CONNER’S FIRST NIGHT
With the closing of the door, Conner was now alone. He had turned 9 years old two weeks before he was arrested, and that was 6 months ago. Since going to jail he was never alone, Conner needed to be with someone even if he was being forced to suck the boy’s penis next to him in jail. At least he was with someone. As a child, he was alone more often than not. His mother was busy with tricks, and the apartment was cold and dark.
Conner was very small for his age; some people said he had what was called “Failure to thrive syndrome”. It’s very difficult to “thrive” on nothing, and that’s what Conner usually ate. His mother spent most of the trick money on beer, cigarettes and coke.
Conner tried to sit on the slab but his rectum wouldn’t allow that. When he took off the boxers he saw blood in them just before he kicked them out of the cell and he now stood there in the middle of the cell and felt his rectum with his hand. It came back bloody but the dripping had stopped, and it felt a lot better when he sat down on the toilet and washed his anus with his fingers. The cool of the water stopped some of the burning feeling and after a few minutes of wiping, his hand didn’t have as much blood on it anymore. Still, sitting on the toilet was better than sitting on the bed and he sat there until his legs started to get numb from the pressure of the metal bowl on his legs. He flushed the toilet about 3 times and stood up. His mouth was very hot and dry and his throat burned him when he breathed in. Conner needed water. There was only one source, and he drank his fill. Conner didn’t think too much about drinking from the bowl, it smelled pretty much like pee. Conner was used to pee, one of mommy’s tricks used to visit him all the time and he always liked to have Conner drink his “water” from his “stick.”
Conner saw Jimmy being put into the cell next to his, and got on the floor and called for him very quietly. Jimmy came over to his side of the wall and also got down on the floor. Neither boy wanted anybody to hear them talking, they didn’t want to be beaten again. Jimmy came from Kinston and Conner didn’t know him. He knew only Alex and Aaron, but they were in cells too far away to reach. Conner needed to be with someone, even a stranger. “Can you stay down here with me tonight?” Conner asked Jimmy. “What, here on the fucking floor?” Jimmy asked. The tone of Jimmy’s voice scared Conner and any other time, he would have avoided him. Jimmy was very big to the little Conner. Usually bigger kids either fought him or fucked him. Conner was used to both. Scared or not, if Conner didn’t convince the person next door to stay with him, who could he turn to? “What’s the difference, the floor is just as hard as the bed is,” Conner said. “OK,” Jimmy replied. “My name is Conner, what’s yours?” “Jimmy,” came the reply. “How old are you?” Conner asked. “What the fuck do you care, are you writing a book?” Jimmy said sarcastically. Conner started crying. Jimmy figured he was crying a little too hard, so he reached out and touched Connor’s hand that was hanging through the bars. “I’m sorry, keep quiet or we’re both going to get the shit beat out of us.” More than anything, physical contact stopped the flow from Conner. If he was touching someone, he wasn’t alone. He laid flat on the floor and held Jimmy’s hand in both of his. It wasn’t easy for him and he asked Jimmy to put his arm a little further out of the bars. “You ain’t going queer on me are you kid?” Jimmy asked. Conner started to choke up again and Jimmy heard it in his voice. “Please, I just don’t want to be alone.”
Jimmy figured letting some snot nosed brat hold his hand was better than having a guard come down and give his flashlight some exercise all over his head. Besides, Jimmy thought, friends are better than enemies in jail, and maybe the kid could do him some good in the future. Jimmy laid down on his back and reached his arm through the bars and around the corner.
Conner now had a hand and part of a forearm to keep him company. He covered Jimmy’s hand in both of his and put his cheek on Jimmy’s forearm; he needed contact. Jimmy felt Conner’s face and breath on his arm and considered pulling his arm out. He also felt Conner’s wet cheek and knew them to be tears. Jimmy was the toughest little bastard he knew how to be, but he couldn’t fool himself. Conner had a security blanket and Jimmy wasn’t going to pull it from under him. Besides, nobody could see it! Conner fell asleep holding onto Jimmy’s hand like it was the only thing he had in the world: it was.
A guard came around on his rounds a few hours later and looked down at the two boys sleeping. His flashlight first moved up Jimmy’s body and then to Conner’s. His flashlight stayed on Conner holding onto Jimmy for a few moments and then the light was turned off. “What the fuck am I doing here!” said the guard, and walked on. Both boys were extremely lucky and didn’t know it. They came across a guard with a conscience. They’re extremely rare.
Sometime later, Conner got up to go to the toilet and he was sweating very badly. His stomach was giving him extreme cramps, and he had to go very badly. Just as he sat down his bowels let go and so did his stomach. He couldn’t get off the toilet because he was having explosive diarrhea, and he had to throw up, so all he could do was sit there and throw up in his lap. Conner didn’t get off the toilet for probably 15 minutes and when he did, he curled up on the floor in a ball shivering. It was 3:30 and the snow was falling.
ALEX’S FIRST NIGHT
The blow Alex received from the guard came out of nowhere and Alex was stunned senseless. It wasn’t the first time this had happened, more like the 100th. Alex was used to his “uncle” sucker punching him, he had done it since moving in with Alex’s mother and two sisters when Alex was 7. Now, he was sitting in a cell. He couldn’t exactly remember getting to the cell, he remembered putting on boxers, and then he was here. Where was here? Did it really matter? Alex thought to himself. His ear was impossible to touch without agony and there were bells and sirens going off that didn’t quit. They were so loud in Alex’s head that he couldn’t think or concentrate.
As soon as the doors shut, Alex had to sit down. The cell was spinning around and the floor was tilting sideways. Alex looked to the side and could make out a shiny flat surface big enough to lay down on. He got to the bed and it felt cold and hard. He got his body on top of the surface and closed his eyes. Alex’s first night was very brief.
MARK’S FIRST NIGHT
With the closing of the doors, Mark moved to the slab and sat down. He looked around hoping to find something to wrap himself in to stop the shivering. There was nothing.
He had been in jail now for almost 8 months and hadn’t seen or heard from anybody in his family since he first went in. Before going to jail, he was very close to his family. He was Greek and had many brothers, cousins and uncles and they were a very tight knit family. That was part of the reason he was in jail. Now, no visits, no mail, no phone calls, it was like he didn’t exist anymore and he was confused and very lonely. His 12th birthday had just occurred two weeks ago and he thought he would get a visit. Maybe from his mother. Maybe she forgot.