A gay story: Endings Ch. 02 * * * * * *
I’d probably never made the journey to my bedroom faster than I did right then, his wrist in my hand to make sure he followed me even though he was the one to ask. It felt like my hole was twitching in readiness, eager to have him inside me. I flicked the light on so I could see him and leaned over the bed to open the drawer I kept lube and condoms in.
He seemed to take my position as an invitation and pressed himself against me, pushing my legs up so I was on my hands and knees properly, and letting his obviously hard cock rest between my cheeks. I shivered in delight and anticipation of having it somewhere that would feel better and almost threw the lube and foil packet over my shoulder for his use. I knew if I looked back I would see him grinning, but I didn’t want to.
I felt kind of cheap like this, waiting to be mounted by a man who I knew so little about, but strangely that turned me on even more. I didn’t want to see him, I wanted this position and to feel a little used. I had the feeling that this was about him scratching an itch and I did not need to get attached to a man like that. If he could fuck me anywhere near as well as he could kiss and suck cock it would be enough.
Unsurprisingly he didn’t use his tongue on me, but it was a shame because I loved that before I was fucked. I was glad at least that the first thing he inserted was only one finger and it was well lubed. He didn’t give me long though, and I had two and then three fingers in me pretty fast. It hurt a little but I was too horny to care, and I moaned and begged for his cock anyway, hearing him chuckle.
“It’s coming. Don’t be so impatient Max.”
He emphasised that with a light swat to one cheek and I moaned louder. His laughter increased for a moment before he fell silent and I heard the foil tearing. Panting and desperate, I tried not to tense at what was coming, sure it was going to hurt but needing it anyway.
I felt the pressure of his cock against me and pressed back, eager to get him inside and groaning a mixture of pain and pleasure as I felt him enter me. He took it slow, and the wonderful feeling of being filled soon took over from the discomfort, even as I got more and more cock into me. I couldn’t see where he was or how much more I had to take, but I heard him moan and I didn’t care any more, I was making this good for him already.
The moment his balls met mine I knew I’d taken all of him. I still felt dirty and being used and it was making me harder and unwilling to wait until I relaxed. This was just going to be raw fucking, and I wanted it so badly I started to rock forwards and backwards, hearing a surprised gasp as Cam started to slide inside me.
“Fuck! You’re so tight, hold still or I’ll come right now.”
“You can do better than that,” I growled. “Fuck me like you mean it, or have you got too used to pussy to give a man what he needs?”
“You asked for it.”
Oh god, I really had. He slammed into me and I cried out at the feeling of being pushed apart, stiffening my arms to stop myself falling forward. I wanted to take all he could give me, and he seemed to have the idea. I moaned and cried as he pushed into me harder and faster, arching my back and pushing down to meet him on every thrust. I heard a strange mix of moans and curses coming from him in between him panting for breath and I loved the fact I was making him lose control. He might have made me beg him for this but he was going to work for his fuck.
He shifted position and was suddenly banging into me at just the right angle to make me scream, just like he’d said he would. He was good at this and I was loving it, not caring what I might get after tonight, just living for the moment. A very good moment, and not a short one either, he kept thrusting into me and driving me wild but he alternated between fast strokes and slower ones when we were getting close to coming, holding out for as long as he could.
Eventually he stiffened, and knowing he was going to come and how close I was I clenched my muscles to milk him, the effect causing both of us to moan and shoot only a few seconds later. I collapsed then, feeling the dull ache as his cock left my body and the emptiness, but mostly warm, glowing, and exhausted in the best possible way, my legs turned to jelly. That had been the best sex in years, and I was so glad he’d come to see me.
His body lay on my back, and I could feel the irregular movements as he panted and recovered himself. Knowing being with me had caused him to lose so much control and got him that worked up made me grin, but he couldn’t see it. I was brought back down to earth when he got off me, heading for my bathroom and then when he returned putting his clothes back on straight away.
I watched as he dressed, making sure I got one last look at his body before it was hidden from my view. No cuddling after with Cam, it appeared. Actually, that gave me a very good idea of what he wanted to tell me. Sex, he could do, relationships he couldn’t. This was going to be a few quickies in complete secrecy at best, and I had to decide if I could do that. Did I want a fuckbuddy, even one that good?
He left me in bed, and I heard the taps running in the kitchen. I wasn’t going to find anything else out like this, so I stood and pulled some jogging bottoms on, deciding this was my house and I didn’t need to get dressed. That done I followed the sounds to the kitchen and got myself a beer from the fridge, waiting for him to talk. Even if this was a one time deal, I didn’t regret it in the slightest.
“Sorry Max, I got a bit carried away then. I was going to talk to you before we fucked.”
I smiled. “I’m not complaining!”
“Still, it would have been fairer for you to have a choice.”
“I had a choice Cam. I was begging for your cock, not asking you to stop.”
There was a hint of a blush on his face, but overall he looked smug rather than embarrassed. He knew he had just given me a fantastic fuck and he was very pleased with himself.
“I really enjoyed that,” he continued. “It’s been a couple of years since the last time with a guy, and I forgot how much fun it is. What I was thinking was, I’m single, you’re single, can we have a bit of fun now and again? You need to know, as much as I enjoy the sex, and I wouldn’t do that with just anyone, I’m not going to fall in love with you, or do anything more than sex, or even tell anyone about this. I’ll expect you not to say anything either.”
I stayed quiet for a while, thinking that through. Pretty much what I expected, but I felt I had to challenge some of what he said.
“Why are you so worried about people finding out you are bi? It’s hardly the end of the world.”
“People make assumptions. Gay men think I’m fighting the fact I’m truly gay, straight women think I’m promiscuous and won’t settle down with them, and everyone thinks I can’t make my mind up what I want.”
He had a point. I’d heard most of those things said in the past, but I couldn’t help thinking the one he was most worried about was what women would think of him. Did he know what he wanted? Apparently me for regular sex right now, and a woman to settle down with at some point in the future. If I didn’t take him up on this, not only would I be missing out on great sex, I’d be missing out on any sex, because there weren’t any likely candidates right now. Sex with him had to be better than the occasional one-nighter picked up in a club.
I took a swig from my drink and made my decision. I fancied him, we had fun together, and if that was all it could be, I would keep any other emotion out of this.
“Ground rules,” I started. “You want to date other people, I’m guessing?”
He looked a little startled at me being so blunt, but he answered.
“Women Max. I don’t date men and I’m not planning to, but yes, I’ll be going out for dinner and movies, things like that.”
“And having sex with some of them?” I enquired further.
“Given half a chance, yes,” he replied, grinning.
“So this, between us, is going to be for when you can’t get any pussy and you want to get laid, or you want to get laid only the way you can with another guy.”
I left it as a statement rather than a question, and he squirmed a little.
“Yes.”
“In that case, these are the rules. I’ll keep your secret anyway, I promise. We come up with some text code to make arrangements when mutually convenient, no expectations that I’ll come running when you’re horny or vice versa. There has to be some option for me in this, not just you deciding when we’ll meet. We can both date and sleep with who we want, but it’s condoms only, at least between us. When and if either of us wants to end the arrangement, we can call it off, and it’s off for certain if either one meets someone special, someone they want to date exclusively. I don’t cheat, and I’m not going to help you do it.”
“Understood. Do you want to put that in writing?” he asked, grinning at me.
“I’ll take your word. I don’t think you really want a signed agreement in existence, do you?”
We were joking with each other now, but I knew it was agreed anyway. I just had to make sure I didn’t get hurt in all of this, because I was laying a lot more on the line than he was. He wasn’t going to fall in love with a guy, but me, I very easily could, especially when he smiled at me that way.
* * * * * *
In the back of my mind, even as I made the deal with him, I knew I was making a mistake. Sure, I liked the idea of some semi-regular sex, but it wasn’t really what I wanted. I was looking for a relationship, someone to settle down with and be mine. I couldn’t help wishing he would change his mind, that maybe I would be different.
After three months I realised I’d gone ahead and done what I promised myself I wouldn’t. I loved him. He was the centre of my world, even if it had settled down to once a week or so when I would see him and we would suck each other off, and he would fuck me, and then be out of my bed before I’d had chance to calm down. He’d hold and kiss me before, but after was too intimate for him.
I wanted to wrap myself in his arms and sleep but he would never stay. I wanted to walk down the street with his hand in mine and kiss him in public but there was no chance. We often saw each other with other friends, particularly Alison and Sara, and in those situations I craved his touch even though I knew it would never come. I could spend the night before writhing in his arms as he expertly took my body to new heights but in company I had to pretend he was nothing more than a friend and it killed me.
My gay friends tried to set me up on dates, and I went on a couple, but as soon as I met the guys I was comparing them to Cam and no-one measured up. I even slept with one, but that was an even bigger mistake. The sex was hollow compared to what I had with Cam and I cried myself to sleep afterwards feeling as though I had cheated on him.
Although he didn’t tell me much, I knew he was dating women and Sara often mentioned someone he had gone out with and her shortcomings. I took some comfort from the fact he hadn’t found anyone, but it hurt to hear about his dates even if it went badly. Those women were at least able to do something I never would – go out with him in public without having to play at being just friends.
We did go out together, and I thought of that time as dates even if it wasn’t for him. It was wonderful to have him to myself like that and I could just pretend there was more to it. Dinners in a little Italian restaurant we both loved were the best, but I often had to pull my hand back before I reached out to touch him in a lovers gesture. It was pleasure and torment in equal measure.
The lines for him were very clear, but for me they had been blurred all along, and the longer I spent with him the more I needed him, and the more I prayed he would come to realise that he could have a real relationship with me. I knew he cared about me, but that only extended to the ways he could enjoy my company, not to love.
He told me a lot more about his previous encounters with men, and I held onto the fact that he had never had anything regular with a guy. It was all drunken one night stands, rarely more than sucking, and the way he spoke about those men, I knew our relationship was different, just not as much as I wished it could be.
At that point I had no idea how different he was prepared to be with me. We would kiss, a lot, before anything else happened, and he had no problem with licking and teasing my body before he got to sucking me off, or if I did that to him. It always ended with him fucking me, never really face to face, unless I was riding him, and he wouldn’t kiss me either during or after, or at least not on the lips.
I had to be careful not to show my shoulders or neck as they almost always now bore some evidence of our most recent time together, bruises and marks that proved how much he enjoyed sucking and biting at me as he rode me into another wonderful orgasm. He was by nature a confident guy, not afraid of telling people what he thought or wanted, and that certainly extended to how he was in the bedroom. I wasn’t exactly submissive, but I didn’t mind following his instructions either since I knew it would always be good and it helped me maintain the appearance that this was only about sex for me.
Now and again he would let me take more control, and on those occasions I did take the chance to push his boundaries, particularly to get to a point where he let me rim his tight hole. I had no doubt it had always been exit only, and the first time I dared to lick him there he nearly shot off the bed away from me. It took a hell of a lot of coaxing on my part, and reassurance that I enjoyed it and it wasn’t the precursor to anything being inserted, to get him back under me.
Thing was, he really enjoyed it. He didn’t admit as much, but over the next few times we met it became something he asked me to do for him before he fucked me, even if he did make very sure to tell me each time not to try sticking my fingers or anything else in him. It was a start though, and the way he reacted with moans and cries of pleasure, and the way he pushed his arse towards me as I worked made me wonder if he was completely sure about him being no entry.
I had these fantasies, when I was alone in my bed, and especially after I had been with him, of taking it further and fingering then fucking him. I could picture him writhing beneath me, the heat of him around me, his tight muscles twitching as I pushed into his channel, his screams and cries as he came, knowing they would be loud as always.
That became my favourite stroke fantasy. I didn’t want to take a chance on him refusing me and never coming back to my bed, but I hoped he might ask for more one of these days. I wasn’t used to a diet of one-way sex, even though my preference was being taken. The longer that was all I was getting the more I wanted to be the one sinking between those tight cheeks of his, giving him something he could only get from a man and hoping that might make him not want to go back to the girls.
* * * * * *
By seven months into our arrangement I was pretty much obsessed, both with him and with getting his arse. It was pathetic, because he still didn’t give any indication of wanting any change to our situation. He spoke about the women he took out freely now, telling me about them and how dreadful they were before he took me to bed. Funny idea of foreplay he had, but when his attention did turn to me I never failed to rise to the occasion immediately, sometimes from just his smile.
I was surprisingly happy covering for my meetings with him, cancelling plans with friends and with my sister to see him. For all I had said about him not expecting me to drop everything for sex, I would always make out I was free when he asked, because I craved being with him that much. My friends didn’t really notice, as it wasn’t every night, but Alison certainly did.
“Why are you avoiding me?” she finally asked one day when I was at her house for dinner.
Instantly I was on the defensive.
“I’m not.”
“You do realise this is the first time in weeks you haven’t had something else on. Are you going to tell me who it is?”
Crap. I should have known she was going to ask sooner or later. I had to be very careful about my answer.
“No. It’s not like that Ali. I’ve just been busy. Sometimes that has been with a guy, but mostly with my friends.”
She gave me a stern look. “That’s rubbish. I know your friends and they haven’t been seeing you much either. What’s the big secret?”
Okay, perhaps my friends had noticed, and it wasn’t going to be that easy to explain.
“Fine. I’ve kind of met someone, but it’s not serious. I’m just having a bit of fun, and he’s lots of fun,” I finished with a grin.
Alison looked a little happier but still not convinced.
“If it’s fun and you’re happy then that’s cool, but I can’t help worrying if you cut us all out for some guy you won’t let us meet. Promise me you aren’t giving everything to someone who’s going to drop you the moment he finds a better offer, and remember we will always be there for you.”
Was I? Yes, probably, but I couldn’t tear myself away from him even though I knew he’d leave me at some point. Perhaps I was giving him too much of me, but I couldn’t stop doing it when the time I did have with him was so good.
“I promise I’ll make more effort to spend time with everyone else. It’s just been such a long time since I’ve had regular sex, I keep getting distracted. Sorry Ali.”
“You know I’m only saying this because I love you, right? I want you to be happy, and I can’t help thinking that a secret bit of fun isn’t what you need. You don’t just need sex, you need more than that.”
“I know that, but until I find someone who can give me everything, I’m very happy to have at least this. I’m getting what I want right now.”
There was half a lie in that, but I couldn’t tell her more without betraying Cam’s confidence or making her worry more about me. She knew me too well, and what she thought, it was everything I worried about too, but I wasn’t going to let him go until I really had to.
* * * * * *
After that I did make more of an effort to see everyone else, and although there was some speculation about my mystery man, even Alison and Sara had no idea who it was. The fact that Cam was keeping up a front of dating, and doing quite a bit of it as well, meant they never even considered him as a possibility. My gay friends joked that he must be married, and although it offended me that they would think that of me when they should know how I felt about cheating, it was easier to let them assume that.
Meanwhile, I was still waiting for the day Cam found one of these women was worth breaking things off with me, hoping he’d decide he could be with me properly instead, and trying not to let on how much I felt for him. My thoughts went from the heights of pleasure when he was with me to the depths of despair when I thought about how and when it would come to an end.
When he was with me I could forget what I was to him, but each time he left I imagined it was for the last time, and I hated how it made me feel. I knew that I was going to hurt when it finally happened, and I wasn’t sure how I would be able to cope with being without him. I was annoyed with myself, knowing I had opened myself up to all the hurt that was on the way just so I could be with him.
Every time he called or texted, I made the time to see him, revelling in having him all to myself and thanking whatever deity was up there for him wanting to be with me again. It was pathetic how much I lived for those moments, but he meant so much to me I couldn’t help myself.
* * * * * *
I was always alert to his moods, knowing when the sex would be gentle and sweet or hot and heavy, both of which I loved. If he was stressed or had a really bad date I knew it would be the second kind, and I sometimes wished for more of that. When he was rougher it was easier to keep my emotions out of this than when he was gentle with me, when I could almost believe we were making love rather than having sex.
He was always confident, sure of the effect he had on me, and it should have been an unattractive quality, but it really wasn’t, the grin he wore most of the time when he was with me told at least of how much he enjoyed our time together even if it was nothing more than friends with benefits. Those benefits made it all well worth it.
What I was really on the lookout for was the sign he had met a woman he wanted to be with. That would be the moment I had to back away and try not to look as devastated as I knew I would feel. It was with that thought in my mind, as usual, that one night came my first real moment of insecurity when he was with me. Something was wrong with him, I could tell, but I had no idea what it was and I feared the worst. Cam was never usually this quiet, and although everything that happened was by now standard, and he was his usual enthusiastic and noisy self as we had sex, beforehand he seemed nervous, and afterwards he was visibly twitching with nerves.
I wondered what I had done. Had I let a little of what I really felt about him slip out? Or was it that he had found the woman he could be with? I hoped not, because not only did I want him to stay with me, but also I didn’t like the idea of us having sex if he was in love with someone else, it wouldn’t be right. As we sat having coffee in my kitchen I decided I had to know, no matter how bad it might be.
“What’s wrong Cam? You’ve been on edge most of the night.”
“Just thinking,” he replied, not as casually as he’d probably hoped.
“You can tell me, I won’t have a problem, whatever it is.”
He gave a choked laugh. “I’m sure you won’t. I’m the one having the problem. I can’t, okay.”
He looked like he was about to run out on me rather than talk, so I figured that was the end of our conversation and I let it drop, although I couldn’t help wondering what he had a problem with and why he couldn’t tell me. We talked a lot, we were friends as well as everything else, and he usually had no issue discussing things with me, even things I didn’t want to know about the women he’d met.
I’d almost forgotten about it by the time he went to leave, our conversation having moved on to usual chat about nothing in particular, and it was only as he got his coat that things got weird again. He could barely look at me, staring at the carpet as he pressed an envelope into my hand.
“Just read this, please. I thought I could tell you, but I can’t, so this is the cowards way out. Wait until I’ve gone.”
I didn’t really have chance to agree to that, he was out the door like there was a rocket behind him, and I was left staring at the letter in my hand, wondering what was so awful and terrifying he couldn’t even say it aloud. I had my suspicions, and none of them were good. In fact, I was so sure what it would say I didn’t dare open it the rest of the night. I went to bed, trying not to think about Cam leaving me, and failing dismally.
I tossed and turned for what felt like hours, unable to sleep, unable to get the letter off my mind. In the end I realised I had to know, no matter how bad it might be. If it was the end, at least I could start dealing with that. I tore the letter open, my eyes already red from lack of sleep, and read it through three times before I actually took in the words, and when it finally made sense I read it again, just to make sure it really did say that.
Wondering if I was actually asleep and dreaming, I pinched myself just in case and decided I was awake. Then a broad smile spread across my face. What he was too afraid to ask me for was exactly what I had been dreaming about for weeks. He wanted me to fuck him.
* * * * * *
He didn’t text me for several days. I sent a couple of innocuous ones, saying hi and trying to make it clear I wanted him to come round without actually asking him. Even though I had the concern that he would change his mind, the mere thought of being inside him had me hard every time it came to mind, and it came to mind a lot.
It wasn’t just that he wanted this, it was that I would be his first, the only one he had needed and trusted enough to give himself to. That thought was almost more erotic than the sex itself, that I was something special to him. Perhaps not how I wanted to be, but surely there was more to this than simply him wanting to try something new.
I wanted that part more than anything, to be someone special in his life, no matter how much I might be kidding myself that it could happen. He was opening his mind to different ways he could have sex, not to a relationship with me, but it was still me he would be doing it with. Well, if he ever dared get in touch again. Maybe he’d scared himself too much with that letter and I wouldn’t get to do it. All I would get was to imagine more of what I’d already spent hours doing.
Elation didn’t even cover it when he finally texted to ask if he could come over. He had to be kidding, I’d almost never refused him and there was no way in hell I was going to deny myself this. Whilst that sounded selfish, I had every intention of making sure this was perfect for him, because that increased my chances of it happening again, and again, and…fuck those thoughts were making me hard again.
He was nervous as I expected, but I greeted him with a passionate kiss to remind him of how good we were together and how much I could turn him on. It was strange seeing him on edge like that and not his usual grin that seemed more smug than anything when he turned it on me, mainly because it proved that he knew what he was doing to me, usually driving me wild in one way or another.
“You know I’m not going to do anything you don’t want. If you’ve changed your mind…”
I tailed off, wanting to give him a get-out but not sure I really could make it explicit. I really wanted this but he had to be sure.
“I’ve not changed my mind, it’s just a bit scary.”
“It will be really good, I promise,” I whispered into his ear, nibbling on his earlobe and hearing his groan in response.
That reminded me of how much I could turn him on, and he would need that. Mind you, right now I needed to calm myself down else I wasn’t going to be as gentle with him as he would need, at least to start with.
“Come with me,” I muttered, leading him by the hand towards my bedroom.
He was trembling slightly and I was pretty sure part of that was for the wrong reason right now, but I knew I could sort that out. Having decided how I was going to start this I stripped, not missing the slight fear in his eyes as he saw my erect cock. He’d never worried about it before now, it was a decent size not huge, but I guessed it looked a lot more intimidating when he thought about what I was going to do with it.
Stepping close to him I made sure it was out of his sight before I started to strip him off, but just a little for the moment. His shirt came off and I worshipped his firm chest and nipples for a little while, noting that despite his nerves he was hard inside his trousers. That was a very good sign that he wasn’t going to back out.
I worked my way up to his shoulder, nipping along his collarbone and then back to his ear.
“I’m going to need to concentrate on you for a while, so I want you to suck me off first, okay?”
He nodded and sank to his knees. If there was a better sight in this world than Cam at my feet, licking at my cock, I didn’t know what it could be, it was beautiful and just the visual, before he really touched me, had me starting to leak some precum. I groaned as he licked it up and he flashed his smug grin at me. This he was confident with, and very, very good at.
I was lost almost immediately, all my senses concentrating on my cock and how it was being licked and sucked as he worked me inside his mouth, and my balls that he was teasing and rolling around in his hand. Ever since I got his text I had been at least half-hard, and his attention was quickly working me towards a climax. I steadied myself on his shoulders and waited for the moment, not caring if it was quick. If being in his mouth was this good I had no idea how being inside him would be.
He hummed around me, teasing me into coming in his mouth and throat, and it was just the incentive I needed. I cried out and grabbed hold of him harder as I shot my load, moaning happily as I felt his tongue encouraging more and licking me clean. He was definitely good at this, so much so that I slumped back on the bed behind me shaking, gasping for air and some control so I could get to the other things I really wanted and had promised him.
I heard him laughing softly as he lay down beside me,and that sound reminded me that this was supposed to be about turning him senseless, not me. I took hold of him and rolled him onto his side while I rolled to meet him, immediately pulling him into a kiss and working his trousers undone and then down a little way while I plundered his mouth and tasted myself on him.
Taking handfuls of his buttocks, I squeezed, causing a groan that made me laugh and spurred me back into action. I sat up, pulling the rest of his clothes down and off and revealing the rest of his glorious body to me. He was hard, as expected, and he groaned again when I stroked one finger up his erection.
“Soon, I promise,” I whispered to him. “Roll over.”
I gave him a gentle push to indicate he should get on his stomach and moaned quietly as he immediately did as I asked. Perhaps this was the most beautiful sight I’d seen, his muscled back and arse presented to me, his legs slightly spread so I could see his balls and his hole. He moaned and shifted a little and I knew that it was uncomfortable for him to lie on his erection, but I would sort that out before I got inside him, well, if things went as planned.
Settling down behind him I took a moment to appreciate the view, then nudged his legs wider apart. My hands laid on his cheeks, squeezing and stroking them to little gasps of pleasure from him, but it was about to get a hell of a lot better. He was about to get the rimming of his life, and this time I wasn’t going to be worried about slipping inside him, it was what he wanted and expected.
My tongue flicked out, teasing him by barely touching his hole. He moaned and I grinned, about to enjoy this just as much as he did, although part of my enjoyment was hearing his cries of pleasure. I started to lick and suck on him, having to hold him still when he started to writhe under my attention because I didn’t want him to get off just yet. He gasped in surprise when my tongue finally started to work slightly inside him, but he only seemed to moan louder after that.
God this was good, knowing that this would not be the end of my attention to his arse this time. He was freshly showered when he came to me and I tasted the shower gel over his more intimate scents. He was opening to me, spreading his legs wider and pushing back towards me to get my tongue deeper inside him, and his cries of pleasure were muffled slightly by the pillow but a clear encouragement as well.
Reluctantly I had to pull away eventually, because we both needed more than this. I rolled him over, delighting in the glazed expression on his face, the desire he obviously had for me, and the still hard and now leaking erection. I knew he was desperate for me to suck it, and I was going to, but only after I grabbed the lube. I started to lick as I prepared two fingers, and he moaned when he felt the first contact of my finger against him.
As I took his head into my mouth I teased my fingers round his entrance, wanting him to get used to the idea before I entered him, but he surprised me by pushing back against my hand and taking one finger into him. Encouraged by that and the fact he immediately started to move his hips to get it to fuck him, I slid another one in beside it and he barely flinched. With two fingers I could start to work him open and search for the spot that would have him screaming.
I would have smiled when I found it, because his reaction was so good, but I had my mouth full anyway and even fuller when his hips jerked upwards at the sudden rush of pleasure from his prostate. I worked it then, his feet pushing him up off the bed to get greater pleasure from my mouth and my fingers, and I sucked harder, wanting him to come soon.
His cry was a strangulated combination of ‘fuck’ and ‘Max’ that sent waves of pleasure through me as I swallowed his sweet cum. God, he looked good when he was totally undone like this, hair messed and face flushed, and I delighted in the fact that almost immediately he started to move on my fingers again, trying to get more pleasure from them.
I slid a third into him, making sure to open him well, but avoiding that button that would send him soaring again. He needed to be more in control, and I didn’t want him to come again until I was inside him. He was still riding me, gasping and responding to my movements with little moans that were driving me wild.
“I need it Max, fuck me,” I heard, more of a breath than actual words, but they seemed clear as day in that moment.
I was shaking when I moved away from him, his little moan of disappointment as I removed my fingers from him making my cock jump. I slid on a condom quickly, my excitement mounting by the moment.
“Roll onto your side, knees up,” I told him, helping him into the position I wanted him.
If I had my way, I would have taken him as he lay already, but that was going to be a harder start than with him curled up like this, and I needed to protect both of us. I had a feeling that if I looked into his eyes while I entered him I would fall even harder than I already had, and I didn’t dare put myself through that. He never fucked me face to face and I knew there was a reason in his mind.
He didn’t hesitate or argue the position, and I knew he was aware what was coming, but I wanted to make absolutely sure he had no doubts. I spooned up behind him, my cock sliding almost into position and very obvious against him and he gasped but it was anticipation.
“Relax Cam, this is going to feel so good.”
There was a mumbled sound of agreement or encouragement, and I took that as my confirmation. I took hold of my erection and guided it towards him, feeling the heat of his body even before I got inside. He had been loosened by all my attention, but it wasn’t quite enough and I felt him tense as I slid the head inside. I stroked over his side and licked at his neck.
“It’s okay, I’m going to take this slow.”
Fuck, he was so hot and tight it was a good thing I had come earlier, else this would be even more torture than it already was. Even in this position, where I couldn’t get too deep, I felt enveloped by his warmth and a tear slid out of my eye. Wiping it away, I determined I was not going to let myself get lost in the emotion, this was about raw sex, not making love, no matter what I might want.
I slid in and out a little, testing his reaction. He moaned but it was definitely a good one, so I pressed home, seating myself as far inside him as I could. He shifted beside me, taking me slightly deeper and I moaned at him then, hearing a soft chuckle. Damn man was even smug with my cock in him, I was going to have to put that right.
The rocking movement of my hips started slowly, but he was meeting me with his own little moves so I gave him a sharp thrust, causing him to cry out again. I liked that sound, it wasn’t pain it was just me driving him to new heights, and I was going to make sure he soared to the heavens before this was over. Speeding up I tried to listen to the litany of groans and cries, but I was making enough of my own that I wasn’t quite sure which were coming from who.
“I need more,” he got out croakily, and started to shift, pulling himself away from my cock.
Surprised and horny beyond reason, I barely managed to let him go, unsure what was happening. It was only when he settled back down on his stomach, legs spread in invitation again that I understood, and I pounced, getting on top of him and back inside before he really had time to settle. Now I could go harder and deeper, and I made sure I did.
His groans were more muffled now, his face in the pillow, but his hips rose to meet me and urged me on to give him more and more. It became a frenzy, I was aware of nothing other than the two of us entwined and fucking on my bed. Having him beneath me was amazing and I never wanted it to end even though I was already close to coming. A few more hard thrusts and he shook beneath me, his sheath tightening so that I could barely move and my cock could no longer take the stimulation.
I collapsed, aching and sweaty, shaking as I shot my load, my body covering his that was equally wiped out by our efforts and the intensity of our orgasms. This time, I dimly realised, he couldn’t get away from me the moment he came, he was going to have to stay there until I could move again, but I couldn’t even hug him to me. I basked in his heat and the afterglow for as long as possible, until his shifting became too obvious.
I rolled off him and turned away, unable to watch but hearing the sounds of him dressing. Just once I wanted him to stay in my arms, or hold me, while we rested together. I shouldn’t be sad after incredible sex like that, but the instant he was out of my bed I felt the separation again. He loved this, he didn’t love me.
“Thanks Max, that was really good, I had no idea.”
His voice kind of tailed off, and I knew that was his goodbye, at least for now. By the time I composed myself and turned to look at him all I saw was his back disappearing out of my bedroom, and even worse, the sound straight after of the front door. He wasn’t even going to hang around for a coffee. I was such an idiot.
I knew how much I had hoped that me taking him would change things, but everything went as I expected rather than how I hoped. After that night, it added some variety to the sex, but it was still just sex to him. He loved making me spend time preparing him on the occasions he let me inside him, but it was mostly him taking control still, and I didn’t mind that balance. Taking him was difficult for me, because I felt a different connection to him and found it hard to keep back my wish to confess what I felt.
I knew how much I wanted him to stay with me, and as time went on and nothing changed between us, I also knew it was never going to happen. One day I would be alone, hurting at a love lost, but I tried hard to put it to the back of my mind and enjoy the moments we shared without thinking of the loneliness I knew was in store for me.
On the anniversary of the game of truth or dare that had changed my life so much I sat alone at home, pleasant memories of the times we had been together fighting in my mind with visions of my future, the two intermingling so I couldn’t be sure if I was happy or sad. I considered being the one to end this, to save myself from more hurt, but I couldn’t miss out on what we still had for anything. It wasn’t going to hurt any less whether it happened sooner or later. As it turned out, it was sooner.
* * * * * *
It was only a couple of weeks after our ‘anniversary’, not that Cam had mentioned it and I knew he wouldn’t. We had gone out for dinner, one of those rare nights I could feel like we were dating rather than just screwing around in secret, and one of those nights that I cherished even if it meant nothing at all to him.
Cam had been quieter than usual all evening, but not so off that I had managed to put my finger on what the problem was. We sat in a little Italian restaurant together as we had many times before, both loving the food and the atmosphere in the place. His gorgeous toned and smooth body was hidden by a tailored jacket and shirt and his usual jeans that hugged his arse perfectly. Tonight would follow the usual pattern of us sneaking back to mine after dinner for some frantic and passionate sex, and I let my mind wander to thoughts of him naked.
The pleasant thoughts I was having caused me to shift in my seat, knowing they were arousing me and I shook myself out of it, embarrassed that I was reacting to him in that way when he was doing nothing, it was all my imagination and my memory of all the times we had shared before tonight. It would all have to wait for later, and I stopped my train of thought to look properly at his face, his beautiful hazel eyes meeting mine.
The creamy pasta seemed to turn to ash in my mouth when I saw the look in his eyes that I had been both expecting and dreading for months. It was time, and I had to steel myself to stay strong and not let on how I really felt. I vaguely wondered how many times I had been over this scenario in my mind, working out what I would say, at the same time desperately hoping it would never happen.
“So, who is she?” I asked calmly.
He looked startled more than anything else, but the reaction confirmed my deepest fears. There was a story to be told and one I wouldn’t want to hear, but I had already seen his happiness at something that I had no part in and it was going to end what we had, here and now as we sat in our favourite restaurant.
“A girl from work, Emily. We’ve dated a few times, but it isn’t that serious.”
“Really? Your eyes say different. You were thinking of her just then, weren’t you?”
He flushed, which was enough of an answer. He didn’t seem to want to say it out loud so I had the opportunity to talk further and do what I knew was right. I felt like my insides were tearing in two, physical pain both at having to let him go and trying to do it with dignity when I wanted to sit here and cry. I wasn’t going to humiliate myself like that and I was going to keep my lies up this one last time. I forced a smile.
“I’m happy for you, although I am wondering when you were going to tell me.” The guilt that passed across his face made me realise. “I see. A dinner and one last fuck huh? I guess I’ve saved you from an awkward conversation later.”
“I’m sorry. I thought it would be easier tonight if you didn’t know, you’d only feel guilty.”
“And you wouldn’t? How could you have goodbye sex with me and not feel like you were cheating on her?”
“Because it’s you. I want…”
I cut him off. “I’m not going to be party to that Cam. You know the rules, this was going to end when one of us found someone they really cared about. You want a relationship with her, then great and I wish you all the best, but you get your sex there now, not with me. Casual is one thing, but I’m not going to be the mistress.”
“You could never be my mistress,” he replied, smirking slightly at the thought.
“The situation would be the same. I’ve been your walk on the wild side, now it’s back to the straight and narrow for you. Straight being the operative word,” I remarked with grim humour.
He surprised me by taking my hand, holding it and stroking his thumb across my palm in a gesture of intimacy that still sent shivers through me even though we were breaking up, or at least I was. He was calling a halt to things with his fuckbuddy and he thought that I looked on our relationship the same way.
“You know I really do care about you. It’s been wonderful and I don’t regret it for a moment. I want you to be happy too and I’ll be hoping you find a great guy to share your life with, you deserve it.”
‘What if I already did?’ I wanted to ask, but I couldn’t bring myself to form the words.
“Thanks, I appreciate that. You’re right, it has been good and I’m glad we got to have our time together, but all good things have to end. I hope she makes you happy.”
“She will,” he said with a certainty that was the final stab to my heart.
* * * * * *