“I can’t see how.” I didn’t mean the words to sound so biting, but that’s how they fell from my mouth. I decided to try another approach, but that, too, came out curt. “It would have been nice if you would have let me know you were going away.”
I pulled my cock away and walked over to the sink to wash my hands and brush my teeth. Fuck-it, she could live with the same disappointment I’d lived with the past few weeks.
“You’re angry with me?”
“No, Cyndi. That emotion left me weeks ago. Now I’m simply ambivalent.” I dried my hands and walked out of the room. Cyndi and I typically didn’t fight. I want to say it was because we were so happily in love, but truthfully, I always opted not to disagree with her, and up until now, there weren’t any issues big enough to fight over.
I was in the kitchen making coffee when she started in on me again.
“I think some straightening out is in order for you, Mister.” Once again, her tone reduced me from a husband to a subservient subordinate. Her voice was disturbingly threatening. The funniest part of it was that I didn’t care.
I silently poured a cup of coffee for each of us. Owen was at the forefront of my mind. His words, ‘You need to find your inner voice,’ echoed in my head.
“I would appreciate it if you never spoke to me like that again,” I said quietly and calmly. Cyndi’s eyes widened. I’d never stood up to her before. “In case you’ve forgotten, which I think you have, we are married…”
I stopped for a beat to get my thoughts together.
“Cyndi. I’ve spent our entire marriage going along with you because I wanted you always to be happy. I even went along with this thing because you wanted to do it. But Cyndi, I thought it was something we were going to do together. Instead, you are off fucking and playing with two other guys.”
“You never indicated you wanted to play with us. Plus, you told me you didn’t like Thomas…”
I couldn’t believe she said what she did. More than that, I couldn’t believe she BELIEVED what she was saying. Was she so wrapped up in Devon and Thomas that she couldn’t see what she was doing? My inner voice was suddenly front and center, speaking loudly and clearly.
“First of all, when have I ever turned down sex? You have always been the aggressor. You have always decided what we do. You alone decided you didn’t want me to be a part of your frivolity. You adamantly refused when I asked you to let me be with you and them. If I’m correct, you said, ” You are not to touch Devon, and he told me that you told him the same thing. You didn’t even want him talking to me.”
“Secondly, I never said I didn’t like Thomas. I told you that in person, he was different than he was over the phone and the internet. More than anything, I wanted to share being with another man with you. I wanted to be a part of what you were doing and share those first-time experiences. This is all on you, Cyndi. You haven’t wanted me involved with Devon or Thomas for unknown reasons. I disappear whenever those two are around. I’m not your husband, lover, or even someone you know.”
I paused and stared down at my petite wife. “Cyndi, you’ve spent nights away from our bed to be with them. You’ve shown no regard for how I might feel about this. And if that’s not bad enough, you fucking went away with Devon on a little ‘holiday.’ Thomas might be more open-minded about it, but I’m not. Now you’re home and telling me you missed me? What kind of bullshit is that? You just expected me to sit back and put up with this shit. I’m your husband, not some boy toy you can do away with on a whim.”
My normally readable wife was blank-faced. I couldn’t tell if she was angry, sad, or even gave a crap. But most of all, I couldn’t see the love she always had for me.
When she didn’t say anything, I spoke calmly and quietly. I needed to clear the air once and for all. “The morning after our live feed, I overheard you and Thomas talking in the bedroom while I was in the bathroom. I’ve gone over the conversation a thousand times, trying to find a way that it wasn’t the way I heard it, but I’ve been unable to hear it any other way.”
It was ingrained in my mind. Their conversation lasted less than a minute, and for the rest of my life, I would never forget the words that brought my crumbling marriage to the forefront.
“You did great last night,” Thomas said.
“Oscar-worthy?” Cyndi asked demurely
“Well enough that Austin bought the whole thing. I was jealous as fuck. I realized last night we don’t like sharing you.”
“Trust me, last night was my job. We need to get this web series off the ground. We can’t do that without Austin. After that…well, we’ll come to that bridge when we get there.”
“Just keep it up. We only need a few more weeks before everything comes together.”
“You got it, boss.” Cyndi and Thomas laughed.
Cyndi was dead quiet. She wasn’t stupid enough to consider that I might have overheard them; she never thought I’d find the balls to confront her.
“Austin, I thought you knew for this thing to be the way I want it to be, I’ve had to play up to Thomas. He’s always had second thoughts about you. You’ve been so aloof lately…”
I cut her off before she could say anything else. “Did you even consider that I was aloof because the three of you ignored me?”
Once again, Cyndi gave me a blank stare. Then, almost like I hadn’t asked her the question, she continued talking about Thomas.
“Thomas isn’t sure you will work out for the web series. Everything I’m doing is for us,” she said unconvincingly. “Austin, honey, I want to do this with you. I always have. Sometimes…well…sometimes I have to play games to get us to where we want to be.”
Everything she said was total crap. She knew it, and I knew it. But I was willing to give her some slack to see how badly she would hang herself.
“Okay, then explain why they are in our bed?” I asked.
“The RV generator went out. It was too cold for them to sleep there last night. I was going to put Thomas and Devon in the guest room, but you were there. I couldn’t let them sleep on the sofa, so I told them they could bunk with me.”
“Okay, so why didn’t you come to the guest room and get in bed with me?”
She thought about that but finally said, “You look so peaceful. I didn’t want to disturb you.”
I looked at her incredulously. “Yeah, and I was born yesterday. Bullshit!” I yelled, slamming my hand on the table and making her jump. “You must think I’m a stupid dimwit. Like, I’m going to believe what you just said. You fucking slept with them in our bed! How could you do that? We agreed all along that only you and I would sleep in our bed – that all other sex would take place outside of our bedroom.” My voice was getting louder as I got angrier. “Plus, when have you ever not woken me? How many times have I been sound asleep, and your clit itched, and you’ve woken me up? All of a sudden, you care?” I didn’t start the conversation to fight with her. I just wanted her to be honest with me.
“Cyndi, if you want to be with Devon and Thomas, be with them. If you don’t want to be with…” I had to stifle myself because never in my wildest imagination did I ever think I’d say those words. “I will never stand in your way.”