Luke smiled and made a joke about Andy being drunk. He gave a cautious glance at Danny and the moment he did the stomach knot returned, feeling even tighter than ever. A sick heavy feeling settled back upon him like a lead weight and he was sure his shoulders actually sagged. He felt anger, pain and frustration rise in him, but most of all desire. A need and want that seemed inexplicable. He clenched his jaw to hide the emotions struggling through him and thought Luke must have seen this as his smile faltered slightly, but then he hitched it back on as he said hello to the other guys in the group.
Danny managed to edge away and headed towards his room. He felt defeated. He lay back on his bed and felt angry tears well up in his eyes.
There was a light knock at the door.
“Danny?” Luke’s voice was concerned and quiet.
“I’m fine I just feel a bit ill. I’m going to bed, speak tomorrow.”
Luke opened the door and walked in, shutting the door behind him.
“Dude!” He said scrambling to a sitting position on his bed and Luke watched, his arms folded.
“I’m sorry. I’m not sure what I did, but I know you’re mad at me for something big. And I just want to say I’m sorry. Just please stop icing me out.”
Danny felt pain everywhere, longing, desire mixed with guilt and shame mixed with anger and depression. It was enough to make him want to throw up. He didn’t even know how to articulate these emotions to himself, let alone say them aloud.
“I’m not angry with you.”
“Then why is it you seem perfectly fine to everyone else here but the moment you see me you look like someone slapped you? Then you just leave? Like you have been the last few days? Like today? You ran off and have been gone for hours!”
“I know how it looks, I can’t explain-”
“Was it the porn?”
Danny’s eyes shot to him. How did he know?
“It was, wasn’t it?” he said his expression dark. “You’re pissed at me for doing it. You don’t like the idea of being associated with me.”
“What? No, that’s not it at all!”
“Then what?”
“I- It’s nothing you’ve done ok. It’ll be fine I just need a little space.”
Luke eyed him, knowing he had come at least close to the problem, but not quite reaching it.
“You’re sure it’s not the porn?”
“I have no problem with that.”
“Okay. Well if it’s space you want you’ll have the place to yourself tomorrow. I’ve got another modelling gig.”
“Great, thanks. That will… help.”
*
It didn’t help. The morning Luke was gone Danny fought the desire to find the headset. He was aching with a need to release the horny desperation that had been clouding his mind the last few days. But he knew that watching it would only increase the desire burning in his guts. And yet…
He found it in Luke’s bed side table and quickly found the video again. Once it started he toggled it into her POV, feeling his whole body relax in being able to release the emotional weight that he had been dragging around. He found himself staring at Luke’s body and it was with a desire to feel it. The girls hands touched him but he didn’t get to feel the warm skin the way she did. He watched once again as Luke pushed his penis into her, the look in his eyes, the way his mouth was slightly parted as he thrust again and again and again and…
“Danny?”
Luke’s voice was not far from his bedroom door. He must have come home but the noise of his arrival had been muffled by the headphones he had been wearing. His cock quickly deflating in sudden panic he threw the headset under his pillow and leaped to the door, pulling his joggers up in one swift movement. He opened it to find Luke mid knock, he looked him up and down and smirked.
“Interrupting something?” He asked, the mischievous glint in his eye was enough to tell Danny watching the film again had definitely made things worse. He felt his half deflated dick begin to harden again and fought down the emotions.
“What? Ah no, I was just- when did you get back?”
“Just now. My friend Alyssa’s here by the way.”
“Alyssa?” Why did that name ring a bell?
“Yeah, wanna say hi? She’s cool I swear.”
He trudged behind him into the lounge and found a pretty brunette girl who looked familiar from somewhere.
“Hi,” she beamed.
“Hey, have we met before?” He asked and she frowned.
“Er no, not that I know of?” She said glancing at Luke who shook his head.
“Weird you look familiar from somewhere…”
“Alyssa is just here for some lunch before her train home,” Luke called from the kitchen. He looked particularly good today, back from his modelling gig his hair was perfectly styled and his face flawless as if they had buffed out any imperfection.
He turned back to Alyssa who had been watching his expression with mild curiosity. He felt embarrassed and quickly tried to make conversation.
“Um, so how did you two meet?”
It was Alyssa’s time to blush now, and she laughed nervously. “Well,” she said.
Luke came over and gave her a reassuring look, “Alyssa is in the video I made. You know… the one that paid well.”
His eyes widened. Of course. That’s why he recognised her. She was the one Luke had been fucking. The body in which he had role played countless times in his head since.
“Oh, right. Um… cool? I guess,” he said, unable to stop imaging the scene in his mind. His imagination flew into overdrive and he imagined the two of them having sex right here on the sofa, he licked his lips nervously and pushed it from his mind.
He felt embarrassed and everyone was a little awkward after that. As soon as it was socially acceptable to do so he excused himself to the toilet. When he was returning he stopped suddenly, hearing Alyssa’s voice low and almost out of earshot. Like she didn’t want him to hear her.
“You didn’t tell me Danny was gay,” she said.
“What? He isn’t gay,” Luke replied, less softly and in a confused tone. Danny felt his insides begin to flip, but he couldn’t help but listen.
“Well, maybe not, but he’s into you whether he knows it or not. You didn’t notice the way he was looking at you? And, he’s watched our video.”
“No, Danny wouldn’t do that,” he insisted.
“He watched it. And that’s where he recognised me. How else would he know me?”
“Maybe he saw one of your modelling ads?”
“What for lingerie ads and ASOS? No. It’s the porn. Ask him if you don’t believe me.”
Luke was silent then, and Danny wished he could see his expression. Was he angry at the idea? Betrayed? Or did he, just maybe, understand.
Danny eventually managed to walk back into the room and suggested they watch something on the tv, thus ending any awkward questions. When Alyssa left she gave him a hug and winked at him, he felt glad she was finally leaving.
When she left however, he realised that her presence had been his saving grace. For Luke went briefly to his room, then to the kitchen and then finally came and sat on the sofa, watching the show quietly beside him.
When it ended Luke turned to him, Danny ignored the burning look, pretending to be reading the credits in fascination.
“Did you watch my porno?” He asked. It was blunt, direct and unavoidable. And he couldn’t help but respect Luke’s ability to get straight to the point of an issue.