A gay story: I Know What I’m Doing Ch. 02 ~Ethan~
My eyes slowly blinked open. What happened? I was sprawled on top of my made bed with a light blanket covering me. And my head was pounding.
Ah, Mark.
He’d called. I don’t know how he’d gotten my new number, but he’d called and demanded to know where I was.
Soon followed the same old spiral that we always plummeted into when fighting. He demanded and I placated; he screamed and I begged; he insulted and threatened and I slowly caved in under the strain.
Reminding him of the restraining order I had out against him had only worsened his tirade.
Distance was the only thing that would allow me to reassemble myself. This morning I’d sucked in desperate breaths and fought back tears as he’d hurled his rage at me. No matter how much I’d pleaded I knew he’d never leave me alone.
So I’d hung up.
Then my phone had rung incessantly. I’d finally switched it off, but when I turned it back on almost an hour later, my voicemail inbox was full of hateful messages from him. I don’t know what happened after that.
Aiden. He’d seen me – outside, in the middle of a breakdown. I groaned into the pillow. My headache vibrated to every edge of my skull. I couldn’t imagine what he must think of me.
Well, better to face him sooner rather than later, to just deal with it. Let him laugh or ridicule me if he wanted. I checked the time; it was well after noon,
/Really?/
My stomach growled, so I believed it. Having missed breakfast, I decided to go build my strength before facing Aiden. He’d been busy lately and was probably out for the day anyway.
I heard the voices when I reached the top of the stairs. Surprisingly, Aiden was, in fact, home today. He sounded irritable and terse. Well, nothing unusual there.
I tiptoed down warily.
“I said he’s sleeping. He’s had a rough morning and I’m not going to disturb his rest.”
“That’s fine. I’ll wait.”
/Sam?/
“Then feel free to make yourself comfortable in one of the lounges down in the Montgomery.”
I found them squared off in the foyer. Aiden was wearing beach shorts and a fitted Batman t-shirt. He looked gorgeous – and ready to pounce on poor Sam who was making a fair attempt at not backing down. Unfortunately for him Aiden was very tall and built like a warrior, which did not bide well for my good friend.
“Sam? What are you doing here?”
They both turned at the sound of my voice. I noticed a light redness come to Aiden’s cheeks, but did not get the chance to wonder about it. Sam was in Florence Nightingale mode.
“There you are! I’ve come to fetch you. I tried calling ahead so you could get packed but your phone’s been off.”
“Ethan’s not going anywhere.” Aiden snarled.
I was probably more surprised than Sam, but he was the one to snort derisively, “I’d say I’m in a better position to judge since I actually know him. It’s best that he comes with me so I can take care of him.”
“And I’m saying he’s in no condition to travel; you’ll have me to deal with if you try to take him from this house.”
“Who the hell are you to-”
I stepped between them. “Sam, have you met Aiden? He owns the Montgomery. Aiden, Sam – an old friend of mine.”
No handshake. Big surprise.
I forced a smile to my lips when I faced Sam, but I know every single dagger my eyes shot hit its mark.
“Wanna tell me why you aren’t hounding poolboys and working on your tan?”
“I told you that I’d prefer to have you close, where I can take care of you.”
“And I told you to let me do this my way.”
“Come on, sugar,” I didn’t miss the jump in Aiden’s eyebrows. “I’ve been at my wits end since you called me the other night. You’re not in a good frame of mind. You didn’t really expect me to go right back to sipping frozen daiquiris, did you? And when you wouldn’t take any of my calls…”
My sigh was a weary one. “My phone was off because He called again, same old rant. I couldn’t take it so I switched it off.”
Sam tensed. “Have you called the police?”
“Not yet, I… didn’t have the strength. He was so hateful, Sam.”
“Whoa, what’s this about? Who called again?” Aiden demanded.
Sam’s gaze narrowed. “This is the reason why I’m taking Ethan with me. His ex has been harassing him for the last month or two. He’d been a pest after their break-up a year ago, but had eventually left him alone. Now he’s back and-”
“-picking up where he left off?” Aiden directed the question at me.
I nodded. He inhaled deeply through his nose as if calming something within. I started swaying dizzily as he scrutinised my face. No man should be allowed eyes such as those.
“That is why you were so upset earlier?”
Again, I nodded. “Mark’s changed. He’s so much worse than before.”
“Mark.” Aiden’s eyes darkened, his expression a tide-pool of fury and protectiveness.
Well, I suppose I had been a bit of a mess, no wonder he was upset. His jaw clenched, which sexily pressed his full lips together. Unbelievably, my nipples tingled while I watched his broad shoulders shift restlessly. He looked like he was controlling the urge to punch a wall.
He was like a confined beast. And I’m nothing but a horny dolt around this man.
Sam cleared his throat.
I turned to him, “Sam, I don’t know… I can’t go with you. I feel safe here, it’s secluded; and he doesn’t know where I am. He’s gonna contact you too, I know it. At least he won’t hound you if I’m not with you.”
“But, sugar-”
Aiden growled from behind me, raising the hairs at the back of my neck. I didn’t need to turn to know that he was scowling down at my friend.
“I’ll take care of him. We’ll notify the local police; I know the captain. I’ll have a talk with him and find out what needs to be done to get this jerk picked up and tossed behind bars. I won’t let anything happen to Ethan.”
Sam pursed his lips defiantly, “Then I’m staying with him.”
Aiden didn’t blink. “No.”
“Why?”
“It’s peak season. My lodge is full.”
“Then I’ll share his room, you won’t notice I’m here. I’m not just leaving him all alone with that crazy baboon out there.”
“I said no.”
I sagged exhaustedly, “Sam, please. I love you for what you’re trying to do, but I’d really feel better if I weren’t around you when he contacts you. Besides, I’m not alone. The police will be protecting me and nobody knows about my little holiday detour which makes this the ideal safehouse.
“You can spend the night if Aiden agrees, but then I need you to just let me lay low. Besides, there is no way I’d survive sharing a room with you for however long it takes to sort this mess out.”
*
Aiden was amazing. He wasted no time in getting me to the police station and insisted on staying with me when I told him it was alright for him to go back to The Montgomery.
To be honest, it was a relief having him there. Sam’s fussing was only serving to agitate me further and thoughts of facing the police captain scared me. Unnecessarily, as it turned out.
Captain Anton Pretorius took one look at me as we shook hands and graciously suggested we conduct our interview in the lounge.
The ‘lounge’ turned out be a tiny room with faded couches; pictures of cricket and rugby players; and a coffee machine. It beat the linoleum and cold steel I’d been dreading by a mile. It was empty and reassuringly quiet.
“This is the best I can offer, I’m afraid. My office is a shambles right now. We’re doing some ‘spring-cleaning’, sorting out cold cases; and so far we’ve managed to make it look more like a ransacking than re-organisation.”
His easy smile almost made me forget where I was
“This is okay.” I murmured. “So, how do we do this?”
I expected him to pull out a notepad; a tape recorder; I don’t know, maybe even his gun – but he didn’t. He simply sipped his coffee and watched me with open interest.
“First, tell me everything from the beginning and I’ll just jump in afterwards with any questions I might have. Let’s just chat for now and I’ll handle the official stuff once I have the full picture.”
Sam started pacing from the moment I started talking; and I couldn’t help flicking my eyes his way every few minutes.
He was making me jumpy.
Eventually Captain Pretorius suggested that Sam take my cell phone through to an officer who would make a copy of the voicemail recordings to keep as evidence.
After he left, only Aiden remained by my side. He had a chair pulled up beside mine and, even though we weren’t touching at all, I felt comforted having him there.
I told the police captain about my relationship with Mark.
I had hired him as an admin and accounts assistant when keeping up with the success of my website and the workload of my third year at university became too arduous. It had taken me a full month to realise that the touches and ‘accidental’ topless run-ins were flirtations on Mark’s part.
Two months later we were lovers.
I was still a virgin and the pain I experienced our first time together made me beg him to stop. But he’d sweet-talked me through it, telling me I was forever his. It had been so long since I’d felt like I truly belonged anywhere, with anyone. His words had made me smile through my tears.
How he’d dazzled me in the beginning with his confidence and popularity. I hadn’t understood why someone as good-looking as he was wanted to spend any time with me.
We’d moved in together three months into the relationship. Mark moved in with me, to be precise, with no more than a suitcase and two boxes of personal effects. I’d been uncertain, but Mark assured me that we were meant to be together.
I bitterly recalled the excitement of going shopping together for a bigger bed.
Mark had taken me to Sun City for my twenty-first birthday. I’d footed all the bills, but didn’t mind. Being with him was so much fun. Besides, the beginnings of my subsequent wealth had just started streaming in around that time, so it wasn’t like I couldn’t afford it.
By the end of our first year I was seeing my family and friends less and less. My father didn’t care much; the only reason we’d maintained the fragile contact we had was due to my efforts. I couldn’t let go of memories together from when I was younger. I had a hard time turning away from the man who’d taken me sailing in summer and whale-watching every spring when I was a boy.
It never bothered him when I stopped calling.
My handful of friends and classmates did protest a little when I withdrew from them, but eventually only Sam remained.
My world became my courses, my work and Mark.
Looking back, I recognised that the subtle abuse had slipped in way before the slaps and name-calling had begun.
I’d never had a proper boyfriend before Mark, so I knew that I was unattractive. I never spoke up unless I was in a study group and I didn’t like drinking or loud music. So that would be a big, fat zero for social skills.
I was intelligent but uninteresting. I knew this.
So it came as no real surprise when Mark started telling me the same. I thought he must really love me to put up with all my flaws the way he did.
Our second year together was rough.
At first I believed him when he told me all the men I kept seeing him with were just friends. Then I’d caught him with his dick in some blond guy’s mouth. It took me nearly a year and countless similar encounters for me to work up the nerve to throw him out.
Fear of never finding another man willing to tolerate my shortcomings had kept me in the relationship for much longer than was good for me. Then the degree to which I hated the person I’d become with him had eventually given me the strength to end the whole mess.
I told Captain Pretorius about the fights; if you could call them that, considering I was always on the receiving end of the attacks. I dared not lift my eyes as I listed the names Mark had called me in bed.
Aiden shifted angrily every few minutes and each time I expected him to get up and leave the room. He had to be appalled by this pathetic tale; and with me. I could feel him watching me intently as I spoke of the weeks leading up to that frightening night at the club, a year after we’d broken up.
“I was so surprised when he showed up again. He brought me small gifts and told me he’d missed me. It was like when we’d first met.”
Aiden did leave his seat at that point, but he only went as far as the window and stood frowning down at the sunlit parking lot.
I was hesitant to continue, but Captain Pretorius’ nod urged me on.
“I considered taking him back, I couldn’t help it. He seemed to have changed; and I’d been alone since our break-up.”
“You were lonely and vulnerable – and that swine knew that!” Aiden was beside me again, towering over me. He gripped the back of my chair tensely, then seemed to realise that he was unsettling me. I watched him sit down beside me again.
“It was more than that, Aiden,” my tone begged for understanding. “Mark was the first person ever who’d taken the time to get to know me. We’d shared a lot. He knew me and still-”
“He knew how to play on your insecurities, Ethan. You were young and shy and you crossed paths with a selfish parasite who’d disguised himself as your friend.”
I watched him as his green eyes blazed into mine.
/How often do people look at each other like this? Has anyone I know ever sat through the worst story I had to tell, seen all of me, and still held eye contact? Have the people who only know my best stories ever made me feel like I could run to them and their arms would always be open?/
Aiden’s eyes, the way they gave all and took all made me want to say… something.
Fortunately Captain Pretorius spoke up just as my lips parted to make the biggest mistake I possibly could.
“What happened the night you took out the restraining order?”
I blinked in disorientation, remembering again where I was and why.
“We were at a club. Sam and a few other friends were worried about me and wanted me to relax for a few hours. I don’t know how Mark knew we were there but he did. I saw him come in and head straight for our table.”
I could sense Aiden’s restless shifting again. My gaze instinctively leapt to him; only to find his expression reassuring. I’d expected far worse. What amazed me more was the way he took my hand in that moment.
I turned back to the captain. My voice sounded detached but I didn’t know any other way of keeping it from trembling. “He was civil for all of ten minutes. He said he wanted me to go somewhere quiet with him, where we could talk. He looked like he’d been drinking so I didn’t think it was a good idea.
“When I told him as much he flipped. The names, he started calling me all those names he used to call me before we broke up. I couldn’t respond. When his shouting didn’t work, he resorted to threats and punches. Threats on my friends, punches on me.”
Aiden’s fingers tightened painfully between mine, but I didn’t mind. The pain drew me out of the awful memory. Our fingers laced together were such a foreign sight all I could do was stare for a moment.
Captain Pretorius didn’t have many more questions after that and we finished off a short while later. Not once did his eyes hold the accusations I’d been expecting. When we were done he took us to the officer who had my phone and was keeping Sam busy. The officer confirmed that my restraining order against Mark was still effective for another four years.
Captain Pretorius assured me that they’d remain in constant contact with the Sea Point police department in Cape Town; and that Mark would be arrested the moment he dared to show his face. I turned to Aiden when I felt the tension ease out of him; and he gave me a slight smile.
“One last thing,” the captain said. “How much longer will you be in town?”
I shrugged. “Just a couple more days. I’m staying at The Montgomery, but I only have a few days’ stay left.”
For the first time the captain’s brow creased as he looked from me to Aiden and back again.
“Is there no way you could take some time off work? The rest of the festive season at least?”
“I work from home,” I stated. “The website, um, the advertising… My work, I take it with me wherever I go most of the time.”
“Good. The best thing would be for you to find a safe place to stay for the next few weeks. The police tend to be busier during the summer vacation months and I don’t want to take any chances with your safety.
“Reynolds has broken the law by contacting and threatening you the way he did. It’s only a matter of time before he’s found and locked up; but until then I’d prefer the extra precaution of knowing you’re somewhere safe. A place he knows nothing about.”
“He’ll stay with me.”
“What?”
My question, Sam’s voice. His wide eyes noticed my hand in Aiden’s for a second before lifting to mine, blatantly questioning. I pulled my hand away. Aiden gave me a long look but let me free myself.
“Ethan will stay with me for as long as he needs. It’s the safest place for him right now.”
He was smiling slightly, but I’d gotten really good at reading him in our time together. He was using his body to shield me a little from the others and his head was lowered almost challengingly. I was pretty sure he was unaware of the silent threat he presented.
Sam’s face was a furious red.
“Sam, I’m tired,” I murmured. “Could we skip the fun and games until next time? We’ve been through all this and, quite frankly, I don’t have a better plan right now. Do you?”
He came up empty. We both knew that Mark would be able to find either of us within a matter of days if we went back to the city. He knew our friends, our families and all our hangouts. He knew workplaces, seaside cottages, and emergency contacts. He knew every person and place that I knew.
And there was no way we’d be finding any vacant accommodation in the middle of December.
“I just wanna go home, Sam. Can we just go?”
Aiden took my hand again and led the way to his car when we were through. I was touched by his concern and too drained to get nervous at his proximity. So I just enjoyed it. I sat in the passenger seat of the Mercedes-Benz, staring out at the passing shops and restaurants.
*
~Aiden~
I had most of my fury under control by the time we reached the house.
Listening to Ethan describe the hell that bastard had put him through had driven me to the point of irrationality. I had to repeatedly curb the yen to storm out on a blind hunt for his head on a stick.
And then Ethan had said the words that had swept all the fury aside.
‘I just wanna go home.’
Hearing him say that made me feel so… I stopped raging at Reynolds and decided to leave any head-hunting in Anton’s capable hands.
‘I just wanna go home.’
I unlocked the front door and sent Ethan straight upstairs. I think Edwards and I had an unspoken agreement going because we entered the kitchen together and he searched the cupboards for dishes and cutlery while I called Rachel and ordered supper.
The three of us sat in the dining room watching the setting sun. The strawberry and gold reminded me of the night Ethan and I had met.
Sam and Ethan were chatting easily, occasionally telling me old highschool stories. Most of them made Ethan blush, but once in a while he’d break out in open laughter.
“Remember the time Red professed his undying love?” Sam grinned.
“He did not.” Ethan protested.
“He did too.” Sam teased. He turned to me. “So, one day, one of the hottest boys in high school decided to make his move on our Ethan here. Invited him over to his house and read him poetry he’d written.”
“Sam…” Ethan’s tone was warning, but he was also smiling sheepishly.
“What happened?” I asked.
“Ethan listened to the poetry then offered poor Red critique when he was done.”
Ethan’s face was now a deep red colour. “I didn’t know… He’d just said he had some stuff he wanted me to listen to.”
“Poetry, my friend.” Sam emphasised. “How many high school boys do you know who write love poems in hopes of getting a free lesson on grammar and poetic flow techniques?”
In those moments I knew what it was about Sam that rubbed me the wrong way at times. It was Ethan. Sam shared a past and a comfortable intimacy with him that I would never be able to compete against.
/Is that what you want to be, though? Competition to the other men in Ethan’s life?/
I hadn’t noticed that I was staring at him until he shifted self-consciously and I heard Sam’s tone harden a little in the middle of a joke.
I sat through more stories that revealed Ethan’s character to me a bit at a time. He was shy and a bit naïve, sure. But he was also extremely intelligent and funny. And the man didn’t possess a shred of arrogance or vanity.
After the meal, Ethan’s face lit up so irresistibly when I suggested ice cream for dessert that I found myself following him as he made a dash for the kitchen.
I rinsed the dirty dishes and loaded the dishwasher while he raided the freezer.
“Which flavour should I take out?” he asked, his voice muffled.
I turned to find that half his torso had vanished into the upright freezer. The sight of his excited digging made me smile, then laugh.
“Whichever you prefer. Anything’s fine by me.”
He lugged out a tub of chocolate-mint swirl. It took me another minute to notice that he was unsuccessfully searching for bowls.
“Top cupboard, to your left,” I instructed.
He held spoons and the ice cream in one hand and tried to reach the bowls on the top shelf with his other. It wasn’t working, but he didn’t even consider relinquishing the cold dessert.
“It won’t make a run for it if you put it down for a minute, you know,” I admonished as I approached to help.
It was only when Ethan inhaled sharply as I stepped in behind him and grabbed three bowls that I became aware of how closely we were standing. My shorts brushed the back of his jeans and my inhalations teased me with whiffs of his shampoo.
I lowered the bowls slowly, but didn’t step back. My free hand held onto the counter, trapping him as I leaned in even closer.
“What are you doing?” he husked.
I’d had every intention of letting him go after a few more seconds. But that was before the smoky tone of his voice pulled me deeper.
“Did you know that you have a tiny birthmark on the back of your neck?” I whispered.
“Yeah. My mom used to tell me it looked like a- Oh!”
His cry was softer instead of louder. I’d expected the opposite when I licked the mark. What he lacked in volume, however, he made up for in passion; and his reaction excited me.
I ran my cheek along one side of his neck, listening to his breathing speed up, before switching to the other side and burying my nose in his hair. I pressed forward when he leaned back obeyed the instinct to nibble on his earlobe.
“What..? Aiden, what are we…? Oh…”
It was like he was singing. Low, sexy, drawn-out notes that responded to my every touch.
I let go of the bowls and laced my fingers through his. My other hand left the counter so it could sneak beneath his untucked shirt.
I curiously traced the outline of his pec, enjoying the hardness of muscle beneath smooth skin. My fingers accidentally tickled across his nipple and the sensation made him moan and push his bottom back into my groin. It was a reaction too beautiful not to experience twice.
“You have no idea what you do to me,” I rumbled in his ear.
I pinched the tightened nipple before allowing my flat palm to coast down his lean abs and over his pelvis. I could feel the trail of hair that began below his bellybutton and the awareness was so new that I followed it without thinking.
My exploration would have continued down into his jeans if Sam’s words didn’t shock us both out of our trance.
“Nobody told me there’d be dinner AND a show.”
I cursed softly as Ethan frantically sought to escape the circle of my arms. I stepped back reluctantly and watched him rush to the dining room before I turned to glare at Sam.
I considered going for his head on a stick instead.
*
~Ethan~
This was one those days that I was happy to see ending.
After Mark and the police and Aiden, I was a veritable wreck. I ate my bowl of ice cream while Sam watched me with resigned disappointment. The heavy silence made me want to run. Again.
I tried to fake a confident smile but it didn’t work. And Sam just continued staring at me. When he did finally open his mouth, his words made me cringe. My knuckles turned white as I clutched at my spoon.
“So Aiden, Ethan tells me you’re engaged. Yet the more time I spend here, the harder I find that to believe.”
“My fiancée is where she’s prefers to be right now, Edwards. And soon it will be a permanent move, I imagine,” Aiden continued eating his ice cream, though his green gaze had turned to frost.
“Trouble in paradise, then?” Apparently Sam had a death wish he’d neglected to share with me.
“That would be none of your business.”
And that was all he said on the matter, but it was enough to make me wonder. Our spoons clinked in their respective bowls as I attempted my best Sherlock Holmes impression. When I’d arrived he’d mentioned going through a shitty time. Could that have been about her? Were they having problems?
I berated my thudding heart for hoping for something so horrible and concentrated on my ice cream. /It’s elementary, dear Gray: None of your bloody business./
If Aiden wanted me to know about any imminent break-up he’d mention it. Until then I would not allow myself to play any more rounds of What If.
Aiden – astonishingly – appeared to be the only man in the room without a care in the world. His irritation with Sam’s prodding had evaporated almost before it had fully revealed itself. A shaky engagement and an unexpected refugee were enough to rattle most people’s equilibrium, but not his.
I watched him savouring his ice cream while making small talk; he didn’t seem to care that no one else was in a talkative mood any more. He even had a second helping. Sam’s attempt at… whatever had done little to dampen his good mood.
His behaviour made me nervous.
He was making me feel like those animals that start getting all freaked out before a natural disaster. I could feel something coming, but had no clue as to what to expect. I finally got to send up a prayer of thanks when Aiden tossed a nonchalant “goodnight” over his shoulder as he headed up the stairs.
Sam immediately turned to me. “You, my friend, are playing with fire.”
I cut him off, “The exact words spinning around my own brain, Sam. So, skip the lecture please.”
What could he possibly say that I hadn’t already heard?
He went up to our room after that, leaving me to sift through my feelings in hopes of stumbling across a ray of sanity. Hours later I gave up. The sun had set and the dining room was completely dark. And all I’d gotten for my ages spent soul-searching was thorough hopelessness and a numb butt. Instead of turning on the lights, I chose to go upstairs.
Sam was wearing shiny pyjamas that I assumed were silk or something. He climbed into bed and pulled a sleep mask down over his eyes, still grumbling about my choosing to stay with Aiden. I sank into an armchair by the windows, clutching a fluffy towel.
If only it were as simple as choosing Aiden…
I had a hot shower, willing the water to relax me. I put my head directly under the massaging spray, more in an attempt to wash out wayward thoughts of my host than anything else.
Back in the bedroom I eyed Sam hogging most of the double bed. Half the duvet was scrunched up under him and his legs were splayed at peculiar angles that looked incredibly uncomfortable. I was glad this was only a one-night arrangement.
The decision was easy to make. I put on some light yoga pants and my oversized robe and picked up my laptop, deciding to either work or just surf the net in the lounge. There was no way I actually intended sharing a bed with Sam who was already snoring lightly. Maybe I’d find something to read downstairs.
I opened my door and almost let out one of those shrill girly shrieks you only hear on low-budget slasher films. Aiden filled my doorway.
I couldn’t read the expression in his eyes as he took in my wet hair and the robe snugly belted around me. He reached out and silently pulled the bedroom door shut behind me. He didn’t move back, though. His chest, oh damn. His heat was close enough for me to feel like he was softly caressing me.
All I could hear was our breathing, deep and steady, as I waited for refrigerators to fly by or a purple dog to start up a conversation so I could know that this is all nothing more than a bizarre dream. Maybe I’d passed out in bed with Sam after all.
Nothing. Just our breaths meeting halfway across the inches that separated our lips.
Just as I was about to say something, the inconceivable happened. Aiden closed the gap and caressed my lips with his. My eyes shot so wide so fast I gave up hopes of ever being able to blink naturally again. Up close I noted that Aiden’s eyelashes, bronze and gold, were absolutely beautiful.
He patiently nipped at me, as if giving me time to get over my shock. His kisses were so devastatingly smooth I started kissing him back without hesitation. I’d never thought this would ever happen again, his lips on mine.
I closed my eyes on a moan and leaned into him. I hadn’t forgotten. After all these years, his taste, his smell came back to me like we’d been sharing kisses every day since the first. No one had ever made me feel like this, simply by looking at me and touching me. I’d never experienced kisses before that made me feel like not a single other person on this green earth mattered as much as I did.
He nibbled on my lower lip then drove his tongue into my mouth, seeking mine and growling with approval when he found it. He dominated my senses, ruled me with his tongue. His chest pushed into mine and one of his arms circled my waist. Definition of heaven? This very moment.
My entire body melted. All I could feel was the thud of my heart as our lips fused and the answering beat of his as our joining became a desperate hunger. He tasted all of me within minutes. I felt like he’d reached into my soul and laid claim to it with his mouth. He was gentle and thorough and made me wish I could stop time. His large palms stroked my back, making me wonder if I felt half as good to him. Was he as intoxicated by my taste and scent as I was by his?
I wrapped my arms around his neck just before my knees buckled. My fingers danced in his hair without my permission and my grip tightened sharply when his embraced tightened unexpectedly. It was a moment of such release and passion, I had no hope of gathering any control. I made an unconscious decision in that moment: whatever he wanted, he could have.
I didn’t care anymore. If he was gay, bi, or just plain confused, I didn’t care. If this was how he planned on figuring himself out, I’m fine with it. I’d experienced more contentment in the briefest moments in his arms than I ever had in two years with Mark – and that had to count for something. He looked at me and truly saw me. He kissed me like this was his last day. Whatever else he had to share, I wanted to be there to experience it. Please, stars above, just don’t let the man stop.
I’d jinxed it.
The very next second he pulled away and looked down at my flushed cheeks and swollen lips. The green in his eyes was flecked with lava and I stared in amazement. I couldn’t stop my ragged breaths.
His gaze dropped to my lips again as if in silent debate.
/Oh yes, please please please…/
“Thought you’d be in bed with your boyfriend by now.” he stated softly.
“Sam’s my friend, nothing more.”
“Sleep with all your friends, do you?”
“I could ask you the same question.”
I watched in disbelief as a small smile played across his lips. I sagged against the door.
With another peck on my surprised lips, he disentangled himself, walked into his bedroom and shut the door. I stared down the empty hallway for the longest time, hating that he could have this effect on me, especially I knew casual sex was no more than a game to him. If only I could be as nonchalant. I stumbled downstairs to the lounge and managed to curl up on the couch before letting out my bewilderment.
“Holy shit.”
*
~Aiden~
It was a perfect day for the beach. The summer sun had warmed the water fantastically. It rose in gentle swells more than full-blown waves, but that was ideal for the beginners I was coaching. I had a group of eight young people eagerly following my orders to the best of their abilities.
Two of them were pretty girls in skimpy bikinis. They seemed more interested in batting their eyelashes than battling the sea, but I didn’t mind too much. As our two-hour session wore on they slowly realised I wasn’t interested. One pouted a little then focused more on catching the waves as they came. The other only got more tenacious.
“Now that we’re done with the do’s and don’ts let me end off by saying that, above all, surfing is a matter of trust. You need to trust the water, trust your surfboard and trust yourself.” I let that sink in for a moment. “And once that’s kicked in, you need to let go.”
The guys, most of whom looked to be somewhere in their late teens, progressed quickly, driven by their competitiveness. I studied the one who looked like he might be just a year or two younger than Ethan.
He had the same build as Ethan; even his hair was the same colour. But I felt nothing. No mysterious attraction, no heat in my chest whenever he laughed. I couldn’t understand it. How could there be no other man who caught my interest?
“The moment you trust completely, will be the moment you let go. And that, that is ultimate freedom – a feeling worth working towards.”
Maybe it was because his eyes were the wrong colour. They were brown instead of the whirl of silver that kept me awake nights. And his voice wasn’t as soothing.
Maybe it was because he simply wasn’t Ethan.
The tenacious blonde was touching my arm. She was asking me yet another inane question which I didn’t hear because I trying to figure out how to extricate myself without offending her.
I put all the enthusiasm I had into a brief smile. “I suggest you spend some time out here with your surfboard. Just enjoy the water and practice practice practice. There is no verbal instruction I can give you that can compete with going out there and just doing it.”
When my session with all of them ended, we splashed our way towards the shore. A quick wave towards the lifeguards’ station let them know we were through for the day. I ignored the girl who still clung to me and focused on answering the guys’ questions about wetsuits and board wax. The part of my mind that now belonged to Ethan wondered what he was up to and if Sam was with him.
I didn’t have to wonder for long.
I spotted him up on the promenade, watching me. I stared back as I strolled across the warm sand. A lot of people had come out to enjoy the sun. Skaters, cyclists, and walkers were out savouring the same view Ethan was admiring. I was halfway up the steps to the promenade level when the flirtatious blonde intruded on my thoughts once more – she was still going a mile a minute. I tried a firm goodbye but she only grinned back.
“We’re heading the same way, isn’t that fab? My car’s parked at the Pavilion, near the juice bar. Speaking of which can I buy you a…?”
I don’t know why she bothered sustaining a dead conversation. I stopped listening the moment my eyes zoomed in on the ice cream Ethan was licking. Well, the licking more than the ice cream itself.
It was only when I reached him that I realised I didn’t know what to say. The last time I’d seen him, I’d kissed him – and didn’t yet know how he felt about that. If his expression was anything to go by, he wasn’t happy at all.
No wait, he wasn’t scowling at me… I still had the bloody bikini girl attached to me!
“Hey. This is Emily.”
“Avery.”
I blinked at her. Then turned back to Ethan.
“Avery. She was in my surfing group this morning.”
“I know,” he murmured. “I’ve been out here a while and ended up watching you guys. You were really good, Avery.”
“Thanks.”
He gave her a small smile, but I could tell that he was unhappy about something. It suddenly occurred to me that he may be unsettled by more than just our kiss. Had the police been in touch with him already? Or worse yet, Reynolds?
I shook the girl off and stepped to him.
“Are you alright, Ethan? Has anything else happened while I was out here?”
He looked into my eyes and the best part was that small smile didn’t fade. I was relieved. Dare I hope that the rest of this day would be smooth sailing?
“No. it’s been a quiet morning. I just came out to catch some sun and fresh air; I didn’t know I’d find you out here with…
Sam’s still at the house; he’s packing.”
“Okay.” I could tell that something still bothered him, though. I hadn’t noticed anything blatantly amiss, but still wasn’t sure if sending his closest friend away was what he really wanted. “You’re sure about all this, right? Sending Sam away?”
He hesitated. I didn’t like Edwards. Truth be told, I had nothing against him per se. I was more annoyed by the energy he put into trying to keep Ethan away from me. Having him around was testing my patience but I would never sever their bond at the risk of hurting Ethan. His hesitation made me worry.
“He could stay, you know. There are two smaller guestrooms at the house. One’s being used, but the other’s just storing some stuff. I could have it prepared for him.”
“No.”
When he tilted his head towards my palm, I realised that I’d reached up to stroke his cheek. Touching him soothed him, but it wasn’t all selfless. Soothing him calmed me.
“Oh! Oh wow, look at that. Okay, I get it. Sheesh, I had no idea. Okay, yeah… Yeah, I really need to get going…” bikini girl finally had something to say that I wanted to hear. I turned to find her gaping at the two of us. Oh. Right.
I couldn’t find the strength to care. “Okay. Bye, Emily.”
“Avery.” It was Ethan this time; and his devilish twinkle spelt mischief. The smile he now gave her was a little shy, “You should keep up with the surfing.”
“Oh, I will!” she grinned as she waved goodbye. “It’s just about keeping head above water, right?”
Tell me about it.
*
~Ethan~
Sam’s eyes bored into mine as we said our goodbyes out in front of The Montgomery. He tried repeatedly to get me to change my mind, either about him staying or me going with him. But Aiden politely declined for me, much to Sam’s annoyance. He addressed me one last time.
“You know the drill, sugar. Call me the moment you need anything.”
“That won’t be necessary, Edwards,” once Aiden had realised how much it irked Sam to be called by his surname, he hadn’t stopped. “I said I’d take care of him and I will.”
Sam drove off with a final scowl.
I wondered about my decision as soon as his car disappeared out the driveway. I seriously debated the merits of calling Sam and asking him to come back. Too late now.
Dan waved at me as we walked through the guesthouse. His smile was sly and one eyebrow danced suggestively. I quickly snapped my eyes forward and hurried away. I was fairly certain that Aiden was trailing me but didn’t venture any glances back. I entered the house and snuck straight out the back to sit on the verandah.
How was I supposed to hold it together now that I found myself alone with Aiden again?
All day, memories of the night before had danced around my head until my anxiety was replaced by anticipation. He wanted me. There could be no other motivation behind his actions. The thought still made me shiver, despite the late afternoon sun. Despite seeing him with that girl at the beach.
I’d thought the worst from the moment I laid eyes on them together. Mark had cheated on me often enough for me to know no one flirted as much as that blonde woman did if there was no reciprocation.
What had surprised me, though, was how little attention Aiden paid her. I’d watched them for a long time. By the end of the surfing lesson even I could see that he wasn’t interested. That had calmed me for all of two minutes.
And then I couldn’t help wondering what would happen the day he found someone who did captivate him. I was the first man he’d ever been with, sort of. How could I think his interest in men was permanent – or that he’d want to make any commitment to me in particular?
By the time he’d come to talk to me, I’d worked myself into something between depression and a hissy fit. Until he’d touched me. He didn’t know the name of the woman he’d just spent two hours with and he’d touched me as if we were alone on that beach. Yes, that had made me smile.
The front door slammed.
I jumped up then immediately sat down again when I had no idea where to go. Aiden came straight to the verandah, looking for me. He sat in the chair next to mine without saying a word. A quick glance at him discovered a slight smile.
As the minutes drifted by my stiff shoulders loosened and my breathing evened out. I started relishing just being next him.
“How long have you known you’re gay?”
I had to give it to him. The man knew how to pack a surprise punch. I waited for chaotic thoughts to ebb before responding.
“Um. Forever, I think.”
He turned to look at me. “That simple, huh?”
I laughed. “Oh, believe me, it has not been simple. Try ‘confusing, overwhelming, scary…’, anything but simple.”
“What scared you the most?”
I didn’t hesitate. “Myself.”
His eyes had never left my face and his surprise at my answer made him lean closer.
“You?”
“Yes. I’d always been a people-pleaser. My whole life I’d done what others want, said whatever made them feel good. I knew that accepting my sexuality would be tough for them; and that got me thinking about what I should do if everyone I loved wouldn’t allow it.”
“But no one Allows you to love whom you love. Right?”
“Exactly. I was forced to make the choice between being my complacent self or forging on into the discovery of who I really was. Am.”
“And you chose your true self.”
“Most of my friends dumped me and my dad couldn’t stand the sight of me. He still can’t. But it was worth it, you know. I ended up with fewer but better, more loyal friends; and my mother’s love for me multiplied tenfold. Well, that’s how it felt, anyway. I felt like she was getting to see and love the real me, all of me.”
An understanding of myself that I had never claimed before was manifesting itself in the answers I gave Aiden. My whole life I’d classified myself as a runner and a hider, boxed myself as a coward. And now a new view of myself was hitting me right between the eyes. I was strong, sure of whom I was and what my heart wanted.
“So… what should we have for supper?”
Just like that?
*
~Aiden~
I had the same damn dream again.
It’s not really the same every time. Sometimes I’m in a familiar place, other times not. Each time I’m in the middle of doing something different. The only true constant is Ethan, naked. And each time I want only one thing, I’m fuelled by his moans, feeling his skin and being caught up in the taste of sweet strawberries. Everything builds until the torture becomes too much I’m flung back into consciousness.
This morning was no different.
The bright morning light peeked through the drapes, happily illuminating the large wet stain on my sheets. I groaned as I rubbed my eyes. What the hell was happening to me? I was disoriented as I rose to strip the bed.
/Grown men of thirty do not have wet dreams on a daily basis./
It sounded like a good mantra, so I chanted it glumly as I took the soiled sheets downstairs to shove them in the washing machine. Hopefully my cock would take the hint and start being more obedient. Within mere days Ethan had filled me completely, without even trying.
/Within days only? Or has this been brewing since laying eyes on him five years ago?/
He’d never left my mind in all that time. Would he ever?
More questions than answers, that’s all I seem to have lately. He walked into my life after all these years and turned the whole damn setup upside down. I’ve been excited and perplexed – and unable to keep away from him. Yes, he was the source of all my questions, but he also held the answers.
And I had him back, here, right now. And I’m staring at a bloody washing machine, allowing my brief shot at a second chance to pass me by. He won’t be here for much longer and I wouldn’t make it through another five years.
*
I knocked on his door and got no response. It was mid morning, he had to be up by now.
When he didn’t answer the second or third attempts either, I turned the doorknob. It was completely quiet inside. I shut the door silently behind me and made my way over to the bed.
Ethan was fast asleep, lying on his stomach and clutching a pillow. His hair was in his eyes and the duvet lay in a pile on the floor. Only the sheet remained and that was riding precariously low on his hips. I placed the tray I was carrying on the bedside table and sat on the bed. Mr Gray was a deep sleeper.
I reached out to brush his hair out of his face. It was shorter than it had been at university, but was still long enough in the front to cover his eyes. My touch made him stir. He rolled over onto his back and I instantly noticed two things. Firstly, he had another birthmark, similar to the one on his neck, just above his heart.
And secondly, judging by the hint of pubic hair revealed by the lowered sheet, Ethan was naked. I pulled my hand back in a slight panic.
That is the moment he chose to slowly open his eyes, the moment in which all oxygen left the room and my heart exploded. It was a shattering combination: his sleep-softened eyes, his sensuous lips curving into a questioning smile; and the knowledge only a thin sheet separated me from all that I wanted to explore the most.
“Is this real?”
/Hold it together, Montgomery, for just two more minutes. Then get the fuck outta here./
I responded to his drowsy question, physically and verbally. “Yeah. Wake up, sleepyhead, I’ve brought you breakfast.”
He sat up with a self-conscious half-smile. “Really? Why?”
“Why not?”
He seemed surprised my rejoinder. “I’m not used to people spoiling me, I guess. I’ve never been served breakfast in bed before.”
I reined in the urge to ask if Reynolds had ever done anything good for him in their two years together. Today was about us and I would not waste my breath talking about that wretch.
Ethan had spotted the lowered sheet. I watched as he furtively secured it around his waist, his cheeks pink and his smile shy. “Maybe I should put on the robe. Could you..?”
I fetched it for him without a word but didn’t offer him any privacy. He noted his dilemma and, in the end, decided to stand with the sheet. He struggled into the robe then released the sheet and sat back down.
I chuckled at his frown. “By the way, I’m taking you out to lunch later, so you might want to wear something other than the robe. It’s cute, but I think it should be for my eyes only, don’t you?”
The scrambled eggs and mini sausages I’d brought suddenly fascinated him fully. “Sorry. It’s a great robe. It’s a wonder all your guests don’t give up regular clothing after visiting the Montgomery. I could live in this thing.”
“Don’t be sorry. And the robe and slippers aren’t a complimentary gift. None of the other guests get them, they’re mine. From my closet, I mean. And I’ve enjoyed seeing you in them. In fact, every time I do see you in them…”
I pulled him towards me by the lapel and planted a kiss on his lips. Nothing x-rated, just a prolonged, gentle peck, but somehow it felt more intimate than any kiss we’d shared thus far.
He surprised me by running his fingers through my hair and tugging at it, making shimmery tingles flare all over my scalp. There was that unpredicted sexiness again.
When he lifted his lids I was watching me. “You have forty-five minutes to get ready. We’re going out.”
He leaned back against his pillows. “No way. It’s Saturday, for goodness sake. Can’t I lie in and get up at noon to do lazy touristy stuff?”
I leaned over him, narrowing the distance between us until his eyes widened again. I loved it when he looked at me like that. Like he thought I might eat him alive. Like that might be exactly what he wants.
“No. I’m giving you forty-five minutes then that’s it. Don’t make me come after you.”
“You have a lot to learn about hospitality, you know. Okay, I’ll bite: why are you bullying me out of bed in the middle of my summer vacation?”
“We need to leave a little early if we’re going to make it to Lookout Beach before the lunch crowd.”
“Why are we going to the beach again?”
“We’re not.” I said, before giving in to the urge to give him another quick kiss. “We’re going to a restaurant that’s right on Lookout Beach. It’s the perfect place for a first date.”
*
~Ethan~
/Don’t think of this as a date. He said it’s a date, but that… I don’t know. Just don’t think of this as a date and everything will turn out just fine. Shit./
Aiden was locking the front door and I was in the middle of an hour-long cardiac arrest. His jeans and Spiderman t-shirt made me wonder if I was a little overdressed.
“Has Edwards contacted you since yesterday?” he asked.
“Yes. He said he had a safe trip.”
“Oh. Good.”
“Why do you do that?” I asked. My stupid, fluttery heart hadn’t missed that he had taken my hand to pull me towards his Merc.
“Do what?”
I forgot for a second because Aiden had stopped to open my door for me. Again with the silly fluttering of the heart.
“Er, needle Sam all the time.”
“Because. He’s in love with you and I’m just marking my territory.”
A vein burst in my left temple, I’m sure of it. It’s the only logical explanation for the way I clammed up for the thirty minutes took for us to drive through town. My vision blurred and, off all songs, one I’ve always hated suddenly blared at the back of my mind:
‘S.O.S!
Please, someone help me!
It’s not healthy
for me to feel this way…’
I hadn’t realised that I knew those lyrics. My silent stroke must’ve unlocked some dark part of my brain I’d never consciously acknowledged..
We pulled up outside an old-fashioned looking restaurant right on the south beach. It wasn’t even noon yet but the tables out on the deck were already full. Aiden whistled happily as he led me inside. Little synapses fizzed and popped along the periphery of my skull. I could barely walk to the comfy leather booth the waitress pointed out to us. Aiden slid in beside me; I think he ordered drinks for both of us because the pretty girl left us shortly thereafter.
A minute later a tiny firecracker of a woman bustled over and started fussing over us. Half of what she said was in Afrikaans, but I understood bits of the conversation. No, I lie. I didn’t, not really.
“Aiden Montgomery! It has been so long I have begin to think you no longer love me!”
Aiden grinned so freely, my stomach flipped. “Come on, Tannie Em, you know how busy it gets towards the end of the year. I’ve only just managed to get some time off, Dan’s in charge of most of it for a while.”
She petted his hair as her twinkling eyes turned to me. “Ek sien jy’t ‘n vriend saam gebring.”
[I see you’ve brought a friend along.]
“Yes. Tannie Emma, I’d like you to meet Ethan Gray. Ethan, Emma Viljoen.”
“Noem my sommer Tannie Emma, kind.”
[Just call me Aunty Emma, child.]
I blinked, “Nice to meet you. My Afrikaans isn’t so great though.”
“Syne was ook nie,” she ruffled Aiden’s hair. “Maar hy’t geleer en jy sal ook. Yes, you will learn.”
[His wasn’t either, but he learned and you will too. Yes, you will learn.]
Pretty soon the entire conversation flew over my head. I sometimes had the feeling I was the topic of interest, but couldn’t be sure.
“As ek nie beter geweet het nie, kind, sou ek dink jy’t uiteindelik iemand gevind wat jou gelukkiger maak as daai simpel meisies wat jy voorheen hier ingesleep het.”
[If I didn’t know better, child, I’d think you’ve finally found someone who makes you happier than those silly girls you used to drag in here.]
Aiden cocked his head back and smiled up at her. “Wat laat jou so sê?”
[What makes you say that?]
“Want ek het oë in my kop! Buitendien, ek ken jou jou hele lewe lank, kind. En ek’t nog nooit dáái glimlag gesien nie.”
[I have eyes! Besides, I’ve known you your whole life, child. And I’ve never seen that particular smile before.]
Aiden looked at me speculatively. “Dalk is jy reg.”
[Maybe you’re right.]
I blinked some more, “I’m sorry, was that for me? I really don’t understand much-”
He turned back to Emma, er, Tannie Em. “Maar ek’s nie seker nie. Ek’t nooit iets vir ‘n man gevoel nie.”
[But I’m not sure. I’ve never felt anything for a man before.]
“Man” – I knew that word! Aiden was saying something about a man. Or was it the moon? What was the Afrikaans word for “moon”? I knew they were similar. Damn it!
Tannie Emma kissed his forehead, “Maak dit rêrig saak? Julle kinders leer ons ou mense deesdae baie oor liefhê sonder uitsoekerigheid. Daar’s baie antwoorde waarna ons eindeloos soek en nooit vind nie. En ek’t hulle nie meer nodig nie, want elke keer as ek my man se hand vat, maak dit vir my al die sin in die wêreld; en dis al antwoord wat ek in dertig jaar nodig gehad het. Vra jouself: hoe voel dit as jy sy hand vat? Ek, vir een, hou van sy oë.”
[Does it really matter? You kids of today teach us old folks a whole new way of loving, without discriminating. There are many answers we all seek and never find. And I’m not interested in them anymore because I get all the answers in the world from just holding my husband’s hand. It’s all the sense I’ve needed in thirty years. Ask yourself: how do you feel when you simply hold his hand?
I, for one, like his eyes.]
She smiled at me in a way that made me feel like I was definitely under perusal. I smiled back uncertainly and mentally ran through the words I had understood. Something about “looking for answers”; and I think I heard the words “holding hands” at some point, but couldn’t be sure. None of it made sense, so I gave up and stole a look at Aiden.
Tannie Emma’s grin broadened, “En ek hou veral van hoe daai oë na jou kyk.”
[And I especially like how those eyes look at you.]
Aiden looked at me. I didn’t know what to do, so I simply looked back.
“Oh no, you’ve got to be kidding!”
For a second I felt a sense of triumphant achievement at having understood that sentence in its entirety; then my joy died instantly when I realised it had been spoken in English – by our pretty waitress. She put two large glasses of lemonade down and huffed dramatically at Aiden.
“Do you have any idea how long I’ve had a crush on you? And now look at you!”
Aiden looked surprised, but recovered quickly, laughing at her brazenness.
“Marie, I pay you to keep my customers fed,” Tannie Em chastised. “Look at poor Ethan, he’s ready to drop. Have you two ordered, Aiden?”
“We were just about to, Tannie.”
She turned to our waitress, Marie. “Bring them the seafood platter for two – and a large salad also. Move it, girl!”
Marie bounced off with a wink and Tannie Emma followed closely. I didn’t know what to make of anything that had happened since we walked through the doors, so I sipped my lemonade and took in the view of the beach and the families enjoying the sun.
I nearly jumped out of my skin when I felt Aiden’s fingers reached across the seat between us and twined with mine. My shocked gaze snapped to his bright greens and the first inane thing that came to mind slipped right out my mouth.
“What did you mean by ‘marking your territory’?”
He didn’t answer, just softly rubbed the pads of my fingertips and seemed to be listening to something internal. The tiny movements were being interpreted as erotic by my sexually deprived body; and I couldn’t curb the shocks that flared through my veins and made my nipples harden till they ached. I eventually gave up on getting a response from him and turned back to the view. My penis was trying to do backflips in my pants.
“Why does he call you ‘sugar’?”
He still managed to strike me dumb without effort almost every hour on the hour. I should be used to it by now, but…
“Huh?”
He simply looked back at me patiently and continued to rub my fingertips.
Then I got it, “Oh, Sam. We’ve been friends since we were kids. In that time, he’s seen me practically live on chocolate, fudge, toffees, a lot of sweet things. He figures it’s an addiction.”
“You tasted like strawberries the day we first kissed.”
The Judas in my pants was at halfmast and refusing to back down. “Uh, yeah. There’re these chewy, fruity sweets that I really love – strawberry’s my favourite flavour.”
“Mine too – now.”
I exerted all my mental energy on keeping my blush from turning into a total blaze. I didn’t know what was happening between us. But I knew I was afraid of two things though: doing the wrong thing and snapping him out of this daydream; and doing the right thing and finding out what he had in store for me.
Our food arrived.
Marie took in our clasped fingers and sighed dramatically before leaving us. I tried to free my hand, but Aiden held on for a few minutes longer. The food looked wonderful. Grilled fish, prawns, mussels and calamari were laid out on a platter along with seasoned rice and baked potato wedges. The salad ingredients were so fresh they looked like they were still growing. Marie brought along two plates so we could serve ourselves from the platter and salad bowl. I watched her leave and wondered if Aiden found her attractive.
“I’m not sleeping with Faye Kelley.”
Aiden seemed to have the phenomenal ability to steer many trains of thought simultaneously. He dropped and started topics with little concern for whether each made sense when linked to the previous conversation or current situation. The tricky part was keeping up.
“Faye Kelley? Your fiancée?”
He scowled at me. “No, the woman you saw at the house. She’s a private investigator.”
I blushed, “Oh! No, you don’t have explain any- Wait, a what?”
“My fiancée’s name is Carolynn.” A bitter laugh. “I’m not sleeping with her either, not in the last month or two.”
That shut me up. My heart began a petrified thudding.
He sighed before explaining about his fiancée’s resentment and spite since he’d opened the Montgomery for business and decided to give up the glitzy city life for a quiet seaside town. I winced upon learning that she had been the one sleeping around, not him.
“Aiden, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have made all those accusations; it was none of my business…”
“You know, the whole relationship has been so much damn work, now that it’s over I wonder why I bothered trying so hard in the first place. I don’t think I loved her. I suspected that she didn’t love me… I don’t know. I guess the inevitable can’t be disguised or avoided.”
Suddenly his green eyes were on me again. I focused on the thudding in my chest so I wouldn’t start conjuring up fantasies that could never be. He stared for a long time before seeming to snap out of his introspection, “Enough gloom. I will deal with Carolynn when the time comes and not before. Right now, we have a seafood platter to tackle or Tannie Em won’t let us leave this place alive.”
The meal was so wonderful and Aiden such pleasant company. He told me great stories about his family. His parents lived in Cape Town with their live-in housekeeper and four dogs. His older brother who, if Aiden was to be believed, was as stoic as Aiden was carefree, was married to a glass artist and they had two children. They sounded refreshing and I could tell his childhood had been a very happy one. He’d studied architecture so that he could later join the family company. He’d excelled at his work, but he hadn’t loved it, not the way his brother, Chris, had. So, when his grandparents had left him their house, he’d given it his all. The Montgomery’s success was a reflection of his self-created happiness.
I watched him talking and eating enthusiastically and for a moment let my guard slip; and imagined what it would be like to tell stories of memories we’d built together over the years.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful to share his home, his laughter and his stunning coffee till the day he became too old to balance on that surfboard of his anymore? And I could definitely live with the thought of being held forever the way he had held me after Mark’s phonecall.
That’s when the total horror hit me, the irreclaimable catastrophe: I’d fallen in love with Aiden Montgomery. I’d lost my heart to a beautiful man who’d promised me nothing.
My breath caught in my throat and I nearly choked on a cherry tomato. Aiden looked concerned as he rubbed my back and handed me my lemonade.
“Could we go?” I asked between coughs and sips. “I’m sorry, I just-”
“Sure, no problem. I’ve got you.” He went to go pay at the register, so we could leave immediately.
I didn’t see Tannie Emma approach and gave a start when she slipped into the booth opposite me.
“You feel bad? The lunch is not good for you?”
I quickly shook my head. “Oh no, Tannie Em! It wasn’t the food at all; in fact, the lunch was amazing. Thank you.”
“Then it is the love?”
This time I choked without the cherry tomato. “What?” I rasped.
“Dis in jou oë, kind. I see love in the way how you looking at our Aiden. Now I think you feel it and cannot fight it, so it takes away your breath.”
What do you do when the truth slaps you through the face; how do you deny it?
“I think I should keep my eyes to myself then. Soon your Aiden will find a nice girl to fall in love with and where will that leave me?”
“Or maybe he will find you.”
I snorted, then coughed again and had to reach for the rest of my drink. “I wish.”
The words slipped out so easily the full implication of my admission only hit when I looked up into Tannie Emma’s twinkling eyes. “You can’t tell him I said any of this.”
“Don’t worry, seun; I don’t need to say a word. You must know already that there is so much what you both know without knowing.”
I waited a few seconds for the sense in that last statement to reveal itself to me, but it didn’t; so I chalked it up to a moment lost in translation. Aiden came back and, after a kiss on Tannie Emma’s cheek from both of us, we left.
The Merc glided smoothly up the hill and Aiden played a Norah Jones cd which was an unexpected surprise. He was like a dormant volcano, so overwhelming; and I’d expected his taste in music to follow suit. I was reasonably mellow the whole way home, focused on pushing thoughts of my little chat with Tannie Emma as far back in my mind as I could. I failed.
I turned to Aiden. “What did you mean by ‘marking your territory’?”
He smiled at me as he parked the car in front of the house and got out. “You’re like a dog with a bone with that question. Come on.”
I got out. “Because you won’t answer me.”
“I think you already know the answer.”
“And I think I need to hear you say it before I make up my mind about what I know, Aiden.”
“I have been telling you, babe. You’re just not listening.”
My lips and brow scrunched into matching furrows while he searched his pockets for his keys. Finally I gave a decisive shake of my head. “No, you haven’t. Name one thing you said that’s been clear about-”
“Well, how about this?”
His lips descended on mine. Lemonade and love, that’s what he tasted like as he slipped his arm around my waist, leaned me against the door and set about leisurely exploring me. Oh sweet heaven, how was I supposed to resist a man who could kiss like this? I had just lifted my fingers to play in his thick hair when the door opened behind me. I would’ve fallen on my behind if Aiden hadn’t tightened his hold on me.
“I thought I heard your – Yikes!”
Aiden and I jumped in shock and faced the redhead in the long, yellow, bohemian-style dress. I noticed that her feet were bare and her toenails painted a pastel blue. Somehow, it all came together to make her look radiantly summery. Her grey eyes took us both in as she quickly stepped out and closed the front door behind her. I stepped out of Aiden’s arms awkwardly.
“Er, Aiden, it is sooo good to see you. Especially about ten seconds ago. Been up to much? ‘Cause I can already tell that this is going to be the funnest Montgomery Christmas yet.” She beamed up at the man beside me.
“Hey, Mike.” Even the great Aiden Montgomery couldn’t keep from blushing as he kissed her cheek. “I didn’t know you guys would be here this early. I’d like you to meet Ethan Gray, my er… Ethan.”
“Nice to meet you, Aiden’s Ethan.” The woman seemed to glow and light up the space around her. “I’m Michaela – Mike, the sister-in-law. Aiden might’ve mentioned me during one of the moments when his tongue wasn’t down your-”
“Mike!”
I tried to talk, really I did. “Um. Um. Uhhh…”
Michaela’s head cocked curiously to the side. “Oh dear. Is he alright, Aiden?”
“Yeah.” he rubbed my back as they both watched my meltdown. “He does that sometimes.”
I finally got a sentence out, “He’s not gay!”
Michaela’s eyes widened before she let out the most musical laugh. “I’m sorry, gorgeous, beautiful though you may be, even I can tell that You are no girl.” Her smiling eyes dropped to the obvious bulge in my pants, “Nope, definitely not.”
My shame heated all of me and every visible patch of skin turned maroon. I instinctively turned to hide my face in Aiden’s shoulder. He put a large palm to the back of my neck and held me to him.
“Enough, Mike. Where is everyone? Obviously I’m going to need to tell them… something about all this. But you leave Ethan alone until I do.”
“Aw, it’s ok, gorgeous,” I felt her hug me from behind. “This’ll be a helluva wowzer for everyone, believe me. But we Montgomerys tend to roll with shockers – you should too. We’ve been worried about him, but I think this may be a very good sign. I mean, it’s quite obvious that Aiden lo-”
“Mike. The family. Where are they?”
“Out on the back verandah, guzzling all your ice tea. All except for Gram and Gramps. She said something about going down to the beach; he followed to make sure she doesn’t pick up any young studs in her new purple swimsuit… Oh thunder, I should warn you: your ex-betrothed is here.”
I felt a chill trickle down the entire width of my back as Aiden stiffened against me. “What?” His growl was black and unreadable. “Why the hell is she here now? She knew the family would be here today, that’s why we agreed that next week would be a better time for her to come.”
“She told us you wanted her here; and asked if she could come along with us. Sorry, bro.”
Aiden grunted something inaudible, speaking over my head as if he’d forgotten about me already. Michaela didn’t get to respond as children’s shrieks and laughter bounced around on the other side of the door just before it swung open again.
“Mom? Uncle Aiden!” A dark-haired boy and a red-headed girl nearly bowled me over as they flung themselves at Aiden. Then I found myself in a group hug they didn’t seem to mind sharing with me.
“Aiden, is that you?” an older woman’s voice called from inside.
“Guess we’re going in.” Aiden’s composure seemed to have returned a little. Seeing him in control calmed me too somewhat.
Michaela gave a gleeful clap, but subdued herself when Aiden ordered, “You. Quiet.”
“No fair. How come?”
“Because anomalies like ‘funnest’ and ‘wowzer’ readily fall from your lips when you part them.”
“Funnest isn’t a real word. I told her so, Uncle Aiden,” the boy stated sombrely.
Aiden was bundling the children and me through the door and towards the kitchen. It would appear that quite a clan had made the trip from Cape Town to Aiden’s verandah.
Aiden’s mother, a slim woman with blonde and white hair that glinted in the afternoon sunlight, rushed forward to kiss him. I was surprised when the bear of a man beside her, obviously her husband, kissed him too before hugging him. Then a slightly older-looking, less muscular version of Aiden hugged him before stepping back to smooth the creases in his chinos. His grandparents entered the backyard via the gate that opened onto the private beach. They were in phenomenal shape, especially his grandmother. She was an almost exact copy of his petite mother, only with completely silver hair and a deeper tan. Her husband’s eyes were a lighter shade of jade than hers.
Everyone was laughing and talking at once and they even hugged me hello, which I thought was a mistake in all the chatter and excitement, then realised it was just the way Aiden’s family was. Them of the blazing green eyes. Well, all except for Michaela.
Speaking of whom, “Hey, Aiden, you cretin. Aren’t you going to introduce your Ethan to everyone?” Her smile sparkled as she winked at me.
“Yes, uh… Mom, Dad, this is Ethan Gray. He’s, uh, my guest. Ethan, my mother, Gwen; and my father, Greg. My grandparents, Karin and Shaun. This is my brother, Chris; you’ve met Mike; and these are their kids, Kyle and Melanie.”
“I’m almost eight!” piped up the little girl. “My brother’s eleven, but he’s had his birthday already. Mommy says mine is gonna be soon, after the holidays. Do you like the Power Puff Girls? Daddy said I can have a Power Puff party – you can come if you want.”
“Don’t be silly, Melon.” Kyle interjected. “Boys like superheroes, not girly cartoons.”
“And Power Puff also! They can, can’t they, Uncle Aiden?”
Michaela petted her hair sweetly, “Of course boys can like the same things that girls like, Melon. It happens all the time. Now, how ’bout you two go and get your pyjamas ready? It’ll be bath-time soon.” She smiled innocently up at Aiden as the kids ran past us.
“So, Ethan, how long have you and Aiden known each other?” Gwen Montgomery seated herself beside her husband, while Chris went to make sure his kids didn’t cause mayhem inside.
“Um. Um. Uhhh…” Oh, for the love of English!
Michaela touched my hand.
Aiden pushed me into one of the chairs and took the one next to me. “It’s complicated, but we met 5 years ago. It’s a long story – one we do need to talk about.”
“Bloody hell, five years?” his grandmother was dusting sea sand off her bare feet. “Why have we never met him before, boy?”
“That’s exactly what I need to talk to everyone about – in private. Dad, could we-”
“Hello, my darling. I didn’t realise you were home.”
A stunning brunette was standing behind us in a silk blouse tucked into tailored pants. Confidence and elegance poured off her as she leaned down to wrap her slender arms around Aiden from behind and kiss the corner of his mouth. This had to be his fiancée. I couldn’t believe the audacity she displayed, considering the line she had crossed.
Aiden had tensed up at the sound of her voice, but I didn’t exactly witness him fighting her off. I couldn’t breathe. Maybe she knew what she was doing after all. Her large chocolate eyes were possessive as she rounded the chair and planted her supermodel-type tush in his lap and leaned in for another kiss. I almost knocked my chair over as I jumped up.
“I- I- will go.” I needed to before I strangled this flawless bitch who clearly felt Aiden was hers to kiss. And definitely before I burst into tears.
“Ethan, wait. Carolynn, you haven’t said hello to Ethan. Ethan, Carolynn.”
My stomach coiled and turned inside out as I looked at them together, the picture of complementary sensuality and beauty. Upon seeing her, I realised that there was a strong chance that she would get Aiden to forgive her. Who wouldn’t forgive such a stunning creature and fall for her every time they saw her?
She looked disinterested as she nodded at me. I was used to that reaction from good-looking, confident people. They were quick to see that I was no match for them and immediately dismissed me. Well, except for Aiden; and his family.
“Hi… Um, Aiden,” I could barely meet his eyes. “I really think I should go. Pack, that is. Maybe Dan could help me find another place to stay?”
“No.” He seemed irritated as he pulled Carolynn’s arms from his neck and stood. “You’re staying.”
I balked at the thought of having to watch Carolynn touch him whenever she wanted and win him back, treating him the way I could only dream of doing. It was going to be bad enough fighting images of them in bed together when I’m out of this place. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. Your family will need to use the guestrooms; and I truly don’t mind-”
“I said no. Not with what you’re dealing with. I’ll figure out the sleeping arrangements.”
“I, for one, don’t mind sharing.” Carolynn’s purr verged on the obscene as she pasted herself to Aiden and ran her fingertips along his stomach.
“Yes, we know.” Karin grumbled. Carolynn’s eyes were two furious slits as her cheeks turned red. Karin’s husband hushed her with a stern look while Mike’s eyes watered with the effort it took to bite back a smile.
“There’s more than enough room, son.” Greg Montgomery stated, “Besides, it’s only for tonight. Tomorrow we’re off to the Eastern Cape until just before Christmas.”
“I’m not.” Carolynn’s gaze was like a laser, peeling away at my flimsy defences. “I’m exactly where I want to be.”
I left without a second thought.
***