The mechanic took another gulp of beer. “I never cheated on her, but my libido was just as strong as it ever was, so I needed an alternative outlet. I started watching a lot of porn. Like, I mean, a fucking shitload of porn. I got to the point where I could identify pornstars just by the size and shape of their tits. But after a while, I noticed I was looking at the blokes just as much as the chicks. I can’t remember exactly how it came up, but I blurted it out to her one day — I mean, that I was watching a lot of porn and that I was checking out the guys just as much as the women. At first, she was just as shocked as you seem to be right now, but I didn’t know what surprised her more — that I was consuming metric tons of pornography, or that I was interested in dudes. Anyway, I told her I thought I might be bisexual.”
Ryan listened in complete silence.
“Anyway,” Mack continued, “she suggested I move out for a while to experiment, which I thought was a very cool and mature response. You know that Sting song that has the line ‘if you love someone, set them free’? I think that’s what she was doing, because me moving out was only ever meant to be temporary. It seemed like a good idea to take a bit of a break from each other after being together for so long, but it was also a way to give me a bit of space to see what might happen. So I opened an account on grindr — that’s like tinder for dudes, if you didn’t already know — and even though I wasn’t looking for anything more than no-strings-attached sex, and even though I had no intention of meeting someone, I guess it happened anyway. Looking back, that was always a risk.”
“Jesus,” whispered Ryan. “Fuck, that’s a lot for a bloke to take in.”
“That’s what the first guy I fucked said,” the mechanic joked. It fell flat.
“Wait,” said Ryan, “so let me backtrack. You and Abby have split up, you’re gonna get divorced but you’re still friends …”
“Sort of,” Mack interjected.
“… and you’re seeing a dude, but you’re not gay.”
“That’s right. And he’s not gay either, by the way. We’re both bisexual. He has sex with his best friend. She’s really cute, too, if you’re into chubby goth chicks.”
“Have you fucked her?”
“No,” replied the mechanic truthfully, “but I came in her mouth once, after she watched me and him have sex. That was pretty sweet.”
Ryan’s eyes nearly popped out of his head.
“So I’m not gay,” clarified Mack. “I’m into women *and* men. And so’s my … boyfriend.”
Ryan’s head nearly exploded. Boyfriend? “Fuck, dude, I … just … fuck, this is a lot.”
For a second, the mechanic half-expected his friend to get up and leave. He realised he’d just come out to one of his best mates. He was surprised beyond belief to hear the very question he wanted to hear, but never expected to. “Are you happy?” asked Ryan.
Mack coughed, nervously wiping his dry mouth with the back of his hand. “I think so. And thanks for asking, mate. But things with Abby will never be the same again, and we both know we can’t wind the clock back, so there’s a sadness there that might never go away.”
Ryan finished his beer. Mack’s schooner glass had been empty for a while. “Hang on a sec,” he said, holding up his empty glass, “we need another one of these each. Wait here, buddy.”
Mack smiled as an intense feeling of relief flooded his nervous system. He’d told his story — well, most of it — to one of his best mates, and while there were questions, he sensed they were coming from a good place.
Ryan returned to their table with two fresh frosties, handing one to his friend. “I’m glad to hear you’re happy, mate, and I hope you can stay on good terms with Abby. She’s a good egg, and she’s a great mum.”
“Me too,” agreed Mack, accepting his beer. “I mean, I’ve known her more than half of my life, and like I said before, a part of me misses her and probably always will. I’d hoped to grow old together with her, but I need you to believe we didn’t separate just because the sex dried up. It was more than that. It was about me unexpectedly finding something inside me that I couldn’t ignore anymore. It’s like an itch you can’t help scratching.” He paused for a second. “Do you know what I mean?”
Ryan nodded. “Yeah, I think so.”
“I think I’m happy,” summarised the mechanic, “but at the same time, I know what I’ve sacrificed. I know what I’ve given up and I know what I’ve lost. It’s not just the relationship I had with Abby, but the relationship I had with my daughters. We’ve talked, and I know they understand, but even so, something about the way we relate to each other has changed, and even though I want to, I can’t fix it. I can’t put things back to how they were before.” He took a breath. “But what does happiness truly mean? Have you ever stopped to think about what being happy really means? Maybe I would’ve been content to live the rest of my life with Abby, but is being content the same as being happy? I don’t really know. There’ve been nights where I’ve stared at the ceiling wondering where I might be right now if I never told her I thought I was bi, but it isn’t that much of a mystery. I know exactly where I’d be right now if I never said anything. I’d be lying in bed beside her, staring at the ceiling wondering why I wasn’t brave enough to be honest with myself and with her.” He chuckled to himself. “Let’s just say either way I would’ve been spending far too many sleepless hours studying ceiling paintwork.”
Ryan smiled in sympathy. He sipped his beer, listening.
“You know,” continued the mechanic, “I’ve dreaded telling people about this. You heard about me and Abby splitting up, but you didn’t know the rest, and it’s the rest of the story that’s the hardest bit for me. You’re the first person I’ve had this conversation with, and to be honest, I expected you to lose your shit when I told you I’d met a bloke.”
“Don’t get me wrong, mate,” said Ryan. “I’m 100% losing my shit right now, but only because this is the last thing I ever expected you to say and it’s still sinking in. I know I can be a bit of an arsehole sometimes, but I think I can recognise courage and bravery when I see it. Like I said before, this is a lot for me to take in, because I never saw you as anything but straight, but now that I stop to think about it, I genuinely couldn’t give a shit whether you were straight, gay, bi or a Martian. You’re still the same person. We’d still be mates. Well, maybe not if you were a Martian. That’d probably be too weird.” He paused for a second, sipping his beer. “Wait. Let me keep talking for a sec. The real shock for me is you and Abby splitting up. I’d already heard about it on the rumour mill, but hearing it from you makes it real. Because I’ve known her for so long, that’s hard to process. But so long as you’re happy, the gender of the person you’re with isn’t any of my business. Sure, I expected you to be on the arm of a trophy divorcee, but you telling me you’re with a guy doesn’t … well … like I said before, it’s not any of my business. If you’re happy, and if you’re sure you’re making the right decisions, that’s all that matters.”