to follow.
The Amory’s rooftop gardens were even more spectacular than Jamie remembered. Pale moonlight and old-fashioned street lamps illuminated a forest of fresh smelling spring greens. How they got grass and small trees to grow on a roof, Jamie wasn’t sure, but the overall effect was amazing. The outer edges of the roof were railed by ornate, wrought-iron fencing, while hidden alcoves and arbors offered privacy and an incredible view of the gardens, themselves. Jamie could see why Ash was so drawn to the place.
Ash steered him towards a rose arbor not far from the northern edge of the roof. Jamie took the bench on the side facing out, giving Ash the side overlooking the gardens. Though a few other people–mostly couples–strolled along the pathways and sidewalks, Ash and Jamie remained partially hidden from view by the climbing rose bushes.
Ash was quiet for a minute, resting his elbows on his knees. Finally, he said, “Thanks for coming up here with me. I guess I needed to clear my head.”
“Are you okay, dude? This is your first school gig since you tried to . . .uh–”
Ash laughed, and there was no bitterness or self-recrimination in the sound. “Since I tried to off myself, you mean? It’s okay, Jamie. You can say it.” Ash sighed. “I’ll never get over what happened, not completely, but I’ve come to terms with it. As far as being here tonight goes, I really thought it would be more awkward than it has been. There probably isn’t a person at that prom who doesn’t know that I tried to kill myself, but everybody’s treated me the same as they always have.” He made a face. “Well, almost everybody.”
“Is somebody hassling you?”
“Nah. Well, not exactly. It’s just . . . you know Chad and I used to be really close, right?”
“Yeah. It was weird to ever see one of you without the other.”
“We were like brothers. At least, I thought we were. Ever since he found out about me and Ben, though, Chad’s treated me like some kind of leper.”
Jamie knew that feeling, knew how much it hurt. “I remember you telling us about how he freaked that day at the hospital. I’d hoped maybe the two of you had patched things up.”
Ash shook his head. “I wish. Every time I try to talk to him, he pushes me away. Even tonight, when Megan and I first got here, I tried to say hi. That’s it. Just hi. He looked at me like I had something hanging out of my nose, grabbed his date, and walked away.”
“Ouch. Sorry man.” Jamie fidgeted with one of his shirt buttons. “The thing is, Ash, I never could understand what you saw in the guy. He’s always seemed a little, I dunno, weird.”
Jamie was afraid he’d pissed Ash off with his statement about Chad, but Ash just shrugged. “My dad always said Chad was using me because we have money and he and his folks don’t, but I never felt that way. He was my friend, and I didn’t give a rat’s ass what he did or didn’t have.” His face fell. “That’s all over with now.” Straightening, he said, “Enough of this self-pity shit. We came up here to remember Ben. Let’s get on with it.”
Jamie laughed. “You make it sound like we’re having a wake for him or something. All we need now is some good whiskey and some sad music.”
Ash winced. “Don’t even mention whiskey. I drank so much of my dad’s bourbon the night of Ben’s memorial, I can still taste the stuff.” He shuddered. “I don’t know what I thought I was doing at the church that night.”
“Saying goodbye to the man you loved?”
“Maybe. It was more than that, I think. It’s like I couldn’t stay away, you know? Like I had to be there.”
“You lied! You said your dad made you go to Lewis’s memorial. All this time, you wanted to be there. God, I’m so stupid.”
The anger in Chad Minton’s voice startled Jamie. He turned his head to see Chad standing behind them, his jaw clenched, his feet spread apart like he was gearing for a fight. Unless Jamie was wrong, he’d been hiding behind an overgrown part of the arbor, listening.
If Jamie was startled, Ash was in total shock. “Jesus, Chad. You scared the hell out of me. Were you . . . were you spying on us, man?”
Chad kept talking as if he hadn’t heard the question. “All that talk about your father making you go to Lewis’s service was just another one of your lies.”
Ash blinked. “I was hurting, Chad. I needed to find a way to be close to Ben, to say goodbye, but I wasn’t ready to talk about my relationship with him. Making up that excuse about my dad forcing me to go to the church seemed like a plan at the time.” He frowned and then stood. “What do you mean, ‘just another one of my lies.’ You and me, we were tight. I never lied to you.”
“Oh no, Ash. You didn’t lie. You just went out every weekend with me, fucking girls and pretending like you weren’t a total fag. What in the hell do you call that, if it isn’t lying?”
Ash was shaking. Jamie stood as well, flanking Ash’s left side, ready to back him if needed. In spite of the shaking, though, Ash was holding his own.
“Like I tried to tell you at the hospital, I’m bisexual. Just in case that word is too big for you, I’ll break it down. I’m into girls and guys, not that it’s any of you business. So what if I didn’t take out a full-page-add in The Reed Daily Courier telling the whole world I swing both ways? Doesn’t mean I lied about it. Judging from your reaction, it’s a good thing I didn’t tell you. You only would have hated me sooner.”
Chad’s head whipped back like he’d been punched. “Hate you? Are you serious?” He slipped two fingers between his neck and collar, pulling hard. Wrenching his hand free, he said, “I worshipped the ground you walked on. You were my hero. I’d have done anything to protect you. I wanted to be you, dammit.”
“I’m no hero, yours or anyone else’s.” Ash turned his head. “Come on, Jamie. Let’s get out of here. I don’t feel like talking, anymore.”
As they walked past, Chad grabbed Ash’s arm, spinning them both so that Ash was facing Chad and the railing beyond. “You may not feel like talking, but you’re damned well gonna listen to me. You owe me that much.”
A dull red flush crept up Ash’s face. “I don’t owe you shit.”
“The hell you don’t. What about all those nights you blew me off so you could sneak down to that old foreman’s house and fuck Lewis’s brains out? Me, the guy who would do anything for you. Anything. And you just tossed me aside like I was nothing.”
Jamie’s head started to spin. “How did you know about the foreman’s house?”
Chad’s eyes whirled to Jamie like he’d only just realized Jamie was there. “What the hell are you talking about, Walker? And where’s your boyfriend? What’s a matter, got tired of Carver so you thought you’d give Ash a try?”
Jamie refused to take the bait. “How did you know that Ben and Ash used to meet down there?”
For a minute, Chad froze. Then his eyes narrowed on Ash. “You’d be surprised what I know.”
“Only a handful of people know that Ben and I used to meet there, and not a single one of them would have talked to you about it. There’s no way you could have known, unless. . .” Ash trailed off as his eyes fastened to the spot behind the arbor where Chad had been hiding. “Oh, God. You followed me out there.” The fury in his voice was frightening. “What did you do, Chad? Watch us through the windows? Did you get your rocks off, you sick son-of-a-bitch?”
“What, you think I liked watching that? God, Ash, don’t you see? I was trying to protect you. I knew there was no way you’d have willingly fucked around with a lowlife like Lewis. I knew he must have had some kind of hold over you. I was trying to figure out what that hold was so I could break it. The dirty bastard was using you, can’t you see that?”
Jamie took a step towards Chad. “Watch you mouth, Minton. No way in hell am I gonna let you stand there and insult Ben like that.”
“How can you defend him, Walker? You and Carver act like you care so much about Ash. Well, where the hell were you when Lewis was jacking Ash’s dad up for twenty-thousand dollars hush money?”
Jamie’s blood turned to ice, but it was Ash who spoke. “How did you know about that?”
Chad tried to back up, but there was no where for him to go. He was almost against the railing as it was. Ash grabbed the lapels of Chad’s jacket. “Answer me, dammit! How did you know about the blackmail?” By then, a small crowd of prom-goers and hotel guests had gathered to watch the show, but Ash didn’t seem to care. His entire being was focused on getting the answers out of Chad, one way or another.
Chad seemed oblivious to the onlookers, as well. He shrank back as much as he could within Ash’s grasp, but he wasn’t giving up on the devoted friend routine. “Weren’t you listening to me? You were my best friend. It was my job to protect you. Your father sure as hell didn’t.”
Ash let go of Chad’s coat and stepped back, closing his eyes. “My father. That’s it. You were spying on him too, weren’t you? What did you do, go through his things?”
Chad took a step towards Ash. “You make it sound like I’m some kind of thieving sneak.”
Jamie said, “You mean you aren’t?”
“No!” Chad waited until Ash opened his eyes again and said, “Look, Ash, the day after I found you and Lewis together at the old mill, I went to see your father down at his office. I thought if he knew what was going on, he might be able to stop it, to help you.” He snorted. “Lot of good that did me. Your old man already knew you and Lewis were sleeping together. Told me it was your life and you had to live it as you saw fit, or something like that.” He curled his lip. “The bastard made it sound like you were in a relationship with Lewis, that you wanted it that way. But I knew better. I knew you’d never fag out on me, not for real. I could also tell by the way your dad was putting me off that he was hiding something. So, I did what I had to do.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
Chad hedged. “I’ll tell you, but only because, once I explain it, you’ll see what a good friend I am. Then we can go back to the way we were.”
“For God’s sake, just tell me what you did.”
“I. . .I figured your dad wouldn’t keep anything personal at his office, so I went through his study until I found what I was looking for. He’s never home, so it wasn’t like I had to worry about him catching me.”
“You raided our house? When?”
Chad swallowed, but he was determined to prove himself. “Saturday, the day after the dance. Remember, I came over, and you were all upset, but you wouldn’t tell me why?”
Ash squeezed his hands into tight fists. “Ben had broken up with me. I’d been up all night, drinking and crying in my beer.” Understanding dawned. “You waited until I passed out, then broke into my dad’s files.”
Chad took offense. “It isn’t like I had to pick the locks or jimmy the hinges, Ash. The combination to your father’s filing cabinet is the same as your birthday. I figured that out years ago. I thought sure he knew something, something he wasn’t telling me. Turns out I was right.”
Ash was speechless, but Jamie wasn’t. “You found the pictures, didn’t you?”
“That, and a whole lot more. Mr. Barnes had a whole file on Lewis, including his demands for money and the actual payoffs that were made. It was clear that Mr. Barnes wasn’t going to do anything. It was up to me to fix things.”
That’s when Jamie knew. “You killed him. You killed Ben.”
That snapped Ash out of his trance. He looked at Chad like he was a stranger. Chad saw it, too. He panicked.
“No, no, I didn’t! He was hit by that drunk, remember? Everyone knows that.”
Ash’s voice came out in a broken rasp. “You’re lying. You killed him, then drug him out into the middle of the road and left him there.”
“It wasn’t like that.” Chad had tears in his eyes. “I only wanted to talk to him, to convince him to leave you alone, stop blackmailing you. I went to Nora Slater’s house late that night, after I knew Nora would be asleep. I just wanted to see if I could reason with Lewis. But he was leaving just as I got there.”
Jamie tried his best to keep his tone even. “So you followed Ben just like you followed Ash?”
“Yes. No.” He was getting frustrated. “You’re twisting it. I followed him yes, but only because I thought he was going to meet Ash. Then, when he turned onto Tully Road instead of taking the road out to the Mill, I knew something else was going on. I thought maybe he was banging someone else.”
“And you wanted to find out who so you could run back and tell Ash. How’d you tail him without getting caught?”
Even as desperate as he was, Chad seemed almost proud of himself. “It wasn’t hard. Tully Road is full of hills and side roads. The roads were clear, so I could see that flashy car of his even from a half-mile up. I watched him pull over onto the shoulder, and then I turned off on a dirt road a good distance away. Lewis probably thought I was just some drunk heading home. Anyway, I got out and walked the rest of the way up to where Lewis was parked, keeping myself hidden by walking in the tree line. I saw Lewis talking to Dan Morgan, saw him open the trunk of his car and hand something to the guy, but I wasn’t sure what it was. Morgan left first, but Ben was still fooling around with whatever was in the trunk when I popped out of the trees and confronted him.”
Ash had gone from purple to green. Jamie could tell he was feeling sick, but he managed to keep Chad talking, anyway. “You fought with him.”
Chad was so keyed up, so intent on getting through to Ash, he didn’t seem to notice he was confessing to a roof full of witnesses. “Yeah. I didn’t set out to, but the guy made me so mad. The things he said. You have no idea, Ash. I told Lewis to keep away from you, asked him to give me the pictures and leave you alone. That’s when he told me to go to hell. And then he said . . . he said . . .”
“He said what, Chad? What did Ben say that made you kill him?”
“Shut up, Walker. I told you, it wasn’t like that.” He cast pleading eyes on his former best friend. “Lewis was using you Ash–hurting you–and the asshole had the nerve to try and turn it around on me. He called me a sponge, said I only hung around you to make myself look better. Lewis said without you, I was nothing. Claimed you made me what I am, that I would be a nobody as far as the rest of the school was concerned if you turned your back on me. Then he said he was going to talk to you, Ash, tell you that I was a spy, a sneak. He said by the time he was through, you’d never speak to me again. It would have been over between us.”
And with those words, Ben had hit on Chad’s worst fears. Chad, who came from nothing and had nothing to look forward to in his life, counted on Ash, the golden boy, to keep him afloat, to define him. Ben was the one person standing between Chad and the center of his universe. For that alone, Ben had been given a death sentence. Jamie took a deep breath. “You grabbed the jack handle out of Ben’s trunk and hit him with it.”
Chad’s eyes were wild, darting back and forth between Jamie and Ash in a crazed frenzy. “I had to stop him. I wasn’t trying to kill him. I only wanted to make him go away. To leave us alone. I picked up the jack handle, but only to threaten him with. But Lewis freaked, and he rushed me. I swung without thinking about it, and knocked him over the head.” Chad’s tears started to fall. “But he kept coming at me, kept trying to fight back. And I kept hitting, over and over, until he wasn’t moving, anymore.”
Ash sank to his knees and started to retch. Jamie wanted to go to him, but he couldn’t. He had to finish it. “So you dragged Ben’s body out into the middle of the road, and then slashed his tire to make it look like he’d been changing a flat.”
Chad put his head down and nodded. “I started to throw his jack handle back into the trunk, but there was blood all over it. I had just enough time to run back to my car and switch Lewis’s handle with mine before that drunk guy came barreling down the road. He made it so easy, didn’t even try to stop. He hit Lewis and then took off in one direction while I ran back to my car and took off in the other.”
Ash looked up from where he was kneeling on the grass. “You left him there like a piece of road kill.”
Chad was full-on sobbing. “I thought that would fix it. With Lewis gone, you and me, we should have been okay. But you were different. You acted like you missed the bastard. I took hope from the fact that you said your father was making you go to that stupid memorial service, but, deep down, I knew it was a lie. You wanted Lewis more than you wanted anything or anyone, even me. You wanted him enough to die for him, with him. I was so damn scared when I heard you’d tried to kill yourself. I rushed to the hospital, only to hear you say you were bisexual. That’s when I knew for sure. No matter what Lewis had done to you, you were in love with the guy I’d killed him for nothing.” Chad struggled for breath and swiped at the tears rolling down his face. “I thought if I got away from you, pretended I was mad about you being a fag, that the distance between us would make you see how much you needed me, how important I am to your life.” His anguish rose. “But you went on without me, damn you. You picked up the pieces of your life and came out better for it. You came out on top, and I’m right where I started. At the bottom.” He moved back so that he was gripping one of the iron pickets on top of the guard rail. “You have it all, and I got nothing left.”
In that instant, Jamie knew that there would be no trial for Chad Minton, no day of reckoning in front of a jury of his peers. Even before Chad took the three steps needed to climb over the top of the railing, Jamie could see it. Chad Minton had come full circle. For one shining moment, he’d been in the sun, catching the rays Ash had shed his way. From bottom to top was one thing, but going back again wasn’t an option. Jamie reached out his hand to grab Chad, to stop him from going down the one road from which he could never come back. He caught a handful of Chad’s coat, the fabric making an even rip as Chad freed himself from the last of his bonds.
(TO BE CONTINUED)