My living room was never used. Pristine white rug, 2 leather couches that look like they had been used no more than twenty times in the ten years they had been there, a glass coffee table and various paintings and potted plants to make sure the room looked full. The housekeeper did a nice job of changing out the plants every couple of weeks to keep it fresh should my parents actually choose to spend more than a day at home. In the corner was my dad’s liquor cabinet. I don’t know why I keep calling it my dad’s when I’m the one in it daily.
Anyone who had ever watched a cooking show on the food network knows exactly what my kitchen looks like. It was comical how my mom literally pulled it out of a magazine. An empty top of the line double door fridge, a 10 burner stove that was never used for anything other than midnight ramen, several huge black marble counters and plenty of space for the non-existent appliances and cookware in drawers and cabinets. There was a nice circular table in the dining room right next to the kitchen, again maintained but never used.
I sat on the couch with a bottle of jack and took a gulp. I was just so fucking mad over everything that had happened today I honestly just wanted to pass out and wake up in the morning. About an hour of me sitting in the daylight and I began to wonder where Jenna was. I popped out my phone and shot her a quick text.
“Where r u? I’m bored.”
“Sorry hun. Mark wanted to hit the gym early today, I’ll see if I can stop by before work, I close from six to eleven tonight.”
Fucking Houston ruining my life again. I took a larger drink from the bottle to suppress my anger. What a fucking piece of shit. He just had to make me miserable at any chance he got.
“Don’t bother you need to do your homework.” I managed to use text to speech to send that lie out. I honestly wanted her to come so I had a shoulder to cry on. I hated myself, my life, the person I was. I could have all the friends in the world and be happy having the time of my life. Instead I’m a fucking venomous snake shooting poison at anyone who comes close.
I got up from the couch, still clutching the bottle of jack in my hand and wandered downstairs to my floor. I needed to lay down in my bed. Hopefully some rest would make me feel a little bit better.
A bunch of pillars holding up the house separated the two sides of the floor. One side was my bed and all my video games, my top of the line computer all hooked up on my 50″ flat screen TV. The other was an empty space currently occupied by a cot that Jenna crashed on when she stayed over. To right of the cot was my walk-in closet and the left was my bathroom and the laundry room. I didn’t have any decorations set up because I didn’t give a shit what my room looked like because only my parents, the housekeeper and Jenna were ever down there. That was about to change though as I really needed someone to talk to after my best friend decided to ditch me for her piece of shit boyfriend.
I layed in my bed for another half hour and drank a bit more to numb my mind. I just didn’t wanna think anymore. I just wanted to not wake up in the morning knowing nobody would give a shit. “It was bound to happen eventually.” “He would have died of a liver disease anyways.” “It’s not like anyone actually cares.” I had these suicidal thoughts constantly in my drunken state, it wasn’t as bad as it sounds because of how numbed I was. I sat up and lit a cigarette. My parents bitched about smoking in the house on occasion but the housekeeper got wise and always brought some air freshener every few days to keep smell down. She loved how easy her job was and how much she was paid so she took little steps to make sure she wouldn’t lose it. While I took a drag I looked at my phone, another text from Jenna.
“Thanks for thinking of me. I think your right I need to do my homework so I can spend more time with you during the week.” I thought that was a lie, she just wanted more time to get fucked by that asshole. “I promise I’ll be there after work tommorow and stay over. Just hold out for a day ok?”
Hold out for a day? She had no idea how fucking difficult it was for me to hold out for a few hours let alone a day. I decided laying down wasn’t helping anymore so I stumbled over to my bathroom so I could look in the mirror. I honestly looked diseased in my current state, I clearly wasn’t taking care of myself. Scrawny, could barely keep my eyes open, hunched over and pale as a ghost. I threw my shirt and pants into the hamper and stumbled back into my bed looking for my phone. I hopped under the covers in my black boxer briefs and stumbled through my contacts.
“Hey.”
“Whats up Jason? You ok? Im really sorry about today.”
“Shut up and get over here, front doors open and im downstairs. Come get what you want.”
“What do you mean what I want?”
“Just come here and you’ll see.” I managed to type before putting my phone down and passing out.
“Jason I’m here.” Jon woke me up about fifty minutes later. “Where are you? I bought dinner.”
He would find the stairs to my floor eventually, I turned over and smiled a bit when he finally walked downstairs with the takeout he clearly got from his parents. He looked good in his varsity jacket and black slacks, he must have just got off work.
“It fucking reeks of smoke in here man holy shit.” He walked over to me. “Are you ok?”
“Just get under the covers with me. Take off your shirt too.”
“How drunk are you right now Jason?”
“Why the fuck does it matter? Just get in bed with me I know it’s what you want.”
Jon shook his head. “I’m sorry I kissed you today Jason…you clearly weren’t ready and you definitely aren’t ready now.” He sat down on my bed next to me, caressing my messed up hair. “I caused this mess and I’m gonna stay here till I fix it. Where are your parents?”
“In fucking Texas for two weeks.” I swatted his hand away and turned over. “Whatever you don’t wanna fuck just get out.”
“Do they do this often to you?”
“Who are you my fucking shrink? I told you to get the fuck out.”
“Jason I just wanna fix the mess I made.”
“You think you’re my only problem right now Jon? You think I’m laying here drunk like a dumb slut because of some stupid fucking kiss? You’re so fucking conceited it’s disgusting.” I turned over again feeling around for the bottle of jack I brought down. “Just get the fuck out of my house and leave me alone if you don’t wanna fuck.”
“I’m not leaving you in this state you’ll probably kill yourself if you keep drinking like this and don’t eat anything.” He snatched the bottle off the ground before I could find it. “Geez was this thing full today? There’s like a shot left.”
“Lemme finish it you piece of shit.”
“Absolutely not, that’s suicidal.”
“Maybe I wanna die fuckwad now give me the fucking bottle.” I got up and tried to swipe it from him.
Jon stood back and took a good look at me. “I had no idea Jason. I didn’t know you were this bad off.”
I chuckled. “Whats wrong? Not the fucking girl you thought I was? Not some dumb lil bitch with zero problems? This is fucking me Jon. This is my fucking life. Now whats gonna happen if you’re gonna fucking run away like everyone else does. Like they all do, when they know I’m a fucking mess and they know it’s not their fucking problem. Just like Jenna, she’s gonna stop talking to me and stay with her stupid fucking asshole of a boyfriend. Just like my fucking parents. They realized they fucked up raising their son and just leave him to cope alone. Nobody wants to deal with a piece of shit like me. I don’t wanna deal with me. Now give me the rest of that bottle so I can pass out and stop hating myself for a couple hours.” I was on the verge of tears. “GIVE ME THE FUCKING BOTTLE YOU PIECE OF SHIT!”