He thought about what Boston would think when he got back to the room and realized Josh wasn’t there and wouldn’t be back that night. He felt a incredibly guilty for just leaving without so much as a text or anything to him but he didn’t want to give Boston the chance to try to talk him out of going. He checked his phone, forgetting it was on airplane mode, and felt a peculiar mixture of disappointment and relief that he didn’t see any messages or calls.
He figured the game had to be over by then and Boston must have been back in the room and realized Josh wasnt coming back. The thought occurred to Josh that Boston and Cara must have went somewhere else after the game and this upset Josh even more. He cried a little harder for awhile before he forced himself to calm down enough to drift off to sleep.
**********
Whatever lift to Bostons mood he’d experienced at the game quickly dissipated the moment he entered back into his dorm room. He’d expected Josh to be back from the library by this point and when he saw that he wasn’t, Boston immediately sensed that there was something wrong. He got out his phone and sent Josh a text.
“Hey man, when will you be back? Let’s check out that show you were telling me about last week!”
Boston waited for a text back knowing Josh always texted him back quickly but after several minutes, he started to feel incredibly anxious. He kept trying to tell himself that Josh must have just had a lot of schoolwork to do and that he would be back from the library soon. But Boston knew in the pit of his stomach that there was something more going on. He typed a message out, then backspaced, then typed it out again.
“Hey man, I’m a little worried about you…let me know when you’ll be back when you see this.”
Boston knew it was unusual for him to text like that, but this whole situation was unusual for both of them. He laid back in his bed and aimlessly scrolled through social media, not really paying any attention to what he was seeing. He checked Josh’s social media accounts, knowing it was pointless because neither of them ever really posted.
After about thirty minutes with no replies, Boston looked around the room. Josh always kept his side of the room meticulously clean but, like a sixth sense, he could feel that it seemed a little more orderly than normal even for Josh. Normally there would be an outfit or lounge clothes folded at the foot of his bed but there was nothing. He got up, looked around and then, on a whim, opened the top drawer of Josh’s small dresser.
His heart stopped when he saw that it was empty and he frantically opened the next one then the next one and then the bottom one. He knew after the first drawer that they would all be empty but he couldn’t stop himself from checking all of them to be sure. He felt intense fear as he hurried back over to his bed, snatched up his phone and called Josh. His phone rang twice then went to voice-mail. He called again and this time, it went straight to voice-mail. He tried one more time and got the same result.
Standing there over his bed, Boston felt extremely hot for just a split second before his body turned ice cold. His heart began to race uncontrollably and he started breathing heavily. He couldn’t think straight, he couldn’t really think about anything with how fast his mind was working and how hard his heart was pounding. Before he knew it, he was keeled over his bed and crying without even realizing it.
If Boston hadn’t known any better, he’d have sworn he could be having a heart attack or a stroke but he knew it was a panic attack. He’d never had one before but his mother had them every once in a while so he’d seen them and heard his mom describe them before. He rushed over to the bathroom sink and splashed lukewarm water on his face over and over.
The whole episode lasted for about fifteen minutes but it felt like an eternity to Boston. He thought he’d never calm down enough to even process what was going on. Finally, he felt the panic subside and he sank to the floor in the bathroom and slid back against the wall, arms around his knees and head in his arms. He considered what could have happened and what he should do.
He knew he had to call Josh’s mom because either he had just disappeared on him or he had somehow gone back home. Regardless, either she knew where he was or neither of them did and she needed to know even if Josh got mad at him for calling his mom about it. He gathered himself for a few more minutes and, when he felt he could sound steady enough, he dialed her number.
“Hello?”
“Hey Kathy, it’s Boston. Um have you heard from Josh?” asked Boston carefully, trying to keep his voice steady.
“Did he not tell you he was coming home?” responded Kathy quickly, clearly caught off-guard.
Boston felt a little relieved, though the feeling was very fleeting and quickly replaced by a bubbling hotness.
“No he didn’t and he won’t answer my calls or texts either,” he said, poorly concealing his frustration and anger.
“I don’t know what’s gotten into him Boston, I’m sorry. He’s upstairs asleep right now, he must have forgotten to take his phone off of airplane mode. I’ll go wake him up real quick,” she replied, clearly upset with Josh.
“No that’s fine, thank you but it’s whatever. Just tell him from me that he’s an asshole whenever he gets up,” said Boston, surprising himself with how he was speaking to Josh’s mom. He’d never spoken like that to her but he felt so upset that it just came out.
“Oh trust me, he’s gonna hear it from me when he wakes up. I’m really sorry hun, he really should have told you before he ever even called me.”
“No I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. Do you know if he’s coming back though?”
As Boston asked, he couldnt keep the same angry energy. For however mad he was at Josh, he still hoped he would come back.
“Of course he is hun, for what we paid in tuition for this semester, he’ll be back even if I have to move out there and walk him to and from class!” said Kathy, trying to lighten the mood. She could tell something was really wrong and that Boston was more upset than he was leading on. Boston gave a half-hearted chuckle.
“Okay…well would you ask him to message me when he gets up then?”
Kathy assured Boston that she would and when they got off the phone, Boston laid back down in his bed. Now that he knew where Josh had gone, he was able to give more thought into what was going on. The previous thirty minutes had been such an upheaval of emotions that he was not accustomed to feeling. What started as anger towards Josh quickly turned to an intense sadness.
Boston couldn’t help but wonder if Josh would really come back. Sure, he’d left his laptop and other things but it’s not like they couldn’t send for the rest of his things. It dawned on Boston that, for the first time, he was totally alone. He’d grown so accustomed to having Josh by his side pretty much all the time for so long that he’d grown dependent on his company. Sure, there were moments apart but not like this and not when he was a thousand miles from his family.