Truth to be, it freaked me out. But I couldn’t fight it. I was longing for cock. I was cum crazy. Fantasies danced through my head of me sucking off a car mechanic in his garage after hours. Being with the postman who just delivered the mail, allowing me to suck his cock in the foyer of our building. Giving road head to a stranger who had offered me a ride when I was stranded. Many nights, there were no videos, no magazines, no women, just me, and a host of new and interesting ideas roaring through my head while my hard dick was in my hand.
Honestly and embarrassingly, I will even tell you that many times I rolled up onto my back, high up along my neck, with my legs above my body, so my dick was hovering over my face. I’d stroke myself until I came trying to catch my cum in my mouth or have it shoot all over my nose, or my cheeks. I loved having that feeling of being ready to cum and watching it shoot out from the tip of my dick and drip where I wanted it. I was truly much skinnier, and flexible back then and I was trying any way I could to enhance my masturbation times. And get cum in the process. I tried, believe me, I tried to suck my own dick, but I was not flexible enough to do it. How erotic it would have been to bring myself to orgasm while giving myself a blow job and then blasting every drop into my mouth. Unfortunately, as much as I tried to get my body over that far, I could never do it. But I wanted to.
Oddly enough, no man I knew sexually excited me. None of my friends. None of my co-workers. No one I met at the bars or clubs, made me think, “Man I’d like to suck that guy’s dick.” So, it was a wild point in my life. In many of the fantasies I had, a faceless man’s dick in my mouth, sucking him off until he came. Because every time I would try to picture a face, I just couldn’t keep the focus and get as excited as I wanted to be. In my visions, some of the dicks were big, some were smaller and thicker, and some were completely shaven. Some took me by surprise. Some were even forced. Either way, all the thoughts ringing through my head, let me know something had to change.
Enter lesbian porn. Odd you might think! Right? Lesbian porn for the guy who is craving dick. Yes, lesbian porn. And let me explain why.
I finally justified my thoughts, my solo play-time, and my desire for cock to the fact that I wasn’t getting laid. I was living vicariously through the world of adult videos. I was experimenting with myself and what it felt like to get cum. I was displacing my desires because I wasn’t getting those nights of passion. Sliding the panties off of a woman and entering into her. I wasn’t getting those blow-jobs. I was getting the kill, after the thrill of the chase. So, I decided it was time to switch gears away from the traditional man/woman porn, to something I believed would be more lustful, romantic, same-sex attraction that did not include men. Well, that opened even more doors.
The first few girl-on-girl films I watched were amazing. I had seen them before through the various clips of the regular heterosexual porn I had been accustomed to. But for whatever reason, never really focused more on them, more than it just being another scene. Now, since I was trying to focus on one of the all-lesbian videos, seeing two women in lust for one another and engaging in all sorts of sexual activities made me hard. Made me miss pussy, and made me want to be in that action. As I mentioned before I had a couple of threesomes by then, but never as deep, erotic, hot, and sensual as the girls in the video. And seeing the perfect actresses, with their perfect bodies, incredible tits, and their mostly; or completely shaven pussies made me want to stand and deliver to any girl who was willing to be in bed with me. For a long time, it worked. For a long time, I refocused on women, on pussy and my thoughts went back to the “normal guy” patterns. That is until I bought and watched my first lesbian strap-on movie.
I can’t even tell you the name of the movie anymore. There were so many, and it’s been so long. But the first two scenes of the movie were very romantic and led to one of the actresses sliding on a strap-on and being penetrated. But the third scene I will never forget. I couldn’t tell you their names, I couldn’t tell you where they were. I couldn’t even tell you how many times I came. But as I watched the one actress hit her knees and suck on that plastic dildo, brought me right back to a sense of wanting to be on my knees, sucking dick.
Then when she climbed up on top of it and slid it deep into her pussy, I exploded. I watched her bob up and down on that dildo moaning and groaning, playing with her pussy as her tits bounced and I felt something inside of me roar up, that I had never imagined. The feeling of being penetrated while masturbating came blasting through my mind, like a train crash. And it absolutely blew me away. I wanted to be her. I wanted to be riding that dildo. I wanted it deep inside of me. Now I had never put anything in my ass. Never played with my ass. Never had anyone play with my ass, but watching her just screaming and moaning as she rode that dildo, made me tingle. I stroked myself hard and long, squirted lube all over myself time and time again to keep my dick extremely slippery and wet. And when she came, I came! it was the loudest, boisterous, fiercest explosion I had in a long time.
I couldn’t stop watching. I reversed the video. I watched her slide it in time and time again. I watched her bounce on it, getting off. I listened to her moan. I rewound the video back to where she slid off of the bed onto her knees and sucked on that strap-on like it was her man’s dick. I was enthralled. I couldn’t get enough. I was sweating. I was nervous, I had my limp dick in my hand trying to get it up one more time as I watched it over and over again. I had to take a shower after my solo time was over because I was covered in lube and soaking wet with sweat and I needed to cool off. I have no doubt every neighbor in my building knew I was watching porn and jacking off. And I didn’t care.
From that moment on. Without a doubt, my sexual passion turned from me giving it to a girl, to being a girl and getting fucked by a plastic dick. And I couldn’t get enough. Lesbian strap-on 1, 2, 6, 15, Girls with toys. Girls ballin’ boys, everything I could find that included a hot woman and a dildo was playing on my VCR. Yes, I said VCR that’s how long ago it was…
My dick was in my hand more than my car keys were, and even though I still wasn’t attracted to “men” in general. I wanted dick again. I wanted to be sucking a cock. I wanted that secret lover. That secret sex. I wanted a woman to use a strap-on, on me. I wanted to be penetrated. The problem was, that I didn’t have anyone to do it with. I had no toys. I had no dildos and I surely didn’t have a male lover to experiment with. But I wanted it. I couldn’t suppress my feelings or my desires anymore. I wanted to suck dick again. I wanted to feel what it was like to be fucked. I wanted that cum. I was just too scared to take that step. Too scared to go to the gay bars of LA. Too weak-minded to open up to anyone about it. And most importantly I wasn’t sure where to even find a male lover who would be attractive, caring, secretive, and keep our little relationship under wraps while teaching me everything I needed to know about sucking dick.