“Well,” he looked down, maybe blushed a little, “I always gave flowers to the girls I kissed at some point, so I thought it was only fair.” He looked back up. I’m sure I was blushing now. “Plus it’s to apologize. I’m really sorry I put you in a weird position, and I don’t know what got into me.”
My mind is sometimes a total asshole, and the first thing it screamed was Dammit it sounds like he took too much time to think and had second thoughts. I told it we’d talk later, but for now it was going to behave.
“You apologize a lot. But I don’t think there’s anything to forgive. I just want you to be careful with those eyes and that smile,” I chuckled. “You can get into a lot of trouble, if you haven’t already.”
He sat for a moment, seemed to be thinking. “But we’re being careful now, right? I mean, you won’t be in ‘any supervisory capacity over me,’ and…” he trailed off, making his voice sound like it was quoting a rulebook.
My heart stopped. Asshole Mind went, AHA! I said, “I guess that’s true…” I honestly didn’t know what to say or where this was going. Yes you fucking do. Shh!
Chance turned toward me, sat up straight on the edge of the couch, folded his hands on his lap, looked like he was at an interview, and said, “You’re definitely someone I trust. I also think you’re really attractive. I thought about asking this in a humorous way or being my usual kind of, I dunno, frat boy self about it. But I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since last week.”
I couldn’t breathe.
“And that’s kind of the real reason I brought the flowers. Because I…” he stopped for a second, coughed softly, and then he looked me right in the eyes. “Could I feel what it’s like, with you?”
I had been in very few similar situations before, but I also knew that “talking around” things could lead to misunderstanding and hurt. “Chance, I need to know. What do you really want?”
He took a deep breath and let it out noisily. “Dr. M, I’m dyin’ here. I’ve got zero experience with guys, and never had feelings for one. But the other night when you said the things you said to me, I had a lot of feelings I don’t think I’ve had for anyone. For you.” He paused, then started again quieter and slowly, “So what I think I want… is for you to hold me, tell me it’s going to be okay, and then,” he coughed, cleared his throat, “show me what it’s like when it’s just ‘a couple of dudes hanging out,’ making out…and having sex.”
Well, shit. I let out a sigh, unsure whether it was relief, resignation, nervousness, or sheer terror. How often does someone so attractive say these things to you, in a sweet and genuine way? He had told me enough to be totally clear about what he wanted, and I didn’t feel I needed to grill him any longer. I stood up slowly, reached down and took his hand, pulled him up, and walked toward the bedroom. He followed, holding my hand tighter as we neared the bed; I was glad I’d made it this morning.
I turned to face him. His bright blue eyes were wide, cheeks red, and I could see his heart thumping through his clothing. “OK. In this room, you can call me whatever you want, say anything you want to me, but please, just for now,” I smiled at him, “drop the ‘Dr. M.’ thing?”
“Sooo…Dr. Mendez?” He looked serious for a second, and then let out that raspy, boyish, musical laugh that ended my whole world every time I had heard it.
I took his face in my hands, and watched his eyes close as I pulled him towards me. I took his bottom lip between mine, let him know my teeth were there, and then covered his mouth and filled it with my tongue. He put his arms around me, gently pulling me closer, and moaned softly. He tasted like Chance. I wasn’t sure if I was thrilled or terrified that it was a familiar sensation.
I pulled back slowly, ran my hands through his hair, and smiled at him. “Jon will be fine. And,” I thought for a second, “I want to tell you that I don’t have an agenda in mind, and there’s nothing I like, need, or something. I want to give you what you want, but if there’s something happening that you’re not sure of, just stop me, okay?”
I felt his groin throb against me, and he was definitely blushing now. In a smooth movement his hands on my hips caused me to sit on the bed, his knee went between my legs. I lay back, and he was over top of me, looking down at me. “I trust you. I feel it deep down. Please do everything to me.” He kissed me sweetly.
Holy…living…fuck. How did I not just spontaneously combust?
His knee was pressing into my groin and I was rock hard. For a second I thought I would cum on the spot. His voice was soft and so beautiful, like all of the words he was filling my ears with. He was kicking off his shoes and when I heard them hit the floor, I pushed his torso slightly, and he followed my lead, turning over onto the bed on his back.
He helped me lift off his scrub top and the white lycra UnderArmour shirt was so beautiful on him, I briefly considered asking him to keep it on. That came off as well, revealing a thin gold chain around his neck, and a chest that had a light dusting of blond hair and a blond trail below his belly button. He was breathing a little fast, and his pecs and abs looked about like I thought they would, given the ridiculous bulk of lats I had felt in his back.
I leaned down and kissed his sternum, open-mouthed. I felt the pulses of his racing heart with my lips and my tongue, felt and heard the air rushing in and out of his lungs. Running my hands up his sides, I moved his arms up over his head and felt the muscles of his incredible shoulders and biceps in action. Noting the sparse blond hair under his arms, I licked from his nipple along his pectoral and up along the ridge of his armpit, whole-mouth kissed his shoulder, and then buried my face and lips in his neck. He moved his head away to allow me in, and gasped slightly when I bit down gently. I kissed his jaw and then covered his ear, inserting my tongue gently. He squirmed a little and let out his gorgeous laugh; but then I opened my mouth and breathed in, causing a rush of soft sound and cool air into his ear, and he relaxed, and sighed.
“How are you making me feel like this?” he asked, gently taking my shirt off of me. I was momentarily embarrassed to be shirtless in front of someone in such better shape, but he didn’t seem to mind. “Put your bare chest on mine,” he requested.
I lay down on top of him and he held me tightly. My arms were up over his head, playing with his hair, resting my face on his shoulder. We lay that way for a little while. I felt the occasional throb from him down below. At last, I decided it was time.
“Can I see all of you?” I asked, looking up at his face. He bit his lip and nodded slightly. I kneeled up and turned my attention to the flimsy yellow belt-tie keeping his scrub pants on, and noticed again how huge he looked underneath. I undid the tie and pulled the pants loose. A wave of his scent came out, clean laundry and boy. He had on navy boxers with gold honeybees in a polka dot pattern.