“Actually,” Riley ventured, “I was wondering if you maybe wanted to go to the hospital and see how Lilian is doing. I know you don’t normally leave the mansion but I thought, under the circumstances…”
Noah quickly shook his head in protest. “I don’t ever leave the mansion.” He corrected. “Not for any reason.”
Riley felt his heart drop at Noah’s statement. Not for any reason? Did that include the birth of their child? Would Noah really miss his child’s birth? Or, would he insist that Riley give birth there, at Reaney Hall? Neither option really sat well with him. He wanted Noah to be there of course, but he also wanted to give birth in a medical facility with doctors and nurses and a sterile room where help could be immediately available if something were to go wrong. Not that he anticipated anything going wrong with the delivery. He just wanted to be sure. Omega births were tricky after all and a lot harder on omega fathers than on mothers. It just seemed irresponsible to not be properly prepared for whatever might happen.
Riley tried to understand Noah’s reluctance but there was a part of him that believed, with the right amount of encouragement, Noah would be able to overcome his limitations. At the very least, he had to try.
“Noah,” Riley said, his voice soft but tinged with urgency, “we really should go and at least check on her. I know it’s hard for you, but I’ll be there with you. I believe you can do it, for Lilian. She’s still your mother after all.”
Noah’s expression hardened. He felt a storm of conflicting emotions brewing just beneath the surface. “Riley, I can’t leave the mansion, you know that.” He snapped, the words coming out harsher than he’d intended. “Don’t you think I want to? That I’ve tried? I just can’t do it.” Noah didn’t know how to explain it to Riley in a way that would make him understand just how he felt. Hell, Noah barely understood it himself. He just felt like something beyond his fear, beyond his diagnosis, even beyond his understanding and control was keeping him there, tethered to the estate. For years, he had thought it was the trauma of watching his father die but now, he was beginning to wonder if there was more to it than that.
Riley recoiled slightly at the sharpness in Noah’s tone but quickly recovered when he saw the pain in Noah’s eyes. “You’re stronger than you think.” Riley told him. “I know you can beat this if you’d try again. This time may be different. Before, you didn’t have anyone depending on you so it didn’t matter, but now you do. Noah, Lilian needs you. You have to try, for her sake at least.”
Noah’s frustration began to boil over as he again shook his head and moved away from Riley, out of his reach. “I’d be there for her in an instant if I could. I just…I can’t. Every time I’ve tried to leave I’ve felt this weight pushing down on me, crushing me. I can’t breathe, my chest hurts, and I start to panic. I feel like I’m going to die. I know everyone thinks it’s all in my head but it’s not, it’s real and I can’t just ignore it and hope it goes away.”
Riley knew better than to push any further, at least for now. The anguish in Noah’s eyes was enough to make Riley shift the conversation in a new direction. “I understand.” Riley told him. “I’m not ready to go to bed just yet though. I doubt I could sleep anyway.”
Noah took a moment to calm down before speaking again. The last thing he wanted to do was take his anger and frustration out on Riley who, Noah understood, was only trying to help. Riley was an omega, it was in his nature to help. To try and fix things, and be a comfort to those in need. Noah really couldn’t fault him for that.
“What did you have in mind then?” Noah asked.
Riley hesitated a moment as he gave the question some serious thought. All this time he’d been so concerned with El and finding out what had happened to her that everything else had pretty much taken a back seat. Now though, his mind was oddly focused on Lilian. He couldn’t get the image of her lying on that stretcher out of his mind. She had looked so pale and lifeless. Her breathing had become shallow and by the time the paramedics had actually arrived, she had been completely unresponsive.
Riley couldn’t say he’d actually felt sorry for her, though he wished no ill will on anyone, but Lilian had crossed a line with him that there was no coming back from. But, seeing her that way stirred something deep within him, some hidden memory perhaps of his own parents that had remained buried and forgotten, until now. It had been so long ago and he wasn’t sure if it was even a real memory or something his brain had conjured up while trying to fill in the missing pieces of his past.
The memory was fragmented and unclear, like something from a fleeting dream, but it had stuck in his mind regardless. He remembered food. An ungodly amount of food and he remembered that it struck him as odd that food should be the first thing that came to mind. It made sense in a way, he supposed. There was always food, it seemed, during significant times in peoples lives. Weddings, births, celebrations of all kinds and yes, even at funerals.
report Food seemed to be a major factor in human togetherness and possibly even healing. Riley wasn’t really sure why food was such an important staple at such events but on the day of his parents funeral, Riley remembered food. He remembered watching as countless men and women, most of whom he’d never even seen before, congregated around a table with a buffet style spread of all manner of foods and beverages, filling paper plates, eating, talking, and some even laughing.
Laughing…how strange, he thought. Laughing at a funeral. Having a good time at a funeral? Weren’t you supposed to be sad at funerals? Riley was so young, he didn’t understand adults and their behaviors, but it just seemed wrong. How could these people mingle, laugh, joke, and enjoy each others company, stuffing their mouths full of food while Riley’s parents were lying dead in the ground? They would never enjoy food again. They would never smile again, or laugh. Riley would never again hear the soothing and comforting sounds of their voices as they tucked him in at night or held him as he cried over a skinned knee. They were gone. Gone forever. He would never see them again. Realizing that…food was the very last thing on Riley’s mind.
His thoughts drifted back to Lilian. Despite everything she had done, Riley still felt a pang of guilt for not insisting harder that Noah at least try and go to the hospital. But, he understood now that this wasn’t just about physical walls or fear of the unknown keeping Noah here. It was something deeper, something stronger, and something they couldn’t fight until they understood it.
“We need to find out what happened to El.” Riley said. “We need to figure out what she’s trying to tell us. That slip of paper, the one that had ‘the woods’ written on it, it came from El’s diary. I think…I think that’s where we need to start.”
Noah’s shoulders slumped slightly, the weight of everything they’d uncovered pressing down on him. He was tired–exhausted, really–both mentally and emotionally. The secrets, the lies, the revelations, they were all taking their toll. He wasn’t sure how much more he could take, how much more his mind could handle before he broke completely. But, he also knew that they had to keep going. There was no turning back now. They were too deep into this, too close to the truth to stop.