A gay adult stories: My First Time With A Man_(2) by Allthwaite ,
My first time in bed with a man
My First Gay ExperienceTrue story,
We was down the Dog and Duck, Big Norman, Harley Charlie, that’s the bloke with the 50cc Honda Moped and me and a few other lads drinking Stella and Strongbow like while we waited for a Lib Dem meeting in the back room to finish so we could meet up with Al and play pool.
Their meeting dragged on like Lib Dem meetings always do, you know if we don’t agree we does arm wresting or first double top or tosses a coin, but they just talk, ‘Seek a consensus,’ which is a serious waste of drinking time, anyway when Al turned up we could hardly stand up let alone see straight so he had half a bottle of cheap Vodka to catch up and we had the rest of the bottle mixed with with Ginger Ale and Britvic Orange, wow, after twelve pints or so that tasted so smooth that pretty soon we was floating about a foot above the ground.
I remember Ifor Jones and Gary Segwyn joining us and then Desmond Plannette and Lionel Platt was there asking Al about Affordable Housing as he was about the only Lib Dem councillor as actually knew anyone what lived in a Council house.
There must have been something wrong with the van because we got a lift home with Desmond in his BMW and stopped at his place for a black coffee to sober up.
It all went fuzzy then, I remember saying, “Christ I need a kip,” and Desmond said something about a spare room.
I don’t remember going upstairs or getting me kit off but I must have and there was these wonderful clean bed sheets and I fell asleep dreaming of that Pippa Middleton and Lyndsey Lohan.
A great big fluffy cloud floated by with Ann Widdicome’s head one end and John Sergeant’s the other, that should have started alarm bells clanging but it never registered, and I was warm and safe like you are after twelve pints of Strongbow, lets face it you can be warm and safe lying in a gutter soaked to the skin after what we had had to drink but you know it was all right but it wasn’t.
There was something wrong, me brain started to work but the clutch wasn’t working and I couldn’t get it into gear, Grrrrr, it went as me brain gears grated or was it a warning buzzer buzzing deep in my brain.
I gradually woke up, it was all grey, me head was banging and that, I couldn’t figure where I was exactly and then there was someone else there and I was in bed like and I realised I had me kit off and I was stark bollock naked and there was a hand on me cock, stroking gently. Of course me cock stirred, stiffened, as a finger trailed under me balls, tickling, a hairy finger heading for my ass hole, my ass hole! I woke up really quick, as a rod of ice seemed like it shot down me back, and a wall of fear smacked me in the face.like a bucket of ice cold water.
Smack! my arm lashed out automatically, and my fist smacked into something solid with a satisfying cracking sound.
“Fucking hell!” It was a bloke’s voice, an old bloke,”What’s that for!”
“For that!” I shouted, “What the fuck are you doing!”
“You hit me!” he wailed.
“You fucking groped me!” I pointed out, “What the fuck do you think I am? fucking queer or something?”
“Well you’re a Lib Dem aren’t you?” he asked.
“No I’m fucking BNP,” I insisted, “Al’s a Lib Dem not me.”
“Fuck!” he said, “Sorry,” he said awkwardly, “It’s lucky you missed my nose!”
“Still fucking time,” I said, “You better fuck off while you can still walk.”
“It’s my bed!” he protested.
“So,” I says, “You can still fuck off, you can sleep in the fucking yard for all I care!”
Fair play he slipped away and left me nursing a bruised fist and a hard on, I thought of Pippa Middleton’s ass and then I didn’t have a hard on but there was a big sticky patch in Desmond’s bed and I went back to sleep.
“Wake up!” the alarm bells was clanging again, the room was ablaze with blinding light as someone hit the light switch, I clenched me ass cheeks, but it was Al, “That cunt tried to bum me!” he said, “We got to get away!”
“Join the fucking club,” I said, “I twatted him.”
“So did I,” Al agreed, “We better fuck off.”
“Right,” I agreed, as I saw Al wearing a silk dressing gown, “Where’s your kit?”
“Where’ yours?” he asked.
I looked around, “Fuck knows,” I said, “Shit!”
Al opens a wardrobe, it must have been their dressing up room, fucking women’s stuff in man’s sizes.
“We got to fuck off,” Al says again.
“Yeah,” I agrees, “You thinking what I’m thinking?”
“No fucking way!” Al replied but Lionel was downstairs.
“Police please, I want to report an assault.”
There was a nice blue dress, knee length, the shoes was a bit tight and the two inch heels fucking awkward, and a womens coat what stunk of piss and had a £3 Oxfam label attached.
“You know,” Al says, “You could pass for me Grandma dressed like that, she been dead two years!”
He found something, I ain’t sure a Miniskirt and tight top was an idea but the red wellingtons was better than the two inch heels I was lumbered with and then he stuck a white doctors coat on and we fucked off.
“Where do you think your,” Lionel said before Al twatted him again and he went down like a sack of King Edwards.
“Where the fuck’s the van?” I asked as we stumbled into the street.
The world was grey in the early morning light, soft rain hung in the morning mist mingled with smuts from the iron foundry, “Down the fucking pub!” Al says.
“Where the fuck are we?” I asks.
“Well the sun rises in the west,” Al says like a pillock.
“East,” I says, “Where’s the fucking railway?”
“There,” says Al, pointing, “Fuck we’re fucking miles from our place!”
“Can you run in those wellies?” I asked, “Because it will be fucking light soon and no way do I want any fucker seeing me dressed like this!”
“Too right,” Al says, “Come on!” and we legged it.
We managed a hundred yards or so, “Me ankles!” I complained.
“Me nuts are freezing!” Al complained, “How the fuck do birds manage?”
“They don’t have nuts?” I suggested.
“Fucking clever dick,” Al snorted, “Fancy thumbing a lift?”
“Dressed like this?” I asked, “Get real!”
I chucked the shoes in a bin and ran barefoot, for about twenty yards, it was fucking agony barefoot so I went and got the shoes again.
“We just got to go for it Johnno,” Al insisted, so off we went limping along like those Olympic walkers.
It got worse as we went, more fuckers setting off for work, laughing at us, but the more they laughed the less me ankles hurt and the quicker I sobered up.
It was full daylight when I got home, thank fuck mum and dad was a kip so I sneaked in with the emergency key from the shed and turned in.
Poor old Al wasn’t so lucky, he was supposed to meet Sandra when she finished working, she was working Arkwright street between Timothy Whites and Woolies, she’s back on the game see since she been with Al, “I need the money,” she said, needs a proper shagging more like, Al’s a good mate but he ain’t premier league when it comes to giving the ladies a portion.
Anyway Sandra really lays into the poor sod and his mum gets up to see what’s on and nearly has a heart attack when she sees Al in a tight red Miniskirt with his cock hanging out.