A gay story: Secret Prayer Ch. 01 **Another story written with @wanderer0075. We hope you enjoy!!**
“There is an hour of peace and rest,
Unmarred by earthly care;
‘Tis when before the Lord I go
And kneel in secret prayer.”
Elder Gage Belford sat down on the small twin bed that he was sleeping on currently in the room he shared with Elder Tate Caldwell. On the other side of the room was Tate’s bed. They were sharing a very small apartment together, which only had one room, a single bathroom, a small living room and a kitchen. Tate put his Book of Mormon down on the desk on his side of the room. Both of them were an entire year into their mission, and had recently been assigned to work with each other.
This was the third young man that Gage had worked with, as the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints liked to change who their missionaries worked with. It made it so neither of them could get too comfortable and complacent with each other. They were supposed to guide each other on this holy journey they were taking, but more than that, they were supposed to tell on each other if one of them goes astray. If they got too comfortable with each other though, they might not tell the Mission President if one of them broke the rules.
“Maybe we should go to the campus tomorrow,” Tate said as he sat down on his own bed. “We might have an easier time talking to people our own age about the Church. We could tell them about some of the events for single adults.”
There were a few campuses they could go to in Chicago, Illinois, but the closest one was the University of Illinois. Gage wasn’t sure that they would have much luck there either. It was becoming Gage’s opinion that it was impossible to actually talk people into joining the church. He had heard rumors, through people who had left the church, that the point of missionary work wasn’t to convert people, but to keep the members feeling like they couldn’t trust people outside of the church.
Gage had been wondering if they weren’t right. He had been struggling for a few years with the church, mostly because he was fairly sure he was gay. He could never say the words out loud though. His family would disown him if he was, and he had no doubt about that. His older brother had come out as bisexual and his mother had spent weeks sobbing over it. Right now, Craig was being introduced to women who were part of the church in order to turn him away from that “life of depravity” as his parents called it.
Craig looked miserable the last time Gage saw him though. Gage thought it was possible that Craig came out because he had met a man he loved. He didn’t have a way to help his brother though. He couldn’t even help himself. He was on this mission right then when he wasn’t sure he wanted to be. How could he stand up for his brother when he couldn’t even do it for himself?
“Are you listening, Elder Belford?” Tate asked, breaking Gage out of his thoughts.
“Sorry,” Gage replied, shaking himself out of his reverie. His golden hair was starting to get long, reaching a little past the top of his ears. He always kept it very short, as his dad was ex-military and preferred his sons adopt what he expected them to look like. Gage was just a little over six feet, and thin but muscled from constantly hunting, dirt biking, and learning fighting techniques from his father. He had a scar across his left eyebrow from a fall while dirt biking, which his mom was beside herself about at the time, and he had bright green eyes that women always said were filled with mystery and wonder.
“The campus sounds like a good idea.” Gage finally said with a nod of his head. “We can go earlier in the day, before it starts getting warm.”
They ate a simple meal and listened to old recordings of the general conferences before going to bed by nine PM. Both men looked bored to tears by the end of their listening time, but they weren’t allowed to take in any sort of media that wasn’t put out by the church while on their mission unless it was with families they might convert.
Tomorrow was a new day.
~~~
Jarek loved bridal parties. He had made a rule for himself early on in his career to always flirt with the bride, but never take her home. For one thing, there was the potential for too much backlash from such a stupid decision and for another, marriage was something he didn’t want to jinx himself away from by misbehaving toward it, not that he was out of his commitment-phobic phase yet. Besides, focusing on the bride always made one or another of his clients get a little more handsy than the others and that one usually ended up asking for a private session after closing time.
Jarek “Horseman” Phillips was summoned to the stage by special request of the bridal party, according to the DJ, so he oiled himself up, adjusted himself in his skimpy g-string, and mounted the stairs to the stage, pulling his cowboy hat low to shield his eyes from the intense lights. He went through his cowboy routine, leaving the hat on until the end. The DJ could tell from Jarek’s outfit that this would be his last set, so she had played an extra long mix. By the time he had finished, tossing his hat to the one particular guest who had been eye-fucking him the most all night, his body glistened with sweat and the stage was littered with cash.
Jarek made his way down the stairs while the stage was cleared by the wait staff. All of the tips were totaled throughout the night and the club took their percentage before depositing the rest electronically. He retrieved his hat and gave the gal holding it the private dance she had been asking for all night. She tipped him well and was particularly poorly-behaved during the dance, as he had expected. She slipped him her number before pulling his g-string back up for him. He strutted out of the private dance booth and handed the tip to the waiter standing at the entrance to the hallway before ducking backstage to get cleaned up and changed.
He texted her his address and she miraculously beat him to his house on campus of the University of Illinois, Chicago. He didn’t have classes in the morning, so he could focus on showing her a good time before sending her home. She kissed him full on the mouth when he strode up to the door, her hands already roaming all over his chiseled body. Fortunately he was well practiced in unlocking his door while his face was busy and they were inside scant seconds before she managed to get his dick out of his pants. There was not much opportunity to rest that night and he was fortunate that his neighbors didn’t mind the occasional noisy night as she turned out to be a screamer.
He made her breakfast in the morning and thanked her for a fun night, offering to call her an Uber when she finished her eggs. Just then, the doorbell rang. Jarek threw a robe on over his basketball shorts and answered the door.
Two men stood on the doorstep, dressed in white dress shirts, black dress pants, black ties, and name tags that gave their names as “Elder Belford” and “Elder Caldwell.” Elder Caldwell was shorter, around five foot eight, thin without any major muscles, with dark brown hair that was cut short and rectangular glasses on his face. He was clean shaven and had a friendly smile on his face. Everything about him looked unassuming and safe.
Elder Belford, on the other hand, was tall with the hint of a muscled physique under his attire. He was also clean shaven, and his bright green eyes looked sharp and were taking in everything around him. He had a youthful look to him, but something in his eyes said he had seen far more than he should have. He was also one of the most beautiful men Jarek had ever seen.
“Good morning, gentlemen, how can I help you?” Jarek asked as the woman, whose name he had never asked for, squeezed out between him and the door, squeezing his ass on the way out. She made her way cautiously around the two solicitors and turned back on the way to her Uber to motion with her hand to encourage Jarek to call her.
The two missionaries were silent for a moment as they took in what they had just seen, but Elder Caldwell seemed to recover first, speaking as if he had rehearsed or said this many times before. “Hello, my name is Elder Caldwell, and this is my companion, Elder Belford. We were just going around the neighborhood to see if you might have a moment to talk about religion and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.” At that, Tate held up his Book of Mormon, smiling at Jarek in a way that could either be seen as sarcastic or excited, and Jarek wasn’t entirely sure which one it was.
“Has this approach ever worked for you guys?” Jarek asked curiously, leaning against the door frame, his robe parting to reveal his well-defined muscles, still slightly slick from the shower he had taken before feeding his guest. He was clearly asking both of them, but his eyes never left Gage’s.
Gage couldn’t help but look at the patch of exposed skin, like a starving man did food. Gage had seen men in various states of undress before; he was an athlete after all, and had played hockey all through his childhood, but there was something different about this man standing before them. He just exuded sex, and he did it in an effortless way even without the woman grabbing his ass on the way out. Those beads of water dripping down his tanned skin were so inviting, and he wasn’t sure how long he stared for. He felt Tate elbow him in the side and came back to reality, pulling his eyes away and looking at an extremely interesting bit of wood on the door frame.
Tate had narrowed his eyes at Gage but then looked back at Jarek with a smile. “Well, we do have quite a few people who are open to talking, though I can’t say we’ve baptized anyone into the church yet. We watched a baptism last week another group did though, so it must work with some people.”
“People are polite enough,” Gage added, his voice a smooth baritone.
“Oooh, is that the part where the priest puts you in the bathtub and touches you inappropriately?” Jarek said with an easy laugh, his hazel eyes twinkling with his mirth.
“We have bishops, actually,” Tate corrected, and paused as he considered the rest of the question. “Nothing like that, hopefully. Just nice and chaste baptisms. My father is a bishop and he’s never done anything like that.”
Gage, though, looked askance at Jarek like he might know more about that particular situation than he would like to. He didn’t say anything, though. Tate seemed unsure as he spoke and he didn’t want to outright contradict his new companion when they didn’t know each other that well. Besides, Gage hated talking about the bishop who was so inappropriate with him.
“I was raised Catholic, myself,” Jarek said, shifting his gaze to Tate. “We called them all kinds of things, Bishop among them, but by and large a priest was a priest and they all got touchy. But, I can see this subject is uncomfortable for you. Do you know any differences between what the Catholics believe and what you guys are selling?”
“I’m pretty sure not all of them get touchy,” Tate replied.
Gage decided to intercept here, latching onto the last question Jarek had asked. “There are a lot of similarities, but a lot of differences too. I know the Catholics drink wine during your sacrament, and little wafers. We use bread and water, as members of the LDS church are not allowed to drink any alcohol. We’re not allowed caffeine or any other mind altering substances either. I believe both churches ask for tithing as well, correct? We don’t have confessionals, but you can give your testimony every first Sunday of the month. It’s supposed to bring you closer to God and your church. Plus you can always talk to the bishop about your sins and ask for guidance.”
Jarek shifted those breathtaking hazel eyes over to Gage again, almost causing an involuntary reaction. “No mind altering substances? How… provincial. What about the naturally occurring ones, like dopamine and such?”
“Well, those are ones made in our body, so it’s not against the rules,” Gage replied. “We can even take antidepressants, though some people frown on it.”
“Fun rules,” Jarek said. “Listen, fellas, I’ll be honest with you, it’s not the best time for me: I have class in a bit and I work after that. What do you say you stop over for some
more… engaging conversation some other time?”
“Of course, we wouldn’t want to disturb your day,” Gage said with a nod of his head. From the way Tate was looking, he didn’t think Tate would bother coming back to this particular house.
Jarek nodded at that and stepped back inside, closing the door gently and leaning against it. He hadn’t expected to see such a hungry look in the eyes of one of the door-knockers. He especially didn’t expect to find himself beginning to react to it. He let out a refreshing breath and pushed away from the door, getting dressed for his day. He hadn’t been lying about anything except his interest in the Mormon church.
Gage, meanwhile, followed his companion off the doorstep and back onto the sidewalk so they could move on to the next door. “Should we go back later?”
“I doubt Mr. Funny Guy has much interest,” Tate said with a shake of his head. “You took a real shine to him, by the way. Don’t think I didn’t see that look.”
Gage’s face reddened at that and he looked away. “It’s nothing. He just had…really shiny skin, is all.”
They walked along the sidewalk for a moment before they stopped at a field that stretched across part of campus. Tate looked thoughtful as he looked out over campus. “My dad has been the bishop of our church for the last four years now. You can imagine what kind of pressure that can be for kids. Dad thought sending me on my mission would bring me home more compliant, if you catch my drift?” Here, Tate kicked at a rock on the ground. “I’d kill for a cigarette!”
Gage looked over at him in surprise. “A cigarette?”
“I like booze, cigarettes, and women,” Tate replied with a shrug. “And you like men. So we both have things we’d rather the Mission President not know about, huh?”
Gage narrowed his eyes. “How do I know you aren’t just saying that to make me spill my guts to you so you can run off to him?”
Tate laughed at that. “I guess right now you don’t, but I’m not going to tell anyone. I just want to get through this unscathed. I’ll make you deal. We can go back and see Sir Goodbody over there, so long as I can bum a cigarette or nicotine gum off someone. Deal?”
Gage gave a nod of his head, deciding he’d see how this played out. They were still standing there when they saw Jarek leave his house for class. He appeared to be in a hurry to them, but he was mostly just walking fast out of habit. Chicago was not a place where one tarried if they wanted to survive past midday, especially on foot. He turned away from them and unhurriedly strode as quickly toward his class as his legs would carry him, absently putting earbuds into his ears for the trip.
He was studying Neuromuscular Dysfunction two this year and the more advanced information had a tendency to make his head swim if he didn’t get into the right mindset for class on his way there. Fortunately, something upbeat was always keyed up in his music player. After class, he made his way to his day job for a few hours where he covered the lunch rush in the kitchen of a local mom and pop restaurant.
Jarek made his way to his evening class, Musculoskeletal Dysfunction, and barely survived with the help of a copious amount of caffeine. Fortunately he didn’t work at the club tonight, so he was able to collapse onto his couch after class and start to idly work on one of his papers that was coming due. He gave some thought to freshening up and going out, but he found he didn’t really want to hook up with anyone right then; an experience he didn’t have very often. He zoned out and acknowledged that the one Mormon boy was still on his mind. He knew a bit about religious cults and between that and his gaydar, he was sure that kid was in for a rough go at life if he stayed in the church.
~~~
On the other side, Tate and Gage walked around the entire day, knocking on doors and talking to people. Tate was good at going into the good Mormon boy routine with every family that they met, but he let his guard down a little between each meeting. They had people that slammed the door shut immediately on them, the ones that told them to stay away from their homes or they would shoot them, ones who pulled guns on them immediately, and ones who only wanted to make jokes at their expense.
Still, there were plenty of people who were kind to them. Many of the people who actually took the time to speak to them would offer them something to drink or some snacks to munch on, and sometimes if they got along well they would be invited to go to things with them, like sports events or plays. That didn’t happen often though.
By the end of the day, both men were exhausted.
Gage couldn’t get his mind off of the man from the morning though. He had never told them his name, but he was memorable all the same. It had been clear that the woman leaving wasn’t someone who lived there, which led Gage to believe the man had been intimate with her the night before. He let out a sigh as he started the shower to wash off the sweat and grime from walking the city. Of course, every man he met that caught his eye was into women.
Gage scrubbed down quickly and then came out in pajamas, eating dinner while Tate took a shower. Once again, they were in bed by nine PM. They each were to spend a little time reading the Book of Mormon and saying their prayers before bed. It took a while for sleep to come, as Gage’s mind just wouldn’t stop spinning.
The missionaries didn’t come back to the same neighborhood for a little over a week, though. Tate had them start on the other side this time, thinking Mr. Goodbody, as he was fond of calling Jarek now, might have more time for them if it was a different time of day. It was closer to dinner time when Tate pushed Gage up the steps first, so he was the one right next to the door and had him knock.
Gage heard some conversation cut off at his knock and a short while later, Jarek opened the door, once again shirtless and in basketball shorts, but this time without the robe. “Hey! It’s you two! I didn’t think I’d see you again,” he said, leaning against the door jamb. Someone inside the house came up behind him and stepped around Jarek to see who was there. He was a tall, black man in his early twenties and dressed similarly, but carrying a shirt.
“Jamal, these two fellows stopped by last week some time to spread the word about their church group,” Jarek said to his companion with a playful slap on his ass as he went by. “It was Jamal, wasn’t it?”
Gage’s mind was spinning a little, seeing the man going by while getting his shirt on. He had told himself over the week that the man was probably straight and he had no chance anyway, so there wasn’t much point in torturing himself with his imagination and what ifs. It made him think of Craig, and how he came out as bisexual, though that coming out didn’t go well at all. This man seemed to be living a life Craig could have only dreamed about, and one that Gage could only dream about too, except minus the women.
“This is a very friendly house, it seems,” Tate commented.
“It has its moments,” Jarek said. “I’m sorry, I don’t remember names very well.”
“So we noticed,” Tate replied, barely containing the smirk.
“He’s Elder Caldwell, I’m Elder Belford,” Gage told him. “I don’t believe we ever caught your name though.”
“Elder?” Jarek said, seemingly impressed. “Is that a title?”
“For the duration of our mission, yes,” Tate acknowledged. “If we were women, we’d be called Sister, but women don’t usually go on missions without their husbands.”
“Once we go home we go back to being called ‘Brother’ or our first names,” Gage added.
“Interesting. Would you gentlemen like a drink? It was a hot day and I imagine you’ve been on your feet for most of it,” Jarek said, fully aware that he still hadn’t shared his name.
Gage and Tate looked at each other thoughtfully before Gage gave a nod of his head. “That would be much appreciated, thank you.”
Looking at them carefully, Jarek stepped back away from the door. He was unsure if they were like vampires and needed to be invited in. Keeping an eye on them, he retreated to his kitchen in the open floor plan of the house and poured a couple of glasses of water. Gage seemed unsure whether they should follow him or not, but Tate stepped into the immediate entry way and waited, giving Jarek a smile any time he looked over at them in case they tried to do anything suspicious. When he came back with the waters, they both took it appreciatively.
“Would you two like to sit down? I never bite without consent…” Jarek told them.
“We’d love to,” Tate replied while Gage looked thoughtful.
When the two of them sat down, Jarek could see them both give a look of relief, like they hadn’t been off their feet the entire day and this was the first time they really had the chance to sit. Jarek sat across from them on the chair and waited for them to drink their fill. As they drank the water, Gage was glancing around the home a little, curious as to what kind of interests this man in front of him had. He just about choked on the water when he saw a box of condoms sitting on the end table.
The house was simply furnished but well-kept. It was clear that this man had lived here for a while and had acquired some furniture over time but was still on a budget. He had a mismatched living room set and they could see through the door into the single bedroom a matching bedroom set that had likely been sent to him by family members who outgrew a queen size or had upgraded to a king.
“So, did you leave the Catholic church or are you still a member?” Gage asked as he glanced over the textbooks on the coffee table.
“I left all that behind me when the church started denouncing people like me,” Jarek said carefully.
Tate glanced over at Gage, who had a tense look on his face. Gage stayed silent, so Tate stated, “You mean queer people?”
“Yes,” Jarek said. “I am pretty openly bisexual and a bit free with my body, so most churchy types don’t like that about me.”
“Our church is okay with your people, you know, so long as you don’t ever partake in it,” Tate commented, his tone of voice showing he didn’t think highly of the directive.
“If you do, though, the church asks everyone who is a church going member to shun you to stay in good faith with the church,” Gage added, his voice bitter as he said it. “They’ve even asked kids of gay couples in the church to stop speaking to them until they stop living a sinful life.”
“Actually, the apostles retracted that recently,” Tate pointed out. “Too many people left the church in droves over it. Something like over three thousand people left at the same time.”
“Do you guys believe that your god is a perfect god, incapable of making a mistake?” Jarek asked, his tone conveying that he was being genuine and was asking to understand.
“It’s taught that way, yes,” Gage replied. “I…I don’t know what I believe though.”
“God doesn’t make mistakes, but humans do,” Tate added.
“Do you believe your god is a merciful god who has your best interests at heart?” Jarek asked.
“Yes,” Tate replied while Gage just stared at the front cover of his Book of Mormon, like he wasn’t sure he agreed.
“Okay, so help me understand why the constant testing. I’m sure you’re going to tell me that your god gave me these ‘sinful urges’ as a means to test my faith in him but why make it so difficult? In my case it’s an impossible task, honestly.” Jarek said.
“Wouldn’t it be easier for someone who was bisexual to walk away from those urges than for someone who claims to be gay though?” Gage asked him, though his mind was on his brother now. He wasn’t able to ask his brother questions like these though. He always got upset or angry, and then it turned into a fight. He didn’t know why he felt comfortable asking this stranger that. Maybe because he seemed so kind, or because he would probably never see him again soon.
“Not at all. If I told you that you had to walk away from the most amazing thing you’ve ever experienced to prove your faith, would you find it easy to do? What if there was no actual provable reward for it?” Jarek asked.
“How do you know if you’re walking away from the most amazing thing you’ve ever experienced unless you’ve been intimate with someone, though?” Gage asked him. “I’ve never experienced that feeling, so maybe I just don’t understand. And seeing as we’ve seen two different people leaving your apartment with you in half undress, it seems you haven’t found the most amazing thing either yet.”
“That’s possible, or maybe I’m enjoying the thrill of being young and unencumbered while I work out what I like and need from a long term partner. Sexual compatibility is a small part of a relationship, but it’s an important part!” Jarek told them, winking at Gage.
Tate chuckled at that while Gage looked thoughtful, his cheeks flushing a red color at the wink. He had been trying to get himself ready to get married once the mission ended, probably to a nice Mormon girl his parents helped him pick out. Sexual compatibility had never come to his mind, because he was fairly sure he couldn’t get it up for a woman. He’d only dated women and hadn’t gone very far; less because of his faith and more because it just wasn’t happening, so he used religion as an excuse. This man in front of them was rocking some of the foundation of Gage’s world by just being unapologetically himself.
“Sexual compatibility,” Gage mumbled. “That’s not exactly high on my list.”
Jarek shrugged, “To each his own! I plan on marrying eventually and I believe in the institution, so I want to make sure that when I do it, it’s for life. How can you fully commit to a loving, fulfilling relationship for that long without making sure you’re as compatible as you can be sure about?”
Gage looked over at Tate who gave him a knowing look before Tate asked, “Do you mind if I smoke out back?” He didn’t wait for an answer, though, just went out the back door from the kitchen and disappeared outside. Jarek watched him confusedly as he left.
“I didn’t think you guys did that sort of thing?” Jarek asked.
“You’re not supposed to, but some do. My dad is a smoker and has been my entire life,” Gage replied. “Apparently Tate likes to indulge in things he’s not supposed to. Meanwhile, I’ve spent my life making sure I didn’t, so while what you say about compatibility is commendable, it doesn’t pertain to me any. I’ll be expected to go home, marry a nice LDS girl, have kids, and raise a family. Sexual compatibility doesn’t come into play here.”
“Why not? Didn’t your god make you to enjoy sex?” Jarek asked, trying to understand.
Gage shrugged at that. “I wouldn’t know. Perhaps not, if my ex-girlfriends are anything to go by.”
Jarek looked understanding and sympathetic. “Maybe girls aren’t who you’re meant to enjoy sex with?”
“Kind of a cruel twist of fate, though, isn’t it?” Gage asked him. “To grow up in a religion that tells you to abstain completely from who you are attracted to, and to just marry a woman to get into heaven. Maybe our God isn’t so loving and kind as they make us believe.”
Jarek put his hand comfortingly on Gage’s knee. He had been through a similar crisis of faith a while ago. Gage looked down at Jarek’s hand, both loving and hating how good it felt. He could just barely catch the scent of Jarek then, followed by the scent of body wash. It was a good scent, and he almost leaned into him before he caught himself, his cheeks heating up with a blush at his own thoughts.
“I’m sorry,” Gage said quietly. “We’re not really supposed to talk about things like this with people we see while on the mission. We’d get in trouble for it if one of us told on the other, or you told on us.”
“Do people actually do that? Tell on you, I mean,” Jarek asked, reluctantly removing his hand from Gage’s leg when he realized how uncomfortable it was making him.
“Yes, they do,” Gage replied with a nod. “It gets them on the Mission President’s good side, and some believe it brings them closer to God or the Apostles.”
“You’ve mentioned Apostles a couple of times now. Do y’all have living apostles?” Jarek asked incredulously.
“Yes, twelve living apostles that are part of the Quorum,” Gage said. “Many others have passed on, but the church members and leadership are supposed to follow what they say God has told them. Their word is supposed to be considered almost as high as God’s, you know what I mean? We aren’t supposed to question them. Though, their decisions have changed over the years. One prophet said that blacks should never be allowed to take the priesthood, while later ones changed that.”
Jarek thought about that for a moment. “I’m not certain how I feel about that, to be honest. The Catholic religion, along with most other Christian-based abrahamic traditions, stopped referencing living people long ago.”
“I’ve noticed that in my readings and talks with people of other religions,” Gage replied and put his book down on the coffee table before turning in his seat to better look at Jarek. “To be completely honest with you, I’ve been questioning the religion for a while, especially after my brother came out as bisexual and how badly that went for him. I have a little less than a year left here before I go back to Utah and have to figure out the path of my life, and how much influence my family has on that. I’m just trying to survive the time here as best I can.”
“I can understand surviving, and how limiting it can be of your worldview. I hope you can thrive eventually. It makes a world of difference, believe me,” Jarek said before impulsively holding out his hand. “Jarek Phillips.”
“Gage Belford,” Gage replied and took Jarek’s hand to shake it. “And here I thought you’d keep that like a closely guarded government secret.”
“Well, depending on where you met me, there would have been a possibility of never learning it. Most folks that spend a night here never care to know it,” Jarek said with a shrug, holding the handshake for a few heartbeats longer than was absolutely necessary.
Gage swallowed hard at that, understanding what Jarek meant though he had never had a casual hookup, and locked eyes with him. “Well, I cared to know it, but also wasn’t going to be pushy about learning it. Of course, we live almost 1,400 miles from each other, so in the long run it might not matter, but it’d be nice to know you by your name rather than…” Here he stopped, because he realized he almost said the nickname Tate had been calling him, and his cheeks flushed red at that. Gage’s pale skin gave away his thoughts too often.
“Oh? Are you familiar with my… stage name?” Jarek asked, impressed momentarily.
Gage managed not to widen his eyes too much before shaking his head. “No, just what Tate has gotten into the habit of calling you.”
Jarek’s eyes widened in turn, “Ah. My mistake.” He was suddenly self-conscious, for the first time since he had walked away from Catholic school at 16.
Gage gave him a reassuring smile. “Whatever you have to do to survive deserves no judgment from me. I mean, Tate has been calling you Mr. Goodbody, so I don’t think we have room to judge you anyway.”
That pulled an unexpected laugh from Jarek. “Survive? Oh, Gage… I’ve been using my ‘night job’ to do more than that. I’ve put myself through college and now grad school and lived independently with no debt while doing it. But my ‘Goodbody’ will only look like this for so long. I have to take advantage of my youth while I have it.”
“Perhaps I underestimated how much someone could make at a job like that,” Gage admitted. “I can’t imagine putting myself through college, let alone grad school without help from my parents, or working at least three jobs simultaneously. Maybe I’m less motivated than you though.”
“I’ve got a day job helping out a local restaurant during the lunch rush, but that’s mostly so I have a socially acceptable explanation for how I made it through school without parental support later,” Jarek shared. “Good grades and scholarships have helped a lot as well. I study nearly as hard as I work.”
“I’m a little surprised you even have time to have this conversation,” Gage joked.
“Some things are worth making time for,” Jarek said with a wink.
“Careful, I could get used to that kind of joking sweet-talk,” Gage replied with a half smile.
“Who said I was joking?” Jarek mumbled as he stood up to refill Gage’s water.
Gage watched him as he walked back into the kitchen, unable to easily hide the look of longing on his face from that mumbled response. If he spoke to the bishop here or the Mission President, they would tell him to stay away from the person who was tempting him like this, but Jarek seemed to be one of the only bright points of this mission right then. He could avoid him if he had to, but he didn’t want to. Gage wondered whether this was his first big step away from the church, which caused some mixed feelings inside of him. Pain, fear, guilt and shame, but at the same time excited, curious, and the very slight scent of freedom on the horizon.
“You’re dangerous, Mr. Phillips,” Gage murmured.
Jarek returned with the water and a glass of orange juice for himself. “How long do you think your friend is going to take with his… breath of fresh air?” Jarek asked curiously.
Gage shook his head at that. “I’m not sure, to be honest. I’m still getting used to him as a companion so I couldn’t say for certain. I don’t imagine it takes too long to smoke a cigarette though.”
Jarek decided to steer the conversation away from religious differences for a bit. “What do you do that’s just for you?”
Gage smiled a genuine smile for the first time since they had met. “I like being outdoors, doing things like dirt biking, hiking, fishing in the canyons back home. I also play hockey, and used to play soccer. I hunt too but that was my dad’s influence. If I hunt now, I like to try and use the whole animal. I love to work with my hands too, doing things like making furniture and fixing up homes. What about you? Besides,” Gage looked at one of the books on the table before he continued, “neuromuscular dysfunction?”
“I don’t have a lot of time for hobbies, but I worked out at the same gym long enough that someone there paid for my Personal Trainer certification and I started helping folks get more fit. At the time, I was sort of floundering on what to do with my life and didn’t have any direction. My academic advisor frequented my gym and asked me if I had considered the Physical Therapy Professional course of study here. I’ve basically been focusing on work and school — and the occasional hookup — ever since,” Jarek gushed.
“It must be nice to know what path you want to take for your life like that,” Gage commented. “I imagine with your dedication that your grades are stellar as well.”
“Oh, I still have no idea if this will be my long-term career goal or not, but I like learning about it and if I can help people in the meantime?” Jarek said, coloring a bit in slight embarrassment. “My grades are okay. I’ve been on the Dean’s List a few times…”
“I’m pretty sure they’d have to be more than okay to make it on the Dean’s List more than once, but what do I know? I haven’t gone to college yet,” Gage replied with a shrug.
Before either of them could say anything more, the back door opened and Tate came back inside, smelling like mint and cigarettes. “We should get back to the apartment soon. You know how they feel about us staying out late, plus you wanted to go with that family to go biking tomorrow, remember? While I sit with the wife and little kids and drink lemonade, hopefully. Such wholesome fun.”
Gage snorted at his companion before looking over at Jarek. “We can experience the city, events, and the like that we’re at so long as it’s with people who are interested in speaking to us about the religion more. So a family offered to take us to one of the parks where they have trails for hiking and biking.”
“That is very interesting! I’ll have to try to find more interesting activities for your next visit than sitting around my living room. It was good meeting you, Elders,” Jarek said, rising and shaking their hands before walking them out of the house.
Both Elders shook his hand and thanked him for his time before they walked down the steps and back toward their apartment. Tate chuckled at Gage as they walked along, because he seemed so much lighter than he had ever seen his companion before. They got back to their mostly bare apartment before it got too dark, made a simple dinner, and went to bed.
Gage spent a long time looking out the window by his bed, thinking about the conversion he’d had with Jarek, as well as about Jarek’s hand on his knee. He had less than a year left on his mission, and he didn’t know what he was going to do about these feelings, but right then, he just wanted to get to know Jarek however he could.
The rest of it could wait until later.