A gay story: Don’t Ask I’ve known Xander all of my life. Ever since we were about 10 years old. I remember being in elementary school when Xander moved to South Carolina . He was the “new kid” in class and he looked scared to death. I remember how much I liked him when I first saw him. I was kind of an outcast, and it was even worse that day because I had a black eye and was bruised up and down my back; my dad’s handiwork from the night before. Xander talked to me anyway; when he inquired about my injuries he accepted my explanation that I had “fallen”. He just seemed to understand. I asked him to sit next to me at lunch and that was it. Our friendship just seemed to blossom and bloom. Truthfully, I had a big crush on him. Later in life, I told myself I grew out of it, but I never really did. I admired Xander; I always wanted to be around him.
Later I learned that we both came from somewhat abusive families; my father was a factory worker and his father was a lawyer. While my father was physically and verbally abusive to me and my mother, Xander’s family just didn’t care less. His dad worked all the time, traveling the country constantly, and his mom was out running around and doing god knows what. So, I spent most of my free time at his house after school; we’d have sleepovers, play video games and tell each other our deepest, darkest secrets. We had a lot in common, and since we didn’t really have parents to raise us, we made a blood pact that we would always be there for each other, no matter what.
I wouldn’t call myself gay, but I’ve always had feelings for Xander. He’s like a brother to me, but he’s more than that. He knows my every secret, my every fear, and all of my flaws. I know his. We fight, then we make up. No matter what, we’re always there for each other. We grew up together, and had managed to shut out pretty much everyone else. I knew I loved him, but I tried not to let the thought linger. I just told myself we were so close and such good friends, that my mind was playing tricks on me.
I think the real reason I tried to suppress my feelings is because of my father. If he ever found out I was gay he would literally kill me. He considered himself a man’s man and was very narcissistic. If I did anything that reflected bad on him, it would fuel another abusive episode that we were so acquainted with. Me being gay? Don’t even think about it.
As we got older, we made other friends and had our circles at school that we ran in. We both got on the wrestling team in high school, and while neither of us were spectacular, we had a lot of fun.
Eventually, we both started dating girls, like we were “supposed” to. We were both decent looking guys; he was about 6’0, I was a couple inches taller. He had soft brown eyes and a rounder face; I had cold blue-gray eyes and a strong chin. We were both pretty athletic and muscular. Xander would go and brag to his friends about all the girls who liked him, and I would do likewise, but we were both just big talking virgins and we both knew it. I just couldn’t find anyone special enough, and neither could he.
We had done some sexual stuff with girls, but the truth was, Xander turned me on more than any girl I met. Again, I just chalked it up to raging hormones. I allowed myself to fantasize about him, though.
We went through so much together. I couldn’t imagine living without Xander. So when he told me he might be moving away, naturally I flipped out.
It was April of senior year, and we’d been discussing our plans for college. It was one day after school, when we were driving home, that he dropped the bombshell on me. I knew he had been acting funny that week, but I didn’t know why.
“James….I got accepted into UCLA.”
I looked at him, to make sure he was serious. Yep…his jaw was set and square, his brown eyes straight ahead.
My heart sank, and my stomach turned. I wanted to burst into tears, but I kept my composure. “Why are you going to California, X?” I asked him. It didn’t seem like a smart decision to me. We were small town kids; Xander wouldn’t be happy in California. He took a deep breath, and let it out in a shuddering sigh. “Have you ever just wanted to, you know, get away?”
“Well, yeah, but you know why I stay here.”
He glanced at me, as I tried to keep my face blank. “Your grandma, I know.”
That was one of the reasons. Much as I hated my dad, I loved my grandma, and she was in her 70s. She lived in the town nearby, and I really didn’t want to leave her, knowing she might not be here when I return.
That wasn’t the only reason, though. Xander was a big part of what kept me here.
He noticed my hesitation. “Well, why else would you stay? God knows I’ve got nothing to keep me here. My family doesn’t care, I don’t have a girl, nobody cares.” He uttered those last words as we pulled up in front of his house.
I was so upset, my head was pounding. I couldn’t let him see me lose it, though. If he wanted to go, who was I to stop him? We both climbed out of the car, and I grabbed my bag and took off down the road towards my house. Much as I didn’t want to be home, I couldn’t keep my cool and face Xander right now.
“Hey, man, where you going? I thought we were gonna chill?” He looked at me confused.
I looked back at him, standing there. He wasn’t all that much to look at; about 6’0 tall, brown eyes, dirty blonde hair, slightly muscular and solid. Like me, he had dirty blonde, wind blown hair and a perpetual tan from spending all summer on the beach.
Was I really going to lose the one person that I trusted, the one person I really knew? I choked back a sob, but a tear ran down my face. His eyes widened in surprise as I quickly wiped it away.
“I gotta get home and take care of some shit,” I told him gruffly, trying to sound as masculine as possible. “I’ll call you later.”
I turned and walked away briskly, but I knew that he was still standing there watching me as I left.
Home was the last place I wanted to be. Mom was downstairs, frantically trying to get the house clean and dinner on the table so that Dad wouldn’t flip out when he came home. I helped out as much as I could, knowing that no matter what we did, it wouldn’t be good enough. I was right.
Dad came in the door around six, came straight to the kitchen and started barking orders at Mom. He criticized one thing after another, from a piece of lint on the carpet, to the slightly underdone spaghetti noodles, to the fact that my mom’s hair was in a ponytail and not fixed. I kept my head down as I ate and kept quiet. He had Mom in tears by the end of the meal, as usual. He then retired to the couch, where he expected to be waited on hand and foot.
It was an old, familiar tune. I hung out in my room, working on school stuff. I had learned by now how to be invisible. I didn’t speak to him unless I was spoken to, and as long as I stayed out of his way he’d ignore me. I felt bad that Mom was getting the brunt of it tonight, though. Every so often, I heard him scream at Mom for one thing or the other. Each time I heard his shrill, demanding voice my stomach would tighten with anxiety.
I really wished I could be at Xander’s so I wouldn’t have to deal with this. He was probably missing me, too. I knew how lonely he got when he was all by himself. In all the time I’d known him, I’d only met his parents a handful of times. Usually his Mom was passed out on the couch, drunk. Now she worked, but cheated on his dad so much that she was always with a different man. They pretty much just left him to his own devices. I don’t know what’s worse; having parents around who want to torment you and beat you, or having parents that simply don’t care at all.
Around ten or so it finally went silent and I figured Dad had passed out by now. It must be exhausting to live the life of a dictator. Mom came in the room a little later and sat on the bed, smiling at me. Her face was tear stained, and she looked exhausted. I went and sat beside her, hugging her into my arms and kissing her cheek.
“Why don’t you leave him, Mom? I’m eighteen now, I can take care of myself.”
She sighed and smiled sadly.
“Don’t you worry about me. I can take care of myself.”
We sat like that, for a few minutes.
“What’s bothering you?” she asked me softly. I was surprised that she had noticed. But then again, she usually did. Tears came from my eyes as I leaned against her.
“Xander’s moving away.”
We didn’t speak. We held each other silently. Eighteen years old and still crying to Mommy. Geez.
Xander called about twelve, which was not uncommon. I watched my vibrating cell phone turn around in circles on the desk until it finally stopped ringing.
Xander drove his car by my house the next morning and honked once. We usually rode together. I waited until he went on to get in my car and drive myself to school. All day, I kinda walked around in a daze. Nobody seemed to notice. I avoided Xander as much as possible. The last bell rung, and I was at my locker stuffing books into my bag when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I whirled around, expecting to find Xander.
It was Amy from English class. She was tiny, barely 5’0 tall, with reddish blonde hair, freckles and pale skin. We were pretty good friends.
“James, what’s up with you today? You don’t look good.” she smiled up at me, wrapping her arms around my waist. I hugged her quickly and grabbed my bag, heading towards the door.
“Nothing, I just don’t feel great today.” I lied.
“Okay…how about you come out with me tomorrow night? We’ll go see a movie or something.” She beamed at me.
I thought for a minute. Amy wasn’t really my type, but it would give me an excuse to back out of spending Friday night with Xander. That was usually the night I stayed over at his house and we’d play ball or swim in the pool, and just chill. He would be really pissed if I wasn’t there.
“Sounds good,” I told her, trying to sound happy, and smiled.
I didn’t want to face Xander that night, and I couldn’t bear to go home again, so I made the 15- minute drive to see my grandma in the next town. She answered the door, beaming at me.
She looked younger than her 70 years or so. She had bright blue perceptive eyes and a head full of thick black hair, even at her age. Her skin wasn’t excessively wrinkled.
We ate dinner and sat around and talked. I enjoyed talking to her. I could always ask her advice. Every now and then, she would cough painfully. I was always worried about her health, but she refused to go see a doctor. She always said she’d be better off not knowing.
“How is your friend, doing, James?” she asked me, referring to Xander.
I hesitated. “Have a fight?” she asked, peering down at me over her wire-rimmed glasses.
I sighed. “Something like that. He’s planning on leaving town for college. Going to California.”
She laughed. “Why on earth would he go there?”
I shook my head. “I don’t know.”
She smiled at me knowingly. “You’ll miss him. You’ll have a hard time if he leaves.”
I nodded.
“I just don’t see how he can leave so easily.” I told her.
She looked at me quickly, then glanced away. I couldn’t quite read her expression.
“You should tell him how you feel.” she spoke, finally. “Maybe he won’t leave.” she looked at me pointedly.
My heart skipped a beat. “What do you mean?” I asked softly.
She said nothing, just looked at me.
I got up and hugged her tightly.
She smiled at me. “Why don’t you go with him? You don’t have anything keeping you here, James. I know how your father is.”
“I can’t leave you, Grandma. And what about Mom?” I asked her.
“Oh, we can take care of ourselves. You need to do what makes you happy, James.”
I knew she was right.
“Dude, what the fuck?” Xander asked me on the phone Friday night. “We always hang out on Fridays. You don’t even like Amy.” He sounded almost jealous, and he was definitely, as I predicted, pissed.
“Yeah, well, she’s cute.” I lied. “Anyway, you’ll have to get used to Friday nights without me in LA, won’t you?” I tried to sound cocky, or arrogant, but the words came out too softly. I sounded like a whiny girl, I thought, wincing.
“James, is that what this is all about? Look, can we talk about this? Come hang out with me, don’t go out with Amy. We’ll talk things over.” That was Xander, ever the counselor. He wanted to be a therapist; his powerful skills of observation, coupled with the fact that he knew me intimately, meant that he could see right through me right now, and I didn’t like it.
“I don’t want to talk about it right now. Drop me a line from Cali, bro.” I knew that would leave him seething. I hung up, finished getting ready, and jumped in the car to go pick Amy up.
I was too restless to go see a movie, so we ended up going to grab dinner. Amy chattered incessantly, talking about school and college and her plans as an English major and blah blah blah. Not that she was annoying; I just couldn’t think about anything but Xander right now. She reached over to touch my hand a few times, obviously trying to come onto me, but I was too distracted to pick up on her hints.
I was angry at Xander, but I was more angry with myself for getting so worked up. I was acting like an ass. If he wanted to move halfway across the country, he had every right to do so. So, what, he’s moving away? Big deal. He was just a friend. Right? No, my best friend. The only person…..
“James? You look like you’re about to cry.” Amy’s voice came into my thoughts.
I blinked. “Sorry. I just have a lot on my mind.”
She looked at me curiously, then smiled, unaffected.
“Hey, maybe we should go to Brad’s party after this.” Brad was the captain of the football team. He was always throwing parties at his family’s three story house, because his parents traveled so much. Me and Xander would go occasionally, for the free booze. Brad was a jerk, but his parents had money, and he could throw a party.
“Sure, sounds good.” I mumbled. Amy kept on chattering, as I tuned out again.
About five beers and six or seven or eight shots of Smirnoff vodka later, I was feeling great. I don’t know how much I had to drink. I don’t drink much, but Amy’s voice and the thought of a future without Xander had me in need of an escape. Plus, I was trying to push those feelings about Xander out of my head. I knew there was something more, but I just didn’t want to face it right now. It was too painful and confusing. Nothing like getting plastered to deaden the pain.
If Xander found me like this, he would be so mad. He hated alcohol. He hated drugs. His mom had been an alcoholic, of course. His uncle, who used to help take care of him when he was a kid, had died in a car wreck while driving drunk. A car wreck that Xander was almost involved in. Xander always reminded me how if I hadn’t been at the house with him, his uncle would have taken him back to his place to take care of him, drunk as a skunk. Not that two 12 year old kids together is responsible, but it had stopped Xander from possibly dying in that car wreck. So, of course, guess who showed up at the party?
I was sitting in a chair on the back porch, staring at the sky. Thinking about my childhood. Thinking about Xander. How much I would miss him. Trying not to think about those things, but my drunken thoughts were on a one-way track. My head was spinning. I was vaguely aware of the fact that Amy was gone. Somebody said my name.
“James!” Xander was yelling at me. I looked up, trying to focus on his features.
“Hey, X, dude, what are….what are you here for?” I slurred.
“Amy called me. Have you been drinking?” His voice had an ugly edge to it.
I was too out of it to respond. I just grinned at him, stupidly. I couldn’t feel anything. I wasn’t sad, wasn’t happy. I felt blissfully numb. I think I passed out.
I don’t really know how he got me to his car, or in the house. I woke up the next day in his bed, about noon. I felt like I was dead or dying. My head was killing me.
Somehow I made it to the bathroom where I puked my guts out. When I finally looked up, Xander was standing there, arms crossed, leaning against the door frame. The expression on his face read disappointment. Unfortunately, I could feel again. I felt ashamed. I felt sad. I couldn’t even make eye contact with him.
“I had Dan drive your car back to the house. It’s in the driveway when you’re ready to leave..” He spoke, breaking the silence. His voice was cold.
I nodded. Dan was one of our other friends, a good guy.
“Feel better?’ he asked.
I chuckled. “No.”
“Do you want to talk now?”
I stared into the toilet bowl. “No.” I whispered. I looked up at him. “Do you want me to leave, now?”
I must have looked pitiful, because he softened a bit.
“No, but we’re going to have to talk about this, you know.”
I looked back down.
“I know.”
We spent the rest of the day just hanging out. Xander fed me and made sure I drank plenty of water, trying to help me recover from my hangover. He had covered my ass by calling my Mom last night and telling her I didn’t feel well, and that I was staying with him. His parents were, of course, god knows where.
So we just hung out. We didn’t talk about the one thing that hung in the air. We didn’t really talk. Just enjoyed each other’s company.
I stayed the night with him. I don’t know how it happened, but we ended up dozing off on the living room floor while we were watching TV. I woke up in his arms early that Sunday morning. We hadn’t done that since we were little. It was kind of nice.
I pressed my face against his bare shoulder, breathing in his scent. I brushed his hair out of his eyes, and watched him breathe. He was so cute. I touched his face, thinking back to the first day I met him.
His eyes fluttered open, and I dropped my hand. I blushed a little and untangled myself from him, standing up. He remained on the floor, his head up propped up on his elbow.
“What? Are we getting too old for that or something?” he teased me.
I swallowed hard and met his gaze. We just looked at each other for a long moment.
“Want to ride to the beach today?” Xander asked, filling the awkward silence.
I smiled. “Whatever you want, buddy.”
There was a small beach about forty minutes away. Usually we had it all ourselves, except for the few people that lived around there. Most of the crowds gather at Myrtle Beach, about ninety minutes away. But this place was where we really liked to be. The two of us could just chill. It was just us and maybe a few other people out there today.
He looked so good, playing in the water in just his white swim trunks. More than once, I found myself admiring the strong muscles in his lean body, his hair blowing in the wind. He looked a like a model doing a photo shoot on the beach. I hid behind my glasses and tried not to let him catch me staring.
We dove into the still freezing ocean, then afterwards, laid on towels in the sand and soaked up the sun. Xander kept pestering me about having a ‘talk’. Finally I sat up and looked at him.
“All I can really say is that, I’m gonna miss you like hell. I don’t really have anyone here. You’re my best friend, you know me better than anyone, and it just won’t be the same.” Thankfully I had on dark shades to hide my eyes.
He seemed to accept this explanation, and laid back down.
We drove home about four, in silence. We pulled up in his driveway and he turned off the car. We just sat, in silence. Finally, he turned and looked at me.
“James…..give me one, good, real, reason to stay.” he spoke softly. His eyes searched mine. What was he looking for? I don’t know. I don’t know what made me move.
I leaned over and touched his face. “I need you, Xander.”
He placed his hand over mine, and leaned in. He pressed his forehead to mine, looking into my eyes, like he used to do when we were kids.
“Why? Why do you need me?”
I closed my eyes. I didn’t know what to say in that moment. I wanted to tell him I loved him. I couldn’t get the words, out though. They were too dangerous.
I put my hands on his face and pulled back just enough to look into his eyes.
“Believe me when I tell you, I can not bear to lose you. I don’t want to leave my grandma, but I will follow you out there if I have to. But you can not leave me. I can’t imagine my life without you.” It wasn’t as much as I wanted to say, but I hoped he’d understand.
He nodded, then wrapped his arms around me and held me tight.
After a moment, we headed in the house and had dinner. I called home and told Mom I’d be staying with Xander that night and he would take me to school the next day.
I don’t know who initiated it, but I ended up in Xander’s bed that night, next to him. We lay face to face, holding each other. Just looking at each other, until we drifted off to sleep.
I slept well that night.
The commute to school was very quiet the next day. We were both lost in our own thoughts. I was definitely in love with him. I couldn’t do this with Xander. Not only were we both supposed to be straight, but he was my best and only friend. Even if it did escalate to a romantic relationship, what if it didn’t work out? I couldn’t lose him. I couldn’t hide my feelings, either. Not to mention if my family found out. I pushed those thoughts away, right now. I could worry about my dad later. What concerned me was not losing Xander.
He needed to go to LA. At least that way we could remain friends.
Amy approached me after school that day, right before wrestling practice.
“Well, did you have fun on Friday?” she asked me. She seemed a little upset.
“Amy, I’m sorry. I usually don’t do that. I’ve been going through some stuff lately.” I sincerely meant it. Nobody deserved to be ditched at a party. “And thanks for calling Xander to come get me.”
“It’s fine, I had one of my girlfriends take me home.” She looked at me through her eyelashes. “If we go out again, will you be a better date?” she pouted.
I smiled at her sweetness. “Sure, I’ll try.”
“Okay, pick me up tomorrow night?” she grinned.
“Alright.” I owed it to her, I felt.
I leaned over to kiss her cheek, but she turned and kissed me on the lips.
I pulled back, surprised at her boldness. She winked and walked away.
I stood up and glanced over my shoulder. Xander was watching me. He turned away, quickly but his expression was dark.
Practice went well that day, but Xander was definitely upset about something. We weren’t sparring against each other, but he was much more aggressive than usual. I winced as he tackled some poor guy.
Afterwards, I went back to lift some weights. I had left my water bottle in the wrestling room, and I went back to get it. I heard movement behind me, and glanced back.
Xander had followed me into the room. He had the same, stormy expression on his face. Still wearing his wrestling clothes. He was staring me down.
“What’s up, man?” I asked lightheartedly, but he didn’t even crack a smile.
“I saw you kissing Amy.” he said coldly.
I took a few steps toward him. “Yeah? So?”
Without another word, he tackled me to the ground. For a moment, the wind was knocked out of me, but then I was seeing red. Who did this guy think he was?
I rolled back over and tried to get him in a headlock to calm him down, but he was wild. We managed to get back to our feet, but he went down for my knees and had me down again. It probably looked like we were just running drills, but I think he was really trying to hurt me. We were pretty evenly matched, so I managed to shake him off.
I was back on my feet again, and he jumped up, eyeing me with a crazed look.
“Xander, what is the matter? Can’t we talk about this?”
Mr. Therapist was in no talking mood. He lunged forward and decked me. I dodged, but his blow glanced off my jaw.
I was in shock. I put my hand up to my mouth. He hadn’t hit me full force, but my lip was bleeding and it felt swollen. I looked up at him.
He wasn’t angry anymore. There were tears in his eyes as he grabbed the back of my neck with his right hand and ran his left thumb over my lip.
“Oh man, I’m sorry. I’ve messed everything up. I was just…so angry. I can’t believe it.” he was babbling.
I used my shirt to wipe the blood from my mouth, but he didn’t let go of me.
“Xander, what are you talking about? Why would you come in here and just start wailing on me? What is your problem?” I was fuming, so mad I wanted to hit him back, but I didn’t want to hurt him. I fought to keep my temper in check as I looked into his eyes. We were both breathing hard from exhaustion. His hand was searing on the back of my neck and he had a desperate look in his eyes.
That’s when he leaned in and kissed me. Hard. Rough. His tongue went deep into my mouth and he pulled my body close to his. I was surprised, but desire coursed through my body immediately. My cock became rock hard and I grabbed a handful of his hair and kissed him back.
It was so good. A hell of a lot better than kissing any girl. I finally pulled away and looked into his eyes. He looked so cute. His face was flushed, his hair was tousled and he was almost panting.
“I’ve been wanting to do that for years.” he whispered huskily.
I looked at him in surprise. “So I’m not the only one?” I asked softly.
“Definitely not,” he replied and kissed me again.
“I’m gonna go home and get my stuff…I’m staying the night with you.”
He nodded, desire evident in his eyes.
“I’ll be at your house soon.”
I hopped in my car and ran home, where I showered, making sure I washed thoroughly. I dressed in a nice polo and shorts, and threw on some cologne. My heart was pounding and my head was racing.
So Xander felt the same way about me. That actually made sense now that I thought about it. I guess we’ve both been in love all this time and neither of us wanted to admit it.
I pulled up in his driveway, butterflies in my stomach.
When I walked in, Xander greeted me at the door wearing jeans and no shirt, his hair still damp from the shower. He looked just as flustered and excited as I felt. He handed me a glass of Coke and I downed most of it in one swallow. He grabbed the bag from my hand and threw it on the couch unceremoniously, then took the empty glass and set it on the table.
He wrapped his arms around me and held me close for a long moment. There’s not much I can say to describe to you what it feels like to be in someone’s arms after you’ve spent a lifetime wanting them. It’s heavenly.
He brushed my hair aside and whispered in my ear,
“James, I’ve been in love with you…..well, it seems like forever. I don’t know when I first realized it, or how long I’ve known it, but you’re the only person in my life who really knows me, who really cares about me.”
I pulled back and looked in his eyes. There were tears there, and I could feel the passion in his voice and his gaze. “Were you really going to leave me, Xander?”
He smiled and kissed my cheek, touching my face. His touch was like silk.
“Only because I was scared. I was scared of my feelings for you, and I was afraid you didn’t feel the same way. Especially when I saw Amy trying to kiss you. But now that I know that you….love me, too….I’m not going anywhere. At least, not without you.” he smiled and blushed as he said those last words.
“You do love me, don’t you, James?”
Did he really have to ask? I had only one answer for him
I leaned in and kissed him. My tongue entered his soft mouth and gently explored it, and my arms went around him, stroking his back. He moaned against me, pushing his tongue back against mine as we wrestled for control. He broke the kiss and looked at me. We were both breathing hard and his eyes had a look of pure lust. I pressed my groin into his and he groaned. I could feel his dick getting hard through his pants. Mine had been hard almost since he first kissed me.
“You’re still a virgin, too, aren’t you, James?” he asked me.
“Yeah, you know that.” We were both somewhat inexperienced sexually, but we often discussed our antics at length. We had both gotten and received some oral sex but that was pretty much it. We definitely hadn’t been with any other guys.
“Yeah, sorry, I’m just a little nervous.” he laughed softly.
I kissed his forehead and took a deep breath. “I’m nervous too, X. We don’t have to do anything if you’re not ready. We can just take it slow.” My body was aching for him, but if he needed time, that was fine with me.
He kissed me again, hungrily, and grabbed my hand. “I don’t think I can wait any longer. We might not know what we’re doing, but fuck it, we’ll figure it out.”
I grinned as we made our way to the bedroom. He pulled the curtains, plunging the room into almost darkness. His brown eyes glimmered at me from across the room.
He had started off as the aggressor, but now I pounced on him, pulling his body to mine and invading his mouth with a deep, passionate kiss. He whimpered and yielded to me as I began to unfasten his pants, pulling them down his hips, taking his boxers with them. He stood naked before me.
His body was beautiful. He was solid, with well defined muscles that weren’t too bulky. His skin was golden from the sun, and I could clearly make out the tan lines from where we’d been to the beach the other day. I started kissing his neck, working my way down his chest. He sighed and shuddered at my touch, letting me dominate him completely. I wanted nothing more than to please him, to make him moan. I worked my way down to his cock, and dropped to my knees.
Growing up together, we’d definitely seen each other naked a few times, and I had always been appreciative of his male organ. He was about my length, 6 inches, circumcised, but he was very thick with a big mushroom head and large, full balls. Right now, it was fully engorged, with precum on the tip and every swollen vein sticking out.
I placed my hands on his firm ass and brought my mouth to his groin. I licked the tip of his cock, tasting his salty juices, then slowly engulfed it with my mouth. Xander sucked in a deep breath and groaned. I tried to get the whole thing in my mouth, but about halfway in I felt it hit the back of my throat and I gagged. I pulled back, and tried again, relaxing my jaw. Xander moaned again and placed his hands on the back of my head, mostly for support. I could feel him trembling and his knees were weak. I felt powerful.
He was putty in my hands, so to speak. I worked his cock deep in my mouth and slid up and down on it, mimicking the action of sex. I used my tongue to tease the head and the shaft, and I fondled his balls with my right hand while stroking his ass with my left. He began to buck his hips wildly, grabbing my hair in his hands. He was fucking my mouth, and I loved it. I relaxed my throat and received each one of his thrusts.
He was gasping and panting, and he let out a loud groan. “James..” he warned “Oh, god, you’re about to make me come…..oh, god..” I didn’t let up with my assault, and a moment later I felt his warm come fill my mouth. I couldn’t really taste it, so I just swallowed each spurt and kept going, draining him. Finally he began to soften, and I released him. He just dropped onto the bed, shaking.
“Damn, that was amazing….I never knew it could feel like that.” he sighed.
I crawled on the bed beside him, and held him as his breathing came down. I felt the same way. It was incredible to give someone else that pleasure, especially someone you really cared about.
Xander recovered a moment later and began to kiss me. Our tongues met and I knew he could taste himself on my mouth. I let out a moan as his hand came to my crotch and he began to rub the aching bulge in my shorts. He sat up and pulled off my shirt, and kept kissing me. Our lips and tongues met, over and over, and we were both groaning in pleasure.
He started to trail kisses down my cheek, my neck, then he came up and nibbled my earlobe, using his tongue to tease the sensitive flesh. I gasped at the sensation; I don’t think I knew that spot existed before now. My cock twitched in my pants and he laughed softly in my ear.
“You did it to me, it’s only fair.” he teased me.
“Yeah, but I hadn’t been on the receiving end before.” I told him.
“Well get ready because you’re about to receive something else.” he murmured, working his way down my chest with soft kisses and nibbles. He stopped at my bellybutton and unfastened my shorts. I lifted my hips and allowed him to strip me so that I lay naked before him.
Xander wrapped his hand around my cock and gave it a few firm strokes. I moaned and my cock twitched in his hand. I was pre cumming like crazy. He gave me a smoldering, sexy look just before he went down and took my cock in his lips.
I whimpered and dropped my head back, letting him ravish me. The inside of his mouth was satiny smooth, wet and so unbelievably hot. He teased me with his lips and tongue for a few moments before taking me deep in his throat and working my cock with his mouth. One of his hands stroked the bottom of my shaft and the other grasped my balls gently, stroking them. I placed my hands on the back of his head, burying my fingers in his soft hair. I watched his face as he continued his work on me. His brow was furrowed in concentration, but every so often he would lift his eyes to mine and give me that look again. I sucked in a deep breath, trying not to lose it.
The sensations were so wet and warm as he sucked my cock, and after a moment, I knew it was over. I grabbed the sheets and let out a loud moan. I wanted to tell him what was happening, but my mouth wouldn’t work and I said the only thing I could; “Xander….ohhh…”
A second later I felt his finger touch my anus, and slide in slowly. I exploded in his mouth. He did the same thing I had done, just swallowed and kept going, working his finger deep into my rectum. It was too much and I had to beg him to stop before I passed out in pleasure. He stopped and sat up, watching me as I shook on the bed before him. He smirked at me, obviously pleased with himself.
“Was it good, baby?” he asked me, laying down beside me.
“It was amazing.” I answered truthfully. I had never had an orgasm like that before. I looked down and noticed his cock was hard again.
Xander leaned over and got a tube of lube and a condom out of his nightstand. I suddenly felt a lump in my throat and I was a little scared. My earlier confidence was a bit shaken. I had never done this before. He saw the expression on my face and leaned over to kiss me, placing his hands on either side of my face.
“Tell me what you want, baby. I can make love to you, or you to me. Whatever you want to do. Talk to me.”
I swallowed and looked into his face. His eyes were full of concern and love. I knew I wanted to be with him, to feel him inside me. I knew it would be okay; Xander would take good care of me and not hurt me. My voice trembled as I told him, “I want you inside me.”
“Are you sure?” he asked, stroking my cheek.
I nodded, and he kissed me hungrily. He took control over me, now, invading my mouth and body with his hands and lips. I allowed myself to enjoy it, to be consumed with pleasure. All my worries were swept away as he kissed me and gazed into my eyes. There was only him, and my desire for him.
Xander went down between my legs and a moment later I felt something gently probe my entrance. I felt some pain and pressure, but mostly pleasure. I groaned out loud as he slid his fingers in and out, opening my entrance with each stroke. He used his mouth to work my cock as he used his fingers in my ass, getting me ready for him. I just relaxed and let my body surrender.
I heard someone moaning and whimpering, saying “please, please…” It took me a moment to realize it was me.
After what seemed like hours, I finally moaned, “Xander, just do it, please. I want you so bad. Just enter me, now, please.”
He sat up and peered down at me. “Are you sure, James?” He stroked my cock and I groaned, nodding vehemently.
I watched as he pulled the condom on and applied more lube. I closed my eyes and lay back. A second later, I felt him at my entrance, pressing. I fought to relax every muscle in my body as he continued to push forward.
The head of his cock popped in, and I moaned. He stopped, and I opened my eyes and looked at him. He was panting in excitement, but he looked at me with warm concern. “Are you okay?” he asked, stroking my cheek.
“Yes. Don’t stop.” I told him.
He thrust his hips forward, burying his shaft inside me. I heard him gasp and moan with pleasure. “Oh my god, James…you’re so tight,” he groaned. “I won’t last long.”
He began to stroke in and out. I was lost in a cloud of pain and pleasure. Intense pleasure. It was even better than I thought it would be. He pushed in deeply; I felt him hit my prostate and I cried out, grabbing his arms.
“Oh, don’t stop, Xander, please….” I whimpered.
Xander leaned over and kissed me as we made love. I wrapped my legs around his hips and pulled him deeper, and he reached between us to stroke my cock.
I lost it a moment later, groaning and gasping as I came all over his belly and hand. A moment later, he came as well, biting his lip to keep quiet, and I could feel his cock swelling and throbbing inside me as he released.
Xander dropped his head on my chest and I pulled him close, stroking his hair. He softened and withdrew from my body, but we laid there together for a moment. I felt something wet on my chest and looked down to see him sobbing quietly.
I was scared. What happened? Did he regret it? Made a mistake?
I put my hands on his face and made him look at me.
“Xander? What is it?”
He wiped his face, looking embarrassed.
“Nothing…I just love you, so much.” he whispered, his voice breaking. “I just can’t believe this is really happening.”
I pulled him close to me, with tears in my own eyes, and kissed him for all I was worth. I looked into his eyes and wiped the tears from his cheeks.
“I love you, too Xander. I always have. I’m always going to be here for you. You’re the only one for me, you always have been.”
He smiled and lay his head back on my chest.
“That’s just what I wanted to hear.” he murmured.
We spent the night in each other’s arms.
We drove to school the next day, beaming from ear to ear. Everyone kept asking me why I was so happy, and I wanted to tell them so badly. Damn the consequences. If I was gay, fine. Xander was mine now and we were in love and everything would work itself out. Briefly I imagined telling my family, but cringed. That would have to wait.
I went back to Xander’s house after school and as soon as we got in the door we began to pull each other’s clothes off. He kissed me and whispered, “I want you on top this time.”
I moaned in response and pushed him on the bed. I grabbed the lube and went down and started sucking his cock. I moistened two of my fingers and began to gently work my fingers into his entrance. His breathing quickened and he groaned, his hands pulling at the sheets.
“Oh god, that feels so good.”
I looked up at him and smiled. “I’m going to make it feel even better” I told him.
When I felt he was ready, I mounted him, slipped on a condom and began to ease into him gently. That wasn’t going to do it for him, though. He grabbed me and pulled me inside him deeply. I stopped, afraid I’d hurt him.
“Xander, are you okay?” He nodded and grinned at me excitedly.
“It hurts, but it feels so good.”
I set an easy pace, rocking back and forth slowly, teasing him. His ass was so hot and tight, and I could feel him squeezing my cock with his walls.
I played with his nippples, pinching them gently. I ran my hands down over his body. I stroked his cock, bringing him to the edge, and then stopped. I did this over and over until he begged me to let him come. He looked so sexy, writhing before me in both pain and pleasure. I leaned over and bit his neck. He groaned.
I felt so powerful, like I controlled his orgasm. Finally, I stroked his cock and allowed him to come. He groaned and his eyes rolled back as he spurted stream after stream of fluid. Watching him come brought me over the edge, and I didn’t hold back my orgasm. I collapsed on top of him, exhausted. We held each other for a moment, then I looked up at him. We both laughed.
“That was amazing,” he told me, laying his head back and closing his eyes.
There was a knock on the door.
Xander opened his eyes and looked at me, then we both looked in the direction of the window. I got up and peeked out the window so I could see who was out there. It was my mom.
I looked at Xander in confusion and told him who it was.
“What is she doing here?” he asked.
I grabbed some tissues and cleaned up as best I could, and threw on my clothes quickly and went to the door as Xander frantically tried to get dressed. Hopefully, I didn’t smell like sex or anything. Hopefully, she wouldn’t guess what we were doing.
“Mom, what are you doing here?” I asked, a little more roughly than I intended.
She looked at me curiously.
“Amy’s waiting for you at the house. Something about a date?”
Oh, crap.
“I tried calling your phone and Xander’s phone, but nobody answered. So I figured I’d drive over real quick and see what’s going on. James,” she paused and spoke quietly. “What is going on?” She looked at me as if she knew everything. Maybe she did.
My heart pounded in my ears.
“Umm, me and Xander were working out. I’ll be out in a minute.” I told her. I doubt she bought my lie, but I couldn’t come out to her right now.
I went back inside and told Xander what was going on. His eyes narrowed when he heard about my “date’ with Amy. I never knew my friend was so jealous before.
“Don’t go out with her tonight. Make up something.” He told me coldly.
“X, what am I gonna tell her?” I asked, starting to panic. Now was not the time to play possessive boyfriend. She was at my house, and my dad was probably there. Xander must know what position I’m in right now.
“Well, I’ll come tell her myself.” he replied.
I looked at him. “And my dad?”
He dropped his gaze to the floor. “Oh, yeah.”
“Yeah” I told him. I leaned forward and kissed him, stroking his hair. “Look, let me take care of it, and we’ll finish what we started later.” I gave him a smirk.
He blushed and smiled. “Alright.”
I went back outside and jumped in the car with Mom, who kept giving me strange looks. I could have walked, but I wanted to get to Amy quickly before she said anything stupid.
When I got in the house, Amy was on the couch looking upset. She was probably pissed. This would be the second time I’d ditch her for Xander. Maybe she wouldn’t see what was really happening.
“Oh man, Amy, I’m sorry. I was hanging out with my buddy, Xander, and we were working on this project, and…”
“What project?” she demanded, her face red.
“Well, ah….” my brain wasn’t working properly. “For a scholarship.” I said lamely. It was bullshit and she knew it.
“Look, maybe we can talk about it later?” I suggested, hoping she’d get the hint. She stood up, shaking her head, and went to leave. She stopped in the hallway, turned on her heel and looked at me with piercing eyes.
“Talk about what, James?” she asked.
“Well, we can talk about our next date.” I said, trying to be charming. It was the last thing I wanted to do, but I just wanted to appease her and get her to leave. I figured she’d get all excited and agree.
“Next…date?” she laughed without mirth. “Forget it. You know, I always thought there was something weird going on. Now I get it.” she raised her voice loudly. “I don’t date GAY GUYS!”
I heard my mom gasp in the kitchen, just as I heard the front door shut. Dad was home.
My throat tightened, and I tried to protest weakly, shaking my head. “I’m not…gay…”
She was determined to make a fool out of me. “Oh, really? Don’t think I haven’t noticed that you only hang out with Xander? The way you look at him? You never have girlfriends. I’m not stupid, you know!” she went on and on. Everything she said was true. I guess we hadn’t been so discreet after all.
My face burned with shame. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. Tornado, earthquake, fire, something….please, let something happen.
She finally left, slamming the front door. I stood, frozen in place, unable to speak.
Dad came into the room. His dark eyes were storming and his jaw was set. I knew he had heard everything. At 6’4, 300 lbs, I was no match for this man.
“Son? Is that true?” his voice had a dangerous lilt. Shame was replaced with fear. I was afraid. Scared for my life. The look in his eyes told me I might not survive the night.
I turned and bolted for the back door.
I wasn’t fast enough. He caught me in the kitchen and grabbed me by my shirt, slamming me against the wall. I don’t remember all the details. He hit me in the face, the stomach, the chest. I was down on the floor and he was kicking me. I heard my mom screaming. I heard glass breaking.
I remember waking up in a hospital bed with Xander and Mom standing over me. Briefly. Then I was fully awake, and it was daytime. Mom was standing over me, with tears in her eyes.
“You’re awake,” she sobbed, squeezing my hand.
A doctor and nurse were summoned and they told me the extent of my injuries. A few cracked ribs, a broken collarbone, and lots and lots of bruises. I had a concussion, and had only passed out for a little bit. I got off pretty easy, I think. I couldn’t feel much of anything because of the painkillers.
When they left, I looked at Mom. I realized her left arm was heavily bandaged.
“Mom, tell me what happened. I don’t remember much.”
She smiled tearfully. “I called the cops when I heard your father’s car pull up in the driveway. I tried to pull him off of you after you lost consciousness. He stabbed me in the arm with a kitchen knife. The cops barged in just in time.” She leaned over and hugged me with her right arm.
“He’ll be going away for a while.” I could see the relief in her eyes as she spoke. She seemed happier.
I choked up. “I’m sorry. This is all my fault. Me and Xander…”
She shook her head. “You and Xander belong together.” she said softly. There was understanding there, in her words. It would be a new beginning, for both of us.
I smiled.
Xander came to see me that day after school. He held my hand quietly and we just gazed at each other.
Graduation was a few weeks later. I managed to catch up on all my assignments, mainly with Xander’s help. The principal allowed me to walk at graduation, considering my special circumstances.
Walk wasn’t really the word. I hobbled around on crutches. They helped me onstage to get my diploma, and I got a standing ovation from the senior class. I was about to go back to my seat, but something was missing.
I turned and made my way to where Xander was sitting. He looked at me, confused. I pulled him up out of his seat and grabbed the back of his neck. In that moment, I forgot everything. My family, his family, all the people around us. I didn’t care what they thought. I didn’t care what anyone thought. It was only Xander and I.
I kissed him passionately. I think everyone was shocked, but then I heard cheering and whistles. I didn’t really care what everyone thought. Xander was mine, and mine alone.
I pulled back and smiled at him. “So, UCLA, huh? You think we’ll survive in California?”
“Oh, James. Do you mean it? You’ll come with me?”
I grinned at him. “Do you even have to ask?”