But this… This was fucking monumental. This was earth-shattering.
This was… right.
Shit.
Tearing my lips from his, gasping at the sudden deprivation to my senses, I stared wide-eyed at the rosy, kiss swollen lips of Kieran, my hands trembling as I snatched them from around his neck. Stumbling back, away from him, not able to meet the confused, even hurt gaze of the man I’d been practically dry humping, I turned and fled.
Tears suddenly obscuring my vision, I escaped from the cabin, fleeing from that truth I’d been running from ever since meeting Kieran. Blubbering, snotty, I ran with no destination in mind, intent only on getting away. I blundered into the tree coverage, unable to see where I was going but not caring.
I ran, quickly developing a stitch in my side, lungs burning and sweat soaking me from the exertion. I could hear the blood whooshing in my ears, hear the erratic pounding of my heart, the rough breaths sawing in and out of my lungs, everything abnormally loud. But none of it drowned out the screaming in my own mind. Running, I didn’t even care, didn’t even notice the branches snagging at my clothes and hair, scraping against my skin and leaving scratches that beaded with blood.
None of that was important. Nothing was as important as what I’d just blatantly and quite joyfully revealed about myself.
No matter how much the truth had been staring you in the face, that final realization was never easy to swallow.
Not easy at all.
~*~Day Three~*~
We were leaving today.
We were leaving… and I suddenly didn’t want to leave. Quite the conundrum, I knew, considering how vehement I was about not coming here but that was before, well, everything.
Now, you might be wondering about my freak out last night, my blubbering, sobbing hissy fit, and all I could say in my defense was that I was a drama queen. Who would’ve thunk it? I’d expended so much energy denying the truth that had already turned my world topsy-turvy so last night, that kiss, those feelings, they were just a little intense. A little too much a little too soon, you know?
I reserved the right to freak out.
But now the truth was clear, rising like a Phoenix out of the fiery embers of the bottomless abyss I’d repeatedly tossed it into, born anew and stronger than ever.
About time, right?
Crouched on the cropping of rocks I’d perched on yesterday, I flicked a small, flat stone into the water, watching it skip along seven times before sinking. Ever expanding ripples commenced, disrupting the reflective, glass-smooth surface of the water. It was one of the few things I could do with any level of skill out here.
All night long I’d been out here, wallowing in my self-induced misery, only reaching an accord with myself when the first rays of dawn filtered down through the trees. Fog still clung to the ground, a heavy, smoky shroud that sinuously undulated over the water. I stabbed my elbow into my knee, propping my chin on my fist, hearing the soft cadence of the morning birds.
There was a lot of shit left unanswered — Kieran being the one man I desired, blah, blah, blah. Maybe I was just more into commitment than I thought, being crazily, if subconsciously, devoted to him since I first met him. All those women I’d tried it with never stood a chance because the one man I wanted had been just out of reach for the longest time.
It was poetic, really, romantic as Molly had said. It was… Fate, intervening to offer me something I never knew I wanted, what I needed. God, Molly had been right on the money, and I’d been too much of a fucking pussy to face it. I’d been a coward but no more.
Standing, I skidded back down to solid ground, treading carefully lest I topple into the water. I took a deep breath, closing my eyes, and tipped my head back so I could feel the cool morning air caress my face. A fine mist sprinkled my skin, seeping into my pores and lending me a fraction of peace. Peace that had remained just out of grasp all night until now.
This was… nice. I sighed, releasing the tension that had clung to me for far too long.
As much as I loathed all this outdoorsy stuff, there was something to be said about the utter stillness and silence of dawn. Out here, at this moment, there was no need for a front. I didn’t have to pretend. And there was freedom in that. Who knew Nature would’ve actually helped me this weekend? Nature and Molly, both conspiring to get me to admit what was so obvious, and I heeded their call like a good little boy.
Now we were leaving. But first…
First, I needed to find Kieran. I needed to finish this.
If he would even still have me.
******
Kieran wasn’t at the cabin.
I stood at a loss in the living room, the silence inside deafening, not sure what my next plan of action should be. All I knew was that I didn’t want to leave before seeing him and nothing, no one, would thwart me. If only I knew where to find him. And if he even wanted to be found.
Maybe he was purposely staying out of sight, hoping for out of mind, too, but I couldn’t let him do that. It was as simple, and as complicated, as that.
Setting my jaw, straightening my shoulders, I strode determinably out of the cabin, my fists clenched and a calm resolution driving me. Regardless whether this thing played out the way I wanted it to or not, I still needed to find him, to see him one last time. But I faltered just outside because, shit, there were too many places he could’ve disappeared to.
I worried my bottom lip, chomping until I drew blood. Where, oh where, could my baby be?
Listening intently, I heard the susurrant murmuring of rushing water, the same sound I’d heard when first arriving. I’d thought of it as a babbling brook and now it called to me, pulling me inexorably into the trees. I ducked, dodged, dipped and dived away from those reaching branches, a humming expectation thrumming through my body, but it couldn’t entirely quell my anxiety. Trepidation, apprehension, the whole nine yards, holmes; I was feeling it all, a volatile cocktail, shaken not stirred.
But I wouldn’t let it deter me.
When finally I came upon the source of that sound, I was smudged with dirt, leaves caught in my hair and shirt a little ragged because a bush had decided to fondle me, but all of my suffering receded at the sight of Kieran. Everything else receded but him.
Eyes wide, breath catching, I gazed around this secret, enchanted hideaway. A small, natural pool of water was sparkling with a lovely emerald gleam, reflecting the wildness encroaching close, exposed rocks like stepping stones extending across to the other side. A beautiful, powerful waterfall fed the stream, frothing white on impact, ripples expanding outward to lap at the muddy embankment.
And Kieran was… naked. Wet. Standing proud and unashamed, his head tipping back to accept a nice dousing from the waterfall.
Mm-mmm. Me want, that treacherous part of my brain whispered.
I waited expectantly for the sensible side to offer objections but, curiously, none came. We were in total agreement for once.
My feet moved of their own accord, stepping closer to the edge of that lapping water, and I must have made some telltale noise because Kieran’s head snapped around, icy eyes boring into me. The impact of those clear, fathomless blue depths had me faltering once again, my gaze caught and ensnared. My heart fluttered erratically, the butterflies in my stomach turning into motherfucking Mothra.